"To protect and to serve"

This is not what that means!!!!

LINK

I'm not even sure what to think.  I read the story...he says it was consensual, she says it wasn't.  I will never be a "victim blamer" but so many women recently have been found out as falsifying these kinds of reports to cover their own @sses that I hope its all true while at the same time I hope it isn't true.

His job is to protect the community from bad people...like rapists!  Alcohol clearly played a HUGE factor here but it is not an excuse to force yourself on anyone.  This is just horrifying.  Granted he wasn't on duty, just out with "friends" and made a bad decision.  A REALLY bad decision.  If we can't trust those who are to protect us who are we to trust...?  Its not like NOLA needs another freaking black eye right now...geesh.

Ugh, this is why I hate watching the news!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Side Note - I know its only the bad ones that get the news coverage.  The good ones, I hope, outnumber the bad exponentially. 

Buddy, he thought you were dinner

Saw this:

It's just an Orca (I say, as I sit safely in my living room).  Yes, they have the nickname "Killer Whale" but from what I understand they usually leave humans alone.  Now a great white or bull shark...totally different story.  They don't like how we taste but they sometimes take a nibble first...unfortunately their nibbles are usually like an entire leg and that tends to be life threatening.

This one probably thought the surfer was a seal.  It investigated, nudged the board, realized nope not a seal and moved on.   Had the guy been swimming in the water the whale probably wouldn't have even swam up because seals don't have legs or whatever.

Would I have been $hitting a brick...probably but that is still SUPER COOL!

I have a banshee

Aside from a bug who shall not be named very few things can keep from entering my home.  With that said something that is screaming in my face will definitely postpone my entrance.

Let me set a scene.  It was 11:30 PM the night before I was set to go out of town.  I was doing some last minute cleaning up but had already gotten ready for bed, as in I was in my PJs...the super comnfy pants that happen to have a huge hole and a barely there tank.  I realized I had an old pizza box in the fridge so I wanted to bring it out and put the bin at the curb for pick up.

I walked out my front door and was immediately assaulted by something screaming bloody murder. Not like a tiny screech.  We are talking high pitched *SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE*.  So I yelped and ran away from the door.

When I looked back there was a massive blue/green creature flitting around my front porch light...screaming.  *WTF*.  Is it a pixie?  Yo tink chill out!

When it landed I realized is was a cicada.  "huh, didn't know they screamed". If you want to hear it google it an image it in an enclosed front porch area in the dark.

Thinking it was just a little disoriented I tried to walked to the front door ...*screeeeeeeeeeee* as it dive bombed my face *eeeeeeeeeeee* as I ran into the street.

Hmmmm this may be a bit tricker than expected.

I threw a stick at the creature...nothing.

I threw a bigger stick...I missed *bark bark bark bark*

I crept up to the door...I almost got my hand on the handle *screeeeeeeeee* "son of a b**ch!!!"

So I paced back and forth waiting for this insane creature to chill the F**K out!

I thought about opening the garage but then I'd have a screaming pixie in my garage so I vetoed that idea.

Next step...throw the shoe.  First throw....missed by a MILE and that f**king thing chased me a good 20 ft *ahhhhhhhhhhhhh* *crying* *pants falling off* *almost falling with one shoe*

I hopped back, hoping it flew off...NOPE it is sitting right on the GD door!  Opening the door is not an option at this point.

My shoe was close enough to grab.  I hummed the shoe again.  It comes flying at me.  I dukes of hazzard slide across the trunk...

...hide on side the car, and make a run for the door.  I can hear it coming back.

I left the shoe, rolled through the front door and slammed it.

All I hear outside *screeeeeeeeee* *tap tap tap* *screeeeeeeee* *tap tap tap*.  OMG its trying to get in!!!

After 20 min of trying to get back in, I decided my shoe has served me well and is a good sacrifice.

My husband got home late.  He wanted to know why my shoe was outside.....

The best part...I realized the next day there is a play by play of the entire ordeal on my security camera....

I blame day drinking...on the beach...without properly hydrating...all while in the blistering sun....

I had the absolute most f**ked up dream while on vacay.  I mean I clearly have odd dreams from time to time but this one was exceptionally weird and disturbing.

I don't recall how it really began but somehow I was abducted by a man.  A very disturbed man.  He was average looking not bad but not super attractive.  He was skinny fit, blondish hair, and scary smart.  He kind of looked like the actor playing the Unibomber on that discovery show "Manhunt" or whatever...maybe I should lay off the crime shows...

Anyways, I was abducted by this person and forced to be his wife.  But not like locked in a basement.  I was taken to a community in the middle of f**king no where and there were other "couples" there.  The kicker, I wasn't the first "wife" he brought.  They said things like "I hope you stick around longer than the last few" (OMG what happened to the others?!?!) *gulp*.

Now, I am not one to be a victim but for some reason I was helpless...like I knew I couldn't fight back because he threatened me or my family or something.  So I played the part in front of others and fought like hell in our "house".  Eventually I was forced to fulfill my "wifely" duties *shudder*...thank GOD my subconscious didn't let me remember that part...I know it happened in the dream but I have no memory of it.  So now this is starting to sound like that Chevy Stevens book "Still Missing".

Side Note - READ THIS BOOK!!! Its freaking amazing!!!

Anyways, this "community" is Stepford-esque but in a setting like "The Village".  I had to wear modest clothing and wasn't really "allowed" interact with the men even as friends.  Also, women were not seen as smart...which if you know me, you know this bugs the $hit out of me, so this part was torturous.  "*shhh* the men are talking, go make me a sammich", etc etc etc.  At some point I realize I am PG but I knew it wasn't crazies somehow (thank goodness).  Guess I was knocked up before I was taken.  My "husband" hates this.  He wants the baby but thinks pregnancy is "gross" and wont touch me (hallelujah!).

I am playing the part to live and get home.  I guess, biding my time to see if I can escape without endangering me or my unborn child.  I wasn't allowed to dance (torture) or swim or run or anything remotely fun because that wasn't lady like and only my husband could see me in that state of undress.  I think at one point I was crocheting, which is kinda cool but I need activity!!!

Moving on dinner each night was in the common area not in the home. One night we had a newbie who was visiting from out of town.  It was this famous-ish person I've mentioned before.  He was the guest of this older woman who clearly was interested in other things besides a friend.  Well even playing the part my personality & intelligence seeped out.

I was punished for this at some point; I think I had a broken arm.  Well this visitor noticed my distress and I guess what I know of him makes my subconscious think he's a good guy.  He was there for a while and would talk to me like a person and not an object which was nice but caused problems with me and my "husband".  Also, he seemed to be not allowed to leave.

It gets a little fuzzy but later he pulled me to the side to find out my real story and I told him we can't do this.  No one can see us talking like this.  He'll kill me...us...he'll kill us.

it jumped a bit and I somehow convinced my "husband" to let me go hiking.  I was only allowed if I wore baggy pants, a baggy shirt, and a hat.  Okay its hella hot but FINE!  So everyday after my chores and other wifely duties...*shudder* (I washed my hands...A LOT) I went for a hike on different trails in the area.  Curious as I am I started going off the paths.  This let me find a gorgeous natural spring with a water fall (where the f**k are we?!?!).  Now my daily hikes consisted of me going to this place, stripping down, and swimming.  It was actually kind of nice.

One afternoon while I was swimming I heard something in the woods.  First thought animal, second thought "husband"...first thought would be SOOOOOOO much better!  I yelled for whomever it was to show themselves and out walks my new friend.  He followed me...oh f**king great!!!

Jumps some more...this is now our secret meeting place (no funny business...just escaping the insanity).  But eventually my story...my REAL story comes out.  He is horrified.  He is captive also but only because his children were threatened...WTF?!?!?  He vows to help us escape and tell our story.

Of course we are discovered by señor crazy but I think I started to wake up so I am not sure what happened.

What?!?!  What normal person has dreams like this?!?!  This is awful!  Like worst case scenario!!  And that's a lot of details...and why was that famous person there?!?!  Yea I like him but I've NEVER dreamed of him before....

Also, I need to stop watching Crime Dramas...but I still need to watch the final season of Broadchurch and I do love me some Criminal Minds/SVU reruns so that's not gonna happen...maybe I should just stop watching Forensic Files before bed...oh and reading...no more reading...yea not gonna happen.

Team Incest (so nice I posted it twice)

I am just....GoT is torture...and confusion!

GO READ THIS

I mean you don't have to...

Good lord man do you ever sleep?!?!

Okay so I am clearly a fan of that tall, skinny, Scottish actor guy.  Like I actually think he's a stupid talented actor but I also have a tiny crush.  But I think its because he's eerily similar to my wonderful husband, well he's older so I guess my husband is like him...whatever.  Who am I talking about...? *muahahahaha*

Obvi my hubs isn't a super famous actor but they have similar looks and mannerisms and on occasion when I see interviews its uber weird.  Especially when the hubs grew a beard last year....

Anyways, that probably has something to do with my enjoyment of said actor.

SIDE NOTE - I met my husband before I really knew much of this actor I am speaking of

Moving on... sir you are not the energizer bunny!  Every time I turn around I see "David Tennant to star in _____".  Not complaining, just impressed.

Just in the last year....

How to Train Your Dragon TV Show
Ducktales
Broadchurch Season 3
You, me, & him
Call of Duty WWII
Good Omens
Jessica Jones Season 2

I'm sure there are more but gooooooooodness. Whatever, I still think he's stupid adorable...its rather silly if I'm being truthful.

Oh good lord he's a huge dork...Okay maybe its less of a crush and more of I think he might be my spirit animal

Not....not here...he's just creepy AF here...I am not creepy...well not usually...okay not intentionally....

Oh come on....now THAT should be illegal!  This is the best way to make someone giggle uncontrollably...

Maybe I should resign from the internet....

This mother f**ker here!

What does this mean?!?!?





























Yo Harvey, get to going!

I mean look at that "forecast".  The spaghetti lines all have him making landfall near Corpus Christi, spinning around in circles, and then darting over Louisiana.

That B**ch is saying "weeeeee. F U Tejas!!!!" and then drowning LA.

No, Just No...JUST NO.

Also, last night "Tropical Depression Harvey might show some signs of development before landfall".  

Early this morning "Harvey is now a Tropical storm and could get stronger".

Later this morning "The waters off of Corpus Christi Texas are 87 degrees...its too warm. Harvey could develop quickly before landfall tomorrow."

Around 10:15 AM, "Harvey could be a Cat 3 before landfall".

MOTHER F**KER!  Yea he's going in, in TX but holy cannoli we are forecast to get a $hit ton of rain next week.  Also, I have loved ones in Texas...do not stall over Texas!!!

**UPDATE** I am so so so scared for my family and friends in Texas.  This thing is a Cat 4 and moving slow.  Please please please stay safe y'all!!!!