Seriously, do people really think that once they are in a committed relationship/marriage it is a done deal. "whoohoo, I can stop trying now!" Or is there something I am missing??? Is there a marriage fairy that sprinkles pixie dust on you so you can give up with no consequence? Because I think she skipped us. We are VERY happy but we still make an effort.
There are so many things, that happen to others and I try...I really do try not to pass judgement. Each relationship is different. What works for me and my husband may not work for others but we still TRY. For instance, I can't imagine a day where it would be okay to not give each other a Christmas or Birthday or Anniversary gift. And I am not talking about break the bank type gift. Just SOMETHING...anything... I understand that after 20+ years of marriage (and an illicit affair) things can be "mundane" but if you stop trying before you ever get started, it will never get better. How about just cooking dinner or a card...SOMETHING!
I know I am a "newlywed" by comparison but I hope (really hope) I am like my dad and step mom. They may not always be perfect but they still TRY! Twenty four years later and they go out on dates, give gifts, APPRECIATE each other. You can't tell me "oh we don't have any money so we forgo gifts". There are other ways to show your spouse you still care! Bring them breakfast in bed, clean the house, cook dinner, cut the grass, GIVE THEM A DAY OFF! Things that cost you basically nothing but the thought behind them is priceless. I just...I am not a brat but I would be so disappointed if I went home on my birthday and was expected to cook dinner, do laundry, the everyday stuff, etc. I think the only gifts this person (who triggered these thoughts) received were a bag of fancy cookies from me and lunch from their boss. The other thing is...what are you teaching your children...that once you are married you don't have to show appreciation for your spouse? This person has ADULT kids and they gave them NOTHING! Not even a card. This person tries to brush it off but I can see the hurt lingering in their eyes! It kills me. Since I've had my own money I have bought gifts (no matter how small) for my parents AND grandparents. And before that...I made them things. I drew them pictures. I am not talking about kid drawings. Not bragging but I draw pretty well and I gave away my drawings as gifts. They LOVED them. They cost me almost ZERO money, just a little of my time. Obviously not everyone can draw but there are OTHER WAYS...
I guess I just feel like relationships are hard enough as it is why make them more difficult. Just a little effort can go a LONG way. Will it always be butterflies and rainbows? Of course not but you don't just give up, you don't just settle for second best. Youngins, if you are with someone who doesn't appreciate you now, they probably never will appreciate you. You deserve better, trust me! Newlyweds, if your spouse stopped "trying"...SAY SOMETHING! Don't just roll over and say "well we are married now". No, just NO! You don't have to demand whatever but make sure they know you want to be acknowledged. Show them through examples...don't expect the world from someone and then do nothing in return. Not Newlyweds, be the change! Let them know you are tired of being brushed aside. If you give them the world and they give you nothing, TELL THEM! Changing habits is always difficult but you don't have to just accept things the way they are, you deserve to be spoiled a little too. Just saying.
And don't tell me "But, I don't need anything, *nervous giggle*". Because that is Bull$hit. You know in 20 years (if you make it that far) you will see all these other couples doing little things for each other and you WILL be resentful... you WILL get jealous...you WILL get upset. But by that point...changing things will be very difficult (see above example). No one wants to be married to a doormat (can lead to an "illicit affair")...and if they do you should run away very fast and never look back. Trust me you don't want to be married to that. I almost married that (yes I was a doormat and no I am NOT proud of that fact). I am so glad I didn't because I wouldn't have met my hubs and be as happy as I am.
Everyone deserves to be happy. Don't just settle because you think it is the best you can do. Being single is better than being taken advantage of.
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