I looked like the crazy cat lady that tried go out in public and was terribly unsuccessful at dressing herself...

So the last few weeks at work have been stressful!  We had a major project with one of larger customers.  Like the type of project that if they would have had to do it themselves they would have just said "Eff it I'm quitting".  We are talking about days, upon days of tedious organizing and double and triple checking things.  Just plain ol' boring shtuff.

So over the course of 2 weeks we collected and separated and alphabatized all of this crapola.  And Friday, glorious Friday we finished.  Alleluia was sung, angels trumpeted, I may have orgasmed...who knows.  Point being it was done, thank tha lord! So today being the bubbly bright little worker I am, I went to deliver the goods to our customer, to make nicey and make sure they knew we took care of all the hard work. 

I showed up this morning all excited to finally be rid of this.  I had a bounce in my step and was just beaming.  So as I drove to the customer's office I sang my little heart out in the car and felt like I was Queen of the World!  When I pulled up my first dilemma happened.  This box probably weighs 1/2 as much as me and I have to get it out of my trunk, across the parking lot and up the stairs.  Hmmmmm, I can do this. . . I carry small children for short periods of time...this should be easy peasy.

Bwahahahaha, I remember why I am not Mrs. Optimism...because THE law always wins out...whatever can go wrong, will go wrong and I will be a hot mess!  So there I am pulling a giant rectangle, that weighs more than my 6 years old "niece", out of my little car.  I finally get it out....but am having issues balancing it on my leg while I try to close the trunk and not drop everything and trying to not flash the world because well....that is a possibility when you are wearing a skirt.  In hindsight my adorable outfit may not have been the best choice to wear today.  Moving on, I'm also trying not to touch the trunk because...well because my car is filthy and I have on a pretty black skirt.  I managed to do this somehow only to be greeted with the reality that the ginormous parking lot is gravel and I'm in heels.  *Oh my God what was I thinking dressing like this?!*  I slowly made my way across the parking lot on wobbly ankles that threatened to twist with every step.  I looked like a baby deer taking its first steps on hot lava rocks.  By the time was about 1/2 way I was perspiring, which is southern girl for "sweating my @$$ off", but luckily some LARGE kind fellow realized my struggles and came to my rescue.  "Alleluia, there is a God"  and he likes to watch me in socially awkward situations that make me have near mental breakdowns in public.  My Good Samaritan hoisted the box up over his massive belly and in doing so I heard the contents inside the box shift.  *queue nervous laughter* "Excuse me sir, thanks for the help but please please please be careful with that.  The contents are in a particular order and I'd hate for them to get mixed up." He says "I got this lady" with the biggest Teddy Bear smile.... *hahahaha ok, ok...ok ...it'll be fine....hahahaha*

With each painful step I hear the contents shift in the box.  It is like nails on a freakin chalkboard!  I am trying my hardest not to be a royal bitch but he is just nonchalantly carrying the box.  *silent scream, silent screeeeeeaaaaaaammmmmm* I made another comment about being careful and this time he just flat out ignored me...then....hahahah then....he said "naw baby, I'm helping a sweet little white girl carry something".  *holy shiitake this mother effer is on the phone....hey hey hey sir...'scuse me....AHHHHHH*.  I felt like a little gnat trying to warn and unsuspecting Giraffe there was a lioness about to eat his @$$.

NOLAGurl translation - "big mother effer is totally ignoring me and there is NOTHING I can do to get his flipping attention while he destroys 2 weeks worth of HARD WORK!"

So we go up the stairs *slosh, slosh, slosh goes the inside of the box*.  I am a jittery mess of nerves with a nervous giggle and am just utterly frustrated at this point.  We get to my final destination and he puts my box down and bolts before I can even utter a half-hearted "Thank You".  Guess "baby" was tired of being ignored :P.  I frantically open the box to see the damage as my customer comes out of his office to greet me.  I must have looked like death because before he can even say hello, his smile fades and he says "are you OK?".  *hahaha sure, I'm fine.  two weeks of organizing undone in a mere second. hahaahah sure sure sure, I am fine, twitch twitch* I managed to say "sure, I am great.  Its just extremely warm out there and I wanted to make sure I brought everything *insert the most reassuring smile I can muster (which probably looked fairly demented)* Thankfully my customer is about my age and VERY laid back and just started laughing and asked if his hulking worker messed anything up.  Finally releasing the breath I didn't realize I was holding, I kinda laughed.  I checked the contents and it was only slightly askew...easily fixed *whew*.  Then....hahahha....then I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirrored window...I looked like the crazy cat lady that tried go out in public and was terribly unsuccessful at dressing herself.  Ok maybe not that bad but my skirt had a nice size dust smudge from the box I guess...I had a sweat mark on my side (which you could only see when I raised my arm but STILL)....my hair was unbelievably windblown (a MESS!) with a random piece stuck on my lip (how did I not notice that?!)....and I still had my nervous fake smile.  Oh for F****s sake!  So as I was rambling I tried to casually dust my skirt, smooth my hair (without raising my arms too much) and not look so frazzled!  Then he walked me out and I was like well that ended better than I thought *breathes sigh of relief*.

After returning to my office I was all chipper and relaxed, until I went to the restroom...as I was leaving something caught my eye in the mirror...I had a giant gray dust mark across my @$$!  Like two perfect circles...one on each cheek.  I guess when I hoisted the box away from my vehicle I leaned back against it for balance...It was like a beacon saying "please stare at my bootay".  I was like "geez why didn't so and so say that was there?!?"  Then I was like yea right, like he'd say ANYTHING....that would be like totally admitting he was staring at my butt....which is probably exactly what he was doing as we left! 

So that's my adventure for today, hope I made you smile!