I don't recall Googling ANYTHING that would have prompted this to pop up in my feed. The last thing I googled was flowers on sale on Zulily! I just find this inappropriate on various levels. Stupid web tracking bull$hit. Also, that rose in the vag...really?!?! Yea yea it's your "flower" or whatever but roses have thorns and I really wouldn't recommend putting a plant near your hoohah.
In other news...
I am reading this "story" and I swear my head may explode because it is so out there! Not in a good way, in a "do you understand how the sex works" kind of way. But I keep reading it because its like a f**king train wreck, I just can't look away. I must know how this insanity ends!
I'll sum it up briefly. Young girl (about 30) meets handsome-ish older man (about 56) and falls in love. Okay THAT does NOT bother me. What bothers me is he is 56, not on his deathbed! The whole story seems to revolve around him being self conscious about his "aging" body, how he is past his prime and will die a horrible death leaving the girl all alone. Okay yea, obvi he is MUCH older but come on, he ain't dead yet. So like there is all this "old man" talk, like he has dementia (yes, I know it can happen young but good lord), he takes 10 pills twice a day for this insane list of issues which include but aren't limited to COPD, Anxiety & heart disease (yes, I know this can happen but really...at 56?, my dad is 64 with COPD and he is not like this. Hell my father in law IS 56 and smokes just like this character and he looks like a strapping young man), this guy is basically decrepit. 
Then there is the sex thing. When writing at least TRY to make it believable. I get that its fiction/fantasy but when you say things like "he made her orgasm 6 times in a row with just his digits before burying himself in her" I put my iPad down and laugh hysterically. Also, if a guy is 8 inches long and 4 inches wide while flaccid and then 10 inches long and 6 inches wide excited, jfc RUNAWAY......OW! That is like split you in two kid of d**k. That my friend is not normal! That is porn star level c**k! That isn't appealing...what that is...is terrifying! It sounds like a case of elephantiasis. I don't think there is any amount of slowness and breathing that could stretch ya for THAT! Which brings me to, did she unhinge her f**king jaw?!!??! Count me impressed...I guess. I am hoping the writer did some conversions wrong because otherwise...YIKES! Side note, if he is so "decrepit" then how is this exhaustive sex possible...hmmmm?
Moving on...he is also a royal @$$hole (I can deal with this a little) and he is possessive. Not protective...POSSESSIVE..."she is mine...don't look at her...Grrrrrr!" Is that romantic...is it....I don't find it to be but I...whatever. Then there are these pretty awful depictions of gay couples. Not as in gay bashing really but like stereotypical attributes. Like one is the female and one is the male. How gay men lust after every man they see. How just because there are two single gay men in a room they instantly fall in love. How ALL girls experiment in college making them all Bi for the remainder of their lives and want threesomes. I kissed a girl...and I liked it (sorry, not sorry) but I don't think that makes me anything other than me. Honestly its a bit unnerving. And I think in trying to be "open-minded" they made this aging piece of $hit Bi. That is fine but the descriptions of how he feels about men and women sound so juvenile my only conclusion is the writer HAS to be 12 (can you publish soft porn at 12?). Yet, I continue to read it because I am clearly bonkers. I just think at this point I must know how this insanity will end. I have a feeling the old dude is going to kick the bucket because you know 56 is ANCIENT *rolling eyes* and his "baby" of a girlfriend is going to have to care for him like he is in a f**king hospice.Rant over!
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