"Breaking the law, breaking the law"

That's from something in the naughts (Beavis and Butthead). I didn't actually break the law. But I will set the scene of my crazy dream brain.  This is super long and absolutely bonkers but I have to write it down. 

I was working with law enforcement to catch a criminal.  She was really bad...dangerous...a threat to national security.  I have no idea why I was on this team but I was helping with puzzles to track her down.  We ended up at a university that looked suspiciously like Tulane.  I finished a riddle that lead me to the Library.  I've never been in Tulane's library so I have no idea if this is accurate but I was upstairs walking through the shelves.  It was EMPTY!  Like not a f**king soul in there.

I found her.  She was bent over a table frantically writing something down from a book(?).  She looked up at me and it was Michelle Pfeiffer.  But not like her now.  She looked like Michelle from Grease 2, so baby Michelle.  She looked at me and said something pleading.  It gets super blurry at this point...I don't know what she said but whatever it was changed me.  

The next thing I know we are running out of the library together to a vehicle.  She put a baggy sweatshirt and hat on me and said just act sick, like I'm picking you up.  That's when I realized the whole campus was locked down by armed security.  Not like they were with us looking for her, like it was the "normal" day to day to have AK 47's at the gates checking the identities of students coming in and going out.  

We made it past the gates. As we were driving I recognized some things but many were old landmarks from my childhood that don't exist anymore.  Like the spinning cow you could see from I10, the moving bug bill board.  I think I remember the Castle House in the East.  

I think we ended up in Mississippi...maybe.  I am not sure honestly but the "safe house" we went to was an old school wrecker/junk yard/mechanic business.  It was very run down, two stories with all kinds of equipment around.  When we walked in there were various persons.  Mostly older...like picture the mom from goonies but nicer seemed to be in charge and some older men.  There were a few closer to our age. They called Michelle "Stephanie" which is hilarious because that's her name in Grease 2 (lol).  

The peeps there were not happy she had me.  They were like she's a plant, she's going to get us all caught.  But Stephanie vouched for me.  She said we needed to GTFO though and quickly.  She needed something from a store down the street so we walked.  As we were walking we see Slidell PD patrolling everywhere (so not quite MS).  That's when we realize, they can track my phone and watch.  So we dump them.  I went to the trees/creek/marsh to drop them in the water and she went get whatever she needed.  We met back at the house but police were showing up. 

*******I woke up here...literally got up...went pee thought...why the hell am I dreaming about Michelle Pfeiffer...and laid back down....*******

Then the effing dream CONTINUED...what is happening!??!?!?!    We went inside and there were like 15 hispanic people in there (I don't know why) and my husband (?).  The safe house peeps were like act cool, just answer their questions.  You are refugees they can't take you.  So we sat huddled in the living room while these gestapo-esque people walk in.  They have HUGE guns and a $hit attitude.  They wanted to know where our final destination was.  We pretended not to speak English (well I pretended...the reset may not have I dunno).  So they handed us magazine pages and said write your final address.  

I was like WTF, I am not prepared what do I write.  And some voice in my head said St. Augustine, FL (what?!?!)  So I made up an address and a street and put St. Augustine, FL.  But the magazine paper was slick and the pen was having issues writing.  Finally one of them just snatched it out of my hand because I was taking too long.  I shied away scared and they just walked away and said not to go far, they'd be back tomorrow after they verify our addresses ($hit $hit $hit #$hit).

Everyone scattered and Stephanie was prepping our bug out vehicle and supplies.  We had to dump the other car because they knew it because of my phone (?).  So she told me to take a walk, get some air because it was about to get crazier. 

I wandered across a field and ended up at a horse race (WTAF is going on here). Everything was free (Odd) and honestly kinda cool.  I had been gone a minute so I decided to walk back and realized I was hella lost.  I couldn't figure out where I was.  So I asked the girls MC-ing, they looked nice.  

I said the name of the Wrecker place (which eludes me now) and the girls were like "Oh no baby that place is sketchy!  You do not want to go there!!!"  Thinking on my feet I said they had my car though.  The girls were like "OMG why?  Wait is it a..." and they made motions like shifting.  I said yes its manual and they said "We understand" and hugged me really tight.  They sent me on my way.  As I was walking I realized I had a phone in my hand (how the hell??!?!).  It wasn't mine but it was logged into my google account.  I freaked out because TRACKING and threw it in another canal/ditch thing.  

I made it back to safe house and everyone was on the 3rd floor (wait there are 3 floors?!?!?) in a modified 18 wheeler missing the top watching something down the street.  I climbed in also and it swung out away from the building.  I panicked and the older woman said don't worry it's on a J-Hook crane and can hold us. 

I literally went "What??!?" and mumbled "yea this could only work in a dream". EVERYONE stopped and looked at me ($hit). Like it was a creepy eveyone looked at me in unison, confused, like "she's aware". 

*******I woke up again here... I rolled over and said...well that was hella weird...snuggled with Little Bit and went back to sleep....*******

IT KEPT GOING!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stephanie was packing the GTFO vehicle with supplies.  She had clothes for me and hubs.  And ALOT of cash.  We told everyone bye and left.  It was night time. We drove for HOURS.  She wouldn't let us drive, we couldn't know where we were going just in case.  

We finally stopped at some shady looking motel in a swamp(?).  It had a screened in porch that went all the way around.  We were there for more than one day I think.  She encouraged us to walk around and get fresh air (seriously what is going on with the fresh air walking).  I remember walking near a swampy bank and seeing an alligator but I wasn't scared.  I was like hey friend.  Anyways, as I am walking back to the motel with hubs his phone rings.  Oh no we didn't dump his phone and watch!!! I am scared to tell him what we have to do but he was super ok with it.  

So into the swamp it goes.  We get back to the motel and we are like we have to leave we forgot about his phone and watch.  She was like ok let me finish this.  I don't know what she was doing but it looked...ceremonial.  It jumped a little and we are running back to the car.  She told me to just leave the keys but we decided to let them know we were leaving so I run into the office where three men are watching soccer on an OLD SCHOOL tiny box TV.  They were like "what??????"  I said we have to leave family emergency and threw the key.  They said we paid for more days but I was already running out the door.  

We were at another motel/B&B(?).  She was like we need to conserve as much money as we can.  So she is teaching my hubs how to confuse change....  like Here's a $50, now give me $20, oh now I owe you $100, now give me $175 back.   You know stealing basically.  And the poor clerk was like wait...ok...no...yes.  Whatever at this point I recalled she'd been teaching us all along how to be creatively frugal without actually hurting anyone.  

Here is where it gets wonky.  I know we were there for a bit, then SOOO MUCH DRIVING.  Like weeks of it.  So I feel like we were criss-crossing the country.  Making stops along the way to get....I have no idea.  At some point I was told final destination is Tallahassee, FL. 

We were being pursued by some three letter agency we were all running on very little sleep and caffeine.  I know we were close to FL if not in FL.  I remember it was night, flashing lights and panic.  She said something about you can't give up.  She was shaking me by the shoulders. Blue eyes boring into me. You can't stop.  You have to get the truth.  We need the truth.  The truth is all that matters now.  

And that's it.  I don't know what it means but I am kinda freaked out on many levels.  I went from helping the law to breaking it for the greater good.  WHAT!?!?!?!?

I mean it's clear like water

So we are in our reconnect with our High School Friends era.  Which honestly is f**king great.  I love it.  

Every year there is an event (chicks only) where everyone gets together from all years and throws down.   It's a great time. 

There's food, drinks, talking, pics, dancing...everything. 

I am a seasoned adult...as in I know how much I can/should drink.  But sometimes...you forget that just because it's clear doesn't mean you can drink multiple glasses of it!

We had a great time.  My glass was never empty...the problem was it wasn't water...it was vodka tonic. 

We talked for hours, dropped it like it was hot and took the most ridiculous pics and videos.  We even went OUT after.  What the actual hell were we thinking?!?!!?

Anyways I was fine...until I wasn't.  I was fully functional all night after multiple drinks...until the car ride home.

I wasn't like "I'm gonna vomit" bad but when I got out the car...the world went sideways. 

I'll show you in gifs. 

So I ended up with a busted knee.  Bleeding like a stuck pig. My drunk @$$ besties laughing their @$$e$ off as they try to stop the bleeding. My friends boyfriend coming out and being like "she good...ok going back to bed".  We were laughing so hard because it wouldn't stop bleeding!!!!!  Too much alcohol + scraped knee = murder scene. Hubs picked me up and asked me what happened.  I literally said "well I got out the car and then there was the ground"

Lawd help him, he loves me hahaha.  

This is why we cant have nice things

This is long, buckle up!  So I just watched “People we meet on vacation”.

Adorable movie!  I know it was based on a book and people who read it had mixed feelings.  But overall it was a cute movie with fun characters, funny moments, and a decent story. 

My annoyance comes from the trope of Best Friends to Lovers. I get it…I know that happens.  And people are always like “ruin the friendship”. “Best friends make the best husbands/wives”.  “Don’t live with regrets”.

I hate all of this.  Not because I don’t believe you shouldn’t be besties with your sig other but because this thought process damages the actual PLATONIC opposite sex friendships.  The stigma in everyone’s head is “well boys and girls cant be friends because they will hook up”

Girls wont trust a girl bestie with their husband and guys wont trust a guy bestie with their wives.  Jealousy happens, accusations happen, and friendships are ruined.  I’ve lost numerous male friends because their girlfriends or wives were convinced we were either hooking up or going to at some point.  Like no ma’am, we have been friends for 20+ years we aren’t like that.

But these movies show the end of committed relationships so the “friends” can be together.  I think the issue comes in that people don’t know the difference between romantic love feelings and platonic love feelings.  I love my friends but I don’t LOVE them that way.  Does that make sense??  

Yea yea sometimes it’s unrequited love or whatever but maturity also plays a part.  thinking you “love” someone but they love you like a friend you have a choice to make.  Keep perusing them and lose the friendship or remember WHY you are friends in the first place and preserve that.  

Maybe I am wired different but I can look at my guy friends and be like they are attractive and I love them without being like let’s hook up.  I love their companionship more than anything.  We are all happily married and want our spouses to be friends.  

Like get out of your hormones and be a f**king adult.  Or better yet encourage your kids to be friends with everyone.  If you son has a girl bestie don’t be like “oooooooo your girlfriend, ooooooo kissy kissy” and same if your daughter has a guy bestie.  We are the problem.  We put that stigma on them before they even understand sexual relationships.  

My point is I had a guy bestie…since Kindergarten!  We literally stayed friends through college.  Was I his date to a couple dances when he didn’t have a GF, yes. Was he mine when I didn’t have a BF, yes. But we were JUST FRIENDS.  No flirting, no hanky panky, none of that.  We had so much fun because were were literally just really good friends. 

In college my VERY jealous boyfriend thought for sure I was cheating on him with my friend.  Then he met him…and was like “wait I like this dude”.  EXACTLY!  He is a nice guy and not a threat to you my dear. 

But alas life happened.  We took a pic at graduation and soon his fiancé didn’t want us to be friends.  She gave him an ultimatum.  I wouldn’t expect him to choose me.  I was a little hurt but I am used to it by now.  

But what if we as a society didn’t put that stigma on KIDS.  What if we didn’t beat it into people that if you don’t have the same genitalia friendship is impossible??? What if we let them organically be friends and if things went to romance whatever but if they didn’t it is OKAY to just be f**king friends!!!!

I love my friends, male/female/non-binary/whatever!!  I don’t care what you have/don’t have in your pants or who you are attracted to.  If we click we click.  I can have a deep emotional bond with someone without it being sexual!!!!!!!!!!

I think this also goes back to the saying “emotional affairs”. That term gets thrown around a lot!  Because if you have a connection with anyone except your sig other and they happen to be of the opposite sex it seems to always be deemed an emotional affair.  Here’s the thing…stop doing that!

An emotional affair means you are seeking attention affection outside of a committed relationship because you are not getting what you need from it. Yea don’t do that!  Talk with your person.  Don’t use another to get what they aren’t giving in your relationship. Either work on the ship or end it.  

But Texting/hanging out with someone because you have common interests and are FRIENDS is not a f**king emotional affair.  If you went out with the girls would anyone say anything?!?! NO! So stop with the stigma.  Now if you are hiding something, bad on you. 

But I for one am tired of people being like “Oh you hung out with another guy?!?!?!  What would your husband think?!?!”  Listen judgy McJudgerson 1. He is fully aware of where I am and who I am with. 2. He knows this person also. 3. YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM!

Now I am not texting/calling these people at all hours of the night and nothing inappropriate.  I treat them like one of my girlfriends and they treat me like one of the guys.  I just wish as a society we could recognize that this is normal and not some scandalous thing that will result in the Friends becoming an item….

Rant over…I just want to not lose my friends because of this bull$hit!

Who needs their pinky finger anyway???

I love when you go to a place and they are like "but first sign this waiver so we are not liable for injuries" and we all do that because "what could happen?!?"

Well you could almost lose a freaking finger!

Picture it Sicily 1945... wait...no no.  Picture it USA 2026... and someone has the bright idea to go Axe throwing.  

Something I learned...I SUCK at Axe throwing.  But I am hella scary with a throwing star.  Who knew!?!?!

Throwing the Axe it ping pongs all over the place.  Throwing star...on point almost every time.  Hmmmm am I a ninja!?!?

I went back to the Axe a few times and it was not great.  I bet you are thinking that's how I almost lost a pinky.  If you are thinking that....you would be WRONG!

Nope I was not injured by any of the sharp objects we were hurling across the room.  Ohhhhh hohoho nope.  

This chick got injured riding a mechanical bull.  I forgot to take off my rings  It hurt and I fell but I thought all was good.  

Then I saw the blood.  So much blood!!!!!

Uh oh....OH NO.  I tried to hide it but the worker saw and was like "OMG".   He runs to get a first aid kit while I'm like "its fine, I'm fine" and my friend was like "you are shaking...that's a lot of blood".  Its FINE.  

6 alcohol pads later and 3 bandaids and I'm GREAT!  I mean I'm missing some skin...a quite a bit of skin, *haha...ha*.  

I get back to my hotel and am like I need to clean this better.  The front desk lady was like "OMG".  I'm fine I swear.  She hands me MORE alcohol pads, 'sporin, lots of bandages and offers to help.  I swear I am fine *panic laughing*.

I get to my room and shower and go to clean it.  Oh....$hit...that's....not great.  I have a HOLE in my finger where the diamond tore out a chunk. *more panic laughing*.  I clean it wrap it up and go to bed. 

I woke up with more blood....CRAP.  Rinse repeat.  It hurts like a Mother F**ker, its swollen, and I am scared to unbandage it.

So the lesson is...axe throwing is dangerous but bull riding with rings way worse.  

Bonding over bullets

I am not a big "pew pew" person.  I respect them and know how to use them but they make me hella uncomfortable.  Because so many people don't practice safety. 

So it really surprised me when we did a group outing to shoot pew pews.  I have ZERO upper body strength so the kickback on even the smallest calibers is difficult.  Plus loading a magazine...even with the loader helper thingy is quite an effort. 

A good time was had by all even if some of us were hella jumpy the whole time!  So I shots my shots and missed horribly but faced my "fear".  

The next morning I was like OMG why do I have a rash on my tummy?!??!  WTF Allergic reaction am I having?!?!?  Why am I so WEIRD!?!??! 

Then it hit me...loading a 9mm magazine is not easy...it takes a lot of "force" to push the spring down.....

OH MY GOD!  Its not a rash!  Its a bruise from pushing the mag into my abs to load it!!!!!

What the actual f**k?!?!?

Is that normal.... *sobbing*

Well at least I had dark pants on!

Its spook spook season! Which means all the decorations, scary movies, and haunted houses.  Well I mean scary movies are all year round but in October its 10 fold!

Anyways, I love all the scary things.  But there are some things that get me. 

Moving on we decided to get our Haunted House on the other night. I was so flipping excited. 

When we got there we realized it was an additional theme night!!! WINNING!!!

 Ghost Face, Jason, Freddy, Chuckie, etc walking around outside while we were in line.  When suddenly  I turn around there is Terrifier.

My face

He walked straight to the group in front of us as I had a mini panic attack because CLOWN...not just that KILLER CLOWN!!!!!!!!!!

Anyways after I died a tiny death we got to the front of the building.  Where there was a GIANT replica of Pennywise in spider form. 

I took a pic to torture my friends when suddenly that f**king thing launched forward snarling and twitching his spider legs. I about $hit my pants!!!!!!!!!!!

I HATE CLOWNS and IT is the stuff of nightmares!!!!!!!

Moving on for some reason I was put in the front and it was a blast of spook spook!!!  

They got me a couple times and I was having so much fun! I was looking up at eyeballs watching me when I came face to face with leather face and screamed "f**k me!" as he lunged at me.  Hubs said he heard him laughing as we went by.   

Chuckie was just oogie, queen of the damned was GORGEOUS, and the mummy was cool as $HIT.  Then we went into a dark room....with a rotund clown....holding a red balloon.  He followed me for like 5 min and I was about to cry.

We were almost to the end going through a maze when I came face to face with Freddy. I squeaked and he clanked his knives and said "I want to be in your dreams". Excuse me??!?!?  I almost died laughing as I ran away.   He should have said "I'm your boyfriend now Nancy".  I would have pissed myself laughing.  

I ran away right into the freaking chainsaw at the end *cue more screaming* hahaha.  I had SO MUCH FUN. 

Jazzland the Resurrection....???

The other dream jumped here.  I was driving around SE LA with work bestie and my twin besties.  Apparently they were along for the ride (?).  

It was a small old model Ford car and while I know it was daytime, everything was muted.  Like colors weren't as vibrant.  I don't know if it was over multiple days or not but I know we  met with a few people but it was only like 10:00AM and our next meeting wasn't until 2:30PM so we had some time to kill. 

Of all the places for us to be having meetings...we were in New Orleans East (WTAF).  One of the twins suggested we go to Jazzland to kill some time.  Ya know the NOLA Themed Amusement Park that was sold to Six Flags and has been defunct and abandoned since Katrina!!!

Except in my dream it was still open so we got a day pass.  As we walked through the gates everything turned vibrant.  Picture Wizard of Oz when Dorothy goes from Kansas to Oz.  It wasn't too crowded but had a lot of people for a middle of the day weekday.  So we were walking around and work bestie was like this place is small but really neat.  

The twins beelined it for a "haunted egyption" ride and me and bestie wandered to another area.  He nudged me to look at a "Top Gun" ride that launched you up a zip line like a fighter jet.  It was a two person single car thing and made the jet noises.  But I ended up walking over to this slide thing.  Like you got in a inner tube type thing and loop de looed all over the place.  No shoes of course so we removed our shoes and went up. I somehow got tangled in the crochet tube (WTF) and went down weird but it was super fun.

When I got to the bottom the twins were waiting and like "where are your shoes" so we went on the hunt for them.  They weren't in lockers....the were like tossed around in what looked like a living room.  I was panicking because I really liked my shoes.  Then I found them... they were my Doc Martins.  Why I would be wearing those for work meetings is beyond me.

I put them on and we realized we lost Bestie.  It was early afternoon and we needed to get to the next meeting.  But instead of them herding us (like a huge group of people) back into the park, we were herded into like a banquet hall and a private party was happening so they herded us down a barely lit hallway that reminded me of the Haunted Mansion or tower of terror ride and before we knew it we were outside the gates. 

I managed to keep track of the twins but we needed to find my friend.  So I tried calling but couldn't get him.  This was weird.  Like I knew something was very wrong because he wouldn't just leave us.  They wouldn't let us back in even with the day pass armband so we had them page him over the PA.  And I remember saying "oh he's gonna love that!".  

Hours went by and he didn't show and I was freaking out a little and so were the twins.  After nightfall they were doing some sort of show that reminded me a bit of Halloween Horror Nights.  Like we could see the pyrotechnics and hear the actors from outside.  Finally around 8PM we snuck in with another group to go find him.  The twins kept saying "he wouldn't just leave us!".  

I ended up in some theater with a bunch of people looking at a stage.  I honestly don't know what happened but they started screaming and a hand would burst from their lower abdomen/pelvic area and slap their stomach.  Then a brand that looked like a clawed hand would appear.  I have never run so fast in my life.  What in the devil worship insanity is happening?!?!?!

I ran into the haunted egypt ride and was being chased by these people with brands yelling for me to join them and hissing (WTAF).  I don't know what happened but something occured in the egypt ride and a "higher" being poured blood over me and crowned me queen.  That's when I saw the twins and they both had smaller crowns and lace (?) dresses.  The blood turned into an intricate design of a dress and streaked my hair with red highlights.  The higher being looked like princess Diana but with dark makeup and a fitted to flowing black and red gown.  

She said we needed to leave now and at this point I was almost in tears, I can't find my friend!!!! She looked at me and said she had saved someone from the branded group...a sacrifice.  She "anointed" him something but he was not very cooperative.  They brought him out in chains. It was bestie.  He had a black eye and a gash on his head.  His long sleeve button up was torn from the shoulders so it was sleeveless and he also had the "blood designs" on him.  He looked ready to murder someone until he saw us.  Lots of hugs and OMG are you okays later and we were being escorted out of the park by the higher being and her entourage.  She was talking about how she was so happy she was able to ascend the queen (what?!).  And I was like "what about the other chick that ascended???"  

This made the higher being freeze.  She said "what other chick?".  I explained that during the branding in the theater another woman was on stage and they were crowning her because I was running away. She started laughing but like a "are you f**king kidding me" laugh.  Then she said "you must leave now. Another queen should not have been crowned.  You and your knight are in danger".  Knight?!?!!?!?!?

So we head to the rental in an EMPTY parking lot.  Where the f**k is everyone?!?! The twins are like "are we royalty now???  What the f**k just happened???".  Its insanely late and pitch black.  Like almost no lights except the moon. He gets the car started and the green lights on the display say 2AM.  We were in there 6 hours....how??!!?  

Then bestie in his truest fashion goes "I don't know...but I am really pissed we missed that only happens every 7 years meeting".  What?!?!?!  1. He's not even been with our company 7 years! Hell, I just made 7 years!!!! and 2. did you forget about the sacrifice blood magic queen and knight thing?!?!?!