How early, is too early?!?

There is nothing worse than being awoken by your dogs growling and aggressively barking at 4AM.  I jumped up out of a dead sleep.  They were losing it at the door to our room.  The hubs had worked late so I decided to get up to investigate. 

I let them out to attack whatever they thought was in the house.  I assumed they were barking at the cats.  Except they didn't go past my living room.  Normally they do a lap around the house....

So I walked out further.  I had a HORRIBLE buzzing in my ears and they were still going ape$hit.  Not just barking...it was really a protective thing happening.  I realized I still had my ear plugs in so I took them out but the noise didn't change.  I was still half asleep and thought the weird noise was coming from the nightlight in our kitchen. Mainly because the dogs were barking in that direction and that made sense to my sleep addled brain.

As I started to walk towards it Speedy grabbed and pulled my hand. WTF Dog?!?!?  They were still barking like crazy.  But I kept walking, Lil bit was biting at my ankles.  Speedy kept grabbing my hand and getting in front of me. 

A fully awake person would have realized they were trying to stop me from walking into the kitchen.  But I was still half asleep and getting annoyed.  I got to the night light and unplugged it. haha, success!!!

The noise didn't stop and the dogs were still barking.  I was staring blankly at the light like, why are you still buzzing, I UNPLUGGED YOU!

Finally my irritation bubbled over and I yelled "Can everyone please shut up!!!"  Immediately the noise stopped and both dogs stopped barking. 

At this point I woke up enough to realize how f**ked up that was. 

I looked around, promptly headed back to bed with the pups, and put my earplugs back in.  I did NOT go back to sleep.  Hubs mumbled "is evey thing okay?"  and I said "nightlight".  I stared at the ceiling waiting for the buzzing to come back or the dogs to bark.  Thankfully neither happened!

I'm not scared, you're scared!

Okay we joke a lot about the old owners still being around but sometimes things get really weird and I choose to just have another glass of wine. 

So my speedy LOVES to play.  He will bring you his toy, spit it on you, then bark until you throw it.  He does this to anyone and everyone who steps foot in our house.  Its adorable for about 5 minutes then it gets annoying but we love him to bits. 

Anyway, since we've moved in, him and lil bit have claimed our spare room as their own.   Nothing weird, they think they are children so I guess they have a room. 

Well randomly they go back there.  Lil bit rolls around on the bed like she does when she wants belly rubs.  She's a dog, not that weird..right.  But Speedy has decided that it is really fun to scare the $hit out of me and I am not okay with it. 

I was cooking dinner one night and I heard him barking.  When I went to investigate he was standing in the doorway to my spare room...toy on the ground...barking into the darkness.

So I yelled for him....he looked at me.  Looked back into the room...cocked his head and started barking again.

I reluctantly walked down the hall, turned on the lights as I went and checked the room HOPING TO SEE A CAT.  No cat.  Speedy picked up his toy and went back in the living room. 

Lil bit started doing this too.  She doesn't bark but she nudges her toy across the threshold and wags her tail. 

Not necessarily scared but...curious.  What is it with that back room?  I mean they don't always do this but it is almost 3 years and they are still doing it soooooooooo.

The world is a dumpster fire...I mean Vampire...no I mean dumpster fire

And no place more like home *face palm*.

Innocent man killed by a cop.  Hold up...not just killed.  I mean, he was straight up murdered.  I know some people may not like to hear that but f**k... y'all it was bad...REALLY REALLY BAD.  Like Jesus H Christ, its 2020 right?!?  Why is this still happening?!??!  Have we not evolved enough to f**king NOT do this?  I know one bad egg but there have been quite a few bad eggs and now I'm worried about my cop friends that are legitimately good people....

Now the world is protesting because...are we not all HUMAN?!?!  Come on!  This is not acceptable, and it needs to stop (the killing & racism, not the protests). 

So tick another box off for Apocalyspe BINGO. 

So these protests I get and support, but holy $hit now I'm scared "Corona 2 - The Resurgence" is coming to a city near you in upcoming weeks.

Top that with a f**king Tropical Storm headed straight for LA and I mean June is starting off great...JUST GREAT!  So Cristobal decided it wanted to make history and be the earliest 3rd named storm on record so "yay, good for you". Its not a Katrina or Harvey but it looks to dump 10+ inches of rain on us, so I guess that's the flooding part of the Apocalypse. 

Now I see there is a football field sized "near Earth" asteroid floating around out there.  And while I know these are always out there, its 2020.  She'll probably just kick us while we are down and send a life ending rock hurdling into the Earth.  Except it won't end life just make it THAT much more f**ked up *ahhhhhhhh*.

Its cool, I mean we are already in June...OMG its only June....I feel like I've lived 10 years in 6 months...

Crap I almost forgot about the cannibal rats...because that doesn't sound terrifying....

Who clicked on a suspicious link? 
Did someone install Limewire???? 
Who dug up an old burial ground? 
One word, Jumanji! 
Clearly, the Earth's free trial of McAffe has expired, Good Luck and Godspeed. 

Time to go old school.

That is why I have so many shoes!

So there I was watching "The Greatest Showman" for the 1st time (I know I know WAAAAY behind, but I know all the music so *plfeet*). 

Anyways, we were just a chillin' when something caught my eye.  Now mind you, I'd had a glass...or a few of wine but I felt....like I was being watched.  When I glanced up at the ceiling and saw the freaking MOTHER of all bugs who shall not be named. 

Rendered speechless, all I could squeaked out was a "no no no no no no".  Thankfully the sig other knows me well enough.  We both jumped up and scurried away as it hobbled towards us.  Clearly it was dying from our pest control BUT it was huge and still alive. 

I promptly hid in the kitchen and was basically rocking in a corner.  The hubs began throwing shoes.  It ran faster *$hit $hit $hit $hit*. 

It made it to our laundry room door.  He threw another shoe and that F**ker started flying. 

There was a loud scream...it wasn't me....or not just me

We were running out of options...it was blocking the door...and the RAID was in the laundry room.

Two shoes left.  1st one spooks it and it starts flying again. 

I am basically crying on the floor now.  Immediately he hums another shoe...DIRECT HIT!

It's still moving, though. 

Gloves, a dust pan, and a broom later...and its flushed down the toilet...like 15 times over. 

Once I emerged from my hiding spot, I found 6 pairs of shoes...and some legs

Have I mentioned, I hate those things!!!!!!!!

So we all died in 2012 and this is the final test before going up or down....right?!

2019 was...difficult for many.  Most were all happy it was coming to an end.  Thinking 2020 would be a great new start was naive at best.

Like 3 days into the new year we almost had WWIII.  I mean obviously a lot more needed to happen but the pissing contest and just general idiocy had most of us believing we were all going to die in the fiery fall out of a nuclear blast or freeze to death from the nuclear winter.

A couple weeks later Kobe Bryant dies in a freak helicopter accident along with his daughter, and nine other people.  It's not WWIII but it was a WTAF Universe moment.  I'm not a huge Basketball fan but I mean I know who he is and was heartbroken for the families, friends, and fans.

Then Australia was on fire.  Like no really the f**king contiennt was basically burning.  It had been going on for some time but seem to really take over in early 2020.  I (along with everyone else, I'm sure) felt so helpless watching people and animals lose their homes.  I mean I started following the Irwins to see how their Zoo was helping all the injured animals.  I bought items that were donated to to relief cause.  I donated to LEGIT save Australia campaigns.  I mean I know we all joke about everything in Australia wanting to kill you but we still need to save it!

Moving on, we started to hear more and more about this "nothing to worry about" virus in China.  The news said "its all good".  But social media posts from other areas seemed to say different. Then...then news was blowing up with cases all over the world.  Little onesie twosie things until *BAM* it's almost Mardi Gras and its officially here in the US and WTF is happening?!??!  Then one vacation was canceled because international travel was not recommended.  Then a case or 20 popped up in NOLA.  Another vacay was canceled.  I left my office on 3/11 not realizing I would not be returning for an indefinite amount of time.  It's been over 8 weeks... 

Amidst the pandemic Wildfires near Chernobyl ramped up increasing radiation readings in the area.

We had a freak hail storm.  Just out of the blue f**king hail when we were supposed to have "lite showers".  NO warning.  NO nothing just *ping ping ping*, "Mother F**ker!!!" In one city it was the size of my fist...MY FIST!  At least by me it was just tiny marbles but STILL!

The stock market crashed.

Oil went negative.  IT WAS TRADING NEGATIVE!

Now we are being told there are Murder Hornets.  I'm sorry...what?!?!  Ah yes...a hornet....bigger than my index finger.  Excuse me while I just drink Everclear, and cry in a corner.  Apparently their sting hurts (alot) but they really only target Honey Bees.  Oi, I like Honey Bees!

They also are predicting a more active than normal hurricane season...which that news can just f**k right off.

Seriously, who the f**k is playing Jumanji??!?!

To top it all off, people are now protesting the pandemic.  I'm sorry, what....? Well technically they are protesting the SAH orders but it's basically the same because both make about the same amount of f**king sense...zero.  I want things to open up too but safely and not at the cost of more lives.

Oh and apparently wearing a mask...you know to protect OTHER PEOPLE from your germy @$$ is a violation of constitutional rights or something.  As in my comfort is more important than your life so f**k you.  So we want to open back up but not take precautions to keep it from making a resurgence...makes sense *face palm*.

Sometimes I think we deserve $hit like this because as a whole humanity can be hella f**ked up.

Is it like a strap on or something???

I haven't searched for....so why is this a suggestion for me?!!?

Wait, wait wait.. just for Lesbian women...that is very specific.

Well now I'm curious but I don't want to click it because for the next 20 years it will be one of my "Hey a deal you looked at..." emails...

Whatever, now I am dying to click the link but am refraining for my future sanity.

They see me rollin'

On a happier note in this time of insanity I am a weirdo!

So since I have a serious case of cabin fever, I try to "get out" as much as possible NOT WITH PEOPLE at parks or in groups.  Usually in my back yard or I run in my hood while all the families are eating dinner.  It's awesome, there is like no one out and about.  But it sucks because no one is out and about.

Now I live in a safe area, I'd like to think but running the streets ALONE during the apocalypse is f**king creepy!  It's like walking around in  I am legend...

I keep waiting for Zombies on speed to come running out of the shadows, and then I remember....I am not that fast!  An 11 min mile is decent but not a Cheetah Zombie pace!!!

Today I decided to ride my bike instead.  I am faster on a bike, ha!  So I put one ear bud in (safety 1st) and went on my way.  Now I look like your typical soccer mom.  I am not a mom nor do I attend soccer games but I am a small-ish suburban blonde 30 something in Lululemon knockoffs and Nikes. 

Not my pic

So imagine as I rolled through my 'hood jamming to some...interesting music. I looked like a modern day Donna Reed singing "I got my twin glock .40s, cocked back. Me and my homies, so drop that"...

Anyways, as I came around the corner and saw one of our elderly neighbors on her porch and I realized singing "Hold up, wait up, shorty. "Oh aw wazzup, get my d**k sucked, what are you doin'?"" Was probably something I should stop doing while looking like....

I mean she couldn't have heard me...right...

I am hoping her hearing aids were off...