Also known as things that are said (done) when you get a puppy.
"OMG don't pee on that!"
*standing inside because I have no pants on and it is 2AM*
"Come on buddy go tee tee."
Speedy stares blankly back at me wanting to come back in.
"Go pee dog!"
*blank stare*
"God Da....*grumble grumble*"
*walks outside pulling my shirt down to cover my undies*
"bark!"
"No no no NOT playtime, go potty.
*has crack attack around the yard and attacks me every time he passes*
"No...nooooo *runs away, forgetting about the shirt* stop biting my @$$!"
Speedy finally pees and lets himself in while I stand half nakey in the yard dumbfounded.
H: *walks in from work* Why are you sleeping on the floor?
Me: *bleary eyed* So speedy will stop cry....ing...where is he???
H: Look behind you
Me: That little $hit is on the COUCH...sleeping!
"I swear to GOD if you rub your wee wee on me again I am going to lose it!" *ruuuuub* "Ewwwww...*hangs head*"
"Ewwww...ewwww...OMG put that away...put it away!!!"
"Don't eat cat $hit! Bad...no! No, don't lick me, AHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
"Give me back my thong!!!"
"Did you pee? I think you peed... *on hands and knees sniffing the carpet*".
"You $hit in my shoe...you actually $hit IN my shoe. *sigh*"
*picks up speedy* *runs out door* *speedy is steadily peeing like a f**king fountain*
"Stop licking...stop...no...stop...my lotion only SMELLS like coconuts. *defeated* Fine...I'll just...I'll just sit here..."
*me using the potty* *speedy barges in* *me almost jumps off toilet* "Did you just lick my @$$?!?! *sigh* get out, please."
Don't get me wrong, we love him dearly!!! And we know he is just a baby and is still learning. I just think its hilarious the things I am saying (doing) that I haven't said ever (in forever) since my other dogs are much, much older.
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