Dailybreak

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Only in NOLA. . .

As always this weekend was stocked full of crazy events in the NOLA area.  There was the Red Dress Run,  Dirty Linen, Jason Mraz concert and all kinds of other regular weekend activities that take place in and around the area.  The first two guarantee a crazy time in the quarter, the rest is just lagniappe.

Lets begin with the RDR.  There was a marriage proposal, a few arrests (normal) and lots of public indecency (also normal).  The biggest indiscretion is probably the people who think its ok to publicly urinate.  I know it happens all the time in the area but the bigger the crowds the more likely it is you may actually SEE someone doing this.  There were, as always,  a few instances where you may see a shadow behind a vehicle or dumpster relieving themselves which is gross but at least you don't see much.  This weekend was the first time in a LONG time that you could actually witness blatant peeing in public.  I will list them in order of grossness not necessarily the order they occurred.  The first incident was a guy in a red dress. . .he sure did just whip his *ahem* out and start peeing in plain view.  No shame at all!  And he was itching his sack area which just made it that much more oogie.  The next was a girl in a red dress who just squatted on Bourbon.  At least ask your friends to surround you so others cannot see what you are doing but no she just wandered off to the side of the group and squatted as a stream of liquid ran down the sidewalk. . . um ew!  The last one I will mention is the craziest thing I have EVER seen. . . and I used to work in the quarter, you'd think this wouldn't surprise me.  There was a girl (attractive girl) pulling her red dress up and showing some full frontal panty.  She was in the nook of a building and talking on her cell phone.  She saw a group of people walking up (us) and pulled her dress down. . . then as we walked into said building she started to pull her dress up again and then dropped her phone.  She saw us standing by the security desk inside (which contained a guard) and she walked across the street. . . she then proceeded to hike up her dress again.  She pulled it up above her waist, yanked her panties aside and began to urinate.  . . while standing. . . in broad daylight while leaning against a parking meter.  I think we were in shock some of us stared in shock, the rest turned away.  She was a just peeing away. . . this may be TMI but it was splashing ALL OVER and there was a group of people that walked by right near her and she just kept going like it was the most normal thing ever.  The guard was like is she. . . did that just happen.  I almost couldn't believe it but we are in NOLA and some strange shit happens here so yea.  My thing is there are businesses, bars and even port-o-lets all over. . . why pee in the street?!

Moving on to Dirty Linen, this was less eventful in that respect.   But there were a couple of things worth mentioning.  One, if you are going to block off a street for pedestrians to wander do not make it impossible for emergency personnel to get through.  We saw a fire engine almost take out one of the drink tents that was literally set up ON Royal Street.  It was taking up more than half of the road and they had to scramble to get it moved so the engine could get through.  There was lots of cursing and name calling and the fire men were quite agitated.  Two, if you are going to open your gallery/shop on Dirty Linen night do not get angry when people bring in drinks.  Its NOLA, people usually have drinks in hand and there are pop up bars all along the street.  Either suck it up and let people bring in drinks and hope no one destroys anything or don't open that night.  So many artists/artist friends were irritated with 'drunk' patrons with drinks.  I heard more than a few heated exchanges over silly things which seemed unnecessary in most cases.  Blatantly drunk, stumbling and spilling, ok I get that but just people walking around. . . doesn't seem that big of a deal.  Three, careful what you say.  These people are opening their business to you.  It is not necessary to openly insult their products or artwork while in the shop/gallery.    Its OK if you don't like it or think its overpriced but you don't have to loudly announce in the gallery that it "looks like a child drew it".  The reason I say this is because one of my friends did this. . .it wasn't intentional but the artist hosting the gallery was within hearing and looked so embarrassed.  Clearly his art isn't for everyone but no one wants to hear that.  Just be courteous and at least wait until you are out of ear shot to make the comments.  Of course I'm sure he forgot all about us once he sold his abstract scribbles for $3,500. 

Next on the list, going to a bar on Bourbon.  Usually good times but oh the things people wear.  Too tight, too little clothing and too much air humping.  I was assaulted by someones big booty in leggins while sitting at the bar.  She was a shaking and a moving and her bootay broke my bag of goodies I bought.  Then she gave me a sweaty hug (thanks....).  We also had a creeper who was stalking one of my friends, he was standing way too close and practically undressing her with his eyes (ew).  There was also "snoop dogg" who was fascinated with my friends hair. . . actually touched it, like stroked her hair.  There was more red dressers who got into a "slapping game".  He slapped her, she slapped him and so on until she moved he missed and hit her drink and that spilled all over the back of my other friend.  Then there was the random patron who offered our bartender cocaine.  I'm sure there was more but I'll leave it at that. 

The sights seen in the Vieux Carre never disappoint.  They may scar you for life but they usually make for good stories.

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It sucks being the little one. . .

. . . it makes you that much easier to forget.

I keep trying to ignore it but its so hard sometimes.  It's hard to know that everyone you know is doing something as a group and you are the only one not invited.  Ok not everyone is there....one is out of town and another working but most others...there.  And where am I, sitting at home alone, watching football while my husband is at work.  Actually I really wouldn't care normally but this has been building up for a while and this just tipped me over. 

I guess you could say I need to make my presence known more but how do you do that.  I text, I email, I call on occasion.  I'm not a talker. . . that's just me but if I don't continuously talk talk talk I am forgotten.  Even when I do call no one answers, so why call and leave a message when they aren't going to call you back anyway.  Its like I don't even exist until someone says "Hey, I haven't seen NOLA Girl in a while".  Or until I say, HEY LET'S DO SOMETHING.  Then half the time I get a pity hang out from 1 or 2 or everyone says, oh sorry we are busy.  I know I have friends...well I think I do but its hard, really really hard knowing just because you don't live in a 5 mile radius you don't get included in the little stuff.  Is it because I always seem fine alone. . .or like I have better things to do. . . or because I shouldn't be bothered because I am married (I've actually heard that one, its pretty lame!) well, who knows.  I used to be able to depend on at least 1 never forgetting me but no longer.  Not that it should be the responsibility of 1 to remember I exist.  I wish all would remember I am here and like to have fun but I somehow doubt that will ever happen. 

I keep thinking, did I do something to piss everyone off. . . if I did, I'm not aware.  I would never knowingly hurt anyone.  Its just stuff like this makes me think. . . my husband graduates in December.  I was going to throw a party for him but what if they don't come. . . what if they have better things to do and I am stuck trying to explain to my family and his family why our friends aren't there. . . the friends that everyone said are the most amazing people...that would do anything for any one of us, my "best" friends.  Now I know if something were to happen or I desperately needed them I have no doubt they would rally around me but when I need them the most. . . just to be a constant they aren't. Who can you call when you are sitting alone crying when the cause of the tears is who you normally call and is at a get together that you weren't invited to.  Does that even make any sense...oye!  I'm sure it was a last minute thing but to be thought of would have been nice.  I don't live on another planet just a little further than 5 min away.

I'm sure its my fault, I just wish I knew what I did or how I can make it better.

You have got to be kidding me. . .

. . . fool me once shame on you, fool me twice. . . ok I am just stupid!

Sooooooooo its Monday.  I hate Mondays.  I woke up late, couldn't find my lunch and just felt like ca ca.  Can't get any worse right...?  Before I left I knocked on the hood of my car (checking for kittens because of yesterday).  Just to be sure I popped the hood and looked around with a flash light.  I don't see or hear anything.  So I head for work.  About 2.5 blocks away from my house I hear it. . . the undeniable sound of a terrified kitten, *crap crap crap*!  I called my husband in a panic and he said he'd meet me outside.  Sure enough we see a black and white fluff in the same spot as yesterday.  Really momma cat. . . really. . .you put them BACK!?  So we waited a few minutes while the car cooled down and I reached in and plucked him/her out just like yesterday.   I put it on the ground and momma and older sibling started consoling it.  Hubby searched all in there with a flash light and saw nothing else.  We made noise, shook the car, nothing responded.  Ok so maybe there is only one this time.  I texted my boss and said I would be late and why. . .she laughed, ALOT.

I tried to leave again.  Notice I said "I Tried".  I got about 10 feet from my driveway and heard the squealing yet again.  Son of a B#$%H, she hid them good this time.  I pull back in the driveway and we start searching.  We can barely see the other two nestled just under my headlight in the bumper area. . . completely out of reach.  SERIOUSLY!?  So we try and try but neither of us can quite get our arms far enough in to reach them.  Well I cannot very well drive to work on the interstate with kittens in my car. . . *sigh*.  So we finally decide we will have to remove part of the road guard to get to them.  So we did and 45 minutes later we pluck two pissed off kittens from my car's undercarriage. 

I put them on the ground while we re-assembled the guard plate thing.  Momma was making all kinds of weird noises and the kittens were crying.  Their eyes had opened recently so they were looking around and I think they were hungry.  So she fed them, still fussing at us, while we worked.  I called the no kill shelter by my house and told them how old they were.  The lady said they could take them and they would be fine.  So I scooped up 3 milk drunk babies (momma ran of complaining) and held them close until the shelter opened (another 30 mins).  They nuzzled in my shirt and passed out. 

The shelter happily took them and I headed to work. . .

UPDATE:  I am going to hell!  For the past 3 days momma has sat outside my side door and made the most awful noises. . . I think she's looking for her babies.  I feel horrible but I had to take action :(

Just call me Dr. Dolittle

No really, I CLEARLY communicate with animals on some level.  To the point where they feel the need to adopt me and/or bring me their young.  Flash back to almost 2 weeks ago.  I am in my yard and my dogs are going nuts.  I find a litter of kittens, momma and an older sibling wedged in an area between my yard and my neighbors.  3 little squeaking balls of fur (oh freaking fantastic).  Well I ignored them because 1.  they are really tiny and need their momma and 2.  she was hissing something awful and I like my fingers attached.  So for the last couple weeks, I check and make sure they are still alive and momma is taking care of them.  Which usually gets me hissed at but whatever.

Now jump ahead to today.  I am about to go to the grocery, I noticed momma cat lingering under my car.  Hmmm she hangs out around here but that's odd.  Then I swore I heard a noise. . . like a squeak.  Oh hell no, what the hell you little feline whore.  I popped the hood and sure enough, there are 3 little balls of fur, IN MY CAR!  My new vehicle has a road guard underneath and momma has placed all three little bundles of joy just under the engine, on the road guard.  OK, now I am freaking out.  I can't start the car, what do I do!?  Thank God I have the boniest arms of anyone I know.  My anorexic looking arms fit just far enough in to pluck each little one out.  Holy crap did they squeal and cry.  Momma was at my feet having a fit but I fussed her and contemplated what to do now.  Why did she give me her babies?!  Its Sunday, the shelter is closed, my vet wont take strays and like hell I am keeping 3 teeny tiny kittens that need to be fed every 2 hours by bottle in my house.  So I did the only thing I could do. . . I brought the tiny invaders back to the crevice in my yard and hoped momma would take care of them. 

She did.  I checked an hour later and she was back in the hole feeding them and hissing at me.  Let's just hope she keeps them.

Last night I thought, I need to lay off the drugs. . .

. . .then I remembered I don't do drugs

Around 4AM I woke up to use the bathroom.  Mind you I was quite a bit out of it.  So as I am doing my thing, I notice a blackish/brown thing on the floor.  At first I almost started screaming because I thought it was  Roach, then I realized it was another type of beetle thing.  Its almost like a roach but not as oober creepy and much darker in coloring, kind of like a water beetle.  Well this one was OBVIOUSLY dead anyways, it looked like something attacked it (possibly one of me fearless felines).  So I conceded to clean it up once I was done.  This all took place in mere seconds.  Then I thought "OMG, the floor is moving", like an unorganized waving motion.  So in my bleary eyed state I attempted to refocus my eyeballs.  Nope didn't work. . . the floor is still moving.  My thoughts "how much did I drink last night. . .did my husband roofie me. . . OMG why is the floor moving. . ." Then my brain woke up just enough to realize the floor wasn't actually moving there were these translucent baby beetle things moving around, like mini-clear versions of the big dead thing.  Apparently, the dead bug in its last attempt at life released the babies.  Like HUNDREDS of them.  Again all this happened in less than a minute so now I am mid-pee freaking out because there are numerous barely visible critters all over the floor and I cannot do anything about it.  So I am trying to go while I hold my feet in the air (easier said than done).  Then I am thinking how do I kill all these things. . .AH! 

Ok now I am done and crouching on top the toilet and I realized the babies look like they are moving very slow. . . possibly dying.  Whatever, so I go on a baby beetle killing spree, squishing the uninvited guests with pieces of toilet paper.  Once I am confident I got all of them I dispose of my death rag and throw it and the big one in the toilet and flush 4 times, not because it wouldn't go down but because I am crazy and think they may actually come back.  Now I am ready to climb back in bed.  Which in theory meant more sleep. . . but in reality meant I stayed awake at least an hour because I kept imagining mini-clear things had hitched a ride on my feet/legs and were now infesting my bed.  They weren't but my brain was determined to convince me that they were. 

When I got up the next morning I found that I did not kill all the babies.  There were about 4-5 dead on the floor.  They looked "dried up".  I think they were some water loving beetle and being on my no water bathroom floor they couldn't survive (Thank God).  So I swept and mopped and fumigated just in case.