Why does crying imply you are weak or can't control your emotions?

I've always felt like a good cry is like a release.  All the pent up emotions can come flooding out whether it is because you are happy or sad.  I know it's not a sign of weakness or being soft or whatever it just means you can feel.  I guess I've never really understood why people are embarrassed by showing emotion even though I seem to have trouble myself. 

I am not very good at following my own advice.  I try not to cry fairly regularly. At least when other people are around.  And it's not that I am embarrassed really...maybe I am who knows.  I think it's because I've been conditioned to believe that crying is bad and people should never see you cry.  Even at traditionally sad events, like oh I dunno a funeral.  I will detach myself from the room mentally, not make eye contact, limit the physical contact, look at the ceiling, think of something, anything that has nothing to do with the fact that someone I know is gone and people I care about are a wreck.  I used to think I was weird but apparently this is the norm.  But if we all (or many of us) do this, then how do we say goodbye and grieve the loss?  Why we do it in private, in the shower, in bed with the sheets pulled over our heads, in the car...anywhere we are alone.  This cannot be healthy...or maybe it is and it is just how we learn to deal with things. 

I'm thinking about this recently because I have a friend whose dog is dying.  Well he seems healthy at the moment but he has some major underlying issues that may shorten his life.  I can empathize with her.  I feel that pain.  I have dogs, I've always had them and its hard when they are sick.  So I tear up when she tears up. Then I look away or make a stupid joke so we both stop crying.  She appreciates me being funny but why is it such a bad thing that I feel so close to the situation that I feel her pain and cry a little.  It's almost like we are all embarrassed to show we have feelings.  Or feel like we have to be strong for them but it makes us more detached. Maybe we feel too vulnerable...I just don't know. 

So when can I cry freely...its so weird I can't even believe I am saying this.  I cry mostly when I watch TV...but only if I am alone.  Like if my hubs is there, I try REALLY really hard not to cry because I feel silly.  But he knows my triggers and stares at me and I ignore him.  There are occasions that catch me off guard.  Like HIMYM last week.  It was the Lily is pregnant again ending...and I didn't see it coming so it slapped me in the face and I cried.  It was happy but I cried...I felt so stupid and actually said "this F*****G show".  My hubs thought it was cute, whatever.  Now if I am alone some TV or Movies can make me pretty much sob.  I watched Journey's End and Doomsday on Netflix while alone and cried my freaking eyes out.  Like inconsolable...okay okay maybe not that bad but I was for sure crying.  My hubs asked me later why I looked like I had been crying and I told him about the ending of whichever one I had watched that day.  And he was like "he left her on the beach?!?! That's just cruel!" And I was like he had no choice, etc etc etc.  Then sometime later I watched Vincent and the Doctor, it was the end and I was like OMG why did I start watching this show as I hiccuped through tears, when my hubs walked in and was like "um are you okay?"  And I told him about the stupid show (that I LOVE) and he chuckled and said as long as you are okay.  And it's not just that show.  Clearly other shows make me cry but if someone else is there I try to hold it in (so stupid!).  Like the ending to Merlin, I didn't cry, I wanted to but managed not to.  If I watch it again alone, I would sob! And I do that...I re-watch episodes & movies on Netflix that I know will make me cry when I feel like I need a good sob.  I swear I feel like I am Edward Norton's character in Fight Club.  Not the split personality part (that's a little mental), the part where he nightlights at the support groups even though he doesn't have Cancer, a parasite or whatever just so he can feel (cry).  I am not that bad but I use TV Shows and movies in a similar way.   Maybe I should see a therapist....maybe this is why I have anxiety attacks randomly (thankfully not too often). 

I don't know when this being hesitant to cry started because when I lived home and something sad happened on TV or in a movie my mom and I cried together.  And when I lived with my friends we didn't hide our emotions...OMG we sobbed together at the endings to Buffy and Angel and at some of the other episodes (when her mom died...I think we all died a little inside).  But now...now we kinda poke fun at each other for crying or say "you are ridiculous" if one of us is crying over a fictional character.  I don't know when we started doing that.  Like we try not to cry when we go to the movies together even though I know (usually from reading the books) that I would want to sob like a baby.  When my friend started crying next to me in Hunger Games, I just handed her a napkin without looking.  I had teared up but nothing spilled over and I was proud of myself for that...WTH!?!?  Now in Star Trek Into Darkness I cried...I couldn't hold it in and the hubs just held my hand (ya know he's pretty awesome).  But there was a 60+ year old man next to me sobbing also so bite me. 

My point is I've learned to hold it in until I am alone.  That cannot be normal or healthy but I know I am not the only one who does it.  We are taught that holding in other things (bodily functions) for too long can cause physical harm and we shouldn't do it.  I think the same goes for emotions (I am fairly certain its a proven medical fact).  If we hold it in it will cause harm to us.  But we still do it.  We slap on a happy face for hours and then cry alone in the shower, or wherever.  I am trying to make an effort to not hide my emotions but it is hard.  I am not talking about losing my shit at every little thing.  I am talking about when its normal to cry and I force myself to hold it in.  I guess now that I am aware of it, it may make it easier but I don't see me crying freely without hesitation in "public" happening anytime soon.  Until then I will continue to randomly cry in the shower or at fictional happenings to relieve the pressure that is clearly building in my head.