It sucks being the little one. . .

. . . it makes you that much easier to forget.

I keep trying to ignore it but its so hard sometimes.  It's hard to know that everyone you know is doing something as a group and you are the only one not invited.  Ok not everyone is there....one is out of town and another working but most others...there.  And where am I, sitting at home alone, watching football while my husband is at work.  Actually I really wouldn't care normally but this has been building up for a while and this just tipped me over. 

I guess you could say I need to make my presence known more but how do you do that.  I text, I email, I call on occasion.  I'm not a talker. . . that's just me but if I don't continuously talk talk talk I am forgotten.  Even when I do call no one answers, so why call and leave a message when they aren't going to call you back anyway.  Its like I don't even exist until someone says "Hey, I haven't seen NOLA Girl in a while".  Or until I say, HEY LET'S DO SOMETHING.  Then half the time I get a pity hang out from 1 or 2 or everyone says, oh sorry we are busy.  I know I have friends...well I think I do but its hard, really really hard knowing just because you don't live in a 5 mile radius you don't get included in the little stuff.  Is it because I always seem fine alone. . .or like I have better things to do. . . or because I shouldn't be bothered because I am married (I've actually heard that one, its pretty lame!) well, who knows.  I used to be able to depend on at least 1 never forgetting me but no longer.  Not that it should be the responsibility of 1 to remember I exist.  I wish all would remember I am here and like to have fun but I somehow doubt that will ever happen. 

I keep thinking, did I do something to piss everyone off. . . if I did, I'm not aware.  I would never knowingly hurt anyone.  Its just stuff like this makes me think. . . my husband graduates in December.  I was going to throw a party for him but what if they don't come. . . what if they have better things to do and I am stuck trying to explain to my family and his family why our friends aren't there. . . the friends that everyone said are the most amazing people...that would do anything for any one of us, my "best" friends.  Now I know if something were to happen or I desperately needed them I have no doubt they would rally around me but when I need them the most. . . just to be a constant they aren't. Who can you call when you are sitting alone crying when the cause of the tears is who you normally call and is at a get together that you weren't invited to.  Does that even make any sense...oye!  I'm sure it was a last minute thing but to be thought of would have been nice.  I don't live on another planet just a little further than 5 min away.

I'm sure its my fault, I just wish I knew what I did or how I can make it better.