So as I sit here at 2AM trying to fall asleep I cannot. Today was my company Christmas party and while my coworkers still think I'm an angel, I fear my husband my think I'm evil. Not because I did anything wrong per say but I did get a lil um drunk and may not have been very kind. I didn't plan on getting so far gone but alas I drank WAY to many dirty martins and well I don't think that was a good idea. Maybe I just needed to let loose but I never do that. I had at least 8.... Little me had 8 drinks....that should not happen!!! I remember most everything...which I think is worse than no memory....because I remember being mean for no reason. I also remember being very upset about the tragedy in Connecticut. I do not know anyone there but it just about killed me to read what happened.....making me want to forget this world even more by drowning myself in alcohol....not a very noble thing but the more I drank, the less I thought about the horrors of the world we live in....and how scared I am to want to bring children into it.
That is so out of character for me. I think my conscience woke me up just to make me feel bad. I know I fell asleep around 11:30 and popped up at 1:30 like it was time to get up and go....uh yea not so much. I thought I might be able to fall back asleep but I couldn't. My brain keeps running through tonight's events. I won on the slot machine...woohoo! I left with out telling my coworkers bye...bad bad bad. I was a jerk in the car....no idea why.....just raging bitch. But my dear husband still forced me to get out of the car and get dinner because he was hungry. I think I was nice to the waitress as I ordered a beer...(wtf was I thinking) and quesadillas. I paid...probably because I felt bad for the raging B in the car moment. My husband still got me a coke....still spoke to me....and put up with my loud yabbering and just laughed.
We got home and he still wanted to talk to me....I deserved the silent treatment but no he continued being awesome. Oye vey, make me feel worse. My tummy hurts a bit, maybe that's why I'm awake. Or maybe I had to vent about alcohol....it's the debil! Or maybe it's a combination of both...plus I decided to read more on the tragedy in Connecticut....which will probably give me nightmares....
So here I am sitting on the kitchen floor so as not to wake up my sweet hubs, with my cat irritating me because she is happy I am awake...now what....I should try to sleep but I am not tired....I can't take a sleeping pill, I'll never wake up in the AM but I need rest to be functional tomorrow....what to do what to do. I guess I'll signs off and hope exhaustion overtakes me.
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