It's a miracle I made it out of childhood

Okay not really my mom and dad and step mom and everyone else were amazing but by today's standards I should have died a horrible death well before I hit puberty.  I say this because today I overheard a co-worker talking to her 9 year old grandson.  She was saying he could go to so and so's house but be sure he had his CELL PHONE so she could find him if needed and don't ride his bike because its too dangerous, he might fall.  A cell phone for a 9 year old...hmmm and wouldn't the bike be safer then WALKING...?  I mean whatever helps you sleep at night but at 9 I had nothing like a phone (obvi, I am old hahaha) and my mother rarely knew exactly where I was at any given point.  I mean she knew generally where I was but not always the exact location. 

As odd as all that may sound to today's parents, I wonder what else was I exposed to or did that would cause a ruckus today...hmmm.

Just make sure you are home before the street lights come on.

Crap I'm late!!!

There was no cell phone or pager or whatever.  As kids we barely wore watches, even the cool ones we all had back in the 80's/90's (TMNT FTW).  So how else was mom/dad able to deem a curfew.  Something that you can't miss.  Granted in summer this meant one hell of a day and in winter may have led to some whining about it only being 5:00!!!  Regardless mom didn't see me for HOURS.  If she wanted to find me she either drove to the local park where she may find me and my besties roller blading or biking to our hearts content.  Or she called different houses asking if I was there and they'd usually say "yes, can she stay for dinner?" or "no but I think I saw her skate/bike by around X o'clock."  Point being she never really knew exactly where I was and that was okay.

Also, my momma worked.  When I went to school she was at work.  When I was little she managed to get off and come get me from school but as I got older my @$$ walked home.  And had to fend for myself until she came home to cook din din.  Well I took din din out the freezer for her to cook but you get the idea.  And if I left, I sure as hell better leave a note or call her at work and let her know.  But other then that I was a lone ranger from when I got home till after 6:00 (or later depending).

Seatbelts are for wimps, biotches!

Okay not really. Sometime during my childhood these became mandatory, at least in the front seat.   But I distinctly remember riding in my dads Monte Carlo which had a bench seat in the front.  I would STAND in the middle, between my parents as we drove around.  Once the "seatbelt" law happened (or was actually enforced)  I rode mainly in the back seat but I didn't wear a seat belt back there. I was too busy playing on the floor or pretending I was a cat in the back window...can you say WEIRD CHILD!

Also, my grandparents had this super cool Aerostar Van (that doesn't SCREAM 80's/early 90's at all).  Me and my cousins used to ride in style, what what! We also used to ride with no restraints.  I am talking jumping back and forth over the seats, playing on the floor and "hiding" in the "trunk" as we drove WTF MPH down I-10 heading to the Sunshine State. We gave no f**ks about safety, suck it seatbelts, we don't need no stinkin' seatbelts, ride or die, or something of that nature *muahahahaha*

Second hand smoke was a rite of passage

I HATED it but whatever.  How many of you rode in the car with parents that smoked?  My favorite was when it was raining and they would roll the windows UP and smoke in the car.  It was like driving in an f**cking cloud.  Who needs to see the road when you are happily puffing on a cancer stick.  Seriously, we would open the doors like a scene from a Cheech and Chong movie or Snoop Dog video.  Puff, puff give mo-fo...nah just ciggy smoke and a soccer mom with a couple kids. 

One memory I have takes place in the summer.  I had swimming lessons and had just spent the last hour soaking in chlorine when mom picked me up.  It was raining out so the ride home was windows up and ciggy lit.  That smell mixed with the chlorine burned into my nasal cavity was the strangest scent! It made me lightheaded and it was almost painful to breathe...which I am pretty sure is why I plastered myself to the floor of my mom's two door Mustang. I don't even want to know what kind of chemical high I was on at the ripe age of five.

When I got older I would roll the window down, regardless of the rain which got me smacked a few times because I was "ruining the interior of the car".  WHAT!??!!?  I'd rather be soaked...sorry, not sorry. 

Toys were so much more fun...and deadly!
 

That looks safe...right???

There were so many things I played with that would be banned today.  There is one thing I remember that would put most parents today in jail for child endangerment.  It was a giant plastic horse...suspended in a metal bar casing thing...attached with tightly coiled SPRINGS.  Uncovered springs...so you could pinch off a chunk of skin or a finger if you weren't "careful".  You climbed on it and bounced...you know like riding a real horse.  It even threw you off like a real horse because the springs were really unpredictable sometimes. If you bounced just right, it would go ten kinds of crazy wacky and throw you off like a bucking bronco!  I weighed negative nothing when I was a kid so I flew off of it more than once. 
 


But I usually got right back on without mom knowing a thing.  I mean how else was I supposed to play "She-ra Princess of Power" while watching the cartoon?!?  I was She-ra and my psycho rocking horse was Swift Wind, duh!




Also, who else remembers metal playground equipment???  I mean how many times did you burn off a layer skin going down the slide?  Or get a splinter from the wood seat on the seesaw? Or try to walk on top the monkey bars and then jump off? Or swing as high as possible and then jump off mid-upswing?  I mean did we all have a death wish?  And who wore sunscreen at the playground??? Its not like we were at the beach or anything! *phish*

SPF What...?

Speaking of sunscreen....I mean we wore "sunscreen" but only at the beach/pool.  That's the only place you can get sunburned...right???  Anyway, it was usually 15 on the face (because that was important to protect) and like 4 or 8 on the body...that's high enough right?  On the rare occasion my mom/step mom managed to wrangle me back under the umbrella and reapply at least to my face my pores were WIDE open and it would burn like fire!  Water babies made me cry like a baby.  I didn't wear a hat (often)...or a t-shirt...or anything else except my yellow polka dot bikini and my orange glitter gel SPF?  Am I paying for it now?  Yea a little.  I got some dark spots BUT I had a hell of a good time!  Shooo we used to take our naps on the beach...that's what the umbrella was for, right???

I also remember being maybe 10 (possibly younger) and going to the condo pool with just my cousins...adults came and checked on us (occasionally) but for the most part we were on our own... We also thought it was super cool to use that stupidly colored sunscreen and pretend like we were Indians...we were kids...it was the 80's/early 90's....shut up!





Anyway, I am sure there are a million other things but these are the ones that came to mind and made me giggle.  I do not have kids but I imagine my friends/relatives that do, would scream in horror if a child was allowed to do any of this today, hahaha.