No but really...this is serious people! You see I decided that for this race I am doing soon I am wearing a Tutu. Because
HELLOOOO TUTU! And also because its a
"fun run" for
Christmas. So I bought ribbon and tulle...its really not hard to make a freaking tutu and it cost a whopping
$15.
My first mistake...I was on the phone when I bought the spools of tulle
(hehehe). Meaning I wasn't
100% focused on the task and missed a key word. Look, I saw
SPARKLES...I can't help but be drawn to the sparkles.
"Ooooo shiny" is my catch phrase or something. I thought it was that crinkly metallic ribbon stuff woven in the tulle. I was so
WRONG! When I got home and opened the tulle I was immediately assaulted by an explosion of glitter.
WTF?!?!?! And since I had now
OPENED it...I couldn't return it...son of a
b**ch! So as I sat on my
COUCH covered in
Red,
Green and
Iridescent sparkles, I wondered how my life had come to this. Rather than dwell on my mistakes I started making my Tutu. Surely its just that loose stuff when you first open it...
RIGHT?!!?!? Nope
*sobbing*.
But what am I going to do? I am not buying
MORE tulle...I am going to use what I have purchased
DAMMIT! So every cut...every loop...every knot I had more and more glitter blanketing my living room. At one point I sneezed...
 |
| doG f**king dammit! |
I was so focused on my tutu making that I was unaware of Speedy sitting below me on the floor. He was
LOVING the glitter.
WTF dog?!?! He looked like he crawled out of Tinkerbell's
@$$hole. Great... I finished the Tutu,
YAY! But how am I going to transport this to my race? I am
NOT putting it in my car...maybe in a bag in the trunk. But I'm going to be running in this....
CRAP!
All I can envision is me leaving a trail of
Red,
Green and
Iridescent sparkles as I jog my way through the course.
F**k it! I am going to embrace my sparkles.
 |
| Just call me Tink. |
And everyone behind me will be like...
 |
| ...Sorry 'bout ya. |
Whatever...
 |
| and possibly beaten by a mob of angry runners |
Anyways, I attempted to clean my living room, couch and dog...oh and cats...and me....
GOD IT WAS EVERYWHERE!!! Vacuuming repeatedly didn't get it all. I went shopping two days later and the clerk was like
"ma'am you have glitter in your hair." *thinking* "What? I've showered at least twice..." *said* "ahhhhhhhhhhh it really is the herpes of the craft world!" As I shook my hair like a crazy person. This got me some strange stares from other store patrons. Side note....it has also made it's way into my bedroom
*waaaaaahhhhhh*
It has been
4 days...
FOUR DAYS...and there is still glitter. Why is this happening to me? I think it is reproducing. In conclusion...I love sparkly, shiny things but I hate glitter...unless its like this...
Who am I kidding?!?! I'd hate this....that
$hit gets
EVERYWHERE!!! Hose yourself off...then we'll talk.
