...well dear, don't move. *face palm*
Easier said than done. In case you were wondering it is nearly impossible to NOT use your abdominal muscles. I mean you can try to be a human blob but EVERYTHING requires your core...including breathing (and peeing)!
So I had this thing done to help with other things...and now I am wondering what the F**K I was thinking because now I am in a constant state of OOOOWWWWW.
It's been almost a week. I was told to "take it easy" for a few days, don't use the abs but then I could go back to most of my routine just no heavy lifting or sexy time. Ooooookkkkkaaaaayyyyy, easy peasy right...WRONG! So, so wrong and people just don't seem to understand my issues.
1. I look like death. I am pale and bruised. Pale because God only knows. Bruised from all the flipping needles. Shots, IVs, taking blood (TWICE)...take your pick.
2. Every movement requires conscious thought. I rolled on my side in my sleep the other night and woke myself up moaning in pain.
3. The doc only said a few days with limited activity so no one seems sympathetic to my whole moving hurts mantra...or the if you touch me I will punch you then writhe in pain because punching requires ab use. Yes a few days to be a blob but the recovery is 4-6 weeks!!! So get that through your head people, I may be moving but I am not okay. I am very, very far from okay.
4. My insides feel like they were scrapped with a dull blade. Because they WERE! Okay maybe not a dull blade...maybe a laser BUT it still effing hurts, okay?!?!
5. I coughed yesterday and thought I was going to die. I was like this is it, I am going to rupture something because I have a tickle in my throat. Goodbye cruel world.
6. Today I sneezed and I thought my uterus came out of my belly button. Hmmm that can't be normal. Oh well, lets take another pain pill *manic laughter*.
7. 3 days after it I needed a shower (and was allowed to take one), "cat baths" weren't working. I had no help. I got the "well what do you want me to do bathe you?" Um actually yes that would be great seeing as MOVING effing hurts! Whatever, what doesn't kill me makes me stronger and also makes me want to nut punch you so you are in an equal amount of pain.
8. 5 days after the thing I had a sharp pain. Like I was stabbed, repeatedly in the same spot. Sitting, I was good. Standing, laying flat and breathing, FML. I burst into tears because I just didn't want to hurt anymore. Do you know what I got...ZERO sympathy. I mean absolutely none. I got a "you should be extra careful driving to work". Um what? "If it gets worse call the doctor". Well DUH! Can't I get a little sympathy?!?! I am not a needy person but a "there, there" would have been AMAZING! By the way, it is trapped air. Not gas...air trapped in my abdomen that has no where to go. I have to wait for my body to "re-absorb" it...YAY :P
9. Ya know what, F**k all you people. God help me if I need a c-section for any future kids...I may have to ask my mom to move in until I am recovered. She seems to be the only one that "gets it".
a. If I hear one more, "what do you mean walking is uncomfortable" or "its just walking, how
bad can it be?" I may go postal. This is not my hubs by the way.
10. My poor animals are so confused. They don't understand why mommy wont let them near her. I mean, I go all ninja on them if one even looks like they may want to touch me, which by the way requires a quick motion and usually ends with my writhing in pain. The little cat wanted to play the night of the thing and decided the best way to get my attention was to bonsai off the back of the couch onto my stomach. To say I screamed is an understatement. She ran and I didn't see her again for almost two days. Now they both carefully touch me to let me know they want to cuddle. Smart little boogers.
Anyway, the thing is I blame the peeps that spoke to my "caregiver" after the thing. I was out of it...I remember very little. They were great, don't get me wrong, I just don't think they quite explained what was going to happen very well. Yes, I needed to lay low for a few days and he got that but for weeks after I was going to be recovering. Meaning I can't do what I normally do. Not just "heavy lifting" and no "sexy time". It should have been more, "trust your body. If it feels wrong, don't do it." Which I swear I heard someone say but I can't recall. I really can't be active...my insides are still healing and I am constantly exhausted. If I do too much too fast, I'll be worse for wear. So yes, that includes cutting up a veggie and putting it in the microwave. It hurt a$$hole. I am not being whiny! Using my abs hurts and unfortunately that includes almost everything at the moment, including BREATHING.
P.S. Thank God I have a semi high tolerance for pain. I'd be drugged 24/7 otherwise.
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