This is how it happens. This is how Skynet takes over!

I need a degree in Computer Engineering to use a treadmill....and no I am not an anti-tech person.  But I haven't had a Gym membership in over a year.  I just signed up again and I don't understand how to use the new equipment.  Its WAY more techy than the $hit I am used to. 

It can't be that hard...right?!?  Wrong!  I feel like a super goob trying to use the f**king treadmill!  Its a TREADMILL for doGs sake!!!  So we have a touchscreen thingy to control it but we also have buttons by the handles.  There is a TV on it above the touch screen that you can control...with a remote...or maybe with the touch screen.  There are 5 wires sticking out of it that kind of remind me of the charging wires for my phone so I am thinking you can connect it.  But it also says Bluetooth.  Whatever shall I do!?!?!? In order to get a "lesson" from a trainer I have to schedule an appointment BEFORE 5PM...I get off at 4:30...FML!!!

I just want to run on a f**king treadmill and track my calories/miles/speed.  While listening to music via Pandora via the "FREE" WiFi.  Is that too much to f**king ask for?!?!?  And by Free WiFi I mean WiFi that works.  Not WiFi that kind of works, then cuts out, then cuts back...then disappears, then comes back again.  There were literally 5 people in the ENTIRE GYM including me and the employees.  Why was it being such an @$$hole?!?!?

Side note - my resting temp on average is 97.2 degrees.  When I am in A/C (like in a gym) my hands feel like bony icicles of death, even when I am working out!  It is like all the blood drains from my extremities or something.  This means that touch screens are NOT my friends!!! STG I have to put my hands in my armpits to warm them up enough for the f**king touch screen to realize I am in fact alive.  Which looks like I am doing some weird running impression of Mary Katherine Gallagher ...and no I do not smell them after. 

Moving on.  It took me 15 minutes to figure out how to program a workout.  I didn't connect my phone because I wasn't sure.  I pressed start...it went immediately to 7mph.  I am 5'1"...my little legs don't really go that fast!

Then it told me I had done 1 minute (only a minute?!?!? that felt like a f**king eternity!) and had 2,497 minutes left in my workout...

That would be running for 41.6 HOURS.  Do I look like Forest Gump!?!?!  I think I did something wrong...whatever I did 45 minutes and pressed the cool down BUTTON.  I tried to find a "how to use a lifefitness treadmill" tutorial online but I got nothing.  So I will go back to the gym tonight and attempt to figure this f**ker out again. 

Maybe I should stick to the classes...

 

This is from The Onion, right? Surely, America isn't really THIS uneducated...?

So I saw this:

My initial thought was "Ohhhh, someone at IFLS is getting in trouble....they done posted an Onion Article as fact".  And then I read the IFLS Article and the REAL NEWS ARTICLE and I face palmed so hard people are gonna think my husband beats me. 

In a town on North Carolina, a council REJECTED a new Solar Farm...mind you they have other solar farms already in use from what I gather...below were some of the arguments against it.  Its not direct quotes but the main ideas came from article linked at the bottom...

- A retired science teacher is concerned that photosynthesis would not happen and would keep the vegetation from growing. She said she has observed areas near solar panels where vegetation is brown and dead because it did not receive enough sunlight.

- She also questioned the high number of cancer deaths in the area, saying no one could tell her that solar panels didn’t cause cancer.

 

- You’re killing your town, All the young people are going to move out.

- The solar farms would suck up all the energy from the sun and businesses would not come to Woodland.

How can people actually believe anything of that nature?!?!?  This isn't the dark ages...do they not know how basic science works???  Okay, I get being unaware...MAYBE...but it is 2015 at least RESEARCH before you spew this nonsense.  We aren't depleting an energy source, we are using something that we already have in a different way.   Harnessing the "power" of the Sun will not make the sun go out!!!  Solar panels don't "steal sunlight" from plants and kill them, that is silly (science teacher my left ovary).  Solar panels don't cause cancer.  Prolonged exposure to the sun causes cancer...solar panels don't pull in more "rays" to the area.  So unless you are sitting inside the solar panel farm,  on top of a f**king solar panel (I don't recommend this...as someone said...you would fry before the cancer got you), you aren't getting increased exposure. 

Another commentor said "Pretty sure the young people aren't moving away from Woodland because of the solar farms. I'm pretty sure they are moving away from that town because the folk who inhabit it are missing a few chromosomes." (agreed) 

IFLS Article
News Article
Facebook Post

Can't...contain...the....Smart@$$...response...*gah*

You know I am patient...to a point...then something happens and I become the most sarcastic thing known to these parts. 

You ever just hear something that is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO out there that you can't help but be an @$$ when responding?!? I do...often...and I have to attempt to contain my sarcasm...it rarely works. 

If I sent you this picture, with a note that said "can you tell when my puppy woke me up?"...it is pretty self explanatory...right?!!?

  

So how would you respond if someone said "I don't know what I am looking at...is that an arrow?"

I...what?!?!  It says "Sleep"...I added a note that should tell you its some sort of sleep chart...there is an OBVIOUS spike at 5AM.

So I responded "Yes, 'It's a shot in the dark aimed right at my throat'".  (I was just listening to that song) Apparently that was an @$$hole answer because I got called all kinds of mean things via text. 

What made it worse (or better) was said person also responded with "is that something on your phone?" I said sort of. It's a fitness tracker, that is the app it connects to.   Which got the response "I don't know what that is...." So I said that brightly colored thing I always wear...then I took a pic of it and sent it.  The response was "Oh, look at your wedding ring!!! :)" 

Okay A.D.D. there is a VERY bright watch looking thing that is the focal point of the pic and the topic of the previous conversation.  So I said "Right...I didn't tell you I had a fitness chip put in my wedding band?  Its the latest rage." Again...NOT the right thing to say...more colorful insults...well they were meant as insults all they did was make me laugh harder. 

I swear I am a nice person...usually...