Should you learn a lesson from others mistakes?
I think yes. Especially if you watch something happen to a friend or family member and start to see the same things happening to you. That should be a red flag that a similar situation is about to arise. What am I talking about you might ask. Well there are two situations that until things got out of hand with my relationship, I didn't realize how similar everything was.
1st: My friend has been with this guy since our freshman year of college. They were engaged by our Junior year and living together in NOLA. After a 5 year engagement he started to shut down. He didn't want to be intimate, communicate or give affection/attention. She ended up with someone else briefly, broke off the engagement and moved out. She was gone for maybe 6-8 months (if that) then moved back in with him. From what I know they never really resolved anything. Its a relationship of convenience. He does his thing and she does hers and occasionally they do stuff together. They decided (she decided) they would not marry or have kids. BUT they care about each other on some level. He shows it more than she does but the attraction is there no matter how much they try to hide it.
2nd: I come from a divorced family. I was young when it happened but I was old enough to see and understand some of it and what I didn't understand then was understood as I got older. My parents fought a lot. Mainly about communication, time apart/together and money. They blamed each other for everything and always thought the other was uncaring/cold. Then one day he left. There was no fight, no talk, nothing. He grabbed some clothes and left. No more talking or fighting...well until they went to court. Now they get along OK, but there is still so much tension when they are together.
I don't want to be like this...like either of the above. I want to be able to talk and work through things instead of letting things build up, blow up and then glaze over them. Its hard to talk especially about serious stuff but I know I can do it...I've been in enough relationships to know that its better to get it out. BUT my man (ex, I guess) doesn't understand it. I'm his first serious relationship. I hate being the learning curve! I can see it now...
We break up because he is unable to get past communicating THEN he meets another girl and he uses the experiences he learned from destroying our relationship to make that one work. When all along had he done it in ours we would have been peachy keen. I know its a little selfish to think of it this way but I can't help it. I seem to always be the learning curve they use to make future relationships work. Why can't I get the guy that has already F-ing learned!?!
But how do you do it? How do you save a relationship when the other person doesn't know how to be in a relationship this serious? How do you get your current man to learn from your previous relationship downfalls? I guess I'll find out soon...we are supposed to talk again...'talk' yea thats part of the problem right there...
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