So not only am I dying of some unknown upper respiratory something or another but I stepped in a great big ol' pile of cah cah today, quite literally.
So apparently I have a "cold" but I feel like I've been run over by the biggest bus ever and I look like death so obviously I have some undocumented mutated strain of who knows what (thank you co-workers for ALWAYS coming in sick and touching my stuff). So I feel like a$$, look like a$$, been working 14 hour days and have had countless meetings for the past two weeks, on top of regular day to day crap. This morning was the proverbial straw...I almost burst into tears.
I snoozed my alarm who knows how many times today. My brain feels like its about to drip out of my ear. My eyes feel like they are going to pop out of my face. I can't smell anything and I have a little cough. BUT I can't call in sick because well I just can't. Normally I would but there is just no way at this moment in time so I will go in and try not to come in contact with anyone (and use a hell of a lot of Germ-X). Anyway, I dragged myself out of bed, shuffled over to the bathroom in the dark, stepped into the doorway and then freaked the F**K out!
There is nothing worse then stepping BAREFOOT into an unknown substance in the dark, especially when said unknown substance oozes in between your toes. I screamed as loud as my raspy voice would allow, flicked on the light and started whining. Swear to God I sounded like a toddler about to throw one hell of a tantrum. It looked like my septic tank exploded! Except we don't have a septic tank and it did NOT explode but one of my animals did. There was s**t and vomit everywhere. I seriously was about to just cry. I had diarrhea between my toes, I was running 20 minutes behind schedule, and I am sick. Because I am sick my nose did not WARN me of what I was about to step in. To top it off, whomever unloaded themselves all over my floor and rugs also tap danced in it. I had shitty paw prints all over the place and splatters up the wall. FML!!!! My husband is looking at me from the bed going "I knew I smelled something", OMG really?!?! Then he just stayed there. Until I was like "UM HELP" as I stood with my foot in the tub trying to burn off the first few layers of skin. He went get supplies and we started the cleaning the $hitstorm of 2014.
One roll of paper towels and half a bottle of spic and span later we had a clean floor. I threw out one of the rugs, there was just no saving it. The other looked fine but we washed it anyway *shudder*. Then I realized that someone was trying to warn me. I had a black kitten attacking me this morning. She even went under the covers and bit my back! She was smacking me in the face, pulling my hair, meowing...basically being a royal pain in the a$$. I kept smacking her away, "*swat* OMG cat go away, mommy is tired!" Now I know...oh do I know! She was like "hey lady!!!!! Lady!!!! Something BAD BAD happened in that white room that makes the noise that scares me. LADY!!!!!!!!!!!".
So in case you were thinking you are having a bad day, just remember at least you didn't have to clean diarrhea from between your toes this A.M.
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