What timeline is this??!?!?!

Regardless of your political affiliations $hit has gone so far sideways it's not even funny. 

I fear for my future freedoms as a female

I fear for my LGBTQ+ family and friends

I fear for my friends who have more melanin in their skin

I fear for my people who are here on Visas and Greencards

Honestly...I fear for anyone who isn't in the top 10% financially.

Things are scary.  I try not to be paranoid.  I try not to fall into conspiracies. But the way things are going it's really hard not to make parallels to a certain time in Europe... a time where my grandfather had to go fight in a war. A time where Yatzis ran amok.

I'm just...tired and scared.  I don't understand how we are allowing this to happen.  I don't understand how some people think this is ok.  Racism and sexism are running rampant.  They think its ok now to show how horrible they are. But the worst is how they think it won't affect them too.  Newsflash....Billionaires don't f**king care about Joe Shmo from  -insert tiny town name-.  They aren't going to help us.  Why would they?!?!?!  There is no benefit to do better for us.  

All they care about is money and control.  And we handed it to them on a silver platter.  They aren't even hiding it anymore that they are doing shady $hit, they are just throwing it in our faces and saying "what ya gonna do?"  FFS an immigrant who we didn't elect into office has free reign to do what he wants in all gov agencies.  Cutting out the corruption and bloat is what we want but there are ways to do it that don't involve blindly gutting things like the FAA, NOAA, IRS, DEQ, etc. 

And people are still supporting it and making excuses that they are doing it to MAGA.  

I don't know what to do.  I don't know how it happened. But I do know that we are only a few weeks in and not even the onion can come up with the Shenanigans of reality. 

This is my city!!!

So everyone should know NOLA is hosting Super Bowl LIX.  Everyone has been on edge for a few reasons.  One, it's not a secret we have had some crime issues although for the last few months they have been more under control.  Two, the terror attack that occurred on Bourbon street in the early hours of New Year's Day.  

Side note - I have never felt so loved as I did on NYD.  I was in bed by 2:00AM ish so I didn't know about the attack until I woke up at 8AM to a plethora of texts asking if I was okay.  I was so confused until I checked the news.  All my out of town peeps were SO WORRIED and I felt so loved that they thought of me. It was such a tragic awful senseless act and my heart breaks for the victims and their families.

Moving on to happiers events.

Our City...our beautiful, historical, unique city showed up!  We said we are NOLA and we will show you how to have a super bowl.  

For one thing the City looked amazing.  I know we cleaned up for guests but kudos to the beautification peeps that made it HAPPEN!

- The light show in the quarter

- the events ALL OVER THE CITY

- The locals actually showing up and being a part of things even though "our team" isn't in it

- The sheer number of celebrities. 

- The 1st EVER super bowl parade!!!!  Uh-Mazing!

- Lady Gaga's performance on Bourbon (sobbing)

- Harry Connick pre game show

- Southern University being showcased and showing how AMAZING their marching band and dancing dolls are

- Trombone Shorty and Lauren Daigle singing America the Beautiful

- Honoring the victims of the terror attack (literally sobbing).  

- John Batiste singing the National Anthem 

- The hilarious shade from Lil Wayne for NOT being the freaking half time show.  Like who made that decision.  

- The half time show... okay I wanted someone else (obvi) but it was ok.  Semi-Entertaining.  He did good, the dancers were great, and I like his songs but it wasn't as BAM for national TV.  Also SAMUEL L JACKSON!

- Its not over yet but HOLY $HIT the Eagles showed the f**k up!!!! As of posting this, its 27-0 Eagles!!!!

People have judgments of NOLA and some are most definitely true but NOLA said "hold my beer" and showed the F**k up!  This has been a beautiful representation of our city and our culture.  This is who we are! 

Just a few pics of events that have been shared. 

This is my city.  This is my home. And I am proud to be from NOLA!

UPDATE: I've watched the halftime show a few more times.  And its soooo good.  I missed a lot of what he was saying and the symbolism!  He had a message.  Message heard sir!  Soooo gooood!

Yo f**k that Guy....girl...@$$hole

 I am so over everything.  I went to a party (yay).  It was an early party and we had plans for after.  

On our way out... we get to our car...and someone had hit it. 

Not just a ding or scratch....like RIPPED THE FRONT BUMPER OFF and messed up the wheel.  

OF COURSE they didn't leave a note... that would be too kind.  

So now we are down a car, because while drivable its pulling hard to the right AND the bumper is dragging. 

Does this start over the 3 or is this one included with the other accident?!!?!?

I can't take anything else.  

I didn't know that could happen!!!!

So to go back to my previous post.  I found out very quickly my TMJ was in fact NOT due to teeth grinding.  I did NOT know that one could get TMJ from a car accident. 

Turns out my random development of TMJ is directly related to my getting rammed into at 50 MPH or however fast he was going. 

So EFF ME because this $hit can last from a couple weeks to a couple years.... AHHHHHHH

My super power is injuring myself in my sleep

So it's been a couple weeks and still no police report from the wreck.  I don't know why but its freaking me the eff out!!!!  I know holidays, etc but still.  

Work has been A LOT.  Like yes its "slower" since Thanksgiving but so much is going on.  Contracts are changing, job duties are changing, my counterpart got promoted which I am super happy for him but like I am getting a newbie on all my accounts and it terrifies me!!!!  I got lucky with him.  I was super scared when he took over because his predecessor was my friend for a LOOOONG time and knew the accounts backwards and forwards.  

But again he deserves all the things, I'm just in panic mode because things are so weird with a few of the contracts.  Then my other counterpart got promoted which again AWESOME but it's just a lot of change and the peeps I depend on are getting new duties.  Its just so much change....good change but I have too much going on and am just trying to not drown.  

My car is being a B....she is functional at the moment but randomly has a battery drain and I really don't want to deal with this right now!!!!!!!

One of our bathrooms is being a Tw@t and has been since before Thanksgiving, but I don't want to call a plumber because again.... TOO MUCH GOING ON!

On top of all this my mother makes me worry about her well being daily (a story for another day), the cost of everything has gone up exponentially & my paycheck doesn't go as far, and my cat randomly got the $hits & stopped eating (she's fine now). 

So in true me fashion, I shoulder it all and don't complain.  DO NOT DO THIS! I woke up Saturday morning because I was in extraordinary pain. Like I ran a half and and got punched in the face at the end.  I went about my day cleaning and went to a friends for dinner.  As the day progressed my face hurt.  Like the whole right side.  I was convinced I had a toothache in the newly refilled tooth.  I got orajel and got home and did a cold compress.  That's when I realized the pain wasn't my tooth, I could chew just fine...it was my jaw.  Like the most INTENSE ache in the joint and from the back to the front under my teeth.  

I thought my jaw was going to lock up it hurt so bad.  Heat felt better than cold so I did that, I took some Ibuprofen and went to bed.  I wake up whimpering at like 4AM. That's when I realized, I was clenching my teeth together.  That's right...for I don't know how long, I have been clenching/grinding my teeth in my sleep to the point where my new filling is so sensitive it almost hurts and my jaw feels like I was punched.  

So I have effectively given myself TMJ due to pent up stress.  I ordered a f**king bite guard so I don't injure myself further.  My dentist said if it doesn't go away or gets worse to come in but he thinks the guard will help.  Oh and I should try to destress.  Cool cool... I'll get right on that.  

That was my three, right??!!?

 I am so over things.  They always happen in 3's right.....right!?  

1. My dentist redid an old silver filling.  Nothing was wrong with it...it wasn't bothering me...but it was like 20+ years old. It went fine.  But ever since it's been STUPIDLY sensitive to cold.  Like that kind of shocking pain that makes your eyes go all psycho.  But doesn't hurt otherwise.  I asked because I thought something was horribly wrong!!!  I was told its normal....it happens...and it can take MONTHS to go away. And to try sensodyne. WTAF?!?!?!?!?  So now every time I drink or eat something cold I look like I have a tick.  

2. I had a premonition a little too late.  I was on a trip.  I was driving in a city I don't normally drive in.  As I was driving there were like 7 accidents on the freaking interstate.  Someone cut me off and I slowed down alot and turned off the podcast I had on.  I felt super uneasy and I said out loud "F**king crazy people, I need to really focus, I don't want to be another wreck on the road."   Literally not 5 minutes later traffic ahead of me stopped, I stopped...a car slammed into the back of me going VERY fast. So fast that my foot slipped off the brake and my arm pulled the wheel to the left.  The impact threw me about 10 feet forward into another vehicle.  This is a nightmare of an interstate, its like 7 lanes and NO ONE was slowing down to let us get off the f**king road.  I was terrified, shaking, calling 911, ya know usual accident $hit.  I was yelled at by a cop who was like "get off the road" and I was like (super nice) "I'd love to but no one will let me and I don't want to wreck again!!!"  Somehow...by some f**king miracle, I am ok.  I was sore for about a week but each day it got better.  I had a gnarly bruise on my thigh (WTF?!?!), a bruised knee (assuming from the dash), and a super tender Abdomen and chest (seatbelt).  I have no idea how the airbag didn't deploy but it didn't and I am SO GRATEFUL because I feel like that would have messed up my face so bad!

3. I got home from my trip sore and scared.  I was just so glad to be in my safe space.  That night I got up to get some water.  I didn't turn the big lights on because I have a nightlight in the living room.  Mind you I am still VERY sore but functional.  As I am walking in the dark, I step on a huge rubber dog toy.  I stepped on it just right so that my feet tangled together and I couldn't get my balance.  I threw my cup and landed HARD on the tile floor.  I was in such shock. I just didn't move because I wasn't sure what I hurt.  So I am curled up in the fetal position...on the floor....hair over my face...in the dark when the light flips on and I hear "uhhhhh are you ok.....?"  And I said "yep...I'm just gonna lay on the floor for a bit" and I heard..."okaaaaay..." and the light went off, hahaha.   I hit both my knees (yay more bruises!!!!), twisted my left ankle, landed on my right shoulder, and clanked the $hit out of my teeth.  Somehow I managed to not smack my face on the floor, so I've got that going for me.  

Who the f**k am I connected to?!?!?

I'm think I've mentioned before I am an empath.  I didn't know what it was until I was older.  I just thought I was "emotional" but after talking to an old friend of mine she pegged it.  

I feel people's....feelings.  I know a lot of people think that is rubbish but its real.  I get so overwhelmed by other people's emotions sometimes.  Its very obvious its not my reaction but I just...feel it.  With some its stronger than others.  I don't know if they "project" more or I tune more into them or some combination of things.  

For a few months now I've had intense random emotions.  That makes me sound like looney but I don't mean like something is mentally wrong with me.  It's really hard to explain.  

I was on my way home from a conference (driving).  I was listening to music and just having my own personal concert on my drive home.  It was a whirlwind couple days with my friend I've mentioned before and a new friend and a ton of other business related persons I don't see often but as always a lot of fun so I was decompressing. 

I was fine all day (also very distracted all day).  But from the moment I left the hotel around 4PM Central I had a knot in my chest that would come and go.  I kept saying maybe it was too much caffeine and lack of sleep.  But it felt different.  Like you know that intense feeling like when you have strong feelings for someone and you haven't seen them in a while or you see them again after a while.  Either way it's just so strong it almost hurts.  

So I started shuffling songs around and singing more.  I tried a podcast but I couldn't focus on it...my mind was wandering too much.  It would come in waves.  Just intense, longing maybe and happiness and a little sad but happy sad.       

Anyways, around 8PM Central...I was about maybe 10 min from my house when "Say you won't let go" by: James Arthur shuffled on my Pandora.  Now I have heard this song I'm sure 100+ times since it released.  I can sing almost every word.  It has NEVER affected me in any way except evoking my amazing karaoke skills!

But that feeling came back ten fold.  A swelling knot was building in my upper chest and I started crying.  Not sobbing or sad, but tears were freely flowing down my face.  It wasn't a bad feeling at all.  I felt all warm and happy inside but the tears kept coming.   

It didn't feel like a me emotion.  It was the absolute strangest feeling.  And the only other times something that intense has happened, there was another person near me.  But I was alone in my car and there weren't any other vehicles around me.  

So I googled it....and yes I know you can't believe everything on the interwebs buuuuut. 

"An empath can potentially feel the emotions of someone who isn't physically near them, especially if they have a strong emotional connection with that person, which is sometimes referred to as "simulpathity" in psychological terms; however, this is not a scientifically proven phenomenon and the intensity of such feelings may vary greatly between individuals."

Ummm come again?!?!  So in theory...someone I am deeply connected to, projected such a strong emotion, I felt it even though they weren't there???? But who and why...? Was it all f**king day and I just didn't realize what was happening because I was talking to so many people?!??!!  

I checked with family and friends I am close to and obviously hubs but no one seemed off so I have no idea WTAF is going on.  But I am starting to think I have a very strong connection to someone "new-ish"...I say that because its been happening since July, today was just insanely intense.  I think I have an idea of who it might be but I am not 100% they know and I don't want to freak them out.