Why am I feeling insecure…it’s just not my style?!?!?!
Wow it's been a while huh?! Well you see what ha happen wuz, this person in my office (possibly me haha - I don't think it was but who knows) was on a social site and the boss man/lady saw and now we can only get to a handful of websites....boooo. So I have to remember when I get home to update yáll...I used to do it on my lunch break...oh well.
Anyways so I am having this weird insecurity thing going on and I don't know why. OK lets step back a sec, this is going to sound conceded but every guy I have ever dated I have always been the new "hot" girlfriend. Or when it came to ex's I was the "hot" ex-girlfriend. I know I know blah blah blah. But I guess that's just the way it went. Well last night things kind of changed (for me anyway).
Now let me lay this out there, my boyfriend is always telling me how pretty/sexy/great I am so this thought process is irrational and should not matter but I am crazy so it happened anyways, HA.
You see last night we were watching SYTYCD. Which I LOVE that show by the way. Anyways the first couple was doing their thing and the girl is very hot/slim/perky a typical professional dancer body. Well my man says "she has a body like my ex". I just said, ok. And continued wathcing TV. But for those that know me well know that I may have looked like I was watching TV but the wheels were turning and the show was the last thing on my mind. OK I am not a complete psycho...one comment does not make me freak. This is like the Um-teenth comment. And don't get me wrong...I do NOT think I am fat by any means but I am a little out of shape and have a few more curves than I used to (I'm getting older, blah blah blah). Over the almost 4 months we have been dating we have discussed our Ex's not in too much detail but we talked about them none the less. And from what is seems ALL of his were a size negative 4 and brunette with fake tata's (or wanting fake tata's). Which like I said normally I could care less and am confortable in my own skin...well most of the time. But I guess when you hear about them and their perfect like bodies so many times at some pont the barrier will break and the insecurness comes flooding out. And let me clarify he's not comparing me to them or being mean...it's just random statements that come up due to conversation or, like last night, a TV show. So last night, ALL effing night, all I could think about was (this is a direct quote from my brain, HA) "OMG I am the NEW chubby, flat chested, blonde girlfriend". It's like he changed his style because he was having bad luck with that type so he went total opposite or something..... Do not attack me, let me reiterate, I do not think I am fat but compared to a negative 4 I am a hefer at a size 2 :P.
Again my guy is always complimenting me so this thinking is goofy but I am a girl and this kind of stuff happens. I don't want to be the crazy girlfriend that says don't talk about your past because I talk about mine. But I've always dated very 'normal' guys. As in I didn't ever date the body builder/male model/movie star looking type. Most guys I dated had good bodies...slender but muscular...but I never mention that kind of stuff. Like I never see a guy and say "he has a body like my ex" :P. I guess I could...maybe I should...then maybe he would think before he talks...or maybe it will backfire, he'll get really pissed and then I'll have a whole new issue because he'll think I'm still wanting my ex. Argh! What to do?! I probably should say something but I am trying not to be the crazy girl... HELP!!!!
OK I am done now. Thoughts/suggestions??????????????????
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