That stick seemed angry

Maybe I shouldn't visit exotic tropical places?!?! I made it through the 8 days vacation with no more injuries.

It was the absolute most amazing time.  I love traveling.  I love immersing myself in other cultures.  

One of my favorite quotes from the ninth doctor "Time travel is like visiting Paris: You can't just read the guidebook. You need to throw yourself in! Eat the food, use the wrong verbs, get charged double and end up kissing complete strangers! Or is that just me?"

I remember the first time I watched that episode.  And that quote.... THAT quote resonated with me.  I realized he was so right.  Don't just be a tourist, learn and appreciate where you are visiting!  I am not bilingual but I will learn enough to communicate.  I will try.  I will embarrass the $hit out of myself but it always...ALWAYS seems to make the locals smile with appreciation. 

Anyways moving on.  This fantastic 

(hehehehe) trip was coming to an end.  I didn't fall or have anything else happen.  On our last day it was STORMING all afternoon.  During a break in the weather we ventured out to our last dinner.  It was still a little misty but nothing bad.  It was late-ish though, so the sun was set.  As I am walking up to the restaurant I step over a stick.  

The stick MOVED!!!!!!!!!  

I jumped over the stick and ran into the doorway.  Mind you the country we were in...everything was open air so no door.  This guy grabs me and says "Que Pasa, chica?"  I tried and blanked on saying snake in Spanish so I just said "Uh...snake..."

Meanwhile hubs is on the bricks for the garden with his flashlight out.  The guy gets super excited and runs out to see it.  The hostess said "Que pasa senorita?" I said "Uh snake...."  She jumps onto a chair and says "Donde, donde!?!??!"  I said "Uhhh afuera".  She crosses herself and says  "Ay dios mio!!!!"

The guy and my sig other come back in and the guy says "I...I no....no vi. Uhhh ok ok.  I no see if it was uhhh... if it was a no bueno snake, comprende?"  Si si...pero esta muy grande, verdad??   

He starts laughing and says "Si, pero I think...I don't think it was venomous." Then hubs says I dunno.  It seemed pissed.  It struck at her shoe when she jumped.  

The guy goes "No $hit!" and says "señorita tienes mucha suerte".  

So yea... on my LAST NIGHT in paradise I almost stepped on (possibly venomous) snake...in the rain heading to dinner.  Thankfully I apparently jump high and had on THICK rubber shoes.  

Side Note - the rest of dinner the guy who happened to be our waiter teased me RELENTLESSLY! 

NOTE NOTE - Please don't come at me for the Spanish.  I knew what they were saying in the moment but couldn't remember word for word so had to improvise so if its wrong its on me. 

That street jumped up and attacked me!

So we went on this AMAZING out of country vacation.  But like it was a foreign country so being careful and cautious is important.  As in getting sick or injured would probably not be great. 

So what does this chick do?  On night ONE, this chick COMPLETELY sober picked a fight with the street and the street won. 

Let me set the scene.  We are high on life (and jet lag).  We are so excited to be in this beautiful exotic tropical country.  We walked to dinner in daylight but on the way home...the sun had set.  There were no street lights because light pollution, etc.  So there we are walking DOWNHILL on a two lane PITCH BLACK road. 

We had our phones out but that's all we had on us.  As we are cutting up and laughing I stepped on a jagged piece of road.  My ankle twisted and I went down HARD. 

Somehow (do not ask me how) I caught myself with my hands (and my poor phone).  I felt my right knee hit but not hard and it wasn't bleeding 

My screen looked like it was cracked to shit at the bottom of the screen but the phone was working.

Then hubs grabbed my hand to keep walking and said "you're hand is wet". 

I look with my phone and see blood steadily dripping from the heel of my palm.  

I'm ok though.  

We get back to the condo and I SCRUB my hands with antibacterial soap and hot water.  I had f**king gravel in my palm.  

I tweezer the debris out, put some 'sporin on it, and bandaid the crap out of it. 

The next day I take a peek and it's actually not that bad. 

But I do look like I have a snake bite on my palm.  Literally there are two DEEP perfect circles.  I don't know what I fell on....  My other hand has a scrape but its not bad at all.  My knees are fine.  My phone looks like shit but it still works fine and it's just the screen protector scratched up.  

So Day ONE of a eight day vacation and I busted my hand.

That almost seems like a line in the sand

That’s it…I am so over people!  I don’t get it…. But I will respect it because I am not a complete psycho. 

So I think it happened.  I think I have officially “lost” another friend.  There were a few acting a fool a while back….I thought all was good but I guess I should know by now some persons of the opposite gender are incapable or unable to be friends.  

Again, I have a BUNCH of guy friends.  Completely platonic, male friends.  We are all friends with each other and in many cases each other’s spouses. 

Everything has been okie dokie artichokie so I thought we were past the weirdness but alas I was incorrect. 

I try very very hard not to read into things.  Mainly because it’s exhausting and generally I’d prefer people be DIRECT.  But sometimes you get a vibe and just KNOW something is up. 

So I got a message the other day.  Not a mean message but a message none the less and it was odd.  It was ridiculously “formal” and unlike our normal bantering messages.  At first I was like all good we all have stuff going on during the day.  So I said cool, thanks, and whatnot and went on with my day.  

But later I saw it again and was like WTF.  It’s no longer “hey friend or hey bestie” its just hello or Hi. Or the weirdest is my actual full name, not like my nickname.  Again tried not to read into it.  

But then I made a comment about Not sure if you saw my pic or not and I got the “I don’t think I should like or comment on your pictures.”  Ummmm I’m sorry what?  

1. That’s fine I was just asking did you see it

2. Why did you tell me that?

3. WTF happened now!?!?

Also, I don’t think we can “hang out” or meet up  Which again we live fairly far apart sooooo it’s unlikely but what on earth happened.  Like please please please don’t tell me you think I was like hitting on you because I am friendly and like pack bond with everyone (not in an oogy way, I am stupidly loyal to peeps I click with).   You know (and can see) I have it pretty dang good and actually love my hubs and would NEVER. 

AND I have way too much respect for you and your spouse.  Like do you even know me?!?!?!  I mean I guess it could be a jealously thing.  but like 1. Not a cheater 2. Not my type 3. Did I mention, Not into the whole cheating thing?!?!?

Or maybe we got too close?  But like how….we don’t even live in the same f**king state. Like they thought we crossed a line of closeness…?  But again,…JUST FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!!  And our messages weren’t scandalous…they were generally non-sense and gifs!

So anyways, I doubt we’ll be bantering and hanging out ever again so that blows because we were actually kinda close but hopefully some semblance of our friendship is salvaged. 

Friendship is a gift…I really wish people would cherish and have more respect for it!!!

Smokin' that W**d, Smokin' that Fiya

Okay not really.  I mean I don't poo poo on it.  But I've not been actually doing that YET my eyes are SOOOOOOO RED. 

And I don't mean bloodshot, tired red.  I mean "smoked a bowl" red.  

Not sure If I've mentioned before but I have Rosacea.  But not in the traditional sense...as in not bright red splotches on my cheeks/nose/chin. 

Oh no... my weird @$$ gotta be different.  My weird@$$ has rosacea...in my f**king eyeballs!

No lie my eyeballs starting getting dry and pissy and red.  I went to the Dr and they said 'oh baby that's Ocular Rosacea'.  I'm sorry...what?!?!

So I got an ointment...because that's what old people get for bull$hit.  So two-three times a day I get to put that in my eyeballs....otherwise...I look like f**king Cheech and Chong. 

Just call me Mary Poppins y’all

I guess this is Part 2 or “The end”, since I called the other one the beginning.  

We left off with a friend dragging me away from my grandparents house and ending up on a hill looking at a two story blue siding and brick house.  He grabbed my hand and said “You’ll be safe with us”.  

We started walking towards the house and that is when I realized it was actually two houses SUPER close together.  Like their front porches were almost touching. I turned to my companion and was like “bruh why you built so close to this other house?!?” And he said something about saving money. 

We went inside and he said “I can’t wait for you to meet *insert wife’s name*”.  As soon as he said her name, I realized who he was.  He was MY friend.  We work together.  How didn’t I recognize him before?!!? He’s just a smidge taller than me…I would know him anywhere!

I could hear kids playing someplace and I heard someone call out his name from the other room.  Now I’ve never in person met my friend’s wife.  I see pictures on social media but that’s all.  So he guides me into like a kitchen/breakfast area and there is his wife but like she looked different than pics but still I knew it was her.  She seemed surprised to see me so he told her something about how I was in danger and needed to stay with them.  He left out the whole party at my grandparents house turning into a literal nightmare. 

She was incredibly nice and asked if I needed to rest.  I told her yes and was brought to a spare room where I was immediately “attacked” by 3 children.  Again never met the kids but I know a lot about them from him.  I was their new friend apparently.  

It jumped around a bit but I was there for a while. At least it felt like some time was passing.  I played ALOT with the kids.  I distinctly remember running around with them playing like hide and seek or something and all of us getting fussed at for being “wild”.  Which is hilarious because I know I am older than both my friend and his wifey.  

At one point I was in like a hallway with a doorway into the back of the kitchen.  But the door way was kind of small.  Like a child could walk through it but an adult would have to duck.  My friend found me and we were talking and I asked about the small doorway.  He said the house came that way and the builder said they weren’t allowed to make it bigger (WTAF).  He said he hit his head on it regularly.  But he didn’t like to use it…because it didn’t feel right.  

I am not sure the dynamic but I think I may have become like a Nanny for them. We were as close as ever and I became really close with his wife.  Like we had alot to talk about but for the life of me I cant remember any of it.  One night they were about to go out with friends.  These friends came over, two couples.  One of the women was a tall African American woman.  I recognized her but not sure from where but my friends were like “Oh y’all know each other!”.  

They were panicking because the babysitter didn’t show up. And I was like I can stay home with the kids.  That’s what y’all have me for.  Plus I don't have anything to wear to dinner that looks fancy enough.  This is when I noticed everyone was in like formal attire and I was in like a cute dress but not nearly dressy enough.

My friend was like no, you are supposed to come with us.  You have to come with us.  You can’t stay alone, its not safe, that’s not how this works.  That creepy feeling from the last dream came back.  Like I didn’t know I was dreaming, so not a lucid dream but the unsafe feeling came back.  

My friends wife was like we should just stay in, we have the movie room! I was so confused, they were dressed for like a ball, not a night in with movies and pizza.  She looked…scared.  He looked concerned and I realized I had three kids hugging me, like they were scared they’d never see me again.  

That’s when I noticed the sound.  Not wind, not weather…but a low growling howling.  It was dark outside but not like night…unnaturally dark. I didn’t feel safe anymore.  I started to have a panic attack (not something that happens to me often).  

My friend grabbed me by the shoulders and looked into my eyes and said we have to go. He has very distinct eyes, like he was looking through me…it was weird.  He said  I’ll see you next time. And hugged me incredibly tight.

that’s the end.

So I dunno what the hell I ate last night but this is what my subconscious came up with.  

Did I somehow attend a Dead People Party????

Dreams are weird. They jump around…they make no sense.  But gosh sometimes they feel so dang real!

The beginning.  We were at my grandparents old house in NOLA.  The one that was destroyed by Katrina.  Everything was the same.  The scents, the furniture, my deceased grandparents and Paran.  There were even a bunch of dogs and cats but none that I recognized.  The only real difference was that about 3 feet in front of their front porch was a 6 foot tall chain link fence. 

There were other people there but even though in the dream I knew them…I couldn’t tell you who they were.  But they felt like family/friends.  Well one of the bigger dogs got over the fence and was on the street side.  My Paran and I were trying to wrangle it and a couple others that weren’t theirs that showed up because we were worried about them getting hit by a car. My pawpaw was fussing for us to hurry up because we were outside the fence.  

It was kind of chaotic and somehow cats were also involved.  But it was fun and everyone was laughing.  It was nighttime now and we went inside to eat.  It felt like the last Christmas Eve we were all together.  Lots of food on the table (buffet style), tons of people, laughing, and chatting.  But my mom, uncles and cousins weren’t there… which was weird but still It felt SOOOOO real. 

I remember at one point my bow legged pawpaw leaning against me laughing.  It was so surreal. Someone at the party…someone I couldn’t place because they never were at my grandparents house but they were a friend was about to leave.  That’s when things went sideways.  Something was wrong.  Very wrong.  Like we weren’t supposed to be there.  The feeling of safe left and they were telling me I needed to leave.  I needed to leave now.  

When we walked outside the sky looked like something out of a Sci-Fi movie.  It was a dark swirling mass of black, purple, dark blue, with streaks of silver.  This friend was panicked.  He kept saying we aren’t supposed to be here and grabbed my arm and his dog (this little white, shiatsu looking thing) and we climbed the fence to leave.  

I remember turning around to see if anyone else was coming but they were just standing by the fence watching, looking kinda sad. This friend kept saying NOLA Gurl come on, we have to leave now! So we started running down their street in the opposite direction of St Roch Park. As we were running the dark neighborhood was falling away and suddenly we were on a small hill of green grass looking towards this two story blue siding and brick house.  He grabbed my hand again and said you’ll be safe with us.  When I turned around to see the old neighborhood again…it was gone, just trees and green grass. 

This is when it transitions…. So I will start another post

Well that was the hottest Demon Possession ever

So I said the other day "hmmm I've not remembered my dreams lately" then -BAM- f**king nightmare. 

I say nightmare.  I mean it started that way. 

I lived in a small town after the world LITERALLY went to $hit.  It was like some weird combo of Supernatural, Handmaids Tale, and Hunger Games.  

People were fighting for food.  Like the "rich" who happened to be part of the f**king church made poor people fight...for FOOD!

But like there were supernatural things happening.  People were seeing weird things and weird things were happening.  Everyone who wasn't "rich" was pissed at the church but was scared to voice it. 

We all dutifully went to mass every day after working our @$$es off.  We got home after dark, cooked, cleaned and did it all again the next day.  IT SUCKED.  Our houses were like something out of the dark ages.  Mostly plain, mostly candle light or small lamps, gas or wood stoves.  Women were basically only there to breed and take care of the menfolk and kids. 

But the churches...they were bright and full of riches (WTF).  One day after a horrid time of explaining AGAIN that I can't make babies I heard a voice in my head.  It was a deep, sensual voice.  It sounded familiar and gave me chills but like in a good way, not scared.  It promised to free me from the turmoil of life and punish the church.  As tempting as that sounded I told it to F**K off and walked inside.  

It laughed....IT LAUGHED this rich amused chuckle and in a deep timber said it was only being nice, I didn't have to give it permission.  Suddenly I was flying through the air like a spastic supergirl and snarling at the priest adorned in gold. He threw holy water at me and an I said in a voice that wasn't mine "You can't make holy water if you are not a good person".  

I realized I was...enjoying this and started laughing and saying "Holy $hit I'm Flying!"  The demon seemed amused by my amusement.  

The poor were cheering and encouraging my...antics.  This happened for a while, not too long but we seemed to have like a symbiotic friendship...thing going on.  Then one day  I got hurt really really bad during one of our performances....and he left.  I became part of the resistance trying to get out from under the holy regime in control.  

Some time later after a raid, I hear the voice again but its not in my head. I turn and my jaw drops open.  Its Lucifer.  Not like biblical Lucifer...I mean Lucifer...I mean Tom Ellis...Lucifer!  I am at a loss for words.  Then he says "You know not all fiction is fiction... there is sometimes a little truth."  Sir are you implying Lucifer...the show was based on...NO WAY NO NAH AH!  And he had that...that predatory glean in his eyes, like he had in the stupid show.  That look that makes you feel funny things.  

He grabbed me by the back of my neck, then leaned in.  I could feel his breath on my lips as he said "Don't try to pretend you don't want this"

AND THEN I WOKE UP!  I woke up before the good part because my subconscious is an @$$hole!