Bonding over bullets

I am not a big "pew pew" person.  I respect them and know how to use them but they make me hella uncomfortable.  Because so many people don't practice safety. 

So it really surprised me when we did a group outing to shoot pew pews.  I have ZERO upper body strength so the kickback on even the smallest calibers is difficult.  Plus loading a magazine...even with the loader helper thingy is quite an effort. 

A good time was had by all even if some of us were hella jumpy the whole time!  So I shots my shots and missed horribly but faced my "fear".  

The next morning I was like OMG why do I have a rash on my tummy?!??!  WTF Allergic reaction am I having?!?!?  Why am I so WEIRD!?!??! 

Then it hit me...loading a 9mm magazine is not easy...it takes a lot of "force" to push the spring down.....

OH MY GOD!  Its not a rash!  Its a bruise from pushing the mag into my abs to load it!!!!!

What the actual f**k?!?!?

Is that normal.... *sobbing*

It looks so ANGRY!

Seriously, that looks hella pissed!   But truthfully it doesn't hurt.  It itches like a Mother F**ker, but isn't painful.

I do look like I have some sort of highly contagious disease though.  I mean its not contagious at all.  But try explaining that to people you don't know, who have been drinking...quite a bit. 

I looked so hot in my fancy dress with my make-up and hair did.  I tried to hide it but I talk with my hands so numerous people were like "OMG what's wrong with your arm?!?!".   Plus I was in a room full of Doctors and Nurses so everyone had a remedy or diagnosis, even though I said "Its poison ivy.  It isn't infected.  It doesn't hurt.  I am fine.". 

Side Note - Is it just me or does it look like a pissed off red sperm imprint. 

Plants are sentient...I for one welcome our new vegetation overlords...

So I love to garden, right?  Well we are trying to move so we are ramping up the look of our house.  This just means my normal spring gardening just got 10 times more difficult.  I always do a spring clean up but when you are going for pleasing aesthetics you go a little more over the top.

Step one prune back the monster bushes that have taken over the garden.

As I've stated in the past these things went through a flood and ever since have become enormous.  I trim them WAY back every year...multiple times and they grow right back to their mutant state.  My only conclusion is some nutrient in the water from FIVE YEARS AGO changed them somehow.  Its like Radioactive Miracle Gro or something.

Anyways, as I was hacking away at the shrubbery I realized something....it was fighting back!!!!

1.  I was slapped in the face on more than one occasion by "rogue" branches.  

2.  I kept getting caught on branches, that refused to let me go

3.  My shears and saw kept getting ripped from my hands by stubborn shrubbery

4.   I was attacked (or just scared $hitless) by wasps, bumble bees, ants, beetles, doodle bugs, skinks, lizards, baby snakes (non-venomous), spiders (non-venomous), BIRDS....shall I keep going?!?!?!

5.  A plant sneezed on me.  No really...as I was chopping away at one of the shrubs it erupted into a cloud of yellow pollen.  It was like the f**king thing went "ah choo *pahahaha*" in my face! 

 

Basically, I was covered in plant jizz! *ewwwwww*

6.  And this is the kicker.  I am VERY careful in the garden.  Anything with 3 leaves or red vines I steer clear of.  Yet 3 days after playing in my garden...I have a blistery red rash on one arm.  WTF?!?!?!!?  F**k you poison ivy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So now I am a sneezy itchy mess and I have a fancy dress party in one day.  Just shoot me now *sobbing*.

I thought the saying was "light a fire under their @$$" not "light a fire under their arms"

Sooooooo I think I have stated before I have "Weird Skin".  Meaning it is normal 99% of the time but that 1% can be brutal. 

I don't have "sensitive skin" all the time.  I wear Bath & Body Works lotions.  I wear various makeup brands.  I wear perfume & body splash.  I use regular shampoos, conditioners, and hair dyes.  I use various body washes in the shower.  I use Purex laundry detergent.  All with ZERO issues. 

But I've discovered, there are some RANDOM things I cannot use. 


It all came to a horrible, horrible head yesterday.  I am a product reviewer.  I get free samples ALL THE TIME.  One of my free samples tried to kill me...okay that's a bit dramatic...but it definitely caused me some pain & suffering. 

I got a deodorant sample.  Secret (I've used this brand before in gel form) Clinical Strength Smooth Solid Antiperspirant Deodorant (I've not used that before).  I prefer the solids to the gels which is why I got away from Secret in the first place.  Since it was clinical strength, I thought using it before Zumba would be the perfect test.  Right?!?!

Anyways, I put it on, no issues.  I got to class, no issues.  I started sweating, "Houston, we have a problem".   It felt like someone was rubbing sandpaper under my arms.  "Hmmm that is an odd sensation". 

I kept dancing.  It started to get really uncomfortable but I didn't want to look because I was in a room full of people and it would look like I was smelling my pits.  Suddenly the world went RED.  It felt like a match was being held under each pit.  "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"...."This girl is on fiiiiiiiiiiiire, this girl is on fiiiuuuuuuure". 

At this point I had 15 min left of class.  I grabbed my stuff and BOLTED.  I did not pass Go, I did not collect $200, I jumped in my car and went home.  They probably thought I $hit myself or something...

I wear tanks to workout, so when I got home I ran to the bathroom to look in the mirror.  Oh God...oh...they looked so angry!!! 

I had bright red, puffy patches under each arm and they were sizzling.  Well they felt like they were sizzling.  I jumped in the shower and soaped up. 

It hurt soooooooooooooooooooooooo much. 


Cold water "owww"

Warm water "owwwwwww"

Soap *screeeeech* "are you f**king kidding me?!?! Was that acid or Dove?!!??!". 

I finally finished and toweled off...VERY CAREFULLY.  I didn't want to put my Dove Deodorant on with them being all "F**k you b**ch" and red.  So I put on Rx strength Hydrocortisone Cream, "Oh...oh that feels MUCH better." I added some baby powder because the skin was raw and enraged.  It still hurt like a mofo but they weren't "sizzling" anymore. 

I have no idea what ingredient I am allergic to but something clearly pissed off my skin.  But only when I started sweating sooooo it must be whatever activates for "wetness"....I guess.  Whatever it was I can't use it again...I will just stick to Dove...thanks. 

P.S. They are much better this morning.  Still irritated but MUCH better.