It's opposite day!

Today is the day that yes mean no, please means f**k you, up means down and don't do that means do it...do it with VIGOR!


I swear I just had a conversation with someone that made me want to beat my head into my desk.  I was informed of a problem. The following ensued.

Me: Oh, ok, I know how to fix it, do this. 
Them: So I should do that, right?  
Me: No, no, no...do this, just like I said it. 
Them: Ohhhhhh okay, so I should do this and that. 
Me: No, make sure you are only doing THIS *clenched teeth*. 
Them: But what about that...  
Me: FORGET THAT, that is not important do this.
Them: I did that and its still not working
Me: Well, its because that isn't what you need...you need this...so do this and ignore that.
Them:  Okaaaay, got it...I guess I didn't realize that was not important....Oh look, it is exactly what I needed.  Who knew?!?
Me: *head on desk* *defeated* Oh good, good, glad it worked.  *thinking* "I knew, I f**king knew and I tried to tell you!!!!!"
Them: Thank you dear, you are a miracle worker!
Me: *internal manic laughter* sure, no problem. Happy to help!

This also happened with another person via email a few minutes prior to that conversation.

~~early in the day~~
Me:  Hey, I need you to go over the attached and tell me how to update it based on the new information.
Them: Oh thanks, delete all of it.
Me:  Um, just to clarify...I should delete everything in the attached...?
Them:  Yes, delete all of it.
*all data deleted as requested*
~~~2 hours later~~~
Them: Where is the data?!?!  It's like it was all deleted.  Why was it all deleted?
Me: *utterly confused* Well that was what you said to do
Them: No, that's not what I meant.  I meant update it.
***WTF?!?!  Since when does delete everything, mean update it***
Me: I'm just going to put it back the way it was until you say otherwise.
Them: No, don't do that it's wrong.
*JFC make up your mind!*