That's not your job!!!

So I had another weirdly vivid dream.  

What I remember.  I was working on a base(?).  Things weren't good.  Something had happened and society was a $hittier show. I was in army camo stuff and I had on one of those hats... like this. 

I was in charge of peace.  Basically playing mediator because people suck and don't know how to act human.  But I was also doing like 10 other jobs.  My work partner (a guy) kept yelling at me to stop.  He would loud cap me in front of others about things I shouldn't be doing.  We were equals and I kinda knew him I think.  Like in the dream I knew we were friends before whatever happened.  But now that we were here we fought A LOT.   Like I wasn't even sure we were friends anymore because he was so mean to me all the time.

I hated it because I didn't understand why my partner/friend was being like this towards me.  Why he felt the need to do any of this. 

Since I was a peacekeeper I usually didn't say anything back just rolled my eyes.  After a harrowing day...I think I broke up a fight and helped someone sign up for food rations (?)...he loud capped me about how the food rations weren't my responsibility.   

I had HAD it. I fired back at him saying something along the lines of "they needed help. what was I supposed to do just ignore them?!?!  Tell them to go queue over there and hope @$$hat #10 who didn't help before helps them this time????  These people are scared and hungry what the f**k do you want from me!??!!?" and I stormed out of the room. 

I was in a bathroom...I think.  I was leaning on a counter trying not to have an anxiety attack.  The lighting was very...sterile if that makes sense.  Anyways I was trying to breathe when I felt someone come up behind me.  I was about to whirl around to fight when they grabbed me by the waist, pinning my back to their front, and leaned in next to my ear.  His cheek rubbed against mine.  His skin...the stubble...it felt strangely familiar.  

"I only do this to protect you.  We all have jobs and responsibilities and more than half of what you do isn't your job.  I am trying to protect you.  Please, try to understand, it's because I care.  I care so much but no one can know how much."

I broke, started crying, and said "I thought you hated me".  He held me super tight and nuzzled into my neck apologizing over and over. 

It jumps ahead, we still fight a lot.  I've become closer with some of the others (men & women).  We bond over all the crap we get from my partner.  We are all outside...a bunch of other soldiers (?) on a mission (?).  It's storming because I think we f**ked up the Earth so much she doesn't know what to do anymore.  We needed to get across the base.  But it's like...borderline monsoon...heavy heavy rain.  

I'm like f**k it and take off running.  Everyone seems to follow.  Someone grabs my hand and is running next to me.  It's my partner.  He has my hand in a vice grip but not painful.  We are running and I yelled "I thought people couldn't know you cared?".  He didn't say anything.  We could barely see a foot in front of us, navigating by memory but we could hear other boots splashing around us.  

We slowed slightly and the boots passed us I think.  He suddenly stops and turns me towards him. He practically yells (because of the storm) "I don't care what they think. I'm tired of us not being us.  I'm tired of you looking hurt because of me.  I'm tired of missing you.  I'm tired of being jealous of the time they get with you. I'm tired of pretending you aren't my world".

**record scratch**

WHAT?!?!  I couldn't see his face.  Just the shadow from his hat and the rain pouring around us. Me being me...who cracks jokes when I am nervous or uncomfortable said "Why do I feel like you are going to kiss me in the rain now?" (nervous laugh).

He said "Would you like that?" and kissed me, like REALLY KISSED ME. Everything was spinning.  I was dizzy, confused, cold, scared but I was safe in his arms. I heard whooping & whistling from somewhere in the distance....that's when I realized the rain had stopped and we had an audience.  He leaned into my ear and whispered "I love you". 

I think I need to lay off the Enemies to Lovers books!!!!!!!!

Stop, Alto, Halt, Yo bro slow your roll!

I don't know why some older people feel like they are exempt from rules. 

I ride my bike, alot.  I run/walk alot.  I am stupidly cautious because I don't trust peeps. 

While I am riding/running in my neighborhood, I don't always stop at signs but I slow, I make sure no cars are coming.  But there are areas where I do not have a stop sign.  Now I still slow down at cross streets because again...I trust no one.  

I had an older woman blow through a stop sign going about 35 in a 20.  She didn't even try to stop.  I did NOT have a stop sign. I was paying attention and slammed on my bike brakes.  I popped off my seat and clanked my teeth together.  This b**ch had the nerve to roll down her window and yell at me.  

I'm sorry, you ran a stop sign and almost hit me.  She said "I'm a car and always have the right of way"

DA FUQ?!?!?!

Then like a day or two later I was LITERALLY run off the road.  An older woman in an oversized SUV wasn't paying attention (on her phone). As I turned right, she blew through a stop sign on the street I was turning onto.  I saw her at the last second and jerked my wheel to the right.  I hit the curb and fell off my bike.  SHE DIDN'T F**KING NOTICE!  She was so distracted she also jumped the curb about a foot in front of me, barely missing me and my bike.  

She never stopped.  Honestly if she would have hit me she wouldn't have noticed.  A man walking his dogs saw me and was like "OMG are you ok?!"  Thankfully I was since I fell in the grass but HOLY $HIT!

And this was in broad daylight!  You couldn't miss me or my hot pink tank!

I know drivers have always sucked but I swear more and more recently people are so incredibly reckless and are quick to blame anyone but their careless selves!!!!!!

I had a dream...I think

So I stayed with family for a few days recently.  It was great, I love them, they love me, a good time was had by all.  Now I have stayed here before but not particularly in the room I stayed in. 

It's a nice room, comfy bed, TV, etc.  

1st night, I was out cold...I was exhausted.  When I am away from home I sleep with the TV on and a sleep mask because...I dunno actually. 

Anyways, I had a very vivid dream.  In the dream I woke up in the room. I could see the TV light through my sleep mask.  The room was FREEZING! As I was trying to go back to sleep (in the dream) it felt like the bed depressed on the other side. I distinctly felt someone lean closer to my side and on my pillow.   I could feel someone next to my right ear and I was FREAKING out.  I couldn't really move but I could feel something by my right ear. I think I heard words but was so panicked I have no idea what they were. 

I was finally able to jerk awake and the TV clicked off as I was pulling the mask off.  Weird.  I was kinda freaked out so I turned it back on and tried to settle down.  

A little while later I had the same dream.  Everything was exactly the same except this time I heard "its ok, I'm family".  My racing heart started to calm down.  I wasn't scared anymore. It felt like someone was stroking my hair and I felt, safe.  I didn't recognize the voice but it felt/sounded male. As I calmed down, I dozed off. 

The thing is how could I doze back off...if I was already sleeping?!?!  Was I sleeping...? I slept there 2 more nights and didn't have the "dream" again but I did wake up both nights at 2:47 AM and 5:03 AM.  Both "nights", same time.  I woke up FREEZING, pulled the mask off, rolled over and went back to sleep.  

What is this feeling so sudden and new….?

It’s been a whirlwind couple weeks. Work, vacation, WORK, travel, family…WORK.  

Honestly I am exhausted.  But in a good way.  It was just a lot going on in a short period of time. 

Over the course of a few days I met with family, my work friend, an old friend, and a new colleague.  It was stressful, busy, successful and fun. 

I just got home.  Like drove over an hour fine, singing and just trying to decompress.  I sat at my desk to catch up on somethings and almost gasped.  I was just getting settled and was overcome by almost a sadness.  I don’t know how to express it but like my heart hurt.  Almost like I was missing…….like I was literally missing something.  What is wrong, what am I feeling?!!?

I kinda paused, closed my eyes, and was like WTH while resting my Hand on my chest.  

And then I heard *ding*….I got a message that just said “breathe”.  

WTAF?!?!  How.  How the hell. Just freaking how!?!?!?  What are the chances?!!?

So I responded “oh just got home…what did I miss?” And it was some BS work thing of course. 

But explain to me how the hell am I overcome with this weird, complicated, almost “foreign” emotion and out of the blue my friend (?) says breathe just as its happening. That isn’t NORMAL! Am I not normal?!?!?!  I don’t believe in this many coincidences!!!!

This $hit doesn’t happen with everyone and I really have to be in tune (which I have been trying to do lately) but it catches me off guard every GD time. 

Look I can get along with literally anyone (usually) so I generally make friends/pack bond with peeps and after 3 FULL days together we were sufficiently bonded (re-bonded) and thankfully not sick of each other (hahaha). But this is the 2nd time this overwhelming feeling has happened after a work trip and it’s starting to freak me the f**k out. 

Ma'am, it is not spooky season yet!

Short post.....

Went get food.  

Came home to nervous puppers.  It's hard to explain, they weren't scared but they were acting weird. 

That's when I realized I smelled...perfume.  

Not anything I wear or any scent I have in my house. 

Like...your stereotypical old lady florally perfume but not overly offensive.  

I literally stopped in my tracks because where is it coming from. 

So I walked to the kitchen to put down my food. 

The dogs were better once I was there.

I went back to the front and the scent was still there but ONLY in my office.  

So I said "I don't know who is here but if you have good intentions, thank you for visiting". Because honestly I had no idea what else it could be. 

The scent slowly faded away.  

So what was it?  A spirit or an olfactory malfunction?

Ever Dance with the Devil in the...bright sunlight?

 I know I know its a wrong quote, I am being funny.    I think I pulled a muscle and I hate everything.  

Kidding, I'm not that old.  But picture it... NOLA 2025.  Its summer and you are watering plants because Invest 93L was a joke and dropped like NO rain.  Ok it dropped some in other places but not a lot here.  

So there I am watering plants as a favor when something smacks me in the side of the face.  

I had music on so I didn't hear anything but looked around.  I didn't see anything so I went about watering and singing.  When out of nowhere I hear "Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz" by my ear. 

So I look and a f**king wasp hits the lense of my sunglasses.  

 

So I

All while holding the stupid watering wand in my hand. It was like the most spastic water ballet ever.

Meanwhile the f**king wasp kept coming.  So I am like screaming nonsense at this little flying demon. 

I finally dowse it in enough water it flies away.  That is when I realize I have like 20 notifications on my watch and I hear laughing.  

The ENTIRE ordeal is caught on the freaking Ring Camera and the laughing I hear is the person I am doing this favor for and his friends WATCHING ME FIGHT AN "INVISIBLE" THREAT!!!

Apparently he saw the alert I was in the yard and was bragging (AW) to his friends how awesome I am to take care of his plants.  And when he opened the camera to tell me hi.... the above happened.  Which was apparently very entertaining. 

His friend "we could go viral if we upload that!!!!"

Cue MORE laughter.  Yea yea yall live it up....I'll just go waterboard some wasps.  

I gotta go back, back, back to school again

My subconscious is unhinged.  In this episode of WTF we go back to High School. 

My memory of this dream begins with me (at the age I am now) walking through the halls of my High School. It's familiar but not.  I've been back to the school recently and its very modern and updated.  But I feel really short.  Or like everything is bigger?  Not sure.  

So I am in my 40's back in high school...what is happening?  So I am walking with books in my arms trying to find my classes.  Seriously WTF is going on. 

The first class I went to was psychology (that checks out for me).  In my class I recognize a bunch of girls that I went to HS with, and guys I knew in HS, along with one girl I am still close with but she went to another HS.  She told me "if I'm doing HS again, I am doing it with y'all!".  Then there are a bunch of guys (weird, I went to an all girls school) and girls I don't recognize. The ones I didn't know all looked at me, like stared, as I walked in (WTF). 

The next class was upstairs but the stairs were HUGE and there was no railing so I was having an issue going up the stairs. When I get close to the top, the top two stairs flatten out into a ramp and I can't get up it.  The teacher (in robes) told a girl at the top to help me.  She is tugging my arm (not very helpful) and says "I can't she's too fat!"  again WTF.  

This class is in an auditorium (which my HS doesn't have).  It was astronomy.  And I sat in the back but the teacher kept calling on me and making me uncomfortable because the people in the class I didn't know were the ones watching me.  The people I knew were looking down taking notes.  

It skipped around a bit and I was at a tiki bar (?) with hubs and a bunch of peeps from school.  I was introducing him to my HS friends and we were playing pool...I think.  It was a weird game but looked like pool.  

We walked up to the bar to get a drink and I knew two of the guys at the bar.  But they weren't people from HS or any of the peeps from dream school I didn't know. I knew them from school in the dream but like also knew them knew them... it was weird.  So we are waiting for our drinks and the guy closest to me is teasing me about something and nudging me.  Hubs was like what is going on and I explain whatever the joke is and he was like "y'all are weird".  As we are all talking I keep thinking "I know him.  I know him.  Who is this".  But I couldn't see his face.  It was like a tickle in my brain.  

The other guy was talking to hubs over us about football or something.  And the one closest to me was like "I'm worried about you."  What, why?!?!?!  I was leaning on my elbows on the bar and I distinctly remember him putting his hand on my arm and saying "you need to be careful, please promise me you'll be careful".  And that's when I really focused on his hands.  He had smallish hands for a guy, a black.gray wedding ring, hairy arms, and tanish skin.  Why does this look familiar?!?!?!?!?  I don't usually remember people's f**king hands, who is this??!?!

Something happens behind us and I am knocked into hubs.  He puts his arms around me and when I look back to the guy next to me I see something, but its blurry, like I can't focus.  I see light eyes looking sad.  He grabs my hand and says "did you hear me, you need to be careful!  They are watching you." What?!?!  Who??!!?!? And then I recognize the voice. I know that voice.  I talk with that voice almost daily.  We work together.  We are friends.  Why can't I see you?!?!!?  

It jumps again and I am back in school.  It's like an art class or a lab...I can't tell, there are two people to a table.  I recognize some people but then there are those "Others".  I still don't know why we all had to go back to school but its not normal school.  Something is different.  

The teacher tells us to get into groups of four.  The girl at my table I have known since 1st grade.  She hops up and goes to our other friends we all went to grammar school with. I am odd man out but there is a table of "others" behind me that need another person.  Its two guys and a girl.  One guy was blonde, tall and muscular skinny.  The other was dark haired, and more broad muscular.  The girl had long wavy red hair and was VERY pretty.  Honestly all stupidly attractive. So I join them.  

They looked almost goth but not...also kinda grunge.  It's hard to explain. They were actually VERY accepting but were also some of the ones that just kinda stared at me in other classes.  We were doing some sort of group project and kinda became friends (?).  They'd told me things.  I don't remember the things but I know I knew secrets I shouldn't know. It jumped again and we were at someones house.  But it was older.  Like looked like a house from the late 80's, early 90's.  

This group project was some sort of magic (?) but the peeps in my group were very certain the teacher was up to something and it was dark magic.  It was bad and we needed to stop.  But if we didn't do the project we'd fail.  If we failed we would be put in a "camp" (seriously WTAF).  

The blonde was acting the weirdest of all.  Apparently we'd become very close. He had stormed off and the others were like, He'll only listen to you.  So I followed him into a dark room.  I couldn't see anything and he said from the darkness, you shouldn't be here.  What if I hurt you.  And I said "you wouldn't hurt me".  

He pinned me against a wall with unnatural speed.  He leaned into my personal space and almost growled "are you scared yet?".  And I said "I'm not scared of you".  He leaned in next to my left ear and said "you should be". And then sank his fangs into my neck. 

I woke up but not in a panic.  I still wasn't scared.  Because the feeling I felt when he bit me wasn't fear.  It was like I was helping a friend.

So that is my weird @$$ dream of the month.  It's a lot to unpack...not even gonna try right now.