I don't like you like that!

Ugh!  Why people gotta make $hit complicated.  I am not complex.  If we click we friends.  I am capable of being friends with people of all varieties.   I don't care what you look like, your gender, your sexual preferences, etc.  If we click we click dammit!

And just because we click doesn't mean it has to be sexual!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!  Can I just tell you how many guy friends I've lost because they either can't look past the sexual attraction aspect OR their sig others are like "oh nah ah you can't be friends with a female!"  I am not like that.  Maybe I am naive but I am not gonna be like "you can't talk to your bestie because she's female."  Now if you are always texting her and not coming home, I'ma have an issue but having a bestie of the opposite sex isn't a threat to me.  

Moving on!  I have a new-ish male I consider a long distance bestie.  We've known each other maybe a year and half but we are basically the same person.  We think alike, we like the same things, and have the same dark sense of humor.  He is married, I am married...we have hung out in person a few times and we have NEVER looked at each other more than literal friends.  It's so awesome.  Like we just click.  

Anyways something changed and now I want to punch babies.  We were in person hanging out (with multiple other persons) but our spouses weren't there.  That night was stupid fun.  We laughed so much!  We were picking on each other, cracking jokes, and having an all around fun time.  We learned more about each others pasts and it was really freaking awesome!

The next day we are doing stuff and my guy FRIEND is being f**king weird.  Like weird weird.  Like he's about to jump out of his damn skin.  Bruh WTF?!?!  At one point we brushed arms in passing and he couldn't form a sentence and left the room. Like to the point that one of the other girls is like "um what's his deal?!?!"  

Later that night we go out again for dinner and he's like visibly uncomfortable.  So OF COURSE me the fixer is like pouring on the me charm like trying to make him as comfortable as possible and he seems to chill (Thank God!!!).  We start joking and talking and having fun.  After dinner he's like lets go get a drink. K cool yes.  So we think he's all good now.  

He goes to sit next to me and then like jumps up and practically runs to the seat across from me "WTAF".  So we order some beverages and try to talk but its super loud and he's across from us like a little too far to hear.  He's laughing at the rest of us because we are f**king funny when he gets a call.  He comes back in and has SHUT DOWN.  

The waitress comes back and he's like check please.  It was 7:30!!!! Ummmm what.is.happening??!?!

So we leave and me and another chick are like Da Fuq and are making jokes because that's what we do when our FRIENDS are being sticks in the mud.  Her and I end up going for more libations and he left.  But I was legit concerned I did or said something so I texted him to be like you ok and he was like yea of course we are fine! I could never be upset with you.

I AM MORE CONFUSED!!!!

The next day he's still being weird to the point where we were RAGGING on him because tell us what is wrong man!!!! Now granted when we parted ways he gave me the sweetest hug and was texting all of us later that night.  

For a few days communication was super weird.  Like he didn't know how to act with me and I was like OMG please dont do this!!! I don't want to lose another "friend" because you think I was hitting on you or am gonna try & sleep with you or you think you like me more than you should or something. 

Then suddenly all seems to be fine...I think.  But WTAF happened ?!!!?!?  Did he get inside his own head??!?!  Was he overthinking something we said or did!?!?!?  I try not to be an overthinker but like curiosity is killing me!!!  

I'm not gonna ask because he'll probably get weird again but like AHHHHHHHHHHH!

**UPDATE** I told my BFF (since we were like 5) the story and she thinks he either was overthinking how close we got or his sig other was like "who dis Bish?!?!"  Or I was "safe" until we were in person.  Like I am the long distance chick who is zero threat bc she's 1000 miles away and when we were in person he (or his sig other) got spooked since we didn't have 1000 miles between us.  I mean we have hung out in person before soooo.... I have no idea but I hope he's over it because I miss my friend!!!!!

I can't see in the dark!!!

So somehow, someway someone convinced me to join a DnD campaign.  I have nothing against DnD.  But in all my years I have NEVER played.  I understand the basics... roll for initiative...20 Sided Die, etc etc. 

So now I am a Sorceress....who can't see in the dark.  Which is apparently weird but I didn't know what I was doing and here we are!

Anywhos during the 1st "battle" we are fighting Goblins.   Now mind you my nerd@$$ has been drinking because that's what adults who play DnD do. 

I'm on like my 3rd glass of wine and my "inept" Sorceress f**cking nails the Goblin in the head in one shot.  Suck it jerks!

Well the remaining Goblin "flees" down the path and my team is like "We should follow it". I'm like naw that ain't our job.  We were hired to get the loot to the city!!!  So obvi we are gonna follow it and I'm like "I'll only go if I get to meet the Goblin King!!!"

Slowly giggles...then full belly laughter!   

So I clarify "Wait! By Goblin King I mean Jareth...and by Jareth I mean David Bowie's Version!!!!"

The DM is dying and says "If you keep saying stuff, I'm gonna make you do it!"

Oh nooos please don't make me meet David Bowie's Goblin King!

So someone says "so would that make you a Goblin or like a Goblin Princess????"

And I'm like "Ma'am I would be his Goblin Queen all day long!"

Ever wonder if you slipped into a different reality in your sleep?!?!?!

So I am close with a few persons of the male gender.  Like we are legit friends.  Most, I am friends with their wives/sig others.  That is all we will ever be and we are super close.  Like we are basically  inseparable and know almost everything there is to know about each other.  

Well last night I had a dream.  And when I woke up I legit went "no...no...NO NO NO!"

We were in a tropical climate.  It wasn't NOLA, I know that.  But it was warm and LOTS of water and LOTS of bridges.  Something was wrong.  Think like Day After Tomorrow WRONG.  

We were at work I think and it was raining REALLY REALLY hard.  At some point about 10 of us decided we needed to leave but it was some place where we didn't need a vehicle so we left on foot.. WTAF.  As we were walking we could see islands in the distance.  The islands had volcanoes exploding.  But like...each one was exploding in a ....face?  One looked like it had devil horns, one was a "normal" face, and so on.  I was very nervous.  Like I knew something was very wrong and we were in terrible danger.  As we are running along the coast I was falling behind.  My work bestie grabbed my hand so I would keep up with him. Look I am short...."fast" on a good day....I was struggling. 

We made it to a bunker but it was under ground.  I was FREAKING OUT. I kept saying we shouldn't be below sea level.  Something is wrong.  We need to go higher!!!!  We were trying to get to our families for f**ks sake.  But no one would listen.

My friend and a few others seemed to be on the same page as me.  We opted to leave the bunker and hop into a Bronco with the the dude from Hawaii Five-0.  What.is.happening?!?!?!

Legit haven't watched that show in 5 years but okay brain.  So we are in this old @$$ Bronco driving across this ONE LANE bridge as waves of water crash OVER the bridge.  I am talking Tsunami kind of waves.  So dreams work nothing like reality.  A 30 ft wave would FLOAT the vehicle and we'd somehow land back on the bridge because he had been driving this bridge his whole life.  

Well one wave was too much and knocked us off just enough that we didn't land back on the bridge and were spun around into some canal thing.  I started to roll down the window to jump out and this f**ker told me to roll it back up because his way would give us more time before the car sunk. 

Well his way sucked and we were suddenly plummeting into the dark depths. I blacked out and when I came to I was looking up at my work bestie.  He started crying and hugging me and mumbling something into my neck.    

We were now on foot and it was just the two of us.  We were hiking across scorched but wet lands.  He was dragging me by they hand.  I kept saying "Leave me, You need to get home!"  But he wouldn't leave me.  He said  I love you and you are coming home with me!  

What....what?!?!  I mean yes I love all my friends.  That is nothing weird but I am holding you back and you could die.... LEAVE ME. Also we have never officially said "love you boo boo"

We were hitting dead ends at every turn.  He was getting visibly more scared but had my hand in a death grip. I was hurt and exhausted.  I was keeping him from escaping. I said  "please.  Please just leave me I can't go anymore".  

His beautiful blue eyes were scared, frantic.  I said "go home! *wife* is waiting for you" 

He grabbed me by the shoulders and said "You are coming home too!  Plus *wife* would kill me if I left you, I think she loves you more than me!"

So we ran...and ran....and ran.  I finally collapsed from exhaustion.  He lifted me back to my feet.  I again begged him to leave me.  He grabbed my face and said "never", then kissed me.  Nothing sweet or romantic.  It was desperate, rough, scared but full of emotion.  He poured everything into the kiss.  Its like the kiss let me know how loved I was.  I was staring dumbfounded at him and couldn't form a thought.

A massive wave crashed over us and I woke up. 

I have ZERO desire to kiss my friend.  Honestly I think if he tried to kiss me I'd either burst into a fit of giggles or gag.  We aren't like that.  We never have been and its' never going to happen!!!!

So why...?  Why did my brain go "tonight you aren't going to kiss hubby or your celebrity crush.  Tonight we kiss someone we see as a brother!!!! *muahahahaha*"  I mean seriously...WTAF!