Its amazing I turned out half way sane. I think my background in Psychology along with my common sense and mostly logical way of thinking has helped to heal most of the wounds but they can still be ripped open and it really freaking sucks. I am over 30, why is this happening???
Don't get me wrong I love my family dearly but I have a family member (or a few) that makes me remember why I left in the first place. I didn't go far but I got away. Had I not, I would not be in a good place. And honestly I was scared to death to leave. They did that to me. I was 18 years old trying to figure out what to do with my life and they made me think that growing into a strong independent woman was a bad thing. And I almost believed it. I let them control me for so long. It was almost as if I wasn't supposed to be me. I now have the ability to think on my own. They can't "brainwash" me anymore and that makes them angry. There is no reasoning with them. I don't know what else I can do.
I am going to post a conversation below (actually two conversations that happened 3 weeks apart). Its mean and it took all of my self control to be the bigger person for the most part (I failed a bit at that...I am human and I was getting really annoyed). You don't have to read it...this is more for my mental release than anything but it will give you a glimpse into why I am the way I am. Also...its really long so feel free to skip to the conclusion at the end.
THREE WEEKS AGO:
Them: Did your bastard dad talk to you about these papers ?
Me: Ummmmm what?
Them: Well assumed he didn't. They all are a lieing scrum if the earth. Your dad called me about why I did not sign papers. He was very bossy & pushy about it. Did not believe me when I told him bitch sec did not have them. I called you and told you what happened and that she did not know anything about it. She was supposed to call me back but never did. Now I am busy I have things going on and your dad seems to think I have all the time in the world and if i am doing something just drop what I am doing. This is what u had to live with when I was married to the ass. Him and his boss face family and I still can't get away from it.
(I DIDN'T REPLY)
Them: Do have his number.
Me: ....I have his office number ***-****
Them: That is was I need. I will find out what happened.
Them: Home now!!! No one answered phone. Thought I share since your are more concerned about them being upset then they up setting me. Thank you for number.
Me: I don't know what on earth you are mad at me for but I was at work and I wasn't involved in any of that bs. I only said anything the two times dad called me.
Them: Yes but you do remember me telling you about ____ & _____?
Me: I never talked to dad about it again after you told me that. So yea I do but it was never brought up.
Them: Ok NOLA Gurl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: Again why are you mad at me. I didn't not have the paper work, I didn't make it rain the one time you were ready to go and I don't control my dad or my uncle. This has been lingering for a months....I don't really know how it's my fault
Them: You see you don't remember!!!!! She did not know about the papers and they were not drawn up. She had to talk to him and call me back. I am not mad at you but Ian tired of being treated with disrespect and talked to like a dog from your dad. I wish I would have seen what people were telling and called off that wedding. She never called back so your dad is mad calls me up and talks to me like he is God! I am tired of getting blamed for the divorce and all there lies and poor sob stories on how innocent they are. If only I would have listened & not so ni eve.
Me: Well as wonderful as that revelation is it kind of makes the product of your loveless mistake of a marriage feel a little like crap, so yea thanks for that. Sorry you feel that way but unfortunately it did happen and you can't change it. I don't know how he speaks to you but I know he can be sarcastic at times but you need to not take him so seriously. He called to find out why it wasn't done. It's been months. He isn't trying to swindle you into anything he is trying to remove the liability of the house from his name and and give you full control of it as should have been done a long time ago. And yes I do remember but I haven't talked to dad about it in months so I never relayed that situation about the paperwork.
Them: Well sorry you feel that way but on my end it was not loveless but a with your dad his love was not strong just wanted to have a good time with no ties. Now you know. That is why people knew I was going to be hurt just move on and heal. He didn't want any responsibility taking care of a family. I am sorry you feel the way you do and can't do anything about that you are a big girl so do and think what you want.
Me: I have no idea what is happening. I don't feel any way. You are the one spewing regrets at me. Regrets that if changed would involve me no longer existing so yea it's a tad insulting. I think you need to calm down because if you go back and read this conversation you may realize how angry it is towards me...you know the one who didn't do anything. Sorry you think dads an ass. Don't know how to changed that. But after this is signed you don't really have to deal with him again so that's a plus...right.
Them: Yes it is I think! I thought no more him after divorce and here we are almost 30 yrs later. What ever the answer is yes!
What the actual f**k happened?!?!?! I tried to stay out of it but I was asked to find out what was going on because someone was avoiding phone calls...AGAIN.
THIS WEEK:
Me: Soooo I'm not trying to annoy you or piss you off or "take sides" but you really should go sign that paper when you get a free moment.......
Them: What the hell are you talking about!
Me: Right so getting mad, my kindness didn't work. Okay.... I didn't know if you had had time to sign the paper...dad mentioned it in passing last night.....
Them: You already made up your mine about taking sides. They have you so up against your mother and grandparents . You used to take up for us now we just get thrown under the bus like trash. You saw your demon dad last night or he called you?
Me: Okay..... He called about thanksgiving. Told me he saw uncle on his bday and mentioned the paper.
Them: Ok so when was his birthday? (HOW IS THAT RELEVANT????)
Me: Wednesday....
Them: Oh ok so you what did your dad tell you last night and why is he so much in a rush? Did (someone else who isn't relevant) sign his for (another person not relevant to this conversation)? I don't get the big rush!!!!!!!! It's been almost 30 yrs he walked out on his family and hung on to the house. He had 30 yrs to do this 😕.
Me: I don't know what you are trying to get me to say. And yes...it is 100% in her name since before I was in High school I think.
Why would you still want his name on it? It's the same as when I was trying to get my ex off of mine bc I didn't want him to still be able to get money from a house I'd been paying on. And he ended up getting money off of my tragedy bc I couldn't get him to sign the damn thing.
I don't know what really brought it about , he probably looked at his portfolio or something and realized it was never taken care of.
Them: I am not trying to make you say anything just trying to make you see how they are. I will say again he had almost 30 yrs to do this but did not. Now you told me when this first started that (person not relevant) was having a hard time with (other person not relevant to this conversation) signing the papers. Not She had it done in the 90's. You have told me so many stories about things that were not true I don't when your telling the real story. You have no respect for me or my family. I am tired of you stepping on me and saying things about us that is not true. You have gotten too high & mighty for me. I never raised that way. I was poor and still poor and you are embarrassed of me. I am sorry you feel this way. (other people not relevant to this conversation) help me out and that is what keeping going. You go on being with the people that have money you seem to like it but I don't and never will that is why I stuggled to make sure you got your education and social life so you would not have that I will never see in this life time.
That last one is 100% delusional. I don't know where it came from. I just stopped responding. All I did was ask about a piece of paper that needs to be signed...and I got this f**king crazy. And watch....in a day or two I'll get a call or a text like none of this $hit happened....
This is what I grew up with. This is what I was taught. This is why I stay AWAY.
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