....and just utterly embarrass yourself???
I don't drink often. Actually almost never. I mean a glass of wine here and there or a beer but that's pretty much all. Then I go out or am feeling carefree and for some reason think I am still in College. And I, well, um, DRINK not just drink. It's bad. Well its fun(ny) and I make people laugh but when the glimpses of the night before come flooding back I want to crawl under a rock. I thought about this because I read my fav blog today The Bloggess and laughed so hard I cried. It was a post about search terms that lead people to her blog. One stood out, okay well a few stood out. You should read them, funny shit! Anyway, one REALLY stood out, “Fuck off. I’m fabulous.” It stood out because I said something close to this the other day. I mean I was totally joking, I think, but I said it none the less and then wondered if in my drink enhanced stupor I googled this and ended up on Jenny's blog.
I don't even remember the context but I clearly recall, and by clearly I mean not clearly at all, someone teasing me and me being all giggly said "Oi, fuck off. I'm fabulous". Which probably came out more like "oooooooooiiiiiiiii, frcusk uuff. I fablooos *fit of giggles*". Either way, as suggested on her blog, I need this on a t-shirt because reasons.
So I started wondering if I was internet-ing while incoherent-ish. So I checked some of my social sites and yep I was! Apparently, I was on a certain site that caters towards all things fan related. Well it caters to other things but I use it for all things fan related. And can I just say...I am FUNNY!
Apparently I was having a WONDERFUL time slipping in Whovian jokes (among other nerdisms) and no one noticed cause they are not nearly as cool as me. I'm like a bow tie (OMG am I still drunk?!?). I know this because I was posting about it online thinking I was hilarious!
At some point, while discussing the lengths my friend will go to in order to continue looking young, I said "By the time its said and done all that's left of you will be a bitchy trampoline". She laughed her ass off but had no clue what I was referencing. I'm actually more surprised I didn't slip in a "moisturize me" joke. Then my husband was playing the part of the only one who could get our nephew to stop yah yah-ing. Others said "he is the baby whisperer" to which I replied "oh he speaks baby...didn't you know? You are all peasants". Come on....that's funny! I vaguely remember saying these. One I don't recall completely but thankfully typed some of it out had to do with a complete stranger who was being an ass, I hate douchey people. They make me stabby. Except when I'm drunk, in that case they make me...weeeeeeeeell just read on. I have no idea how but I made a "hermit" reference and he said "whatever freak, you have friends" and I said it was our 5 year meeting to discuss caves (I am aware this is way off from the original quote but I can see where I was going with it). I'm pretty sure at this point my husband dragged me away to drink a lot of water. Also, my friend kept correcting me because I said I thought a lot of things were "Shiny" even if they weren't at all reflective (oh geez). Then the kicker. I wiped out! My leg just stopped working all together and I have the bruised knee to prove it. And I said something along the lines of "it's cool just a leg power nap, better stay here I heard the other one yawning". It may not have even been that close to the original quote but it was close enough. Truthfully, I think everyone thought I was on drugs at this point because unless you have seen the shows I was attempting to quote, I just sounded like an idiot. There were more (this went on for a while) but these were my funniest moments. And during all of this is where I am 99.9% certain I said "Oi, fuck off. I'm fabulous". Which is where this random blog post got started.
I know these are not exact quotes but give me a break I was on at least my 4th glass of wine and maybe some rum and minimal food. I am impressed I managed to remember said references, semi-coherently say them and manage to post it on the internet.
Of course throughout the next day I would randomly groan to myself. Not because I was hungover (I was surprisingly okay) but because I am not usually that outspoken and feel like a goober. Oh well, C'est la vie.
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