OK so I got into a HUGE argument with my internet guy. You see we have talked about how I am not ready to be in a relationship and I want to be single for while and date sort of. Somewhere I knew he didn't really get it...well he still wanted to be around. Which in the back of my mind I KNEW would end up badly but I said okay anyway. Tonight I logged onto social network site when I got off of work and saw a status response to me calling me baby and saying how much he missed me. My reflex was delete... Why I do not know. Seriously after I did it, I was like why the hell did I just do that but I took it as a sign that I didn't want to be..."his".
Anyways he sees that I deleted it and went Ape Sh**! I felt bad I really did but there was nothing I could say except that I just didn't want him to call me his baby and say he missed me. It's not appropriate for non-boyfriend type, to me it was like he was pissing on his territory. Well his tune changed. He wanted to know why I wasn't ready. How, if me and my ex were really fin like I said we were, why I couldn't decide if I wanted to be with him.
I tried to explain, its not because of my ex that I don't want to be in a relationship that I was hurt badly by a few people I thought I could trust. All he saw was that I wont chose him and its because I am still "with" my Ex. I sat on the phone for 45 minutes as he told me EVERYTHING I do wrong and that pretty much I am "lucky" to have him because he is understanding to my situation and no other guy would be that way.
Okay, he is a really great guy...most of the time. But this is WHY I don't want a relationship. I don't want to argue, I don't want to be accused of "things", I don't want my every move analyzed/criticized and I do NOT want to have to explain myself to anyone. He obviously wants a girlfriend, he told me he has STRONG feelings for me and he thinks I am stringing him along. I'm not doing that. I do like him and I think we click, really well. Maybe thats what scares me. Maybe I can see that we might make a great couple and it trips me out. I don't know. Whatever the case I don't know what to do now.
A week or so ago we had a conversation about how its not OK to make a girl or guy "chose" because of a situation going on with a friend of mine. Whether its between two guys/girls, them and their friends, or whatever. It has to be up to them to decide...he/she shouldn't be forced into a choice. And then he turns around and tries to make me chose. He said he's not forcing me into a choice but essentially thats what he's doing...right? He pretty much told me I have to chose to be with him and only him or not have him in my life at all. I almost said, "well then I guess this is goodbye" but before I could say it he said "Don't say anything. My feelings for you haven't changed, I was hurt and still am. I was just trying to leave a nice comment on your page. Can I call you later?" I was kinda dumb founded. I think I only groaned and said "Uh sure, if ya want to." And we hung up...
So what do I do? My head says just let it go, if he can't understand where your coming from, he's not for you. But then this stupid heart thing gets in the way and I think about how ridiculously compatible we are, the fun we have, and how nauseatingly romantic he is. ARGH!
Walk away or stay? I'm just not ready to... decide...
1 comment:
ooh hon. many hugs. i don't even know if you read these or not, but if you do...then know that if you're not ready, you're not ready. and if he thinks you are stringing him along, then he obviously hasn't understood anything you have been saying to him this whole time. maybe tell him to give you some space, because an ultimatum never really works out in anyone's favor, and only leaves people feeling bitter. [and wtf about how you are lucky to have him? psh. he obviously doesn't know that you could get any guy you want.] i don't want to write a novel on here...you know how to get me if you want to talk...but again, hugs. hope it all works out.
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