Being an adult sucks!

This may get really deep and personal so feel free not to read on...

Okay here goes.  You know how when you are younger you pray that you aren't preggars.  Even if you are not sexually active at that moment, if you are late you have this panicked moment where you are like "I cannot have a baby right now!".  I know you think like this too, don't lie...and if you are male and your g/f told you she was late you probably had a similar reaction.  Anyways, how many days/nights do we spend as young twenty-somethings (sometimes teens) praying, begging the higher powers to send you your monthly visitor.  Then when you see that lovely speck of red you do the freaking happy dance all around your room.  It sounds dumb but most of us are totaly guilty of this.

Why does being an adult suck?  Well because as an adult, married and "ready" for a kid(s) that little speck of red crushes a piece of your soul.  You think back to how many times you begged not to be prego and wonder if the universe is playing an ugly game with you.  Its like well you said before you didn't want it, why do you want it now.  Cause I do dammit, that's why!  Anyways I am not that far into this new way of thinking but I saw a friend go through it a couple times.  You know where she swore she was and then BAM mother nature said "just kidding".  I mean one time she was like two weeks late and although she was making jokes, I know she was crushed inside.  I hate that for her and for me and for anyone for that matter. I mean now she has a beautiful baby and I just hope I am that lucky.

Like I said before I am not that far into this "lets have kids" mantra (just a few months) but I know every time, I mean every time I get my period a little piece of me will want to just scream!  We are serious about this now, like taking temps and tracking stuff and you get the picture.  But I am trying not to be all stressed because I know that is bad too.  Like the last couple months was this and I just and panicked wondering if we waited too long.  I know I am not that old (not in twenties but not near forty yet) but these are the stupid things that go through my head at night...and now during the day.  It kinda sucks!  Plus I know how much trouble my mom had and of course that concerns me...I just hope I take after one of my g-ma's...they both had more than 4 kids with minimal issues, of course they started much younger back then.  *sigh* being an adult sucks! I hate that wanting to have a career and find my perfect match makes us wait longer to have the babies and well we all know waiting too long can be a problem.

This on top of almost everyone I know watching everything I drink!  Seriously the holidays were hilarious!  I didn't want wine but I got a glass because I KNEW the second I didn't have any alcohol, everyone would jump to conclusions.  Even with the glass I was getting stares.  Then my dear cousin made an announcement (which I am BEYOND excited for them) and everyone was like yay! Then secretly they were like I totally thought it was going to be you...gee no pressure, y'all! So I am totally "drinking" for NYE and NYD!  NYE I am buying a ginormous VIRGIN daiquiri so I don't have to pretend I am drinking...I can drink and no one will know, muahahahaha.  I am not preggo by the way, but I am trying to reduce alcohol consumption, I hear that helps *wink*.

So on top of my own freaking out internally, all of my family...including all the in-laws are like we need a baby, stat. And while I laugh and smile, a part of me is like "stoooooooooooooooooooooooooooop!" Even my dad...he handed me one of my nephews and was making him "talk to me" saying, "I'd really like a little cousin, please".  OMG, really?!  alright, already, geez, hahaha...ha.  But I am not mad at them, don't get me wrong...I actually think its kinda cute that they all want a little me.  I just hate being monitored constantly. 

Okay no more negative thoughts.  *whooosa whooosa* butterflies, rainbows, no pressure!  Hahaha, back to my happy thoughts.

Nola Gurl out :)