Seriously though... There you were being all perfect. I mean you looked absolutely delicious...I could have just devoured you right then and there. You smelled divine, how in the world was I supposed to control myself. The growing hunger was driving me mad! And then it happened, I took a taste. Albeit a small taste but a taste non the less. And you burned me...you burned me so bad I was crying. There I was just staring at nothing with tears streaming down my face thinking how much it hurt.
Damn you delicious french bread pizza I have a blister on the roof of my mouth now!!! And I am pretty sure I am missing a few taste buds...ahhhhh I have made a terrible mistake!
You would think 5 minutes of cooling would have sufficed but noooooooooooooooooo. No instead of a delicious lunch, I had hot lava cheese stuck to the roof of my mouth. I panicked!!! I tried to use my tongue to get it off but it started to burn my tongue. So then I just leaned over my plate hoping it would fall out and it did but not before catching on a tooth and slapping itself to my chin leaving a bright red spot. Great, I look like I got punched in the face! On top of that because of the 3rd degree burn on my hard palate and minor burn on my tongue I sound like I have developed a speech impediment. Not that there is anything wrong with people with speech impediments but when you talk on the phone as part of your job it can be quite hindering. Also I can actually feel a layer of skin dying and falling off...its dangling behind my front teeth and it is grossing me out! But I am still starving so I must eat. The problem is that EVERYTHING I put in my mouth makes me feel like I just took a swig of acid. This includes plain water. Eating is no longer enjoyable for me at this time.
So again, I curse you stupid french bread pizza! You have damaged me, I can no longer trust you to be my yummy lunch. You are no meal, you are a mouth destroyer. You sit on a throne of lies! Be gone vile meal impersonator.
No comments:
Post a Comment