It's a 10 and a half...

It begins in a fight for our lives!  We are running, so much running through a Sci-Fi style city/space port.  I mean full speed sprinting for me...I gots the tiny legs.  I can hear people yelling all around me but I honestly don't know who I am with. 

I know I am with a group but we are fleeing from some angry jerks so they are pushing/pulling me along, just short of picking me up and running with me because I'm just not as fast.  My vision is starting to tunnel, my chest is burning, and I don't think I can go anymore.  Finally we come around the bend and fling ourselves through an open door.  Its a ship and we are immediately preparing for take-off.  As the door slams we can hear the angry screams and banging from our pursuers. 

I collapse on the cool grated floor out of breath.  As my vision begins to clear I can finally take in my surroundings.  It's a bright, almost sterile room.  Everything is basically silver toned.  Its not familiar but it still feels safe, almost like home.  All I can think about is I want a nap and a shower and start to close my eyes.  Suddenly a head of brown hair pops into view and asks in the most chipper voice, why I am laying on the floor.

The hair frames a shadowed familiar face but I can't quite place him.  He helps me up and says something about humans sleeping in the strangest places which makes me stop and try to remember something.  I take in the rest of my shipmates, 7 total.  They all feel like friends but I can't make out their faces.

The one that helped me up says something about needing to go home now because that's where the device is hidden.   

We are running again, this time at sunset through a ravaged town.  The ground is red dirt, the buildings are tattered from a war we seemed to have landed in the middle of.  My legs are burning but my new friend is basically dragging me behind him.  We've lost our friends, they've all been captured and we are trying our best not to be captured also.  We can see the open door, we are so close to escaping when pain blossoms in my back and I fall to my knees on the ground.  

I've been shot, I'm yelling for him to leave me but he wont.  He tries to pick me up but I am in so much pain I can't help and keep falling.  The world goes black.  I wake up on a hay mattress to someone caressing my face and softly saying they are sorry.  I open my eyes and it's night time so not much light, I can't focus but I know its my friend talking to me.  I think he's crying.  I tried to say something but I passed back out.  

The next time I wake up it's morning.  I'm laying on my side and my friend is lying next to me holding my hands.  When he realizes I am awake he gives me the biggest hug ever and keeps saying "I'm sorry".  I asked why he keeps apologizing and he says because it's his fault I am hurt, which I vehemently protest. 

 

He tells me I've been asleep for 4 days and he thought I was going to die.  He knows our friends are also being kept here and all seem to be a little beat up but okay otherwise.  We talked about...something and it ended with me falling asleep, a very gentle kiss on the forehead and a sigh.  

Sometime passed and we came up with a plan to escape and free our friends.  The device was set to go off in a few days so we needed to work quick so we could survive and save home(?). When I was feeling better and we were putting our plan into action I looked up at my friend and my brain said "that's the Doctor".  Now he didn't look like the Doctor.  I mean he kinda looked a little like 10 but like not.  Like 100% not David.  

We somehow convince some soldiers to help us and free our friends.  Things are going sideways, and we are running again.   We all get into two topless humvees.  That's when I realize 2 of our friends are a f**king near duplicate of my friend (seriously subconscious?!?!) and a pretty blonde (come on now!).

Now duplicate and blondie are arguing and then yelling at my friend and it's weird.  It's basically f**king 10 and 10 two but like they aren't 10.  I can't explain it.  But they don't look like him.  I know what he looks like and they were like "wish" versions of 10 (haha).  Like attractive but something was off.  And I had ZERO romantic anything, like we were literally besties.  

Anyways, we are speeding away from the prison when a rocket goes off and is headed towards the prison we just escaped.  Here is where it goes full nerd, please don't judge me too harshly.  

I scream "No they are going to blow up (wait for it) MY T.A.R.D.I.S!"  And my friend looks at me and smiles and says "Yours, huh?!"  But she's safe...I don't know how I know but I know. 

The two humvees get separated by a high road (very Indiana Jones).  My friend is trying to help the others in the other vehicle and is handing his duplicate a box and says remember (name) said we'd know when we'd need it.  Blondie asks who (name) is.  And a f**king fight breaks out because she is jealous of an old "friend".  

And Oh My God, why is my brain locking me in this insanity!

Something happens and the humvee loses control.  I can feel the floor going out from under me.  My friend grabs me and wraps himself around me as we crash. I can feel the impact and our bodies flying forward and then nothing.  

I woke up in a literal cold sweat and racing heart.  

Here's what is weird to me.  I haven't watched Doctor Who since Jodie regenerated back into David like in October 2022.  It's weird because I usually rewatch some fav episodes or binge a little but I literally haven't watched it in almost a year!!!!! I haven't seen Journey's End in probably 2 years or more.  So why did my brain have a fever dream about 10 and 10 two out of the f**king blue?!?!?!

They're like Vampires, you can't INVITE them in

When opportunities present themselves, you should seize them, right?

So imagine my surprise when I was gifted a brand new state of the art kitchen appliance!!!  Like purchased from the store would have been $300+.  Only been used a few months bc they moved in with their partner and didn't need two.  Anyways, we seized the opportunity.  

We didn't set it up right away because I was out of town and we were super busy so it was sitting in my office.  

Anyways, about 1 day after we got it hubs saw a critter on the counter.  It looks like a tiny bug who shall not be named but he wasn't sure.  That night he was having trouble sleeping so was up at like 3AM.  I was awakened at 5AM by him calling having a minor panic attack.  He didn't want to wake me but since he'd been awake, he'd killed 8 tiny bugs who shall not be named!!!! EIGHT! 

He woke me when he found one in the spare bedroom.  

I have a fairly severe phobia but mainly of the HUGE ones that fly.  The little ones just gross me out bc they usually mean "infestation" which WHAT THE ACTUAL F**K?!?!  We are borderline obsessive clean.   

He said he was tiptoeing around the house with a flashlight.  Every once in a while you'd hear "AH!" *splat*

By the time the sun was slightly up he'd killed about 15.  FIFTEEN!  He was awake now enough to be like WTF happened?????

We realized the ONLY "new" thing in the house....was the new....APPLIANCE...

He crept over and shined the light inside......................

IT WAS INFESTED WITH SKINNY GERMAN ROACHES!

What happened next was something out of Supernatural.

He carried it into the garage.  Did a Home Defense circle around it.  Then DROWNED it in Raid.  Like I'm sure it was no longer functional. 

He Home Defensed every doorway in the house. Then waited until the sun was up up to carry it to the curb

Meanwhile I am in another state calling an Exterminator.  I explained what happened and he said "I can have a guy there 1st appt."  

Now I'm home and so far I haven't seen any but Hubs has killed a couple more...one being in the effing cup cabinet.  So everything in there got washed.  

What kills me...like just WTAF man.... is that I literally was telling my travel buddies about how good of a deal it was and said "watch the damn thing have roaches in it". And we all had a good giggle. Clearly the universe has a sense of humor.  

Positive side of it...when they treated the house it also kills a bunch of other stuff so, yay.  

The good the bad and the Rottweiler....?

I seem to have lost about 6 months of posts so I apologize.  If I recover them, I'll repost.  Lets see if this one 'sticks'.

We all know I read and watch "strange" things.  I Love the supernatural/fantasy/sci-fi stories.  So it's never a surprise when they somehow integrate into my dreams. 

There was a type of supernatural civil war.  Each side was trying to wipe the other out.  Light vs Dark, tale as old as time. 

At first I thought it was about the Fae but it seemed to be all supernatural beings.  But there was definitely a distinct Light vs Dark.  The Dark wanted to conquer and enslave the Earth, the Light wanted harmony.  The Dark was winning, the Light was driven into hiding to survive.  

At some point we are summoned to a council where one of the heroes is there with news.  This has to end.  The universe needs balance.  There is no Dark without the Light.  He will go on a mission to the Dark to work out a truce to save us all.  

What no one seemed to understand is if the Light and Dark destroyed each other, the world would die. Humans, animals, all of the Earth would cease to exist. 

The mission of peace failed.  The hero and his team were killed before they could deliver the message to the queen.  The Light was disbanded and went further into hiding.  I was in a human apartment in New York City with 3 friends.  A vampire, werewolf, and Fae Prince "in waiting". I was some sort of human fae mix but was part of the Light.   The "prince" was our mission, he needed to be kept safe....he was the Dark Queen's son but didn't agree with how the Dark had become so he fled to the Light for safety. 

We were cooking dinner in the apartment, cutting up and having fun despite the circumstances.  We were making steaks and teasing the werewolf about wanting his steak raw.  He said it's how he keeps his physique which resulted in extensive laughter.  We ended up in the bathroom lined up in front of the mirror comparing "abs" which the werewolf, had like...an ab.  Not fat just not defined.  This is the point where I recognized him.  It was Nathan Fillion.  But like him, not him as a character.  Apparently he'd always been a wolf and kept it hidden from "hollywood".  It was such an odd addition to the dream....

While we were cutting up a perimeter alarm went off i.e. a chihuahua was like "Yo I hear something".  We were still shirtless (I had a sports bra on) so we scrambled to get our "get the f**k ou bags" and get the Prince out.  The 3 of them managed to get out the "secret" door but I tripped trying to grab the chihuahua.  I managed to push him through and re-hide the door before the front door blew open.  I tried to hide but it was no use I was found by a Rottweiler and dragged out.  

He was shockingly gentle but I was terrified, this was the queen's pet which means she came herself to take or kill her son.  As I came face to face with the enemy I could only hope they made it out of the building before her army got here.  

She lifted me by neck and threw me on the couch.  Before I could blink she was sitting on top of me pinning me down.  I managed to wriggle free and tried to run but was thrown to the ground.  We grappled back and forth but she was full fae and I was not as strong.  I somehow managed to pin her on couch like she'd had me before.  I was trying to get her to listen to me.  But she was spewing angry words of hate and disgust.  She hated me especially since I was a half breed.  

I managed to cover her mouth and said "just listen!  This isn't about you and me.  It's not about you and your son.  Stop acting like you are on a talk show.  This isn't f**king Oprah!" 

When I said that the Rottie attacked me.  I distinctly remember the teeth sinking into my wrist.  I screamed but got free.  I was losing the fight trying to hold her down and fight off a pissed off dog.  She pulled my hand away and gave a command and the dog stopped.  I was holding my wrist fighting back tears and said "please just listen.  The Universe NEEDS balance.  There is no Dark without the Light.  If you kill us all you will die too! The Earth will die and life will cease to exist! We have to stop"

She sat up inhumanely fast.  She had fangs dripping blood, face no longer the beautiful queen *WTF the queen of the Dark doesn't have fangs*.  She was holding me close to her face, mouth by my ear and said "the dead don't want to kill you, we want to breed you, harvest you, and eat you."

I remember realizing the Dark was no longer the Dark as we knew them.  They weren't the opposite to the Light.  They were never bad just the Ying to the Yang....but these weren't that, these were bloodthirsty monsters who only lived to consume. As she sank her teeth into my shoulder and tore my skin from the bone, I woke up...screaming.  

It has fur!

That's it. I am so done. Like BEYOND done.  

I had to venture to an office today for meetings.  I do not venture to this place often.  I do not want to venture to this place ever again....

I should have known when I walked in something was wrong.  It smelled stale.  Almost like the air was heavy.

I walked to my desk and started to prep for the day.  When I went to put the laptop down I noticed my wrist rest and mousepad were light green. Hmmm that's weird since they used to be black.  Mind you I'm still caffeinating so it takes my brain a second to process that they are not only green but also appear to have fur.  

OMG its mold!  WTF why is there MOLD only on my wrist thingy and mousepad.  Then I looked closer at my chair.  My chair is a khaki color so the green wasn't immediately noticeable. Upon closer inspection you could see the tiny circles of fur.  

That's when I realized there was also a thin layer on the wood. 

F**k this I am NOT staying in here.  I moved to another empty office.  Once settled I started my day.  

About 2 hours later I was bent over getting something out of my backpack when something on the carpet caught my eye. 

Once my eyes focused I realized it most definitely had legs and...wings (?). OMG its a tiny dead bug who shall not be named!!!!  Then I shifted and saw another, a little further away another. *WTHF WTF* F**K F**K.

I got up and walked around.  That's when I realized there were tiny dead ones ALL OVER THE PLACE!  

The carpet is that weird office carpet that shows basically no stains so they were camouflaged.  Then I saw some in the kitchen and on the stairs and just f**k me!  I know they are dead but COME ON!

I determine I am leaving after my meeting eff this, this is not a safe work environment! The other person there agreed. 

After my meeting I go to use the restroom and good thing I was already on the toilet otherwise I may have pissed myself!  I turned to get some TP and see movement behind me.  

When I look there is a f**king spider the size of my hand just chilling on the wall.  

Now I am not generally scared of spiders but....

I think nature is reclaiming this land.  

Someone cover me in bubble wrap!

We have been just bombarded with rain the last few weeks.  And not just like an afternoon shower.  It's just a daily deluge of rain combined with psycho winds and crashing thunder & lightening.

Like lightening that lights up your whole house in a bright flash then thunder that crashes so loud you instinctively hit the floor because clearly something just f**king exploded.  

Well I was on my way home from an outing when mother nature just pressure pissed all over us.  We could barely see the road driving home.  When we pulled up it was still raining but not quite as hard.  I did a "one two three" and prepared to run for the door.  As I exited the car and started to run, I realized very quickly this was a bad idea. 

I felt my foot slipping in my shoe.  In slow motion I tried to catch my balance on the hood of the car but it was too late.  

My left leg gave way and I went down.  Out of pure instinct I threw my yeti to catch myself, but the angle of the fall was off so my hands didn't do much to help.  

I landed HARD on my left hip, left leg bent under me, and my left elbow hit the bumper of the car.  I sat stunned in the pouring rain trying to assess the damage for what felt like an hour but was only seconds.

Hubs tried to help but I said just get the stuff I dropped.   As I tried to get up lightening exploded behind my house blinding and scaring the absolute $hit out of me.  

Instinct kicked in again and I tried to run...I fell flat on my chest, but caught myself before my face hit.  Hubs also ran and then was like WTF, where is she?!?!  I literally hummed both shoes at my house and took off running barefoot as another blast of lightning lit up the sky.  

Once safely inside the pain shot through my left side.  I crawled into the living room and just sat on the floor holding my foot and leg rocking in pain.  Once I removed my hand blood started dripping from my foot.

I limped to the shower and hosed myself down.  EVERYTHING hurt/burned.  Then I practically bathed in peroxide. 

My toes wouldn't stop bleeding. 

Once I got a closer look...in my fall I removed MULTIPLE layers of skin from my last three toes and I am pretty sure broke the second to last one as there was a BURNING sensation not affiliated with the missing skin area.  

I dressed and wrapped each toe. Then carefully bandaged the horrific brush burn that takes up most of my left shin/calf.  

Let this be lesson kids....shoes matter....

Seriously I should be the flipping poster child for "don't run in flip flops".

Lightning doesn't strike twice

Okay I know that's been disproven but you get the idea.  What are the chances that ONE specific day could be haunted with repeated tragedy?!?!?!

Exhibit A, B, & C

Katrina 2005

Isaac 2012

Ida 2021

All three of these Mother F**kers made landfall ON THE SAME DAY....IN THE SAME VICINITY!!!!!!!!

They were all different instities and sizes.  But they ALL brought death and destruction in their own way.  

Katrina - Massive b**ch that almost took up the whole gulf at one point.  Became a Cat 5 but weakened to a Cat 3 at landfall. Problem was it built up a Cat 5 storm surge that WIPED out Mississippi  Coast and destroyed NOLA and the surrounding parishes.  Thankfully my house was spared but we couldn't go home for about 2 weeks.  

Isaac - People discount Isaac because "it was only a Category 1".  But that @$$hole made TWO landfalls, and then just hovered battering the crap out of the area and pushing water into the unsuspecting River Parishes.  Leaving me homeless for 8 months!!!

Ida - Angry b**ch that Strengthened so fast we almost weren't prepared.  Smaller in diameter than the K word but made landfall as a Cat 4 and took her sweet f**king time moving along.  Destroying the bayou parishes and beating the crap out of the suburbs of NOLA. Leaving me homeless AGAIN for 6 months!!

Welcome to the Cooch Show!

 Ever have one of those days where you go, "Damn...I should have stayed in bed..."?

I was having a really good day.  Worked in my garden, cleaned up a little around the house, did some painting (for fun, not like a wall).  Just a nice productive day.  

I took a shower and got ready to go run the streets and have a late lunch/early dinner.  I put on these adorable linen shorts and a black tank to head out.  As I was wandering around the house I noticed there was a hole in one of the pockets,  WTH, I've only worn these twice.  Whatever, I'll sew it up later. 

I put on some very light makeup, checked myself in the mirror and went to head out.  As we were heading out I made a comment to my hubs how nice these shorts were.  They were so light, it didn't feel like I had anything on.  He said they looked like they fit nice. 

Before we left my bladder woke up and was like YO GOTTA GO!  Normally I'd be like WTF but today I was soooo grateful for the delay.  

As I was finishing up I felt something tickling my ankle.  

On closer inspection, there was a hole in my pants. 

I started poking at it and realized, I could literally stick my entire hand through the hole. 

It was in the crotch area.  I pulled my shorts back-up to see why I didn't notice before and you couldn't see anything.

I walked towards the mirror.  That is when I saw flashes of my rainbow undies on display for anyone to see. 

I took them off to better examine them and the crotch was annihilated.  

It was legit hanging on by a single thread.  Cheaply made POS. 

So my $30 linen shorts that I wore twice are now in the trash but my old faithful $12 Old Navy shorts are still going strong.