I do not think it means what you think it means. . .

So while I can appreciate the posts about faith and stuff, I think some go a little over board with it.  And that is where my cynicism rears its ugly head.  If posting scripture makes you feel go, go ahead... somethings...are...concerning.  

For instance when I see "Hello Jesus, I'm ready to come home"...

...I get a tad concerned.  Because to me that is asking for death.  If you are telling your Messiah you are ready to come home, you are asking for entrance into heaven...RIGHT?!!?!  So you are saying you are okay with dying.  Look being a good person so you go to heaven and saying you are ready to go home...I just..what?  And while I can appreciate acceptance of death...if you are a healthy person under the age of 60...you shouldn't be ready to die!  You have two kids...why would you want to leave them!?!?!?  This seems very cult-esq...don't drink the koolaid...

I can understand this if you are terminally ill...in chronic pain...or just really really old but why before then?  Why accept death when you have so much more life to live?!?!  Yea anything can happen but wouldn't that be a slap in the face to our higher power...since you are ready to give up on the life you have left to go "home"...? 

Then to post "It ain't over, till God says its over. Keep fighting"...that is contradictory...right!?!?!? Maybe I am being a stickler or too literal but I can't help it.  In one sentence you are welcoming death (like an old friend), while in the other you are saying don't give up...keep fighting.  Talk about mixed messages. 

Just an observation.  This is also a person that tells me Jesus talks to them all the time...not like I hear his message in the world around me...I mean like literally TALKS to them when they are praying...so yea..I dunno.  Hearing "voices" concerns me.  Either they are a prophet or well...never mind. 

I'm feeling nostalgic...for some Christmas makes them think of their Childhood...for me its a "Pagan" holiday...tomaeto, tomahto

So since it's THAT time of year that I love, I've been thinking.  Well I've been decorating whilst watching horror movies on Netflix...same thing.  I love new stuff but there are some classics...well classics to me...that you just can't top. For example, the original SCREAM, was terrifying.  As was the original Nightmare on Elm Street, Friday the 13th, and Halloween. 

Side Note - There is a reason Wes Craven is known as "The Master of Horror".  His movies scare you without being OVERLY gory.  I mean they are gross but they aren't SAW...they are more give you a heart attack from suspense. And no matter how many times you see them, they give you the heebie f**king jeebies!!!

Anyways, thinking of Halloween in the 80's/90's when I was a child and a teen makes me giggle.  Things that we I did were a little, uh, different.   

1.  We had every Halloween themed McDonald's toy. Including those stupid buckets...which were WAY too small for actual trick or treating.  The McNuggets in costume...interchangeable costumes...win win.  Scooby Doo and friends, The Simpsons...and countless others.  McWTF...the happy meal toys aren't nearly as cool as they used to be, well maybe the Minions.

 





2.  Who else wore their dance costumes as Halloween costumes??? Maybe it was just my school but we had some OFF THE WALL costumes that could double as Halloween attire.  I remember dressing as a Gremlin, Michael Jackson, Madonna, Super Woman, a Flapper, etc.  I think you get the idea.  And they weren't stupid costumes.  People knew IMMEDIATELY who I was.  It was just stretchier versions of what you buy in the store...with SEQUINS!

By the way, I need a Gizmo!!!

3.  There were something like 25 "Haunted Houses" just in the NOLA area (and I VOLUNTEERED at a few).  Everyone and their Momma used to do one! And they were only $5 to go to.  Now there are maybe 3 and its $40 (with a coupon) AND its more of a "show" for adults with HIRED actors, than a scare the $hit out of little kids thing.  Bunch of pansies, kids need a good scare now and then.  How else will you learn that you should always look ahead when running from a Chainsaw wielding off duty police officer or you might run into a wall.  I'm not saying I did that...just a piece of advice.  Ahhh, Sheriff Foti's Haunted House was so much fun!

4.   Garfield and The Peanuts had the BEST Halloween specials...HANDS DOWN!
"Candy, candy, candy, candy"..."You didn't tell me you were going to kill it!"...pure amazingness!

5.  This isn't only for Halloween BUT its "horror" related...my mom used to let me stay up "late" on Saturday nights to watch Morgus the Magnificent.  It was originally from the late 50's, I think, on and off through the 80's (yay for me).  It was a NOLA thing and it was terribly cheesy but people LOVED it.  He was a crackpot "scientist" that had a lab in the old Ice House and he was part of the "Higher Order".  He would do these crazy experiments (that always went horribly wrong) while "hosting" mostly cheesy B-rated horror movies.  Some of the worst best horror movies were seen because I watched him.  Kind of like how "Mystery Science Theater 3000" introduced me to some great love to hate Sci-Fi.  

NOTE: Oh yea and one more thing.  There was none of this Trick or Treat the Saturday BEFORE Halloween because it's on a Tuesday bull$hit!  You Trick or Treat on Halloween...if you show up at my house before then I'll give your kid vomit flavored Jelly Beans.  Don't test me...that is stupid! Just because its a "school night" *grumble, grumble*.  Quit being lazy.  We did it...LIVE A LITTLE! 

It's okay to be different

Okay, serious time again...but only for a second or two and its for a good cause or something. 

Hearing so many people hate on other people recently just makes me insane.  They claim acceptance but then lash out at those "less cool" than them.  Calling them names like nerds/geeks/losers just because they like science or science fiction or anime or WHATEVER.   I personally don't take offense to the nerd title.  I wear it like a badge of honor.  Well I do now...but others don't feel the same.  They think its a bad thing to be a nerd and I just want to hug all of them and tell them that isn't the case.  Being different is a privilege not a fault.  A few celebrities who are known nerds/fanboys/fangirls have said things much to the same effect.  Never apologize for being different or liking something different, its who you are and there isn't anything to be ashamed of. 

One of my favorite "its okay to be a nerd" speeches came from the one and only Wil Wheaton.  Its a great speech and I want to get it printed and hand it to people when they are feeling bad about being nerdy. 

My name is Wil Wheaton. It’s 2013. And you’ve just recently joined us on planet Earth. So welcome. I’m an actor. I’m a writer. And I’m a Dad. Your mother asked me to tell you why it’s awesome to be a nerd. That’s an easy thing for me to do because I am a nerd.

I don’t know what the world is going to be like by the time you understand this. I don’t know what it’s going to mean to be a nerd when you are a young women. For me, when I was growing up, being a nerd meant that I liked things that were a little weird. That took a lot of effort to appreciate and understand. It meant that I loved science, and that I loved playing board games, and reading books, and really understanding what went on in the world instead of just riding the planet through space.

When I was a little boy, people really teased us about that, and made us feel like there was something wrong with us for loving those things. Now that I’m an adult, I’m kind of a professional nerd, and the world has changed a lot. I think a lot of us have realized that being a nerd … it’s not about what you love. It’s about how you love it.

So, there’s going to be a thing in your life that you love. I don’t know what that’s going to be … and it doesn’t matter what it is. The way you love that, and the way that you find other people who love it the way you do is what makes you a nerd. The defining characteristic of [being a nerd] is that we love things. Some of us love Firefly and some of us love Game of Thrones, or Star Trek, or Star Wars, or anime, or games, or fantasy, or science fiction. Some of us love completely different things. But we all love those things SO much that we travel for thousands of miles … we come from all over the world, so that we can be around people who love the things the way that we love them.

That’s why being a nerd is awesome. And don’t let anyone tell you that that thing that you love is a thing that you can’t love. Don’t let anyone ever tell you that you can’t love that, that’s for boys … you find the things that you love, and you love them the most that you can.

And listen: This is really important. I want you to be honest, honorable, kind. I want you to work hard. Because everything worth doing is hard. And I want you to be awesome, and I will do my very best to leave you a planet that you can still live on.

Finally, I can have a blood curdling scream coming from my pocket and it won't get me strange stares!!! Well mostly...maybe...eh, who cares!

It's October b**ches!!!  You know what that means?!?!?  It means my ringtone is now "This is Halloween" and my text tone is currently a blood curdling scream.  Well sometimes.  They will get changed to the Halloween theme, Jason's theme, the Exorcist theme...you get the picture.  I just can't help myself.  "Ch ch ch ch, ah ah ah ah".

Of course when I get a Traffic alert at 3AM and it sounds like someone is being murdered, I may not find it so amusing.  Who am I kidding, of course I will!

I can't wait to get home and put up my decorations!!!!  The agreement is no decor until the month of the holiday...it's October 1st...whoohoo!!!  I also can't wait to see what Speedy does.  Last year was Demon Spawns first Halloween and she walked around in a constant state of "WTF".  She would crawl into my lap and hiss at the skeleton hanging from my fan.  I posted on FB about her dislike of my Halloween decorations to which my bestie replied "does she know she is a Halloween decoration?!?"  Skiddish cat + black cat = my little witch's familiar. 

Speedy is scared of his own shadow so who knows what he'll do.  I can't wait, *muahahaha*. 

One of my FAVORITE Halloween movies!!!  Yes its cheesy and not scary at all but I love love love it!

So starting today:
1.  Decorations
2.  Finalize costume
3.  WATCH SCARY MOVIES!!!

Ahhhhh!!!!

Are you okay?

Says me to the person with the Cryptic posts.  Yea we've all done it at some point but you eventually realize, Facebook/Twitter probably isn't the place to air that kind of laundry.

Look, I get concerned.  I am not being funny.  Okay, I am being a little funny but I am not sure what to make of this series of posts...

Alright...good words of advice on how to not be an @$$hole, kudos.

Interesting bible verse...whateves.

Hmmmmm...are we having a crisis...?

I mean that's true...I've had an anxiety attack...Es no bueno...but you have never had one...or have you...

What the hell is going on???????

Ummmm, well that's depressing. I am seriously concerned...

And here we have a recipe for broccoli.

That is a heck of a ride only to end up with a side dish for dinner.  They are still posting on social media.  No more "deep thoughts", now it is all puppies, silly quotes, and recipes.

So that is my question...should I be concerned? Or just right this off as someone needing attention...a validation that they are in fact not alone.   Even though I know they talk to people EVERYDAY on the phone and in person.  To me this sounds like a classic case of depression, with a touch of manic tendency but when you ask them you get nonsense responses about how they just thought they were kind words or things that just need to be said or whatever.

I want to help but it seems they are content posting depressing messages on social media meanwhile others are asking me and their other acquaintances what the hell is going on with them...so I guess I'll just continue to be here if needed..I only wish they would stop rapid fire posting all of it online and tell me how I can actually help...

Drivers Ed: 101 - also known as common f**king sense

Soooooo while I don't claim to be the BEST driver around, I do understand the rules of the road.  I also understand how IMPORTANT it is to follow said rules.  Things like "when going 10 MPH or more UNDER the speed limit on the highway you should put on your emergency flashers to warn drivers who ARE gong the speed limit (or more) that you are the tortoise to their hare and they should go AROUND you". Or other things like when merging onto the highway don't stop! Well unless traffic is stopped...otherwise you should be speeding UP to merge into traffic. 

Speaking of merging...below is merging...it illustrates your lane MERGING into traffic...you should probably YIELD (NOT STOP) to traffic and assess when you can merge...it sometimes involves a full stop but not always. 

See how the lane flows INTO traffic...see it!?!?!? 

This is also a form of merging...but this doesn't mean STOP!  This barely means yield....this means you have a whole f**king lane to turn into.  You have the right of way....why are you stopping!?!?!!?!?

So jack@$$ if you STOP in this lane...a few things happen. 
1.) I almost rear-end you because you are a tool 
2.) I almost get rear-ended because I had to slam on my brakes
3.) I develop a serious case of turrets, yelling enough profanity to make a sailor blush 
     3b) I will make the lady in another car loose it in a fit of giggles because I am sure a tiny blonde
           yelling at the windshield looks a bit ridiculous

4.) I will lay on my horn until you move your dumb@$$ out the way

No where on that sign does it say stop...it doesn't even say yield.  Actually below said sign it says "maintain speed".  Can you not read?!?!?!

This means stop:

If you don't stop at one of these 1-4 above usually happens again.  See how its RED...red is like "danger Will Robinson"...DANGER...STOP your f**king car, not slow down and accelerate through, that would be YIELDING!

If that was the case, you'd see this:

See it even says YIELD.  It means proceed slowly...not STOP. 

Did we learn something today...aside from I had a bit of road rage this morning and want to punch things...?

Sit on it and spin, Mother F**ker!

The age range of men I find attractive is compareable to the ridiculous range of music on my iPod

Seriously though, my cute little pink iPod Nano is an insane hodgepodge of musical genres.  Yes I know I could use my iPhone but I like my little nano and I've had it forever and I have like 2,000 songs.  Clearly I have quite a music collection.  Well my little nano is getting old, it's a 5th generation and I've had it for 6 years.  With that said I still love it to bits BUT it's become temperamental in its old age.  The scroll wheel "sticks".  I freaked for a while because it got stuck on a particular album and wouldn't let me get back to the main menu.  Since then I don't dare take it off shuffle.  At least with shuffle, I still have access to all of it, *whew*. 

Which brings me to the crazy music selection.  It's a gamble what you might get, which makes my runs much more interesting.  For example, my 5K Saturday consisted of me starting with "Bailando", going to "The Wizard and I", switching to "Shameless", popping up with "Enter Sandman" and then to "Get Low".  So we have Latin, Show Tunes, Country, Rock, and Rap.  My friends were dying laughing when I crossed the finish line with "Get Your Roll On" blaring from my earbuds (okay not blaring but you get the idea).  Conclusion, I have AMAZING taste in music. 

This brings me to the reason I said all this.  My "celebrity crushes" range from "OMG, I feel like a creeper even looking at him" to "JFC, he's old enough to be my dad...and then some but dayumn".  How does that happen?!?!?!  I think it goes back to I see "beauty" in everyone.  Is that weird???  Like I can look at a 24 year old and be like, "he's hot" then see his dad and be like "and now I see why".  And were I single, I'd probably go for the dad because 24 year olds are nothing but trouble, right.  Well unless you are 24...actually even then...I'm weird, that is the only explanation.  I don't make a habit of deliberately checking out older or younger peeps for that matter but I am an observer so it happens.  Which is how I made an @$$ out of myself at the store (see this post).  Or maybe it's because the older ones don't look THAT old to me.  As in, I see them and think maaaaaaybe a 10 year gap, only to find out they are mid fifties+ and I don't know how I should feel about that. 

Which this has CLEARLY been going on for a while because I can distinctly remember being YOUNG and having super crushes on Uncle Jesse & Dr. Ross...oh and don't forget Indiana Jones!  Not to mention James Bond...oh but which one?!?!?!  How about the one that came out during my youth.

But as I've said before, age is nothing but a number so who cares.  You can't help who you are attracted to...unless you are an adult and they are children/teens...in that case seek help...PRONTO.