Blood from a turnip...do turnips bleed? Are we talking like plant juices or real blood?!? Or plant juices that look like blood...I for one don't want to bleed anything, even if its a turnip

Right, so I am rambling.  Anyways, I found something hilarious today!  As by hilarious I mean utterly annoying. 

So we had to pay our flood insurance, right.  Our flood insurance that so kindly DOUBLED from last year.  I get that we flooded and had to make a claim but come on!  I've paid for flood insurance for over 10 years.  I've made ONE, ONE f**king claim in ten years and my premium goes up?!?!?  I hate all of you!

So we flooded in 2012...in 2013 nothing changed (I think they were still working out how much they wanted to up-charge everyone).  In 2014 it went up about $100, frustrating but whatever.  In 2015 it DOUBLED.  Why?!?!?!  I can't get a straight answer out of these @$$holes, except we made a claim and are now a "high risk" for flooding.  Oh really...ya think?!?  Why don't you take what you want to charge me and bill the Corps of Engineers who built the monstrosity of a pumping system a couple parishes over that caused our f**king flooding!?!!??! *angry grumbling*

And no, I don't want them to flood either but saving one area by compromising another is poor decision making, just saying.  

With that said when we flooded getting our money was a f**king circus!  Claim paperwork was conveniently "lost"  by our adjuster, pictures were missing, we didn't get paid for some of our belongings that were on the list...seriously things were a absolute NIGHTMARE!  Once we got everything submitted...mind you I made the claim literally the next day...I was sitting in my flooded house on the phone making the claim.  It took the 5 months to process my $hit.  5 months of being homeless with no possible day of moving home!  5 Months before I got the 1st check to start the repairs, which is only 1/3 of the cost to repair things.  Then it took another two months AFTER my contractor was almost done to get the final check so I could freaking pay him.  I was homeless for over 6 months...6 months... (oh and only 2 months were able to be paid for through FEMA for rent/hotel) that my friend is f**king stupid!  And it would have been longer but I was friends with my contractor and he finished everything even though I didn't have the funds to finish paying him yet. 

Yet, I send them a check for the outrageous premium I have to pay now and they cash it in two days. 

**Take 2** Someone should video me doing yard work or house work. Not in a creepy way. I really think I could bring laughter to millions.

I am not one to shy away from #get$hitdone.  I will get dirty/icky if I need to.  I do manual labor when necessary.  I only truly fear one critter (bug who shall not be named).  People should learn from  me (not really, that could be bad).  Also, I act a fool in public...maybe I should have my own sitcom. 


Take 2:

Rats!  Not as in "darn" or "shoot"...I mean literally RATS!  I keep a fairly clean home but I have a couple neighbors (yea TWO!)  that don't believe in maintaining anything.  We are talking 2'+ grass (weeds), abandoned vehicles and an overflowing pool that hasn't been cleaned since Hurricane Gustav (2008).  To say we have "critter overflow" is an understatement.  But throw rats in the picture and I'ma loose my ever loving mind!  I was outside watering my back garden one night.  It was dusk.  I was singing (rather loudly) and dancing when I heard a noise to my left (towards my neighbors house).

 Still singing, I glanced over and heard scratching...I stopped singing.  I walked over to the fence (you see this is where a normal person would have gone inside).   







*scratch scratch scratch* "what is thaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh" I was playing peek a boo with a VERY large rodent that popped its head over the top of the fence.

Oh, uh, hi there! (not my pic)

I said a lot of curse words and sprayed it with the hose...it ran off.  A few mornings later it greeted on my back porch"Surprise b**ch!" "OMG! *drops coffee*"

I am not fearful of rats/mice, as in I can deal with them BUT I was shocked to see it waiting for me.  We have since then purchased some pellets to put in our shed and attic, to make sure they don't further invade my property. 

What the heck did I do now?!? Nothing, I did nothing...in case you were wondering :P

I love being on the receiving end of someone else's bad day.  Yes, I know we all have them.  Yes, I know we are all human but don't forget... just because you are having a craptastic day doesn't mean you have to make everyone else's day craptastic as well. 

I always try to put on a happy face.  And even if I can't, I attempt to remember that the cashier at the grocery, the rep on the phone, my husband, etc. more than likely didn't do "it".  They didn't do anything wrong so I shouldn't take out my frustrations on them just because they happen to be in my vicinity.

$hit happens...emails don't go through, things fall through the cracks...people don't want to do their jobs...if these things happen to you it SUCKS big donkey d but it doesn't mean you have to be a tornado of rage and bring everyone else down with you.  I hate it when I am having a wonderful (or even just a decent) day and someone absolutely rips me apart FOR NO REASON except I happened to answer the phone/email/text.  It blows my mind!  I think it is because I am so conscientious of everyone else's feelings now that I am taken aback when others don't reciprocate that same conscientiousness. 

I guess, I think, you don't know what is happening in their day.  What if you lash out at someone who is already in a downward spiral and they lose hope?  They are teetering on the edge and you don't just nudge them over, you DESTROY them, all because you are having a craptastic day.  Your unnecessary venom could affect them much more than you realize.  Plus, your problems that seem like the end of the world to you could be so trivial compared to what someone else is mentally going through yet they may keep their's hidden behind a small smile. 

So you have an issue but you haven't addressed it with the company you have an issue with.  While I know I sometimes have a tendency to be sarcastic, I will normally not go that route initially, depending on what I am told.  I will first tell you "take a breath and call them to see what you can do, it is probably an easy fix." THAT is a nice thing.  THAT is me trying to neutralize the anger.  THAT is me trying to f**king help!  I honestly would not expect to get a "f**k you too, b**ch!" back in response.  I am not sure why I deserved that but okay.  I don't respond to that; I won't respond to that.  THAT is a person trying to start a fight with you because they are mad at someone else.  So I stayed quiet.  That should have been the end of it.  A mentally STABLE person would have realized they overreacted and stopped texting or apologized.  Nope, not in my case.  I received at least 4 more texts detailing why I am a horrible person for not supporting them in their anger at x-company.  WTF?!? I am not one to throw guilt usually but I will make you feel like an @$$ if you push me too far.  After I received a text stating I was a coward for not saying anything, I finally had enough of the "verbal" abuse and replied. "I am sorry if  I am not as chatty as usual, you see I am not exactly having the greatest day either.  I just found out my old dog is dying of bone cancer.  But in relation to our previous exchange about your life altering problem, I still think you should call x-company and ask for some assistance." *crickets*

Not my proudest moment but I got my point across.  Yea your day sucks and yea you took it out on me and yea you had no idea what I was dealing with but that doesn't make it okay.  You didn't stop at one attack.  You continued to use me as a punching bag just because you thought you could, because I am family and that's what I am here for...I guess.  People laugh at me when I say I had a "f**ked up childhood" because they only see my family when they are "normal" or in other words, behaving because others are watching.  I am not kidding, you try having an immediate family that can snap in a split second.  Never knowing if what you say is going to trigger some bat$hit crazy response.  I am a firm believer in "family don't end with blood" because I can say with 100% confidence most of my "family" has zero genetic relation to me. 

Ok no problem...wait...did she just call me old?!?

This is a rant, you have been warned!

While I am fully aware that I am not 20, I am also fully aware I don't look my age.  I get mistaken all the time for being much younger which is fine, it doesn't bother me.  I attribute this to wearing a ton of sunscreen and only wearing makeup for special times (not daily), oh and good genes (thanks mom and dad).  It also helps that I am small-ish, I guess. 

With that said I don't like shopping in the "women's department" at most stores.  Misses/Juniors (yes I still shop there sometimes)/trendy.  I will go nude before I put on mom jeans and a weird fitted floral patterned t-shirt.  I do tend to buy things that aren't OVERLY trendy so they usually last a couple seasons without looking completely dated.  Well I cleaned out my closet the other day and decided I'd try out one of those second hand stores that buys your old (gently used) clothes back from you (versus just dropping it all at Goodwill). 

I take very good care of my clothing so most still looks new and its not like Walmart brand, they are nice (mostly trendy) clothes.  I brought a sack of crap to one of these stores and they were all "oh wow, okay give us a couple hours as we have a lot of peeps in front of you".  So I did.  And when I went back this tween with an attitude handed me my sack of crap back and said (with mock sweetness) "oh sorry, I didn't see anything we could buy." That was fine, I don't mind that.  But she didn't stop there.  No, then she said "it's just the brands are kind of *whispers* old." I am distracted "yea, ok. yea, whatever" thinking its because the styles are a couple years old and because I have two more stops to make before I go home.  Then it hit me.  Wait...what?!?  What you mean the styles are "old"?!?  She said "well we cater to a VERY young crowd and they don't wear THOSE brands."  So I looked in the bag making sure it wasn't the one I was supposed to bring to Goodwill (those clothes, I can understand them not taking) but no it was the correct bag.  And you know I am not one to cause a scene but come on.  So I pulled out a BCBG dress, that I've worn twice and said "Are you serious?  You are telling me BCBG isn't good enough for your store...?"  She retracted and said "oh no, we don't take semi-formal/formal attire anymore". Um you couldn't have said that FIRST?!?  So I dug further and pulled out an adorable Guess Romper *raised eyebrow* "Guess isn't good enough then?" She started stumbling over herself.  So I asked, "did you even look in the bag?" *stuttering*. 

Then her manager (maybe) walked up and was sweet as sugar saying "we aren't really accepting ANY women's clothing, we are stocked (pointing at a sign that was WAY above my point of view). But men's clothing and accessories, those we need." That is 100% fine with me and I said so but I was irritated with the way it was handled.  Why couldn't that little girl say "sorry we aren't taking women's clothing at the moment" that is polite, instead of insulting me (because lets be real, you only say that if you are trying to be an @$$), saying my "style" was too old.  I have a feeling they really didn't look in the bag because of the way I was dressed when I walked in.  I was dressed for work which does have an "older" style, because ya know I have restrictions on what I can wear and whatnot. 

I was just flabbergasted at the way it was handled.  Kudos to the manager for trying to make it better but they lost a customer.  I used to shop there and I can tell you with 100% certainty I will never step foot in there again (and yes I did politely voice that before I left).  There are ways to handle customers without putting them down.  Being a brand snob or judging someone on their appearance is not really how it should be handled.  Maybe I should try one of the national chains and see if they are more professional.  Actually I think I am just going to use the online ones Poshmark, Tradesy, Thread-up, etc. 

**Take 1** Someone should video me doing yard work or house work. Not in a creepy way. I really think I could bring laughter to millions.

I am not one to shy away from #get$hitdone.  I will get dirty/icky if I need to.  I do manual labor when necessary.  I only truly fear one critter (bug who shall not be named).  People should learn from  me (not really, that could be bad).  Also, I act a fool in public...maybe I should have my own sitcom. 

Take 1:

When trimming the hedges (bushes) always beware of wildlife.  It can come in many forms.  The form I am used to dealing with is a royal @$$hole.  His people are known as wasps and they basically claim all lands.

Ima f**k you up! (Not my pic)

So when I hedge, I keep a can of Wasp Spray near by.  The problem is they don't always reveal themselves right away.  This causes me to look like a ninja while gardening. 

Not my pic

My neighbors can regularly see me "dancing" in the front yard.  *run close to the bush, snip-snip, run away from the bush, rinse, repeat*  This gives me the opportunity to run like my @$$ is on fire if indeed there are wasps hiding out.  My recent hedging did not disappoint.  I was "dancing" when a wasp came at me, "ahhhhhh run away, run away!" But I got him, muhahahaha.  As I was about to do my victory jig something pegged me in the head.  *crouching tiger*  

Not my pic

WTF?!? I looked up and saw nothing.  Hmmmm.  So I continued trimming.  Out of no where this bright @$$ red bird flies at my face *scream* *drop trimmers* *runs away*. 

Caw caw mother f**ker! (not my pic)

I swear I looked like Ace Ventura when he encounters bats! 

Not my gif

 Am I in a Hitchcock film?!?!  I slowly approached the bush and kicked it (smart, I know).  *screeeeeeech* *chirp chirp chirp* *running away* "ahhhhhh its going to peck my eyes out!". 

Who needs wings, when I can just dive bomb your face! (Not my Pic)

I crept back to the bush (seriously, I need to learn when to just give up) and gently parted the branches. 

Not my pic

Only to be almost face to face with a royally PISSED OFF momma bird and 3 lil babies.  "dawwwww" *smiles*.  *screeeeeeech* "$hit!" Here comes daddy *running away* "Okay okay, I'll stop trimming, geesh!".

Music, why you do this to me?!?

Sorry, sorry for the "internet speak" but two different musicians have me having feelings at the moment...completely opposing feelings.  My feelings are confused.  Dammit, I came here to have a good time and I am just feeling so many things right now.

First up, Mr. Ed...Sheeran (tee hee hee).

OMG is that a baby Ed (I mean a really baby Ed not the fact that he is STILL a baby...24 Good Lord!)?  This was the most ADORKABLE video ever!  Then I looked up the lyrics and...shut up, I'm not crying I just cut an onion or something.  He needs to stop with his amazing music. 

Seriously though (just a taste):
We keep this love in a photograph
We made these memories for ourselves
Where our eyes are never closing
Hearts are never broken
Times forever frozen still

Then in a totally unrelated video...Mr. Levine apparently broke the internet.  I've watched the video.  Yes, I saw his butt...I don't remember much else, I may have blacked out (kidding, sort of).

With that said, I cannot link the video here (well, I did link the page but if you click it, it may still be not there) because it was removed from YouTube sometime after I watched it!  STG! I went to look it up and its on the Official Maroon 5 YouTube page but it has been blocked stating "This video contains content from UMG, who has blocked it on copyright grounds." What?!?!  But it is their video...right?!!?!? I so confused.  And now I wont get to watch it again and see what I missed, pahaha.  Told you I have a type and I guess it also includes tattoos in some cases.   

Cutest conversation EVER!

So I slept over at my nieces' house the other night and can I just say she is an observant little thing.  Promptly at 8AM, they were told they weren't allowed to bug their Aunty until after 8:00, I was attacked by two little rug rats.  The older one immediately grabbed my iPad and started playing something.  The younger one started babbling.  Nothing new there, once you get her talking, there is no stopping her.

I was helping the older one with a game when my brain registered what the little one was saying...mainly because she said my name really loud (as in she realized I wasn't fully paying attention).  So I, of course, turned to her and said "sorry munchkin, what were you saying?"

Conversation:
Lil Bit: I SAID 'guess what I watched this morning while you were sleeping?'
Me: Ummmm no idea, What?
Lil Bit: *exaggerated sigh* I was watching Doctor Who!
Me: Oh, really?!?!  What made you watch that?
Older One: *slowly turning head* Whyyyyy was she watching Doctor Who...?
Me: *Shrug*
Lil Bit: *getting really excited* I was flipping through the channels and I saw it on, so I watched it
Me: Oh cool! Did you know that is one of my FAVORITE shows?!?
Lil Bit: Um, yea *rolling eyes*
Me: Oh...how...did I tell you...how did you know that?
Lil Bit: *almost yelling with excitement* Duh! You have a T.A.R.D.I.S. on your car!
Me: *shocked* How...wait...you know what the T.A.R.D.I.S. is?
Lil Bit: Not important, BUT I didn't watch the whole show because I got scared *frowny face*
Me: *thinking* "not important...?" Ummm yea...sometimes, it can be a little scary but the Doctor will always save the day!
Lil Bit:  But there were these people and they were sick and and they wanted to touch everyone...and there was a cat nurse, I liked the cat nurses, and the Doctor was in this place with this pretty blonde girl and they were really cute, I like her, and and the scary people were so close so I turned it off.
Me: Oh, yea I know that episode.  I know they were scary but they were just scared too, they wanted help but they didn't know how to ask for it...but ya know what, The Doctor saved them all!
Lil Bit:  Even the pretty blonde?
Me: Especially the pretty blonde!
Lil Bit:  I love The Doctor!  I want to watch more of it.  He's like a superhero!!!!!
Me:  Yea something like that *big cheesy smile*
Older One: *still looking mystified* You...you like Doctor Who, too?!!?!?  
Me:  Yessss.... *raised eyebrow*
Older One:  *vibrating with excitement* I watch it on Netflix!!! Me and my friends can't wait to see the newer ones.  We didn't know it came on regular TV too!
Their Mom: Why are we so excited in here?!?  Leave your Aunty alone, you little boogers!
Me:  It's fine
Lil Bit:  I want to watch MORE Doctor Who!!!
Their Mom: *Confused face* What...? *looking at me* is that okay for them to watch....?
Me: Weeeeeell while it can be a little scary sometimes *ahem*, Don't Blink, *ahem*
Older One: *giggling hysterically*
Me: *wink* It can be scary sometimes, most of time its very silly BUT there is no Sexy Stuff, they don't curse, its a family show for the most part.  It's no worse than what they would see on shows like Star Trek (she's a Trekkie) or watching NCIS/CSI with you.
Their Mom:  Oh okay, I just...okay...maybe you can come over and watch it with them!!!

How adorable is that?!?!  I have two little Whovians in the making and I had nothing to do with it!!!  Love it!