Now I want to become a hermit, dig a moat, electrify said moat and get a pet tiger

I just read an article "Things a burglar wont tell you".  I was thinking "yay tips on how to better safeguard my house" but...now...I am...seriously do people really do some of these?!!?!?!?  I think it should be more aptly titled "quit making yourself a target" or "how to scare people into being responsible homeowners" or "live in fear of those who shall rob you".  I did not come up with this list.  It is at the link listed above but I feel like I should comment on some things.  Also, it lists all this stuff you shouldn't do but doesn't really give you solutions.  Its like don't put your shit in one place...ok so where is the best place.  But I guess if they put that there, then the would be thieves would know and then it wouldn't work.

1.) "Even if you are home, I'll still try to break in" - great...I mean I knew this.  Someone did try to kick my door in while I was watching TV in my living room.  But reading it just makes me paranoid.

2.) "You might have noticed a strange vehicle driving around your neighborhood lately."- Um you see this you CALL THE COPS!  You don't say "oh maybe they are lost".  If you have a gut feeling they are up to no good, you be a good citizen and REPORT IT!  Don't go willy nilly, the cops do need to be crime fighting or whatever BUT at the very least they may send extra patrols to your 'hood. 

3.) "You might recognize me. I was at your house before, making a delivery or asking for directions." - Sooooooo, what should I never order takeout again for fear that the cute young man who showed up at my door may try to rob me blind?!?!  Seriously the only point to this point is to elicit fear.  You cannot control who comes to your door...well in the case of takeout you can but aside from that.

4.) "Thanks for letting me into your home to use your telephone or bathroom. I got a good view of the place, and I unlocked a window while I was in there." - Do people still do this?!?  I let no one into my home.  If they ask to use the phone I bring it outside to them.  If they ask to use the bathroom I apologize and say no but direct them to the convenience store a few blocks away.  The only strangers I ALMOST allowed in were Jehovah's Witnesses and honestly I was messing with them (I am totally going to hell for this).  They asked if I had a minute to talk about *insert something about God/Jesus*.  To which I replied sure, as long as I can talk to you about the dark lord (I was speaking of Voldemort by the way).  Apparently they are not Harry Potter fans.  What's funny is they came back and I answered the door with Convict snarling between my legs...I have not seen them since *muahahahaha*.

5.) "Your alarm company made it easier for me to see whether the system is activated or not by installing the control panel in plain sight." - I'm sorry what?!?  Sooooo then what are we supposed to do to remedy this????  Where do we put it?

6.) "I'm glad you didn't bother setting the alarm while you made a quick trip to the store. I only need about 15 minutes anyway." - This is just dumb!  It takes less than a minute to set the friggin alarm.  SET IT!

7.) "I'm also glad you chose a silent alarm. It won't worry the neighbors, and I should still have time to get in and out before the police arrive." - This exists outside of banks??? Why would you do that?!  Isn't the point of a home alarm to scare the $hit out of a would be burglar???

8.) "Did you really think a fake security sign in the yard would fool me? Oldest trick in the book." - Ooooook, so should you not put a sign at all...?  I mean how exactly do they know which houses have the alarm?

9.) "Maybe it wasn't the best move to choose a dog over an alarm. Fido sure seems to like the treats in my pocket." - How about both, yes both is good.  And ya know my dogs are "nice" at times but I can almost guarantee if you step foot inside you will be mauled...then the dogs will find the treats in your pocket which may end in the inability for you to have children.  Just saying.  

10.) "Thanks for not installing a motion detector light outside. Darkness makes it a lot easier to sneak inside undetected." - what if you leave the outside lights on???  Does that nullify this statement? Because I think that could be a really good "solution" to this problem.

11.) "Lucky for me, home safes usually aren't bolted down or built into walls. So I can take it with me and deal with cracking into it later." - I actually told my husband this.  Unless you plan on bolting it to the floor, it is pointless. Well it will keep important stuff safe in a fire but thats about it.

12.) "Kitchens, living rooms and master bedrooms are the first places I look for valuables. Under mattresses, inside dresser drawers and closets are where I find the jackpot." - Alright, so are you telling me to put my valuables in the toilet reservoir?  I mean I can't keep them in any major rooms or in a safe sooooo its either the toilet or in the attic.  But I don't fancy going into the attic every time I want my pearls or need a $20.  What is a solution?!?!?!

13.) "Thanks for leaving your expensive cellphone or watch in plain sight." - Its my house...where am I supposed to leave it.  

14.) "Your childrens' nice toys in the yard tip me off that there might be an expensive gaming system inside." - I've also heard this said about throwing out boxes after you buy something.  So I can't have nice things because I have to worry about attracting the wrong type of attention???  This sounds eerily like when men tell women not to dress sexy because then they are asking to be raped.  So what do I do besides try to not let people know what I buy.

15.) "Creatures of habit make the best targets. The same routine lets me know when you'll be home or away." - How do you change this?!!??  Unfortunately most of us have M-F schedules where we have to be at work and leave at the same time.  

I just...while some tips are helpful (there were others, I didn't list all of them here) many just annoyed me.  Ok so creatures of habit right.  I can't change it so now do I live in fear that I am being targeted by a crook because I have a 9-5 job???  Again, this list did little more that elicit fear because its telling you about things that make you a target but you can't really do anything to change them.