Seriously, do people really think that once they are in a committed relationship/marriage it is a done deal. "whoohoo, I can stop trying now!" Or is there something I am missing??? Is there a marriage fairy that sprinkles pixie dust on you so you can give up with no consequence? Because I think she skipped us. We are VERY happy but we still make an effort.
There are so many things, that happen to others and I try...I really do try not to pass judgement. Each relationship is different. What works for me and my husband may not work for others but we still TRY. For instance, I can't imagine a day where it would be okay to not give each other a Christmas or Birthday or Anniversary gift. And I am not talking about break the bank type gift. Just SOMETHING...anything... I understand that after 20+ years of marriage (and an illicit affair) things can be "mundane" but if you stop trying before you ever get started, it will never get better. How about just cooking dinner or a card...SOMETHING!
I know I am a "newlywed" by comparison but I hope (really hope) I am like my dad and step mom. They may not always be perfect but they still TRY! Twenty four years later and they go out on dates, give gifts, APPRECIATE each other. You can't tell me "oh we don't have any money so we forgo gifts". There are other ways to show your spouse you still care! Bring them breakfast in bed, clean the house, cook dinner, cut the grass, GIVE THEM A DAY OFF! Things that cost you basically nothing but the thought behind them is priceless. I just...I am not a brat but I would be so disappointed if I went home on my birthday and was expected to cook dinner, do laundry, the everyday stuff, etc. I think the only gifts this person (who triggered these thoughts) received were a bag of fancy cookies from me and lunch from their boss. The other thing is...what are you teaching your children...that once you are married you don't have to show appreciation for your spouse? This person has ADULT kids and they gave them NOTHING! Not even a card. This person tries to brush it off but I can see the hurt lingering in their eyes! It kills me. Since I've had my own money I have bought gifts (no matter how small) for my parents AND grandparents. And before that...I made them things. I drew them pictures. I am not talking about kid drawings. Not bragging but I draw pretty well and I gave away my drawings as gifts. They LOVED them. They cost me almost ZERO money, just a little of my time. Obviously not everyone can draw but there are OTHER WAYS...
I guess I just feel like relationships are hard enough as it is why make them more difficult. Just a little effort can go a LONG way. Will it always be butterflies and rainbows? Of course not but you don't just give up, you don't just settle for second best. Youngins, if you are with someone who doesn't appreciate you now, they probably never will appreciate you. You deserve better, trust me! Newlyweds, if your spouse stopped "trying"...SAY SOMETHING! Don't just roll over and say "well we are married now". No, just NO! You don't have to demand whatever but make sure they know you want to be acknowledged. Show them through examples...don't expect the world from someone and then do nothing in return. Not Newlyweds, be the change! Let them know you are tired of being brushed aside. If you give them the world and they give you nothing, TELL THEM! Changing habits is always difficult but you don't have to just accept things the way they are, you deserve to be spoiled a little too. Just saying.
And don't tell me "But, I don't need anything, *nervous giggle*". Because that is Bull$hit. You know in 20 years (if you make it that far) you will see all these other couples doing little things for each other and you WILL be resentful... you WILL get jealous...you WILL get upset. But by that point...changing things will be very difficult (see above example). No one wants to be married to a doormat (can lead to an "illicit affair")...and if they do you should run away very fast and never look back. Trust me you don't want to be married to that. I almost married that (yes I was a doormat and no I am NOT proud of that fact). I am so glad I didn't because I wouldn't have met my hubs and be as happy as I am.
Everyone deserves to be happy. Don't just settle because you think it is the best you can do. Being single is better than being taken advantage of.
Tuesday, March 31, 2015
Friday, March 27, 2015
You are the reason we can't have nice things!
People...are...so...stupid! Sorry but while individuals can be intelligent, people en masse are morons. This makes me stabby!
This isn't about work, it is shockingly about...Dogs. Yea, I said dogs! If you know anything about me you know I love animals. I love all dogs big and small. I get REALLY angry when people judge a dog just because he/she is of a certain breed. But that doesn't mean I think you should be a careless pet owner to "prove" your "aggressive" dog is actually an angel.
My convict (who is considered an aggressive breed) is a big baby. He is a loveable, snuggable, sweetheart (with a bad rep). Don't get me wrong he will protect me, my husband and the other animals in a flash, we are his pack. He loves going for walks. As a precaution he gets muzzled. He is fine with it, well he hated it at first but he's very powerful and I don't want to take a chance that he gets the wrong vibe from someone/another dog because I wouldn't be able to stop him (unlikely but I don't like to tempt fate).
So the other day, as I have been for the last couple weeks, I took Convict and Speedy on an early evening walk. As we were heading down the street I noticed some neighbors outside (a lady and two very young kids), so I crossed the street (dog owner courtesy). As I was passing I noticed their two pits hanging out on the front lawn. I thought NOTHING of it. I have big dogs, if they are out front they are tethered. Suddenly I hear the pitter patter of dog nails on the sidewalk behind me. *thinking* "$hit!". The two pits have crossed the street and have blocked our path. As I said before I don't judge breeds, had they been any other breed I would have had the same concern because I DON'T know these dogs. And they were HUGE, not tall but solid, massive muscle. Convict, thank God, seemed fine, ears up, tail wagging, whining. Speedy was okay but clearly scared, ears back, tail down. My neighbors adorable children (who used to ride their bikes next to me while I jogged) came to my rescue, meanwhile their mother (I guess) was on her cell going "oh $hit, oh $hit!" Her freaking out was NOT calming my nerves. The dogs seemed very friendly but they wouldn't leave my dogs alone and were trying to get to me (not in a scary way, just curious). My dogs were standing in front of me and moved when they moved... I was starting to get worried my dogs would go into "protect mommy" mode. The two tiny tots were trying to manhandle their two dogs back across the street but these dogs were as big if not bigger than them so it wasn't really working, the male kept jerking away and hovering over Speedy and I was getting worried the kids would get in the crossfire of a dog fight...which by the way would have ended with my two fur babies in bad shape because they wouldn't have stood a chance!
The kids finally get a handle on them and said "go head lady, we got 'em". So we start walking, *pitter patter* "f**k!"And they are back, still looked happy but come on! Mom was still on her phone yelling for the dogs but doing NOTHING ELSE, "WTF!?!" She disappears and gets her husband...I guess...and he basically just stands in his front yard yelling for the dogs. Okay now I am getting ANGRY! Stop being a lazy @$$ and come get your f**king dogs! At this point they had followed me more than half a block. This is when I realized one is a female and looks like she just had pups "$hit!!!!!" The male was doing that "challenge" thing...I think it was playful but it scared the crap outta Speedy who went into protect momma mode (he is like 15 lbs btw) and started growling and snapping air, this triggered Convict who started growling (hackles up), now the pits are growling and I am about to cry, "so this is how it ends *sigh*". FINALLY the older child yelled something, as I was forcefully saying "NO!" and pulling my two back. It eventually broke the tension...all dogs started wagging their tails again. The CHILDREN ended up leashing their dogs and going home. I thanked them profusely and continued my walk.
My point is the pits were great dogs. They were insanely sweet and clearly loveable (like most of them are). My problem was why tempt fate??? You never know what could trigger ANY dog. Speedy being a prime example...hes a bleeding Hound mix and tried to scare off a pit that was 4 times his size! Look, I don't care if you have a pitbull or a chihuahua, it shouldn't be off a leash outside of a fenced in yard or dog park! I was attacked by a miniature poodle one day while jogging because the owner let him/her out front without a leash. The f**king dog was biting my ankles...I had cuts and punctures!!! Had it been a larger dog...I don't even want to think about that.
Just be responsible! They already have a bad rep, why take the chance of proving people right??? Seriously, why.take.the.chance, especially with a bigger dog? They may be perfect angels but they WILL protect their home and humans (pack) as they see needed. And while they may love you to bits, they may not love me (or that kid on the bike) for whatever reason. I should be able to walk around my neighborhood with or without my dogs and not have to worry about being attacked by another dog(s). You want them out front? Buy a lead, they are $10-$20 at Walmart.
This isn't about work, it is shockingly about...Dogs. Yea, I said dogs! If you know anything about me you know I love animals. I love all dogs big and small. I get REALLY angry when people judge a dog just because he/she is of a certain breed. But that doesn't mean I think you should be a careless pet owner to "prove" your "aggressive" dog is actually an angel.
My convict (who is considered an aggressive breed) is a big baby. He is a loveable, snuggable, sweetheart (with a bad rep). Don't get me wrong he will protect me, my husband and the other animals in a flash, we are his pack. He loves going for walks. As a precaution he gets muzzled. He is fine with it, well he hated it at first but he's very powerful and I don't want to take a chance that he gets the wrong vibe from someone/another dog because I wouldn't be able to stop him (unlikely but I don't like to tempt fate).
So the other day, as I have been for the last couple weeks, I took Convict and Speedy on an early evening walk. As we were heading down the street I noticed some neighbors outside (a lady and two very young kids), so I crossed the street (dog owner courtesy). As I was passing I noticed their two pits hanging out on the front lawn. I thought NOTHING of it. I have big dogs, if they are out front they are tethered. Suddenly I hear the pitter patter of dog nails on the sidewalk behind me. *thinking* "$hit!". The two pits have crossed the street and have blocked our path. As I said before I don't judge breeds, had they been any other breed I would have had the same concern because I DON'T know these dogs. And they were HUGE, not tall but solid, massive muscle. Convict, thank God, seemed fine, ears up, tail wagging, whining. Speedy was okay but clearly scared, ears back, tail down. My neighbors adorable children (who used to ride their bikes next to me while I jogged) came to my rescue, meanwhile their mother (I guess) was on her cell going "oh $hit, oh $hit!" Her freaking out was NOT calming my nerves. The dogs seemed very friendly but they wouldn't leave my dogs alone and were trying to get to me (not in a scary way, just curious). My dogs were standing in front of me and moved when they moved... I was starting to get worried my dogs would go into "protect mommy" mode. The two tiny tots were trying to manhandle their two dogs back across the street but these dogs were as big if not bigger than them so it wasn't really working, the male kept jerking away and hovering over Speedy and I was getting worried the kids would get in the crossfire of a dog fight...which by the way would have ended with my two fur babies in bad shape because they wouldn't have stood a chance!
The kids finally get a handle on them and said "go head lady, we got 'em". So we start walking, *pitter patter* "f**k!"And they are back, still looked happy but come on! Mom was still on her phone yelling for the dogs but doing NOTHING ELSE, "WTF!?!" She disappears and gets her husband...I guess...and he basically just stands in his front yard yelling for the dogs. Okay now I am getting ANGRY! Stop being a lazy @$$ and come get your f**king dogs! At this point they had followed me more than half a block. This is when I realized one is a female and looks like she just had pups "$hit!!!!!" The male was doing that "challenge" thing...I think it was playful but it scared the crap outta Speedy who went into protect momma mode (he is like 15 lbs btw) and started growling and snapping air, this triggered Convict who started growling (hackles up), now the pits are growling and I am about to cry, "so this is how it ends *sigh*". FINALLY the older child yelled something, as I was forcefully saying "NO!" and pulling my two back. It eventually broke the tension...all dogs started wagging their tails again. The CHILDREN ended up leashing their dogs and going home. I thanked them profusely and continued my walk.
My point is the pits were great dogs. They were insanely sweet and clearly loveable (like most of them are). My problem was why tempt fate??? You never know what could trigger ANY dog. Speedy being a prime example...hes a bleeding Hound mix and tried to scare off a pit that was 4 times his size! Look, I don't care if you have a pitbull or a chihuahua, it shouldn't be off a leash outside of a fenced in yard or dog park! I was attacked by a miniature poodle one day while jogging because the owner let him/her out front without a leash. The f**king dog was biting my ankles...I had cuts and punctures!!! Had it been a larger dog...I don't even want to think about that.
Just be responsible! They already have a bad rep, why take the chance of proving people right??? Seriously, why.take.the.chance, especially with a bigger dog? They may be perfect angels but they WILL protect their home and humans (pack) as they see needed. And while they may love you to bits, they may not love me (or that kid on the bike) for whatever reason. I should be able to walk around my neighborhood with or without my dogs and not have to worry about being attacked by another dog(s). You want them out front? Buy a lead, they are $10-$20 at Walmart.
Tuesday, March 24, 2015
I'm becoming an Alchemist...maybe...not really...
What is Alchemy?
But what do I think of when I hear (or think of) Alchemy? I think of Mistborn. Yes, I read that series...yes I will be reading the follow up series...I LOVED the books. Vin is my superhero. With that said maybe I am thinking I am becoming a Mistborn but with essential oils...hmmm.
What brought this thought process on? Well I was reading an article about essential, essential oils (hehehe). Now I just started really dabbling with oils. Mainly because I have weird skin and have noticed when I use more natural products my skin behaves. Also gardening...I hate using pesticides but I would like to harvest my veggies BEFORE the bugs feast on them. Well I learned, with A LOT of research, that essential oils can help with that.
So I started small, using Tea Tree Oil (Melaleuca) to make my own cleaner. It smells medicinal but you get used to it and now I associate the smell with clean (psychology). Then I learned it can be used as a bug deterrent (be careful, if you spray too much or don't dilute it right, the sun will react with the oil and burn your plants). I used it for the first time last year on my plants and had the best harvest ever! It kept away most of the creepy crawlers that damage the garden but I had to be careful not to overuse because then the good bugs go away and you get no harvest. It saved my plants from spider mites (those things are EVIL) and stink bugs (a pet of the dark lord). Just remember with Tea Tree Oil you not only have to make sure you dilute it properly for your own safety BUT if you have pets, they should NOT ingest it. So just be cautious.
Anyway, back to my point. Alchemy or Mistborn...I am taking something that occurs in nature to help with ailments, etc and mixing it with other oils and substances. A Mistborn (Alchemist) "burns" metals to basically give themselves super powers...same thing right? Hahaha. I mean if I suddenly can leap tall buildings because I use/ingest a specific essential oil that would be awesome (highly unlikely but awesome). Alchemy (the "real" thing) combines metals and other substances (like in Chemistry) to "create" NEW substances. If I mix two oils, I get a new product (sort of) with different medicinal or cleaning properties than just each individual oil. I mean they are still Lavender and Tea Tree or whatever (not a new substance all together) but something in my brain is making this connection and I feel unusually powerful for some reason.
Or maybe I am reading too much Science Fiction/Fantasy. But honestly, is there really such a thing as too much Sci-Fi/Fantasy...?
The medieval forerunner of chemistry, based on the supposed
transformation of matter.
It was concerned particularly with attempts to
convert base metals
into gold or to find a universal elixir.
But what do I think of when I hear (or think of) Alchemy? I think of Mistborn. Yes, I read that series...yes I will be reading the follow up series...I LOVED the books. Vin is my superhero. With that said maybe I am thinking I am becoming a Mistborn but with essential oils...hmmm.
What brought this thought process on? Well I was reading an article about essential, essential oils (hehehe). Now I just started really dabbling with oils. Mainly because I have weird skin and have noticed when I use more natural products my skin behaves. Also gardening...I hate using pesticides but I would like to harvest my veggies BEFORE the bugs feast on them. Well I learned, with A LOT of research, that essential oils can help with that.
So I started small, using Tea Tree Oil (Melaleuca) to make my own cleaner. It smells medicinal but you get used to it and now I associate the smell with clean (psychology). Then I learned it can be used as a bug deterrent (be careful, if you spray too much or don't dilute it right, the sun will react with the oil and burn your plants). I used it for the first time last year on my plants and had the best harvest ever! It kept away most of the creepy crawlers that damage the garden but I had to be careful not to overuse because then the good bugs go away and you get no harvest. It saved my plants from spider mites (those things are EVIL) and stink bugs (a pet of the dark lord). Just remember with Tea Tree Oil you not only have to make sure you dilute it properly for your own safety BUT if you have pets, they should NOT ingest it. So just be cautious.
Anyway, back to my point. Alchemy or Mistborn...I am taking something that occurs in nature to help with ailments, etc and mixing it with other oils and substances. A Mistborn (Alchemist) "burns" metals to basically give themselves super powers...same thing right? Hahaha. I mean if I suddenly can leap tall buildings because I use/ingest a specific essential oil that would be awesome (highly unlikely but awesome). Alchemy (the "real" thing) combines metals and other substances (like in Chemistry) to "create" NEW substances. If I mix two oils, I get a new product (sort of) with different medicinal or cleaning properties than just each individual oil. I mean they are still Lavender and Tea Tree or whatever (not a new substance all together) but something in my brain is making this connection and I feel unusually powerful for some reason.
Or maybe I am reading too much Science Fiction/Fantasy. But honestly, is there really such a thing as too much Sci-Fi/Fantasy...?
Monday, March 23, 2015
Why do I get strange looks when in public?!?
My husband still claims me, so suck it all you haters!
So we went to the zoo. No we didn't bring children, just us...two adults...that is not weird! I love the zoo :)
Anyways, we were in the reptile exhibit and this happened:
So I said "Do y'all hear that?" *crickets* "No? It's cool I speak Parseltongue. It's asking if we know 'Harry Potter'", My husband laughed. The girl across from me laughed...the others nearby rolled their eyes and gave me that "Oh my God what a freak" stare. Geez, I was trying to be cute, get the stick out your butt! The snakes are RARELY active so since this one was being all awake, I decided it was an appropriate time for a fandom reference.
Later on in another exhibit this happened:
I leaned over to the husband and said "I know they specialize in exotic creatures but this seems excessively dangerous!" Again, he laughed. So I *snorted* and *whispered* "Don't Blink". But the people next to me gave us one of those "is she special or something" stares. Obviously they don't know about the lonely assassins. That and there was like crickets or something in here...possibly a snake but it was out of sight.
Also, after the zoo...well quite some time later I was home and singing in my yard while gardening when this lovely creature ventured out of its hiding spot, possibly proving that I do in fact speak Parseltongue.
Me: "Ahhhh, what tha, *almost falls over in a fit of nervous giggles*"
Snake: *flicking tongue*
Me: "soooo are you poisonous, you don't look poisonous...cuz we can't be friends if you are"
Snake: "Can you let me out of the box, please?"
Me: "Hmmm, maybe we'll just release you in the woods"
Snake: *hisss* "Fine, just don't chop off my head like you did my brother"
Me: "Oooo yea sorry 'bout that"
Seeeeeeeeeee I totally speak snake, that conversation totally did NOT happen in my head.
So we went to the zoo. No we didn't bring children, just us...two adults...that is not weird! I love the zoo :)
Anyways, we were in the reptile exhibit and this happened:
Later on in another exhibit this happened:
Also, after the zoo...well quite some time later I was home and singing in my yard while gardening when this lovely creature ventured out of its hiding spot, possibly proving that I do in fact speak Parseltongue.
Snake: *flicking tongue*
Me: "soooo are you poisonous, you don't look poisonous...cuz we can't be friends if you are"
Snake: "Can you let me out of the box, please?"
Me: "Hmmm, maybe we'll just release you in the woods"
Snake: *hisss* "Fine, just don't chop off my head like you did my brother"
Me: "Oooo yea sorry 'bout that"
Seeeeeeeeeee I totally speak snake, that conversation totally did NOT happen in my head.
Friday, March 20, 2015
My dash did a thing Part 1
So I think I've hinted around the fact that I may have a Tumblr. Am I going to tell you my blog name (if I had one)...hahahaha, in your dreams! But I was cleaning up my iPad last night and I saw a BUNCH of screen shots where the dash made a funny. Some appear to have been done intentionally, others just a kawinkydink. I don't know that I ever posted them on Tumblr but I was giggling so I thought, hey I'll put them all in one place for safe keeping.
I just realized there must be A LOT of Supernatural and Doctor Who on my dash based on my screen shots...go figure O_o
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| I don't know why I laughed so hard at this...it's kinda ewwww if you REALLY think about it. |
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| Looks intentional...still kinda funny |
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| Truer things have never been said |
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| Again, not sure why I laughed so hard but come on that IS funny! |
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| My exact face when someone does that |
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| I don't ship Destiel but come on that is hilarious! (if you don't know what Destiel is...Google with caution) |
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| It is known most of his lovers die horribly...so why not this??? It would have only been funnier if somewhere in there it said something about Genital Herpes (watch Changing Channels S5Ep8) |
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| I feel like Cas is totally judging him, "quit your b**ching son!" |
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| This one made me *snort*. I mean come on, hahaha |
Thursday, March 19, 2015
Do men and women learn different definitions to words?!?!?!
I ask because I was watching an after school special...or lifetime movie...or one of those real crime shows where they show the police investigation and arrest, etc.
There was a girl who accused someone of rape. She was a little intoxicated and a "friend" took advantage of her. His response made me want to scream. Actually I think I did scream. He said "well she didn't fight back or say no". WHAT?!?!?! That still isn't consent!!! She said she remembered being scared, frozen with fear. Frozen with fear AND intoxicated does not equal "stick your d**k in me".
Where in that exchange did she agree or give permission!?!?!?!? Failure or inability to refuse sexual advances is NOT consent.
What killed me further was people were saying things like:
"How could she have been frozen with fear? He was her friend."
"Your instincts should have kicked in and you should have said no if you really didn't want to have intercourse."
"The fact that you didn't resist, implies you were okay with it."
OMG Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo! This is what rape culture is...it "manifests through the acceptance of rapes as an everyday occurrence, and even a male prerogative. It can be exacerbated by police apathy in handling rape cases, as well as victim blaming, reluctance by the authorities to go against patriarchal cultural norms, as well as fears of stigmatization from rape victims and their families." You know the whole, "well she dressed sexy so she was asking for it" attitude.
I can tell you from first hand experience that your body doesn't always react to the screaming in your head. Let me set the scene. Cute little college girl (that's me) goes to the bar with her friends. She is dancing and drinking (legally) until the bar closes. She meets many cute guys but wasn't interested because her BOYFRIEND was at home studying. One in particular bought her a couple beers and tried to dance with her even after she said many times "I have a boyfriend" but he said its okay, I'll still buy you a drink. Once the bar shut down her and her friends walked back to their apartment complex where they and her boyfriend lived. There was an after party at his place. Before heading to his apartment cute little college girl went in hers which was in the same building to freshen up. Her friends went ahead to the party. She was only going in for a second so locking the front door (something that rarely happened) wasn't even on her mind. She went potty then went in her room to check her makeup. Once done she turned towards the bedroom door. There was a figure standing there. It was the guy from the bar.
*thinking* "holy shit what are you doing in my room?!!?" What I said was, "uh, hi..." He walked into my room a little. I backed up. He said something along the lines of "you were flirting with me all night." I took another step back (towards my bed, I was panicking). My brain was screaming "RUN!!!" but I could barely move...could barley form a sentence. He stepped further in and pulled the light chain throwing my room into near darkness. I said shakily "I have a boyfriend, you need to leave." He grabbed my shoulders and pushed me back onto the bed. He climbed on top of me and started kissing my neck. At this point my instincts did kick in. I managed to roll out from under him and bolted out the door. I ran top speed in HEELS to my boyfriends apartment and burst into tears. I told him and my friends what happened. He was livid!!! Him and two guy friends went to my apartment to see if he was still there. Thankfully he left. They asked if I wanted to report it. But what was I going to say. I didn't know his name or anything about him. Just that I met him at the bar and he followed me home.
His intention was clear. I bought you drinks, therefore I get to f**k you. He KNEW I didn't want anything from him. He pursued me with the intention of taking what he wanted. You know how I know. Because he didn't approach me outside the bar to chat or ask for my number. He followed me HOME without me knowing and waited until I was alone to make a move.
I panicked. I froze. I did the same thing this girl did but thankfully hadn't had enough alcohol to completely hinder my senses. Granted I never said the word "No". I said "I have a boyfriend, you need to leave." But to me that is plainly saying I do not want to sleep with you, I said leave. I was backing away from him...not sexily like "come hither", I was in flight mode but he was blocking the exit. I didn't react to his pushing me onto the bed and sucking on my neck...I went limp...look my fear basically paralyzed me, it CAN happen. But because I never went into Ninja mode he kept on.
It could have been bad, really bad. But he was really drunk so I think that helped. He was much bigger than me and if he wouldn't have been so intoxicated, I am 100% certain I wouldn't have been able to get away. My only hope would have been my friends/boyfriend would have wondered what was taking so long and come to my rescue.
This is one of the MANY things wrong with our society. I am sure that had I not gotten away and he had assaulted me...I would have been blamed. I would have been told I shouldn't have worn that backless shirt, shouldn't have accepted drinks if I didn't intend to "put out", should have actually said the word "No" because my body language wasn't clear enough. That, my friend, is terrifying.
There was a girl who accused someone of rape. She was a little intoxicated and a "friend" took advantage of her. His response made me want to scream. Actually I think I did scream. He said "well she didn't fight back or say no". WHAT?!?!?! That still isn't consent!!! She said she remembered being scared, frozen with fear. Frozen with fear AND intoxicated does not equal "stick your d**k in me".
Consent - permission for something to happen or agreement to do something
Where in that exchange did she agree or give permission!?!?!?!? Failure or inability to refuse sexual advances is NOT consent.
What killed me further was people were saying things like:
"How could she have been frozen with fear? He was her friend."
"Your instincts should have kicked in and you should have said no if you really didn't want to have intercourse."
"The fact that you didn't resist, implies you were okay with it."
OMG Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo! This is what rape culture is...it "manifests through the acceptance of rapes as an everyday occurrence, and even a male prerogative. It can be exacerbated by police apathy in handling rape cases, as well as victim blaming, reluctance by the authorities to go against patriarchal cultural norms, as well as fears of stigmatization from rape victims and their families." You know the whole, "well she dressed sexy so she was asking for it" attitude.
I can tell you from first hand experience that your body doesn't always react to the screaming in your head. Let me set the scene. Cute little college girl (that's me) goes to the bar with her friends. She is dancing and drinking (legally) until the bar closes. She meets many cute guys but wasn't interested because her BOYFRIEND was at home studying. One in particular bought her a couple beers and tried to dance with her even after she said many times "I have a boyfriend" but he said its okay, I'll still buy you a drink. Once the bar shut down her and her friends walked back to their apartment complex where they and her boyfriend lived. There was an after party at his place. Before heading to his apartment cute little college girl went in hers which was in the same building to freshen up. Her friends went ahead to the party. She was only going in for a second so locking the front door (something that rarely happened) wasn't even on her mind. She went potty then went in her room to check her makeup. Once done she turned towards the bedroom door. There was a figure standing there. It was the guy from the bar.
*thinking* "holy shit what are you doing in my room?!!?" What I said was, "uh, hi..." He walked into my room a little. I backed up. He said something along the lines of "you were flirting with me all night." I took another step back (towards my bed, I was panicking). My brain was screaming "RUN!!!" but I could barely move...could barley form a sentence. He stepped further in and pulled the light chain throwing my room into near darkness. I said shakily "I have a boyfriend, you need to leave." He grabbed my shoulders and pushed me back onto the bed. He climbed on top of me and started kissing my neck. At this point my instincts did kick in. I managed to roll out from under him and bolted out the door. I ran top speed in HEELS to my boyfriends apartment and burst into tears. I told him and my friends what happened. He was livid!!! Him and two guy friends went to my apartment to see if he was still there. Thankfully he left. They asked if I wanted to report it. But what was I going to say. I didn't know his name or anything about him. Just that I met him at the bar and he followed me home.
His intention was clear. I bought you drinks, therefore I get to f**k you. He KNEW I didn't want anything from him. He pursued me with the intention of taking what he wanted. You know how I know. Because he didn't approach me outside the bar to chat or ask for my number. He followed me HOME without me knowing and waited until I was alone to make a move.
I panicked. I froze. I did the same thing this girl did but thankfully hadn't had enough alcohol to completely hinder my senses. Granted I never said the word "No". I said "I have a boyfriend, you need to leave." But to me that is plainly saying I do not want to sleep with you, I said leave. I was backing away from him...not sexily like "come hither", I was in flight mode but he was blocking the exit. I didn't react to his pushing me onto the bed and sucking on my neck...I went limp...look my fear basically paralyzed me, it CAN happen. But because I never went into Ninja mode he kept on.
It could have been bad, really bad. But he was really drunk so I think that helped. He was much bigger than me and if he wouldn't have been so intoxicated, I am 100% certain I wouldn't have been able to get away. My only hope would have been my friends/boyfriend would have wondered what was taking so long and come to my rescue.
This is one of the MANY things wrong with our society. I am sure that had I not gotten away and he had assaulted me...I would have been blamed. I would have been told I shouldn't have worn that backless shirt, shouldn't have accepted drinks if I didn't intend to "put out", should have actually said the word "No" because my body language wasn't clear enough. That, my friend, is terrifying.
Wednesday, March 18, 2015
I need a magic pill to make the fat "walk" away
If only I lived in the Whoniverse... It was the only "villain" I wouldn't mind encountering.
Step 1: Take diet pill
Step 2: Go to sleep
Step 3: Wonder what your cat is chasing at 1:00AM
Step 4: Wake up skinnier
Step 5 (optional): Meet a barmy time traveling alien and hope for an adventure
I mean that's not a villain, that is awesome sauce. You "incubate" a baby alien and it walks away as your fat. And to top it off they are really cute...its a win win people.
Okay maybe I don't need such an extreme solution...but I need to do something.
We are are going on vacation, YAY!!! In the summer, Yay!! To the beach, whoohoo! I have to wear a bathing suit, f**k...
I am not horrifically overweight but if I put on a bikini it would be bad. Well I think it would be bad. I know many women much larger than me who wear that with pride and good on them but I just don't feel comfortable showing off a gut (YIKES!) unless it contained a baby (unlikely).
Maybe I'll start taking Speedy for a walk in the evenings. That would curb his crazy and give me some exercise...or maybe I should just rejoin the gym...or both
I don't eat horribly so a little exercise should go a long way. I just have to make myself do it...argh! I should take a pic of me in a bikini and give it to my BFF. Tell her if I don't shape up by July, she is to post it to Facebook. That could be motivating...I think.
Step 1: Take diet pill
Step 2: Go to sleep
Step 3: Wonder what your cat is chasing at 1:00AM
Step 4: Wake up skinnier
Step 5 (optional): Meet a barmy time traveling alien and hope for an adventure
I mean that's not a villain, that is awesome sauce. You "incubate" a baby alien and it walks away as your fat. And to top it off they are really cute...its a win win people.
 |
| Awwww!!!! |
We are are going on vacation, YAY!!! In the summer, Yay!! To the beach, whoohoo! I have to wear a bathing suit, f**k...
I am not horrifically overweight but if I put on a bikini it would be bad. Well I think it would be bad. I know many women much larger than me who wear that with pride and good on them but I just don't feel comfortable showing off a gut (YIKES!) unless it contained a baby (unlikely).
Maybe I'll start taking Speedy for a walk in the evenings. That would curb his crazy and give me some exercise...or maybe I should just rejoin the gym...or both
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| Such an underrated movie |
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