Lying in the middle of a dark street contemplating life

Happy Lent....is that a thing...?  I mean it's more of a somber time.  But whatever it's Lent.  Which if you are even remotely catholic it means you eat seafood on Ash Wednesday and every Friday until Easter.  

This past Friday we were super excited to get some boiled seafood.  We were ready for our first batch of Crawfish & Fixins!!!  Since it's just the two of us we ordered it instead of boiling it ourselves.  

Hubs was running late from work so I went to go pick it up.  We were about to get some bad weather so I was trying to beat the rain.  

As per usual I ordered from this little hole in the wall seafood place a few min from my house.  I was in a really good mood.  I had gotten a lot done for work, done some miles, eaten a fairly healthy lunch, cleaned some of the house, ya know just very productive.  

After getting my yummy dinner I headed back to my car.  Mind you it was a really dark street (two lights were out) and it was cloudy so no moon.  I was be-bopping along when it happened.  I stepped on what I thought was gravel.  It was not...it was a pothole about 4 inches deep.  What happened next was in extreme slow motion. 

I stepped and felt the gravel give away into a hole.  My right foot went down.  My forward momentum pushed me forward causing it to twist inward.  I tried to recover but I just couldn't quite get my other foot to come forward.  Instincts kicked in and my arms flew forward to catch myself.  This meant my hand holding my bag of food released said bag of food like a sling shot.  Which went flying about 8 feet into the street.  I flew forward hitting the asphalt on my two hands and left knee.  To release the twist on my ankle I flipped over onto my back.

This happened in literal seconds but it felt like an eternity of falling.  I just laid there in the dark wet street, staring at the clouds, contemplating life.  My brain rebooted and I realized lying in the middle of a dark street was probably extremely dangerous and decided to get up.  

I ungracefully rolled onto my stomach and tried to stand.  My ankle gave out and the ground was rushing back at me when I suddenly stopped.  I looked up through my disheveled hair and realized there was a car about 4-5 feet from me with the driver door open and said driver was currently keeping me from re-face planting into the ground.  

He got me mostly standing and seemed very concerned about me.  Aside from extreme embarrassment, bleeding palms and a gangster limp I was fine.  Don't ask me how but my food somehow survived the shot put throw.  But can I tell you how hard it is to drive a standard with a busted knee and ankle?!?!?

Also, can you imagine being that driver?  Just minding your business when some little blonde throws her food at you and just lays in the middle of the street.  He probably thought I had a medical emergency or something...

Mind you I had to stop at the store after this.  I tried to hide my bloody palms & limp, but the cashier noticed and was like WTF....?

I had to SCRUB my hands to get the debris out.  I wanted to cry but I also wanted it out of my skin!  In less that a week I had blood dripping down my face and then my palms.  I am a hot mess!

Bloody Hell!

But like for real.

So we are FINALLY Mardi Gras-ing again.

*woot woot*

Here's a short story.  We went to Thoth/Bacchus Sunday.

*partaaaaartay*

We had sooooooo much fun!

There was drinking (we had a DD) and eating and just being NOLA again.  It was great!

By the time Bacchus rolls by we've been drinking since like 8AM.  Its spaced out.  Meaning we are giddy but not sloppy. 

I am on my step ladder (because I am hella short) trying to catch a blinky ball for my neurotic dog who goes ape $hit for them.

Mind you we haven't done this in a hot second so I am a little out of practice with dodging things thrown at my face.  Plus drinking...AND ITS DARK!

So hubs is standing behind me making sure I dont get knocked off when it happens.  I am looking at the float, I have my hands up, but something squeaks past and *BAM*

Hits me right on the bridge of my nose.  It was caught on my thumb but part of it slapped me in the face.  I bent over in pain and said "F**king Ow!"

Hubs jokingly says "you're not supposed to catch it with your face" he's all hahaha until I move my hand and there is blood running down the side of my nose. 

I walk over to the only sober person and said "I need a medic!"  I look like I am crying blood. She is like aw hell.  She got me all cleaned up and and gave me another beer...thankfully it stopped bleeding but it f**king HURT!

DAYS later it still hurt.  I have a knot on my nose, a tiny cut, and a partial black eye (more yellow than black).   At least I had fun doing it ha ha ha

Did...did you hear that...?

So in my effort to move back into my GD house I have been on a cleaning spree.  Just the immense amount of dust is...it's just overwhelming. 

Anyway, I rented one of those small upholstery cleaners to deep clean the furniture. 

I was alone minding my business DEEP cleaning the sofa when I heard a noise.

I looked around but didn't see anything.  A little while later I heard it again.

I turned off the machine and waited to see if I heard it again.

I went to continue cleaning but decided to close the backdoor.  I had it open but with the screen closed.  

Then I heard it again.

I tiptoed in silence around the house but found NOTHING.  It was time to empty the dirty water bin.  As I was bent over unhooking it I heard a scuffle.

Again nothing around me and no other noises in the house.  I was lifting the bin out of the machine when I came face to face with EYES on my entertainment center.

I tried to back pedal away from the intruder but the floor was wet from over spray.  

I landed hard on my back and threw the container into the air dumping BLACK furry water all over me and the floor.

As I tried to focus on the blurry ceiling and take inventory of any injuries, I temporarily forgot I saw eyes.  Before I could register I needed to run, a furry face came into view. 

Are you trying to kill me...also... how did you get in here?!?!?!  She's a neighborhood cat.  She stood over me watching, headbutted me, and meowed.

I carefully put her back outside.  Apparently my screen door has a small hole...where it's torn away from the corner.  You can't see it but she must have pushed on it and realized she could fit. 

So yea, I had a minor heart attack, almost broke my back, and probably have a concussion...oh and had to clean the floor, but my sofa is clean and I know the little stray is still alive.  

Anybody got a room available for a few nights?

So I am laying on the couch and someone sneezed behind me!!!!!!!

The issue, gross. 

But the worse issue....NO ONE WAS THERE!

Husband is in the back playing a video game and both pups are sound asleep on top of me.  

I am watching reruns of Castle vegging out after a rough day and there was a very loud, very distinct Dad Sneeze!!!!!!!!!!!

I jumped, the dogs jumped, and then I got the heebie jeebies.

There is no door or window behind me so it wasn't outside.  And the back patio is on the other side of the wall. 

We are the only humans in the house.

The animals are all accounted for and sleeping.

Sooooo either Casper has allergies or the invisible man was just passing through.  

Either way, I think I need a room for the night. 

It's like getting all natural organic taffy stuck in your teeth

There is nothing worse that your dog coming inside chewing.  What the hell did you get into?!?!?  

Lil bit looked like she was chewing a wad of gum

I didn't want her to swallow it because 1. What is it? and 2. WHAT IS IT!?!!??!

So I did the only thing I could.  I reached in her mouth and pulled it out.  

Oh no it looks like chocolate

Wait...wait....

My brain registered what I was seeing.  I pulled a frozen turd out of my dogs mouth....WITH MY BARE HAND.

In a panic I screamed and flung it across the room. It hit the wall and slide down.

I'm staring at slimy poop on my hand, saying OMG OMG OMG meanwhile lil bit is still chewing!!!

I ran to scald a layer off my hand then retrieved the doggy toothbrush and toothpaste.

I began the task of brushing her teeth. It was going fine until I pulled the brush out...COVERED IN $HIT!

Sterile rinse, repeat.  I thought we were done when she shook her head. And shot the last little piece of slimy Cr@p out of her mouth.  It was like slow motion.  Time froze.  Until...

...it landed on my neck!!!  

I almost threw up.  Hubs was gagging.  I was gagging.  She was happy as a clam.

So I've cleaned myself, the toothbrush, and the wall.  

I am slightly traumatized and all she wants to do is give me kisses. 

Most of the time she doesn't go outside looking for snacks.  But for some God only knows reason she can't help herself in the winter.

The colder, the better.  

Creepy kids are the worst!

Seriously, give me any kind of scary movie but throw in a creepy kid and the scare factor jumps 100%.  Well and clowns...but that is a given

As a kid I had a few recurring dreams/nightmares.  I never talked about them because...they were weird and made no sense.  I mean lots of kids/people that have these...I think.  Obviously it's been quite a few years but I think I had these so many times I still recall most of it. 

Dream 1:

I was in a crib I think but I wasn't a baby, I could stand up.  There wasn't a lot of light in my room but I could see, maybe a nightlight.  I felt extremely scared and like I was being watched.  You know that hair on the neck feeling?  That was happening.  I turned around to look at the wall and saw these wooden zoo animals hanging.  There was a lion, giraffe, elephant, and tiger.  Something about them was scaring me.  As I stared at them they started moving, like someone was adjusting them on the nail they were hanging on.  The more scared I got the more they moved.  I couldn't breath, I couldn't move, I was absolutely petrified.  As they were moving faster and faster I swore their eyes were glowing and they suddenly had sharp teeth.  The giraffe came flying off the wall at me and I woke up.  Everytime.  Every.single.time.  That's how it ended.  I had this dream for years!  This made no sense, I've never had a zoo themed room...

Dream 2:

I am in my toddler bed sleeping.  I felt someone nudge me to wake me up.  When I opened my eyes I didn't see anything.  I didn't like the dark so my CREEPY AF clown lamp is on but the lowest level so it's dim but I can see around the room.  I looked around but since I didn't see anything so I closed my eyes.  I heard music coming from the living room.  I got up to go see thinking it was my parents.  I remember looking down and seeing I was in one of my FAVORITE rainbow bright nightgowns that I wore as much as possible, I had a pinkish red one and a light blue one.  They had a ruffle around the bottom. As I started to walk down the pitch black hallway I realize there is no light in the living room, just the light from the street lamp.  I felt...I felt like I was in a group of people.  Like you know that feeling of being in a crowd but not like claustrophobic.  I knew I was alone in my house.  I could feel the worn carpet under my feet and smell the stale smoke (gotta love the 80's).  That's when I noticed the gorillas.  There was a Family (?) of gorillas in the living room.  Some were adults and some were "kids" but they all stood on two legs.  I remember talking to them but I don't know what about.  And I remember playing.  Mainly playing ring around the rosie.  Over and over we would skip around in a circle and then "all fall down", laughing and giggling.  We would play until I was exhausted.  Then I would wake up in the morning in my room.  Again, I had this dream for YEARS!

Flash forward to the now times.  I am telling my mom about some spooky movie I watched.  I said something about creepy kids and how I just can't imagine having one of those creepy "I see dead people" kids.  I mean I would figure it out because I'm not an @$$hole and can't blame a child for what's happening to them but it would still be creepy.  

As I make these comments my MOTHER says, well now you know how I felt.  

She says "when you were little you scared the ever loving $hit out of me regularly."

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She says "well when you were very young, still in your crib, you would wake up just screeching.  Not crying, but absolutely screaming in terror.  I would walk in and you would be standing in your crib pointing at these wooden animal figures we used to have on your wall."

"You were inconsolable until I took you out of the room.  Then for a few nights I couldn't put you back in there, you would just scream.  Once I'd get you to go back same thing would happen.  One night I found the tiger in your crib.  You couldn't have pulled it down, it was up too high.  I would ask you what's wrong, what happened, and you would cry and cry and say they were dancing.  You really seemed to hate the giraffe and tiger.  The look of fear broke our hearts so we took down all of the zoo animals and re-did your room in rainbows and clouds. After that you didn't scream...as much"

I had zoo animals in my room???  I don't remember this!!!! 

"Of course you don't you were still very young."  

**proceed to tell her about my recurring dream**  Wait....as much....?!?!

"Well, yes as much.  NOLA Gurl, you were always talking to...someone in your room.  From very little until maybe 6 or 7.  Of course we just thought imaginary friend or maybe the dog.  But some nights.  Well lets just say things got weird sometimes.  On more than one occasion one of us would wake up to you singing.  You weren't in your room, so we would go investigate.  We would find you in the living room all alone playing ring around the rosie."

"It was baffling.  We never taught you that song and you didn't go to daycare or school yet.  We thought maybe a neighborhood kid but when I asked you, you just shrugged.  Everytime one of us found you I would ask why you were playing all alone and you would say 'I'm not mommy, I'm playing with the gorillas'. And I would try not to freak out as I carried you back to bed.  Your dad tried not to let it show but he was definitely unnerved.  We were worried you would get hurt so we started putting a gate at your doorway, but somehow you would get out without knocking the gate down.  This went on for many years and then one day it just stopped."

**proceed to tell her about my recurring dream** 

I am so sorry mom & dad, I was the creepy kid!!! I can't imagine how f**ked up that was......

So what do you think?  Either I was having some intense dreams and sleep walking/playing or maybe something was communicating with me.  I mean wall decor ended up in my crib and I played with "gorillas" in my living room. Could they have been shadow people...?  Or some crazy imagination...Who knows.  Apparently other things happened but we didn't get to discuss those.  

So there you have it, I was the creepy kid, scaring the bejesus out of my parents.  

I don't want to hear your noise pollution!

Pet Peeve...people watching videos/listening to music in public/while with other people WITHOUT HEADPHONES!

Look I like me a good Tik Tok video or Reel or whatever but if I am in the presence of others and not sharing what I am looking at, I have my earbuds in! (or wait til later)

It drives me BONKERS when people just blast whatever is on their phone at top volume.  No lie, I was on a flight recently and someone behind us was watching some TV show, complete with laugh track, without headphones.  It was clearly annoying everyone around her so the flight attendant asked her to please use headphones.  She said she didn't have any so the attendant said "then please lower the volume or turn it off".  STG she responded "But it's family friendly! What's the big deal?"  

Come on!  Read, look at memes, take a nap, BORROW SOME HEADPHONES!  I don't want to hear what you are listening to while on a long flight!  Even the 8 year old next to me had the kindness to use his headphones!

With that said, if you are at a family function, sitting in the family room, with a bunch of family/friends.....get off the phone for god's sake!  That's rude, right?!?   Am I the only one annoyed by that?!?  I know I'm getting older but even my young nieces/nephews wouldn't sit on their devices blaring videos while everyone else is talking or watching a TV Show or Movie.  

I just don't get it.  Like I'll watch a video here and there but its like one, low volume and I'm usually about to share it with whomever.  

I mean I guess it's "rude" to sit in a full room with headphones on but I'd rather that than Jack @$$ and the gang at full volume.