I think I am single again :(

Have you ever been so blind sided by someone that you could barely function?

That’s what JUST happened to me yesterday. My “boyfriend” completely blind-sided me. We were talking about some stuff going on. And since I’ve been in the dark about his recent mood change I was kind of pressing him for answers. He said he didn’t want to talk about it right now. So I said OK, later then…and he said yea.

It was probably bad timing on my part because he was about to leave to go play golf but it just came up after he said something so I went with it. Anyways, we went in the living room and I started to pick up some stuff before I went to meet up at my dad’s (FYI my B-Day is Apr 29 and all this happened in Apr 27). Suddenly he starts throwing stuff around, digging in the trash inside, digging in the trash outside, stomping his feet, slamming doors. I thought about asking if I could help but last time I did that when he was like this I got my head chewed off. So I kept doing what I was doing hoping he would either find what he was looking for or ask me for my help. Well as I stood in the kitchen going through some mail that was on the counter, he started digging in the kitchen trash again. Suddenly he spun around got very close to my face and screamed (not yelled SCREAMED), “You wanna know why I’ve been so shut off?!?!?!? It’s because the happiest I’ve been in a long time was when I was in Denver!!!” I was so shell shocked and scared at the same time. He then lowered his voice and said “I was trying to wait until after your birthday to ‘talk’ about it. Oh yea and thanks for F-ing helping me find the gift certificate, just F-ing stand there and don’t help!” So I started to look but I was so upset and terrified of him that I ended up just collapsing on the floor and sobbing (it was very pathetic…I am not proud of it but whatever). You see I gave him a gift certificate to play golf for his b-day (Apr 17) and he couldn’t find it and evidently that made him very upset. Well as I cried on the floor he came inside and said he found it. He then changed his tone and apologized to me. Which didn’t do a lick of good because I was so freaking upset and confused then he said he had to go…he was late for the golf game and he left.

I called my BFF and cried in her ear for 30 minutes. Then I had to call my dad and tell him…which isn’t very easy…telling your dad that a guy, someone everyone thinks you are going to marry, just ripped your heart out and then left to go play golf. So I went to dad’s at 11AM and stayed until after 7:30PM

When I finally went home last night it was like nothing happened, he sat at the computer and I went take a shower… :P.

I finally started the conversation. He still was not talking. So I vented and told him everything in my head, why I was flipping out, etc. Then since I saw I was getting no where I said “how about I ask questions and you just answer?” He said OK. So I lightened the mood. I asked goofy questions at first like (in a very sarcastic voice) “Do you think I’m pretty?” and other funny questions. He laughed, then I got to more serious ones and he answered. He said he didn’t want me to move out and he was still working his ‘issue’ out in his head. And we actually talked, for the first time in a few weeks.

So why am I so upset still, you may ask? Well because I do NOT understand why he has shut himself off from me. We have been dating for 4 and half years. We’ve known each other for almost 8 years. He used to tell me EVERYTHING, then he started working for this large company (a year and a half ago) and doing well there and he stopped talking to me. He shut out everyone in his life. I do not know what to do. I am going to stay at my dad’s house for a few days to let things settle down but will that be enough? Am I going to just have to bite the bullet and move out? I have no idea and not knowing is the most difficult thing in the world to deal with.