Someone cover me in bubble wrap!

We have been just bombarded with rain the last few weeks.  And not just like an afternoon shower.  It's just a daily deluge of rain combined with psycho winds and crashing thunder & lightening.

Like lightening that lights up your whole house in a bright flash then thunder that crashes so loud you instinctively hit the floor because clearly something just f**king exploded.  

Well I was on my way home from an outing when mother nature just pressure pissed all over us.  We could barely see the road driving home.  When we pulled up it was still raining but not quite as hard.  I did a "one two three" and prepared to run for the door.  As I exited the car and started to run, I realized very quickly this was a bad idea. 

I felt my foot slipping in my shoe.  In slow motion I tried to catch my balance on the hood of the car but it was too late.  

My left leg gave way and I went down.  Out of pure instinct I threw my yeti to catch myself, but the angle of the fall was off so my hands didn't do much to help.  

I landed HARD on my left hip, left leg bent under me, and my left elbow hit the bumper of the car.  I sat stunned in the pouring rain trying to assess the damage for what felt like an hour but was only seconds.

Hubs tried to help but I said just get the stuff I dropped.   As I tried to get up lightening exploded behind my house blinding and scaring the absolute $hit out of me.  

Instinct kicked in again and I tried to run...I fell flat on my chest, but caught myself before my face hit.  Hubs also ran and then was like WTF, where is she?!?!  I literally hummed both shoes at my house and took off running barefoot as another blast of lightning lit up the sky.  

Once safely inside the pain shot through my left side.  I crawled into the living room and just sat on the floor holding my foot and leg rocking in pain.  Once I removed my hand blood started dripping from my foot.

I limped to the shower and hosed myself down.  EVERYTHING hurt/burned.  Then I practically bathed in peroxide. 

My toes wouldn't stop bleeding. 

Once I got a closer look...in my fall I removed MULTIPLE layers of skin from my last three toes and I am pretty sure broke the second to last one as there was a BURNING sensation not affiliated with the missing skin area.  

I dressed and wrapped each toe. Then carefully bandaged the horrific brush burn that takes up most of my left shin/calf.  

Let this be lesson kids....shoes matter....

Seriously I should be the flipping poster child for "don't run in flip flops".

Lightning doesn't strike twice

Okay I know that's been disproven but you get the idea.  What are the chances that ONE specific day could be haunted with repeated tragedy?!?!?!

Exhibit A, B, & C

Katrina 2005

Isaac 2012

Ida 2021

All three of these Mother F**kers made landfall ON THE SAME DAY....IN THE SAME VICINITY!!!!!!!!

They were all different instities and sizes.  But they ALL brought death and destruction in their own way.  

Katrina - Massive b**ch that almost took up the whole gulf at one point.  Became a Cat 5 but weakened to a Cat 3 at landfall. Problem was it built up a Cat 5 storm surge that WIPED out Mississippi  Coast and destroyed NOLA and the surrounding parishes.  Thankfully my house was spared but we couldn't go home for about 2 weeks.  

Isaac - People discount Isaac because "it was only a Category 1".  But that @$$hole made TWO landfalls, and then just hovered battering the crap out of the area and pushing water into the unsuspecting River Parishes.  Leaving me homeless for 8 months!!!

Ida - Angry b**ch that Strengthened so fast we almost weren't prepared.  Smaller in diameter than the K word but made landfall as a Cat 4 and took her sweet f**king time moving along.  Destroying the bayou parishes and beating the crap out of the suburbs of NOLA. Leaving me homeless AGAIN for 6 months!!

Welcome to the Cooch Show!

 Ever have one of those days where you go, "Damn...I should have stayed in bed..."?

I was having a really good day.  Worked in my garden, cleaned up a little around the house, did some painting (for fun, not like a wall).  Just a nice productive day.  

I took a shower and got ready to go run the streets and have a late lunch/early dinner.  I put on these adorable linen shorts and a black tank to head out.  As I was wandering around the house I noticed there was a hole in one of the pockets,  WTH, I've only worn these twice.  Whatever, I'll sew it up later. 

I put on some very light makeup, checked myself in the mirror and went to head out.  As we were heading out I made a comment to my hubs how nice these shorts were.  They were so light, it didn't feel like I had anything on.  He said they looked like they fit nice. 

Before we left my bladder woke up and was like YO GOTTA GO!  Normally I'd be like WTF but today I was soooo grateful for the delay.  

As I was finishing up I felt something tickling my ankle.  

On closer inspection, there was a hole in my pants. 

I started poking at it and realized, I could literally stick my entire hand through the hole. 

It was in the crotch area.  I pulled my shorts back-up to see why I didn't notice before and you couldn't see anything.

I walked towards the mirror.  That is when I saw flashes of my rainbow undies on display for anyone to see. 

I took them off to better examine them and the crotch was annihilated.  

It was legit hanging on by a single thread.  Cheaply made POS. 

So my $30 linen shorts that I wore twice are now in the trash but my old faithful $12 Old Navy shorts are still going strong.  

Dreams are weird

This isn't for anything in particular but why is it in dreams things don't work right.  I think I need to do some Dream Analysis o_O.

Example 1: I am by no means a fast runner.  I am fast enough, I do about a 12.5 min mile (need to train) but in instances of needing a burst of speed I can take off at a very very quick sprint.  It's short lived but I know I can do it.  Yet anytime I need to "run for my life" in dreams, it's like running through quicksand.  I have no idea what I was dreaming about the other night but I vividly remember needing to run and just not being able to.  Like I kept trying but I was barely getting anywhere. 

Example 2: Throwing a punch.  Okay again, not superwoman or anything but I know I can throw a punch. I unfortunately have had to punch a tw@t waffle for being a tw@t waffle and I split his eyebrow knocking him on his butt and did NOT break my hand.  But I know I've had many many dreams where I try to punch/kick/slap/claw and it's like they just don't land with any force.  

Example 3: The lights don't work. I can't tell you how many times in a dream I walk into a dark room and flip the light switch...and it doesn't work.  I immediately get that heart pounding sinking feeling of pure terror.  I don't get it.  I am generally not scared of the dark.  But in these dreams, it's almost like the dark is alive and won't let the light on.  I know I know WEIRDO. 

I'm sure there are other weirdo things but these are the ones that have happened recently and it just makes me wonder...why.  I'm assuming my subconscious is trying to tell me something.  

Did I do drugs and forget that I did drugs resulting in active hallucinations...?

What the hell did I just watch?!?!! 

I was thinking "oh cute kids movie" but ended up questioning mating rituals of intellectually advanced animals and contemplating the "rules" of their society.

I mean seriously though, you see this and go "okay that looks fun".  I thought it was like a Hare who was scared of everything...hence the "chicken" 

Then you get into the 1st like 10 min and wait what...?

He has chicken legs and and random feathers and you go....how is this combination even possible?!?!?

Mind you it was effing ADORABLE and I really did enjoy it but my weird @$$ brain was trying to picture how a Chicken and a Hare could (in theory) um...mate successfully, producing offspring. 

Plus I feel like if in nature that were to happen it would not be nearly as cute...

Then a few days later my childhood was flipped upside down...

Wait wait wait...?

WHAAAAT?!?!

I am all for to each their own but I am again...how.....she's a mouse....he's a.... he's a fly.... the visual....

I'm sure there is a deeper meaning and I am all for it but my logical brain is stuck on how it would anatomically work. 

Send help, I am over thinking cartoon mating and offspring....

I can't believe...What year is it?!

So way back in the recesses of 2014, I posted about makeup BS at work.  I work for a new company now...I work FROM HOME...not to mention its 2022 and this came up...AGAIN!

On a "zoom" call TWO YEARS post global pandemic...where people have been working from home and zooming has become more normalized.  I had someone make a comment on my "makeupless" face.  

It was a 7AM call that I wasn't even supposed to be on.  I don't generally log in until 8AM so there was no reason for me to be "made up" at that time.  But since I was "summoned" I logged in to do whatever.  About 10 people didn't have cameras on so I didn't feel bad.  

Well because some 60 year old (not being an @$$hole, they really are 60) decided we all had to have cameras on, so I did.  Then he...YES HE...proceeded to call me out on a call with 25+ people about having no makeup on.  

I was so flabbergasted I didn't even know what to say at first.  One, I wasn't even supposed to be logged on! Two, Rude! Three, 100% something I do not need to wear.  So I said as professionally as possible, f**k off, and the meeting continued.  Then, he proceeds to make $hit comments the rest of the meeting.  

Rather than publically be a jerk, because I know that's what he wanted, I just ignored him and rolled my eyes.  Mind you it wasn't all on me.  He was making comments about others.  Look we weren't frumpy or homeless looking.  I had on a nice shirt, hair fixed, and lipgloss.  Just not a full face of makeup. 

So after some consideration, it was decided to make a formal complaint to HR. Basically stating when he has to wear makeup everyday, I'll consider it.  He was removed from the meetings I was on and no one told me I have to wear makeup.  I still think more should have happened but whatever. 

Rant over. But seriously mind your own business.  I have sensitive skin and I don't like makeup everyday.  Also, NOT IN THE HANDBOOK and NOT REQUIRED you sexist @$$hat. 

We shook the world (well part of it)

So we all know people are crazy when it comes to their fav bands/singers. But there something about certain artists in certain arenas where the stars align and its just complete INSANITY!

So Garth Brooks came to Baton Rouge and had a HUGE concert IN TIGER STADIUM.  

Okay look, there is NOTHING like Saturday night in Death Valley.  It is hands down one of the loudest, funnest places to watch College Football. I might be biased but I've heard this from people from other colleges also.  

But Saturday night in Death Valley watching one of the BEST performing artists is on a whole other level.  

So the WHOLE concert was loud and amazing and just incredible.  I mean me and 102,000+ of my closest friends just saaaaaaang our hearts out.  But you see Mr. Brooks has this one song that....well it holds a very special place in the hearts of most Louisianians.  

You see this song is played at every single LSU home game!  If you are not a Garth fan, I'm talking about this little known song *sarcasm* song called "Callin' Baton Rouge".  You have not appreciated this song until you hear that fiddle start blaring in Tiger Stadium before a home game with a mere 90,000 of your closest friends screaming because we are ready for some Tiger Football!!!!

Anyway, imagine 102,000+ crazy country & LSU fans in Tiger Stadium when he f**king played this song!!!

We collectivly went ape$hit! So much so that we registered a small Earthquake.  No really, some equipment in a nearby building on campus recorded an "earthquake".  

I can't say I am surprised AT ALL but I think it's freaking hilarious.  See below so you can enjoy the chaos (starts at 1:11)  And I'm going to go to bed and hope my ears stop ringing and my voice comes back. 

  

(https://youtu.be/EQn4bBYQins)