Feeling really really bad now...

Ever had your eyes opened suddenly?

So the holidays have been rough. Fun but rough. I realized today that I may have screwed up... You see Internet guy really really really wanted to meet my family and friends for xmas and I said flat out no. Mainly because many of my distant fam doesn't know about me and my ex and that would have been WEIRD for us both plus my friends...they are VERY protective of me and I wasn't sure how'd they react. And thats a HUGE step for me. My family and friends are everything to me. I don't just bring guys to meet them. Well it caused a HUGE fight. And I was so mad at how he talked to me and told me I didn't care. Plus I felt like he just didn't get it. SO I gave a little and said he could meet two of my girls xmas night if we did something. He took that as drive to the area and wait for me... then get mad when I don't call. Well Christmas night was the last straw for me. He fussed at me and told me I was inconsiderate and then hung up. Well I was PMSing and pissed so when he called back I didn't answer.

Flash forward to today (Dec 27). I read a survey on social networking site and realized I was overly bitchy. I really hurt him and was completely insensitive to that. I really wasn't trying to be but I was. And I pride myself on knowing what to say and reading people and this time I was totally off!

All he wanted was my attention, thats it. He wasn't trying to force himself into my family and friends (although thats what it seemed like to me) and just wanted me to give a little and I am so keen on being independent I shut him out and obviously sent mixed signals. Now I still stick to my list of needs from a man but today I realized he will meet more of them than I let on and I was just trying to justify not being with him. I talked to him today and feel awful. I don't want a relationship, I think he knows that but I like him... ALOT more than I thought. I don't want him out of my life, I thought I did but I don't. I think my problem is see things progressing and I am scared. I can see us together and I am freaking out. I pushed him to act this way by being selfish.... which honestly I am entitled to after the last 5 years but he doesn't deserve the brunt of my excess baggage, right? So we talked on the phone today for just a few minutes while he was at work and I apologized for dragging him into this and he apologized for over-reacting. Not a great conversation but an OK one.

I still think he has alot to do before I could ever consider him my boyfriend... like deciding what he wants to do with his life, growing up and moving out. Oh yea and that whole mistrust thing. But I have alot to do too. I have to not treat him like he will crush me and screw up like my ex, make progress with getting out of my house and realize I will never be happy in another relationship until I get over my fear of men.

I think I am done now, I need to stop crying before I go out with my girls later. *sigh* I really hate drama and this time I caused it...!!!!!!!

**EDIT - 12/29/08 - Ok so we talked ALOT right after I wrote this and last night. He annoyed the S**T out of my right after but last night we were cool. He says I have a lot to do to make it up to him. I pretty much said what you see is what you get, deal with it. And I think we are cool. I'm not going to be with him, nor do I want to although we mesh really well. I guess we'll see what happens and who comes along in the mean time ;). K going back to work now :D

I think I'm losing patience in my 'old' age... :P

Is it true that the sheer act of having a penis makes you less intelligent?!?

I think it is true, personally!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Okay I guess I have to explain.

Last Friday I went to this Christmas party thing with a girl friend of mine. Well the guy from 1st, 1st Date in 4.5 years entry (aka, bad kisser) was there. I've seen him around here and there and we are cool. We had the lets be friends talk, like 2 months ago and everything has been fine since then.

Yea well evidently his "lil brain" overtook his brain and he forgot about that on Friday. You couldn't peel him off me with the jaws of life. I mean everywhere I turned he was right there. There was zero concern for personal space! Well about half way through the night he decides he is going to pick me up off of the ground. There is an action shot of it...he gets real close and I am thinking ok picture time, then he picks me up, like 3 feet off the ground :P I was not happy. Wait it gets better, he does it at least two more times throughout the night. The last time he did it I believe my exact words were "put me down M____ F____ or I will make it so you walk funny for a week!" Or something along those lines :P Not to long after that last incident we left.

But that wasn't the only thing. He kept getting really close to my face and hanging on me. Finally after worming my way away from him for the upteenth time I started poking and punching him in the gut. It didn't work. He started trying to tickle me (which I can hold that in quite well most of the time so he stopped fairly quickly)! Then he started tickeling my friend....WTF!?! It was a nightmare. THEN I am sitting on a bar stool (about 5 or so minutes after he picked me up the last time) and I feel hands on my waist...but not just on me...UNDER MY SHIRT! I almost died. I looked at my girl friend and was like, there are hands under my shirt...she was almost speechless. Soooo we left. Wait it gets better.

I got 6 texts the next day, one asking what I was up to on Sunday (I never replied). THEN I get this via social networking site:

"Okay, I was thinking about Friday night and why NOLAGurl was hitting me the entire night. And this is what I came up with. Back in the caveman days, they use to show their interest in the other person by hitting them because that was the only way they could communicate. And as the night went on and the bottles of alcohol were being consumed, the hitting continued even more which is another sign of the truth. Drunks, not saying you were drunk but drunks tend to tell the truth when the have been drinking.
So, what do u say to that? LOL"

I was going to reply with "Aw thats cute wishful thinking" but instead (I was in a horrible mood last night) I replied with "Actually where I come from hitting/punching usually means someone is pissed off because you are in their personal space and they want you to move. Also I was un-aware that the new adult way to let a girl know you like her is to repeatedly pick her up, even after she politely asks you to stop."

He didn't get the hint. I got a Voicemail this morning saying "Hey its ____ just wanted to say good morning!" OMG really?!? Ok I am outta ammo, any suggestions?

I hate mechanics!

Do I have DUMB BLONDE tattooed on my forehead?!?

The answer is NO! OK so Friday (yes the day AFTER Thanksgiving) I went to get a new tire. You see the other day I noticed it was low and filled it up. By Friday morning it was low again, oh joy :P. So I took the tire off and saw it was REALLY REALLY worn. I put it back on and took off the other back tire (I figured if one is worn so is the other and I'll need two). Much to my surprise it looked almost brand new! So I call around in the small burb I live in to see who had my tire. My usual mechanic couldn't get it in until Tuesday (can't do that). NO PLACE had my freaking tire in stock!!!! Well except this one national tire chain place. Fine, whatever, I'll go there.

I tell the guy I need 1 tire and an alignment. The guy tells me it'll be an hour. Ok yay, whatever I have a book. TWO hours later I get my car back. I was so glad to leave bc the football game was about to start and I wanted to see it, plus I was STARVING!!! Well I am driving down the highway and I notice something funny...my steering wheel is CROOKED!!!!! Like not just slightly pulling to the left like it was before, it was off by about 20 degrees. WTF, it was NOT doing that when I brought it in!!! I was pissed! Well I was almost to this chicken place, so I got lunch and headed back to the idiots to get it fixed.

They see me walk in and are like "Uh oh". I tell them whats up in the calmest tone I could sum up. The guy says "Did Shawn or Duckie work on her car" I was like I dont give a flying F--K who did it, fix it. Well they decide it was Duckie. I almost DIED when he walked out. He had on 4 inch thick glasses and was cross eyed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ok I am all about equal employment oppertunity but SERIOUSLY, he was doing an ALINGMENT, how can you align my wheels if you are cross eyed?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Well normally I am quite tight lipped but I couldn't bite my tongue. I was like, "No! No way, I want someone ELSE to fix it, sorry." I caused such a fuss they said "OKAY"

Another HOUR goes by (I missed most of the 1st half of the game :P) and Duckie comes and brings me my keys and apologizes. I was like, really, whatever. So I took off. It seemed to be fine, but I knew the true test would be the interstate.

Later that night I was booking it doing 60-65 MPH down the interstate, the car was jerking to the left (never did that before). It was only 7:30 and I knew they closed at 8:00. I called and went off. I was like "Um you might remember me...." And I went through ALL that happened earlier. They guy didn't know what to say but bring it back in the morning. I talked to my friends husband and he said this place is BAD NEWS. They Eff up cars all the time, I should never go there again (awesome, wish I woulda known that before).

FLASH FORWARD to Saturday at 7AM, they have no POWER! Can my luck get any better????????? Bring the car back finally :P, aw shucks duckie wasn't there. Well they fix it in like 20 min. YAY!!! After I know the car is ok. I caused a scene. I demanded a refund and promised to write an awful review. They said but I got a tire and an alignment. I said I will happily pay for the tire but there is NO WAY in hell I am paying for the alignment. They tried to argue, then I started talking about how I heard about their poor business practices when it comes to changing oil, fixing alignments, etc. Well since I was causing yet another scene in-front of other customers they gave me a refund to shut me up. HAHAHAHA :P And of course as I was leaving I said they lost a good customer and that I would make sure no one I knew came in there ever again, then I recommend the same to people staring at me as I left. Hey I can be a 'B' when I need to be!

So I am pretty sure they hate me, but I don't care. They effed up my lil car, you don't mess with me or my car.

Alcohol makes me have weird dreams!

Why do I drink, when I know I have work the next day?!?!?

I am all about analyzing dreams but I have no idea what to think about this one.

It begins with me out with my friend (a guy I’ve known since H.S.). I get a call. It’s my “boyfriend”. Ok we all know I do not have one of those right now but anyways. While I am on the phone with him I realize he sounds funny. He sounds drunk or something. He is saying stuff that is upsetting me but I cannot remember what he was saying. Well my friend thinks we should go check on him because I was so upset. So we go to this house party across the river.

When we get there this a-hole answers the door (it’s his house). I asked for my “boyfriend” and the guy gives me a funny look and points to the backyard. I go back there and there is this guy sitting in a chair HIGH AS A KITE, tripping his butt off. I can’t see his face. I am really trying but I don’t know who he is… In my dream I knew he was my man. So I run over to him and he is out of it. He starts calling me names and accusing me of being unfaithful. At this point I get mad, so I go over to a-hole that opened the door and say “what did you give him?” He called me a C- -T and shoves me. He says my guy is a big boy and can do whatever he wants. I agree with him, but I say that I am concerned about the way he is acting and would like to know what he took to make him act like this. A-hole shows me these white pills with purple hearts. I have no clue what it was. All of a sudden my guy starts vomiting and my friend goes over to help him. I say that’s it I am taking him home, he is obviously not doing well.

The a-hole grabs me by my neck and pins me against the wall. It was horrible I couldn’t breathe. My man’s ex girl is there (she was this cute lil Latina) and grabs a-hole and is screaming “let her go”. My friend is trying to help too. Finally he lets go, calls me a C- -T again and walks off. I am on the ground choking and only the ex girl and my friend seem to care. Well they help me get my guy into his car and I drove it to his house, while my friend followed.

In the car my man (who is still trippin balls), freaks out. He suddenly becomes aware he’s not at the party and in his car with someone else driving. He starts attacking me. So I am swerving all over the road and then all of a sudden he just stops and passes out. All I remember is this sharp pain by my ear and a ringing. Well we get to his house and my friend helps me get him out. He starts vomiting again… this time its red. He has another freak out and launches me into the street. I landed on my left arm (sharp shooting pain) and hit my head. When he passed back out we took him to the ER.

It gets a little fuzzy at this point… I don’t remember much but that the Doctor assisting him notices the hand marks around my neck and takes me to the side. I explain everything that happened. The doctor called the cops, my guy ends up handcuffed to the bed and I was getting examined…then I woke up…with a splitting headache and a dog sleeping on my neck.

So have at it…analyze this ;)

I feel like such a snob!

Is it possible to be a bitchy snob and not really realize it?

Well in my defense I have NEVER seen myself as a snobby person. I mean I can be at times but for the most part it just doesn't come naturally to me, I am generally nice to everyone. But I am finding as I get a little older I am less tolerant of people and their situations...especially if they can change it.

You see my internet guy and I "made up" after my last post. We are okay I guess but I am still a bit leery of him. He says okay with not being "with" me, but I don't know if I fully believe him. Anyways as I was showering last night (hush I do lots of thinking in the shower), I started thinking about my expectations and what I want in a significant other. Some things are superficial but I think they might be important. So here goes.

When I was younger all I cared about was my connection to the other person.
* Compatibility
* Sexual Attraction
* Interests
* Level of 'Fun'
* Level of Jealousy
* Etc etc etc
All that future and job stuff didn't really matter to me...

Now that I am more mature other things tag onto that list like... (don't laugh)
* Type of Job
* Level of enjoyment in said job
* Financial responsibility
* Future goals and wants
* Level of intelligence
* MUST LOVE DOGS

After all this thinking in the shower I've decided the men I usually choose do not meet enough of these standards. I don't need/want a Dr or Lawyer when I say Type of job, I mean does he work in a dead end industry, make next to nothing and do nothing but B%*&H about it constantly...even though he KNOWS he can do better. Hmmm, I wonder if I am talking about someone in particular.... I know, I know I am a b%*&h.

Anyways, I don't need or want a Mr. Big but I do want AND need someone who can take care of themselves. I need someone who is not scared to venture out on their own. I need someone... like me, DOH!

I guess I have finally come to the conclusion that...
"I ain't settling for just getting by, I've had enough so so for the rest of my life, Tired of shooting too low, so raise the bar high, Just enough ain't enough this time, I ain't settling for anything less than everything..."

Ok now that I am done breaking out in song, what do I do. I like Internet Guy but my shower time made me finally accept why I wont be with him. He doesn't meet enough of the criteria I had subconsciously created in my head. He meets 4 of the connection criteria but he fails a big one... he gets really jealous and he doesn't say anything, he bottles it up and then EXPLODES (not good).

But on the second list he meets only a couple. It's not that he has a bad job per se but he complains about it all the time and says he really needs to find a new one but then does nothing. For gods sake he has a college degree and is fairly smart he can do WAY better but he chooses not to. Just like he chose not to go to the better college because he wanted to take care of his family (honorable but questionable) or chooses to still live with the fam even though he could easily move out. To me it's like he's scared to move on. And that scares me. He's never been on his own, he's never had a roommate, he's never had to live pay check to paycheck to make rent or buy groceries. He's never been...an adult. I mean he wholly depends on his 'girl' to have her own place because he still lives at home (he wants to act like an adult but doesn't have the means to do it :P).

My other dilemma. Best Friend's Cousin meets WAY more of my silly criteria. But we don't have the same emotional connection... well we might but we haven't had enough dates to figure that out yet :P haha.

Anyways I am still not ready to "pick" a guy but I am ready to do better. I deserve to do better. I deserve a man that will respect me, wants to take care of me and himself, wants to be with me and makes ME happy...right?

I'm not ready to... decide...

Why do I have to chose?  Is three months the commitment timeline?

OK so I got into a HUGE argument with my internet guy.  You see we have talked about how I am not ready to be in a relationship and I want to be single for while and date sort of.  Somewhere I knew he didn't really get it...well he still wanted to be around.  Which in the back of my mind I KNEW would end up badly but I said okay anyway.  Tonight I logged onto social network site when I got off of work and saw a status response to me calling me baby and saying how much he missed me.  My reflex was delete...  Why I do not know.  Seriously after I did it, I was like why the hell did I just do that but I took it as a sign that I didn't want to be..."his".

Anyways he sees that I deleted it and went Ape Sh**!  I felt bad I really did but there was nothing I could say except that I just didn't want him to call me his baby and say he missed me.  It's not appropriate for non-boyfriend type, to me it was like he was pissing on his territory.  Well his tune changed.  He wanted to know why I wasn't ready.  How, if me and my ex were really fin like I said we were, why I couldn't decide if I wanted to be with him.

 

I tried to explain, its not because of my ex that I don't want to be in a relationship that I was hurt badly by a few people I thought I could trust.  All he saw was that I wont chose him and its because I am still "with" my Ex.  I sat on the phone for 45 minutes as he told me EVERYTHING I do wrong and that pretty much I am "lucky" to have him because he is understanding to my situation and no other guy would be that way.  

Okay, he is a really great guy...most of the time.  But this is WHY I don't want a relationship.  I don't want to argue, I don't want to be accused of "things", I don't want my every move analyzed/criticized and I do NOT want to have to explain myself to anyone.  He obviously wants a girlfriend, he told me he has STRONG feelings for me and he thinks I am stringing him along.  I'm not doing that.  I do like him and I think we click, really well.  Maybe thats what scares me.  Maybe I can see that we might make a great couple and it trips me out.  I don't know.  Whatever the case I don't know what to do now.  

A week or so ago we had a conversation about how its not OK to make a girl or guy "chose" because of a situation going on with a friend of mine.  Whether its between two guys/girls, them and their friends, or whatever.  It has to be up to them to decide...he/she shouldn't be forced into a choice.  And then he turns around and tries to make me chose.  He said he's not forcing me into a choice but essentially thats what he's doing...right?  He pretty much told me I have to chose to be with him and only him or not have him in my life at all.  I almost said, "well then I guess this is goodbye"  but before I could say it he said "Don't say anything.  My feelings for you haven't changed, I was hurt and still am.  I was just trying to leave a nice comment on your page.  Can I call you later?"  I was kinda dumb founded.  I think I only groaned and said "Uh sure, if ya want to."  And we hung up...

So what do I do?  My head says just let it go, if he can't understand where your coming from, he's not for you.  But then this stupid heart thing gets in the way and I think about how ridiculously compatible we are, the fun we have, and how nauseatingly romantic he is.   ARGH! 

Walk away or stay?  I'm just not ready to... decide...

It's Raining Men...

...And here I am without my Umbrella!

Holy crap, I dunno what to do. Okay so last night I went to the Rehearsal Dinner with Friend's Cousin. We had so much fun!!! I made friends with the wife of one of the Usher's so her and I were cutting up the whole time. Me and my date were goofing off also. He was MUCH more comfortable with me this time and definitely more flirty.

It was so embarrassing at one point because we were sitting there talking and we can hear the people at one end of the table saying to take the Bride and Grooms order first. So I am talking to my new friend and my date was telling a story, I believe and all of a sudden I hear the waitress say, "they told me to take your order first" to my date. He played it off very well and I just laughed. Then I turned around and the Usher said "you're gonna need 10 glasses of wine after that one", haha.

Well anyway, the way we were seated two of the groomsmen without dates were across from us. They are old military buddies of the Groom. One was very cute/charming and the other I swear was gay but he had a wedding band sooooooo I dunno. Well the cute one was FLIRTING with me, like shamelessly. I know my date noticed...well he may not have he was having too much fun swapping stories with the Groom. Don't get me wrong this guy very attractive but seriously man, I was with someone, STOP FLIRTING. I took it as a compliment though, I must have looked quite HOT!

A good time was had by all and it really made me lookforward to the wedding tomorrow. I think I'll have a good time :). After the dinner ended I got hugs from everyone, yay they must have liked me ;) haha. Well my date brought me back to my car and I headed home. Before I was half way there he called. He wanted to tell me to drive safe and that I looked very pretty tonight (which he must have said 10 times throughout the night). THen he said "so what's it like still living with your Ex?" Um, what, how in tha world...Um, k. Well I explained the situation and he started laughing. He said I am a better person than him. I think I made him feel better when I said "Thats been over since april, we are Literally roomates, he does his thing I do my thing and we will go our seperate ways once we sell the house". He seemed ok with it, but its hard to tell over the phone but he still asked me to call when I got in my house so he knew I was safe, aw.

When I called he said again how nice I looked and that he had lots of fun. He said he'll call me today :D.

So why is it raining men. Well...
1. I had another good date with Friends Cousin
2. Best Man was Flirting with me ALL night
3. Internet guy texted and called me a few times "just to say hello and goodnight"
oh yea and
4. when I was leaving, I noticed my Ex watching me out of the corner of my eye (he never does that)

What to do, what to do? Oooo Ooooo Oooooo I know, go compleltly insane and have my best friend commit me :P. So what I predicted happened BUT it happened at the Rehearsal not the Wedding. I am NOT ready to be tied down to one guy. I like Internet Guy a lot I really do but I am not even close to being ready to be in another semi-serious relationship.

Confusion...2 good guys, 1 girl :(

What do you do when you find a good thing but you are not ready for it?

Okay so as you know I've been on a few dates with my internet guy. He is super sweet and understanding and...anyways you get the picture. I like him, I really do but I am not ready for another relationship yet. I want to have fun still. I want to go out on random dates, not because I am looking for anything but because I can... does that make any sense? I want to party it up with my friends and flirt and not feel guilty. I just want...I want to be single for a while.

So you may be asking yourself what brought on this rant here. Well ya see my friends cousin (guy from 5th First Date) called me out of the blue last week. He apologized for going MIA but said some stuff came up that he had to take care of and he also bought a house (like 5 min from where I live) and has been dealing with that. He said he had fun when we went out and wanted to see if I wanted to go out again. I guess I sounded a little put off on the phone because he quickly said, the house stuff has consumed his time, etc etc etc.

He asked what I was doing this Saturday, because he needed a date for this wedding and would like it if I could go. I had no plans, yet, but I didn't want to just say yes. He said he also wanted me to go to the rehearsal dinner on Thursday, if I could make it. I asked if I could let him know on Sunday a definite yay or nay. He said he'd give me a call. OK GREAT!

So for 3 days I contemplated what to do. Of course my friends and select family that knew said "Go for it, free food and booze". But I started to feel like I shouldn't even though internet guy and I are NOT, not seeing other people. So when he called Monday...I said OK. And it felt great :D haha. Problem, how do I tell but not tell internet guy. Well I just said I was going with a friend to a wedding Saturday, which is true. He asked if it was a guy...I said yes and we left it at that. Not bad right?

So why do I feel like a horrible person. I'll tell you why...because I like him and I shouldn't, AHHHH! So I am hoping that going out with friend's cousin will help me to figure out what to do...either that or it will confuse me more :P.

I am thinking after the wedding one of two things will happen:

1. Going on a date with another guy will make me realize how NOT ready for a relationship I am and that I should still be having fun

2. I will realize I want to be with Internet Guy and only him, even though I'm not ready for it

Somebody shoot me I thought dating was suposed to be fun!!!!!

He is too good to be true!

Why aren't all guys this amazing...?

OK so today was a very busy day for me. First I met my girls at the mall to shop for the big concert and I got fitted for yet another Bridesmaid Dress! Well after we were done at the mall my Internet Guy wanted to come meet me for a late lunch and whatever.

So we met up at this great Italian Grill by the mall and had lunch and stuff. Afterward we couldn't decide what to do, so I suggested my old stompin' grounds ;). My Grammar school was having their annual fair and I hadn't been in a few years, so we went.

We played booth games, rode rides and walked around. It was so simple but so nice. I even ran into a couple of old teachers that actually recognized me (it's been 14 years since they taught me). We had a couple beers there then headed over to a Bar & Grill to meet his cousin and shoot some pool. Okay correction, they shot pool, I drank a purple people eater ;). I got hit on by our Waitress...yes that' s right I said waitress o_O. I guess I was giving off the ' vibe' that night. Then him and I were going to go see a movie after that but we ended up just talking in the car and then going to another bar.

Okay so we didn't just talk in the car but its kind of hard not to just attack him :D haha. Well we ended up having "the talk", the one I have been dreading because I didn't know how he'd react...

I finally had to tell him about my living situation, which I was a lil' nervous about doing...I mean how do you tell a guy you like, "Uh hey by the way I still live with my Ex that I was sort of engaged too and was with for 5 years". But I couldn't put it off anymore because he wanted to help me out by coming to my house so I didn't have to drive so much...which is really sweet BUT CANNOT happen, haha. He actually took it quite well. I was surprised. He said he knew something was up (dude I am the WORST liar, you can see right through me, haha). He said I seemed like a trustworthy person and if I say me and him are done and JUST roommates he believes me. Aw :D. Anyways, that' s my story ;)

Date with a Lawyer :P

How do you tell someone to 'hush' or rather S.T.F.U. without being rude?

Ok so my godmother somehow talked me into meeting one of the Lawyers in her office. I didn't really want to go because 1. The last time I was set up by a family member it was disastrous and 2. I kinda like my internet guy (A LOT). Well I tell my godmother this but all she can say is, "Whaddaya got to lose?" And she's right internet guy and I are not 'exclusive' but still.

So I go meet this guy. He's very, um, nice. Ok I am being nice. He annoyed the crap outta me. So here is why I do not think I am interested.
1. He is 10 years older than me
2. He wanted to meet at a Coffee Shop
3. He is balding...a lot...and has a cover up thing going on (just shave it)
4. He's NEVER been in a super serious relationship...most were short
5. Oh and the kicker...He wouldn't stop talking...about himself!

Seriously I couldn't get a word in. I would start talking and he would actually interrupt me and start talking about himself. It was so annoying. So pretty much I sat there for a couple hours listening to him chat about...HIM. What ticked me off was we met at 7PM, I was flipping starving and he never once said wanna get a bite to eat. I would have paid for it, I don't care about that but I needed food! At one point he said he chose a Coffee Shop because he wanted me to feel comfortable. I said in my lil sarcastic voice, "Honestly I'm a lot more comfortable with a beer in my hand." Ha ha, then he said, I kid you not, "Note to self." OMG really!!! Like I said I could barely get a word in. Finally I interrupted him and said it's late I really have to go (it was a little after 9PM). He walked me to my car and I think expected a kiss, he got a hug. He asked for my number but before I could say anything he said never mind I have that from your Aunt. I was like GREAT, :P. So I left and immediately called my friend and told her everything, haha. I had to stop at McDonald's for food...I didn't want to eat fast food but I was DYING!

A Lemon Grew Legs and Tried to Attacked Me...

It's not even October yet...right?

Last night I was exhausted, so when I went to bed I was OUT like a light. Around 12 - 12:30 I heard a noise. I rolled over and saw the hall bathroom light on. I was like "Oh, my 'roommate' had to potty, whatever." He was in there a while so his dog got upset and came in the bed with me. I was just starting to fall back asleep when his dog JUMPED from a dead sleep to up on all fours in a split second. This crazy motion scared me and I jumped. Then he started sniffing (hound dog style) all over the bed, the other dogs and me. If a dog can looked confused/scared, that was the look he had. So I am like what the hell stupid dog. Then all of a sudden the cat, who was sleeping by my head went into stalking mode staring in his direction. Suddenly she leaps OVER my dog and starts rolling all over the foot of the bed. By this time I was out of the bed and like WHAT THE HELL IS IN MY ROOM?!?!?!? Mind you all I had time to turn on, until now, was the TV so it was very dark. The cat stopped rolling, jumped off the bed and ran down the hall...my roommates dog followed but only to the gate (he can't jump over it like she can).

I checked the ENTIRE room. I didn't see anything, so I settled down and tried to go back to sleep. Before I could relax I hear this commotion in the hallway. Its his dog going ballistic and the cat darting up and down the hall. Well I finally got up and me and my roommate ran into each other trying to see what was going on but we can barely see anything and the hall light is broken. The cat is at our end of the hall...she goes into crouching tiger stance. Suddenly she darts down the hall leaps at least 3 feet into the air and pounces on something at the other end of the hall. She skidded 4-5 feet with whatever it was pinned under her front paws. After about, oh I dunno, a second she starts beating the living daylights out of the floor. Well we ran down the hall to see what it was...it was a MASSIVE cockroach!!! And it was trying to get away from the psycho kitty that just tried to beat it into the floor, so what does it do...it runs straight to ME! So now I am running down the hall going "Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!". My roommate finally kills it and we all calm down. So all I can figure is it crawled on the dog (better him than me) and freaked him the heck out.

Well of course now I am totally freaked out because that is my phobia...I can deal with ANY other bug...not Roaches!!!!!! And it was in my bed...OMG!!!! So I tried to go to sleep but I was paranoid. I slept with the TV on, had in ear plugs (not bc of noise from the TV) and every few minutes I would get chills down my spine.

Well I FINALLY start to doze off again when I feel something touch my face..."AHHHHHHHH". I jumped up so fast but my two dogs had me pinned so I only sat up. I'm looking all over for another critter...it was a critter alright...my cat decided she wanted to nuzzle...it was her whiskers. I wanted to kick her butt, she scared the cah cah outta me! So yea I didn't really sleep good last night.

Drunk Dialings Bad, mmmk

Yea, we've all done it, HUSH!

The thing is I usually only drunk dial my friends...not last night, oh no I decided it was a good idea to drunk dial my internet guy. Who else here thinks that's a good idea...no one... ya sure? OK so here's the scoop.

Last night we went out for 4 of my friends birthdays. We decided to get them all done at once. So we went out to dinner. It was so much fun. We were just cutting up and talking about everything you could think of. I swear the older women next to us blushed a few times because of the topics of conversation, ah hem. Anyways at dinner we each had 2 martinis (yum). Then afterwards for some ungodly reason we decided we wanted to go hang out at a bar for a while.

So there we are drinking lots of beer and doing SHOTS, yes that's right I said shots. Who thinks its a good idea to do shots on a work night? Well evidently we thought it was a great idea last night :P. At some point my brain kicked in and I decided to check the time, it was 1AM... holy crap, I have to getup at 6am!!! So we all immediately left.

This is when my bright idea kicked in o_O. After dropping off one of the B-day girls I called my internet guy (at this point it was one fifteen in the morning). The funny part was that he actually answered, HA.

So we proceeded to have this "conversation"...let me rephrase that I proceeded to jabber and he laughed at me...A LOT. If you don't know I am a closed book when it comes to certain things. I do not talk openly about Sex, my sex life, etc etc etc with newbies. My girls, hell we have some crazy talks but new guy...yea not so much.

Well we had this talk...over the phone...while I was not drunk so to say but buzzing really good. Don't ask me how this came up but we talked about how many people we'd had SEX with, how long those relationships were, we talked about both being 'clean', the list goes on and on. At some point I made reference to the dress I was wearing and how I thought I needed help getting it off of me and I am pretty sure I asked for his assistance...seriously what was I thinking, haha. Anyways this morning when I crawled out of bed to go to work the converstaion came flooding back and well YEA I wanted to crawl in a hole, so I texted him saying "thanks for listening to my dumb ass last night, hope I wasn't too silly for you." He called, while I was driving to work. He is way too sweet, ahhhhhhhh. He said he loved talking to me and was glad I called. I told him I was so embarrassed (cuz I was) about the topics of conversation. He said I had nothing to be embarrassed about he said he was getting a kick out of me and thought it was adorable. OMG really?! He said he's kinda glad I talked about it while a little tipsy because it wasn't unconfortable at all, I was cracking jokes the whole time. Yáll know me I get goofy when I am "drunk". So he made me feel better so to say but I still feel like an A$$! I called this guy I actually kinda like and had a 30 minute converation with him about all kinds of sex stuff.

I am a goob! Haha.

I don't know what to think...

No really I'm a little confused!

OK so I went on yet another date with my Internet guy. He asked me to come over to his place to watch a movie/dinner. I was a little apprehensive about this one because we all know what most men think when a girl is coming over for the first time AND he lives with his mom and lil brother. I was trying to find every excuse in the book not to go. He somehow talked me into it!!!

I got there and I meet his mom and bro, which is WEIRD for me because I usually do not meet family members until we have been dating for a while. We've been talking since the very end of July and its only the beginning of September...not nearly long enough. Anyways, his mom had cooked. It was really good too. They left us to eat alone...so it was me him and their 3 little yippy dogs that barked at me the entire time. After we ate his mom was like I hope your not scared of them, I was like oh no, I have 3 VERY big dogs, ankle biters do not phase me - haha, its true!

A bit later he asked me if I wanted to go watch a movie...in his room. Can I just tell you how awkward that was for me?!? Its like "hey mom, I'm gonna take this girl you just met to my bedroom, k lata." I know, I know we are adults but its still uncomfortable. Not to mention what went through my head...we all know what goes on in the bedroom, ah hem.

We started watching a movie and I layed down the law REAL quick. He wasn't pushy or anything but he was a little touchy feely so, I figured I needed to make sure we were on the same page.

Don't get me wrong there was alot of making out but thats as far as it went. But then the weirdest thing happened. He looked at me, told me how much he liked me, how amazing he thought i was and wasn't sure how I felt but wanted to see if I wanted to take things to the next level. I think I gave him a funny look because he back tracked quickly and said "or we can get to know each other better and see what happens." I nodded to that part but I was confused. What was he talking about?!? Was he propositioning me for sex or was he asking me out? I really wasn't sure... I thought I made it clear sex was something that was out of the question...for a while, THATS a big step for me, especially if I like someone. So what was it, he never clarified what he was asking, he just snuggled up to me and we finished watching the movie.

I do not know what to think... any suggestions?!?!?!

It's always fun sitting in the dark...not so much!

Ever wonder if mother nature is a B$%^*? Answer: YES!

So it's Friday, fours days since Gustav made landfall and effed up all my labor day plans!!! I have been working EVERYDAY since the hurricane 10+ hours a day. Sitting in the garage of my office with the owner, CFO, dispatcher, 3 drivers, 1 IT guy and Lil' Ole me. No power...just a generator running a few fans, a printer and a laptop...IT'S HOT AS HELL! Today the rest of the office is here, and we have power to the building on generator now but no A/C...so yea. It's been interesting.

Anyways the past week I have been living at my grandparents house because its closer to work, they have no power and I don't want them alone AND there is no power at my house anyways. So every night after work, I got stopped by the national guard and had to convince them I was working and not blatantly violating curfew, went to g-parents house, helped g-maw cook dinner (gas stove and H2O heater - THANK GOD) and sat in the dark...YAY! Well everynight my internet guy called me. And we talked for hours. So we really got to know each other even more through long phone calls and texts. And everynight before bed he texted me Goodnite, with some sweet message in it. I know I am making you nausaus with cuteness right now right ;) haha.

Well anyways I am heading home tomorrow, I don't care if I have no power. If I'm gonna be in the dark it might as well be in my own house so I can clean things up! Hope I get power back soon... ):

1st, 2nd Date - I was not supposed to like him *sigh*

I guess it's true when you least expect it something good happens... (:

So yea I went on a second date with my online interest. It almost didn't happen because my lil bro decided to go and get engaged :D and they did an engagement dinner Friday night. But luckily he didn't mind meeting up later, after the dinner.

So I met him at this local restaurant (he hadn't eaten)...and since I'd already eaten, I went on a liquid diet...I ordered a Dirty Martini, in true NOLA Gurl fashion. We got our drinks and food and talked...A LOT. He is so easy to talk to, nothing in particular came up just getting to know each other better. He is just super sweet and easy going, oh yea and he is kinda cute so I guess that explains the attraction, haha. Well after we sat there for a while with the waiters glaring at us beacuse they wanted to close up (we were not the only people in there but ya get the idea) he asked if I wanted to go see a movie.

Well we went to see Mirrors, that new Kiefer Sutherland movie, not bad. Anyways, while we were waiting for the movie to start we were being goofy. Again NO ONE in the theater when we got there (I guess they all started evacuating for Gustav :P). People showed up eventually but for a while it was just us. It was weird because we are very comfortable with each other so there was lots of teasing and joking, then all of a sudden he kissed me, he he he. It was nice, by the way he is very affectionate. Anyways like I said lots of joking and teasing, so after the kiss I said "Ya know, it's gonna be really hard to top the kiss in the rain", he said he'd take that as a challange, hehehe.

After the movie he walked me to my car and he kissed me again. It was sooooooo sweet. A little awkward though because 1. we were in a parking lot and kinda had an audience and 2. I didn't have on really big heels so I was REALLY short. He texted me later on "I had fun tonight. Goodnight and Sweet Dreams." Aw ;) haha.

I guess I don't know what to think. I was very apprehensive about meeting someone I met on Social Network site. I mean I am glad I did, he's not a freak...so far. It's just weird, I wasn't expecting to like him and want to see him again etc. I need to shut my brain off, haha. Well I am gonna go prepare for Gustav now...stupid hurricane :P

6th, 1st Date (I'm starting to lose count)

I'm on a streak...another good date, YAY!

Wow, I was not expecting to have so much fun. Okay, so I met this guy online (don't judge). We talked via social network site for a while, then I decided to give him my number. So we been talking on the phone and via text for a couple weeks. He seemed really nice, easy to talk to...and based on his pics kinda cute. My only reservation(s): I met him online, he works as a Manager at a home improvement store even though he has a degree and there was one physical thing (superficial I know but it stood out) he has a large forehead... but he still looked cute. Anyways so he finally asked me to go out this weekend.

After dinner at dads I went meet him for a movie. Tropic Thunder...HAHAHAHAHA so wrong in so many ways but Oh so funny!!!!! Anyways when he walked up I was like, why hello there; he was all stylish looking, very attractive. And he is REALLY tall. I had on 4 inch heels, and I came up to his shoulders, hahaha, I am so freaking short. Anyways we watched the movie and it was nice. He held my hand about half way through the movie. He seems very affectionate, I dunno it's just a vibe I got. Well after the movie we went hang out for a little while at this bar/grille, had a couple drinks and chatted.

We talked...ALOT. Just random things, ya know getting to know each other I guess. Well anyways, I completely lost track of time and before I knew it, it was 8:45. I had to go home, I have work early in the AM. We walked outside and were standing under this awning thing. We were waiting to see if the tropical storm going on outside would slack up enough for us to get to our cars. So we talked a little more and I shivered because it was quite windy and damp. So he put his arms around me and hugged me and it was really nice (I could just be attention starved but thats a whole other issue to blog about, haha). So we were standing there and I looked up and I think he was about to kiss me and both of us cracked up laughing because we heard the music from inside. It was Nelly, stepped on my J's...it just didn't fit with the moment.

Well we finally decided to make a dash for the cars, it had slacked up a bit but it was still a fairly steady drizzle. So we get to my car and I throw my purse and all inside. Well of course I am going to hug him and tell him good night he took me to the movies and drinks, I at least gotta say night. So I did and I looked up to say goodnight/thanks and this time he did kiss me :). And I must say, he was the best thus far. It was very romantic, I mean, WOW. So there we were just kissing...in the rain. Talk about getting lost in the moment. Anyways we finally said goodbye and I looked like a drowned rat but thats besides the point, haha. And I couldn't stop smiling, I wasn't supposed to like him, it was just a "sure why not, lets go on a date". I didn't plan on kissing him goodnight, that's not a guaranteed thing on a first date. Well after talking for a couple hours I kinda hoped we might but I totally didn't plan on it especially since it was raining.

So there ya go. I checked something off my must do before I die list, have a romantic kiss with a cute guy in the rain, hehehe. So all in all, I am thinking good date!

I'm confused...

Ever think something went so great and then realize maybe it didn't?

So as you know I went on a date with my BFF's cousin. I though it was great night but he didn't call. I don't expect a call in the next couple days but within a week of the date would be nice. Since I hadn't heard from him I was figuring maybe it really wasn't that great. So I tried to stop thinking about it and keep doing what I was doing (having fun, haha). Well he did FINALLY call, exactly a week from our date. Well it was around 8PM when he called and I had just sat down to watch Anastasia (because I am a dork like that). We talked for a sec and he asked what I was doing. I told him and he tried to make a joke but I dunno. He said "oh you watching that with your husband?" I was like huh, yea does my dog count, HA. He laughed, kinda, and then said he would let me go and to call him when it was over so maybe we could plan to do something over the weekend. Well I passed out on the couch and woke up like at 11:30 to go to bed. So I texted him that and said I would call him the next day.

So I did call him the next day (Friday) and he didn't answer so I left a message (which I never do, I HATE leaving messages). Well I didn't hear from him so I went ahead and planned my weekend out.

I was out with my chicas on Saturday and I texted him, just to be like, Uh hey hows ya weekend. No response. Um k, I give up. Well Sunday at like 8AM I got a text saying he was waiting for me to call and that he knew I was working Saturday so... I was half asleep but I responded, "No not this weekend, my friends B-Day dinner was last night." No response, um k. Well he called like at 1:00 but I was getting ready to go to dad's and didn't hear the phone. I called him back at like 1:30 and he said he was sleeping. So I said I could let him go. He said no thats ok. Then after like 30 seconds he asked if he could call me back because he was half asleep. I said sure. NEVER heard from him. Soooooooooooooooooo I dunno. We only went on one date but this no call/text back stuff is kinda annoying.

I guess we'll see but to me this all says not really that interested but I maybe like you a little. Does that make any sense...it did in my head but now that I read it not so sure, haha.

I am going to hell!

What do you do when you totally stick your foot in your mouth...without saying a word???

So I went meet a friend of mine for lunch (this would be good kisser from 2nd 1st date). He had been bugging me for weeks about these pictures I have. You see before him and I officially met, we evidently met. In conversation we discovered that we had met at a Halloween Party my sophomore year of College and he was dressed as a "Male Dancer" (8 years ago). I remembered some pics of a "Male Dancer" and he wanted me to scan them and email them to him. Well I kept forgetting. So finally last Friday I remembered and brought the photo album to work BUT I forgot to scan them...oops.

Flash forward to today. He calls me to go to lunch, so I said sure. There was no *Kissey Kissey* this time, I don't want to lead him on...I'm just not feeling it. After we ate he asked if he could look through the album. I said sure but mind you those are from more than just the Halloween party. So he is flipping through all the pics and I am still eating. He sees the ones from the Halloween party and said he remembered me and my friends. So he's laughing at all the pics and sees the 3-4 he showed up in. Then he asked me if he could scan them. I was like sure.

Ok, the photo album was full of captions and comments because thats when I had time to be creative ;) haha. So he is going through them taking out the ones of him and he stops dead in his tracks. I was like "what?" I looked at the picture he has stopped on and almost DIED! It was a pic of me, him and my BFF... the caption said "I dunno about you but I always thought "Male Dancers" would be much cutier..." He looked soooooooooooooo hurt and I felt sooooooooooooooo bad. Well then in true heartbreak fashion he starts with the "So you never found me attractive...it was all a lie...I can't believe I thought you liked me...etc. etc. etc." I tried to apologize. I reminded him that I DID NOT know him at the time, it was 8 years ago and I was a stupid young college student. Still didn't help. He sat there just staring at me. I didn't know what else to say/do. I mean he really wasn't that cute back then. He was very skinny (not the skinny I like... I like muscular/lean skinny...he was bony), had bad poofy hair and kinda looked like a cheesy car salesman... so I am pretty sure thats why I put that caption. He doesn't look like that anymore :P well a little like a car salesman, but not THAT bad.

We are not in a relationship, nor did I ever think we would be. I mean we have fun together and he's a good kisser but I just don't feel a connection to him like that. I wouldn't mind it, he's a great guy, cute, super sweet and smart... DOH! So anyways by the time I had to leave and go back to work he said he had forgiven me and that he realized it was YEARS ago and we didn't know each other. But he still looked absolutely crushed.

So I am guessing we aren't even friends now. I doubt he will call/email me EVER again. I still feel really bad but what's done is done, can't change it now. My co-worker got a kick out of it...I guess it is a little funny, but not really, HA.

5th, 1st Date - I thought 3rd time was the charm...

OMG OMG OMG OMG?!?!?!?!?!?!

I had a good date! Seriously, it was good from beginning to end. Yay, about freaking time!

So this is the cousin of one of my friends (nice, I know). So I met him at his house and we went inside and he said "you know my parents, right?" which of course I know them, they are at all functions at my friends house. Anyways, I hear from the other room "HI NOLA GURL!" So I went to say hello. His mom was funny, as we were leaving she says "You two have fun tonight." Then giggled. It was a little uncomfortable at first but we started talking.

We went eat first at a seafood restaurant near the theater. Poor thing seemed exhausted but we talked and joked around a little. It was fun but kind of surreal because I have known him for a while and didn't ever look at him as someone I would/could ever date. But it was nice.

Well we went to the movie, Pineapple Express, which was FREAKING HILARIOUS!!!!!!! It was such a stoner movie but I loved it. We walked in and NO ONE was in the theater but us. Which was kinda uncomfortable because we were all alone in a dark theater on a first date. But right before the movie lots of people showed up. We sat really close in the movie but no hand holding. I think he wanted to but was unsure of how to maneuver it.

The movie let out kind of late so there was no going out after. We talked more on the ride back to his house, it was a bit more relaxed. Well we got to the house and he walked me to my car. I wasn't sure what was going to happen because I dunno...because I just wasn't sure. Well I went to hug him goodbye and he kissed me. I melted, it was weird at first but I dunno. It was nice, very sweet. Anyways I got in my car and was all giddy (I know I am a dork). Well when I was almost home I got a text "Just wanted to make sure you made it home safe. Thanks, I'd like to do it again sometime." Hehehe, that made me even more giddy because it was so sweet.

So my date did end up going very well. I was worried because he's my best friends cousin, so if things went badly I have to see him ALL THE TIME. I guess we'll see if there is a second date. For the first time I really hope there is one :) *sigh* I am such a dork.

No one likes being lied to...

...even if the truth stings, right?!?

I swear I wonder what people are thinking sometimes...especially the one I currently live with. We are completely broken up, its just us living there as roommates until we sell the house or I get a better offer and move out. Which it can be weird at times BUT for the most part we are fine.

So where is my rant coming from. I don't like being blatantly lied to and yelled at, it annoys me no matter who is doing it. You see my 'roommate' recently added unlimited texting on his phone. Now, I have been BEGGING for 2 years for him to do this because I couldn't text him without getting fussed because he had to pay .10 (now more) every time. Anyways, the texting started, then more and more phone calls and the "I'm going have drinks with Co-workers" line. I've ignored it whatever.

Now I am dating people don't get me wrong. It's just not as obvious because I've always gotten lots of texts, calls and gone out. So it's really not a change for me. Like I said I've been ignoring the lies. But last Thursday he called me on his way home from his parents and said he was stopping to pick up food. Well lately that means what do you want. So I asked where he was stopping. He stumbled over his words and said he was stopping soon and would be done eating before he got home and he didn't want my food to get cold. Um ok, I get it, you are meeting someone, thats OK (but I never said any of that, just OK). Then like I said he adds unlimited texting. Last night OMG. He was in a texting war with someone, obviously a girl. How do I know this because I am a texting queen as are most of my girl friends, plus you can just tell.

Well he said something not nice about my family and you just don't do that. So I hit him where it hurts. I started telling him he was obviously becoming a-sexual and should not attempt to reproduce. That we did not need to pass his genes along etc. I know I know not very mature but I don't care anymore, haha. Anyways I messed with him a little about the excessive texting and he kinda got offended. And insisted it was a co-worker. I was like ok, I am just messing with ya.

Well flash forward to today. I have a HOT date tonight...with my best friends cousin. So I am a little nervous. Anyways, I told him I was going out tonight. I never said with anyone or where. Well he gets online earlier and says, "what time are you going out?" So I said when I was leaving and he replied, "I can go out too. I am meeting my co-workers for drinks." I was like ok. Well like I said I am tired of the charade. I know his co-workers, they do NOT get along, unless its some new interns which good for him. So I replied "So, what's her name ;) haha, just messin'." Well this threw him into a frenzy. He said he doesn't want to be in a relationship, so he doesn't know why I would say that, blah blah blah....I was like dude chill it was a joke...

So of course to keep the peace I apologized and said, I didn't realize it was such a sore subject, I won't joke about it anymore. But that RIGHT there tells me he is going to meet a girl. People only freak when you catch them in a lie. Haha. Anyways, I said to have fun and he got insulted again. Dude I cannot win, he broke up with me, why is he flipping out??? I mean of course I am not comfortable with knowing he is dating but I am not crazy, we are not together, its expected. So anyways, hopefully my date goes well tonight ;) .

Bad things happen in threes...right?!

How many lemons is life going to give me at once???

Seriously I sometimes wonder what life has in store for me. So Saturday was this party thing we all threw for a friend of ours. It was a big hit, lots of fun. Since we had to clean up afterwards my buzz was gone long before I had to drive home. Well around 1:30 AM my friend brought a group of us to our cars and low and behold my front driver side tire is completely flat, like rim is on the ground! Well since I am not too much of a girly girl, I got my spare out and started to change it. Meanwhile my girly girl friends are snapping pics of me in my cute lil' dress changing a tire at 1:30 in the morning. When I finally get my tire off I see why its so flat...the tread has come off on the inside...NICE. At least it happened while it was parked otherwise, that would have been a blow out on the Interstate...yikes. So I get everything done, tighten the bolts on my spare and put the Jack down...my spare is flat. I was like, guess I am sleeping over.

The next morning my friends husband took his air compressor to my car and filled my spare, he rocks like that!!! And it held air, a good sign. So I said my goodbye's and decided to take my car to Wal-mart to get a new tire. NO ONE had my tire in stock! I have a very normal little car with very normal little tires but not a Wal-mart or Sams in the city had my tire. So I headed home on my little doughnut.

Wait it gets better. Around 8-8:30PM I started to feel a little funny. It didn't take me long to realize I was going to be sick. As I was writhing in pain on my couch my friend texts me "anyone else sick?". I was like how the hell did she know. I barely finnished responding to her when I had to bolt to the bathroom and well, get sick. I felt like the exorcist, it was projectile, uncontrollable and PAINFUL! This continued ALL night long. It was awful!!! Around 3AM I actually grabbed my pillow and slept on the bathroom floor. I was DYING!!! I found out the next day that 1/2 the party was sick. We thought food poisoning but it took too long to hit AND people that ate the same things as us were not sick, so virus it is.

Well Monday morning I was supposed to go to court to fight a bogus speeding ticket (I was NOT speeding, I swear). I called to tell them my situation. The lady said "unless you have a Dr's note or a receipt from the ER you better get your butt over here." Freaking awesome. Well in my parish, traffic court it NOT organized, its first come first serve. I got there 20 min before my court time...there was a line wrapping around the building!!! I felt and looked like death. I finally get in the court room to talk to the DA and I kid you not, he started to go over my charge, stopped, pulled his glasses down and asked if I was OK. That tells you right there how sexy I looked. I pleaded with him and ended up only paying the court fee...YAY! He said to sit down and wait for the receipt, I asked if I could go to the restroom and he said sure. I bolted and well, take a guess what happened.

Mind you I still am driving on my stupid little spare. I called Goodyear near my house and they actually had my tires in stock, if I could have celebrated without vomiting I would have. The problem...I didn't have an appointment...which meant it could take ALL day before they get to it. There was no way I could sit there all day. I would have passed out. So I call my poor mom to tell her the situation. She drove all the way out to my house to pick me up from the mechanic. I still had to sit there a while to wait for her and at least 3 people came in the waiting room to see if I was OK.

All in all everything turned out OK. My stomach illness only lasted a couple days, I got out of the speeding ticket and I got my new tires. BUT I went through hell and back to get it all done. I just hope those were my three's because I am worn out and poor.

Survival of the...fitest...?

How are we all going to make it through what's going on in our economy?

As I am sure you have noticed the price of everything has gone up. The same grocery items that used to total $70 are now well over a hundred and thats with me buying Generic brands. It's getting scary.

So what prompted this rant besides my rising grocery bill? Well lets just say I got a double whammy today. We found out this morning that our Health Insurance was going up. Oh yay again. Well we were told it is going up $30 per pay check bringing our employee portion to $100 per pay check...$200 per month...OUCH! It was presented really crappy to us also so everyone was pretty miffed. Well we gripped about it but no one really seemed to care except our VP. She went in there and tore them a new one. She made sure they understood why everyone was so ticked off. $30 per paycheck seems like small potatoes but when you haven't gotten a cost of living raise in 3 years that hurts like a MF.

They said they are going to have another meeting and explain it better, which is fine BUT that still doesn't help us any. I know we are a small company but holy crap I was struggling to make ends meet before, this DOES NOT help. My VP pulled me aside to talk and asked me what she could do to help me (I was borderline anxiety attack). All I could tell her was money. There is nothing else she can do for me except get me a raise. The cost of everything has gone up gas, food, insurance, clothes, etc etc etc. She said she knows and if she could she would get me a huge raise but the company is feeling it also. I told her I know. I know that if I am feeling this pain the company is feeling it in some way also, I am not dumb, I know businesses are not immune from this insanity but if I cannot afford to eat or buy food what good am I to the company.

Well after we finished talking I went back to my desk and got an email with my electric bill in it. I almost screamed!!! My bill was over $200. My bill has NEVER been over $100 and that was running the AC all day during the summer when my mom lived with me. I was flipping out. I thought surely that is wrong, they must have miss read the meter (which has happened before). As I scanned the bill I realized it was not. My Energy charges for the month were $87 (normal summer bill), but there was this other charge...a FUEL SURCHARGE. Okay I am not dumb I know its been there but it has always been minimal. It was $124!!!!!!!!! That is 1.5 times as much as my actual Energy usage. Are you freaking kidding me??? That is not fair! It is a flat rate charged to everyone. Personally I think it should be based on a percentage of your Energy usage so that those that are NOT mindful of wasting electricity get more of a charge and people like me don't get slammed!

So I turned about 50 shades of red before I got up to walk it off. One of my co-workers thought I was about to lose it, which she was right, that was the freakin' cherry on top of my crappy day. But somehow I managed to contain it until quitting time. But when I got in my car to start driving home, I let it all out. It wasn't a full on anxiety attack but had I not let out that pent up frustration it would have been worse the next day or in a few days when something small might trigger it off.

I just don't know where to cut corners. I live on a budget. I only buy basic food products, I don't party it up every single weekend, I don't speed and I take care of my car to get good gas mileage and I have a part time job to help make up the difference. Please tell me what else I can do, well besides moving back in with mom and dad or getting a Suga Daddy. *sigh*

Guys are Weird!!!!!!!

Seriously how can you have 'feelings' for someone you JUST met?!?!?!?

So after being badgered by Pops (guy from a previous post), I finally agreed to meet him for a drink after work Friday. Just like I expected he is probably one of the nicest people in the world and he's kinda cute. So what's the problem(s)... I know this seems extremely superficial BUT the first problem happened when he stood up. I think he MIGHT be 5'3", might be. And since I am only about 5'1" and had on 3 inch heels, as usual, I was a tad taller. So, yea, I was kinda turned off by that, but I gave him a chance. We talked and stuff and it was fun-ish, but I could tell he was completely smitten with me. Like gazing at me, which made me extraordinarily uncomfortable. I found out a-lot about his daughter and him. Here is the best part about the night (well funniest), the place we were at was packed. There was this group standing by the bar, we were at a table. There was this HOTT guy with that group. He caught my eye once when Pops got up to go get me a drink. Holy crap he kept flirting with me everytime I turned. OK let me tell ya, he was about 5"11", skinny but muscular, blondish brown hair and slightly tan, oh yea did I mention the Crystal blue eyes!!! I was like "GD, I really want to go talk to him." But at the same time I do not want to crush this sweet, sensitive guy I am having drinks with. What to do. I was hoping pops would go to the restroom and I would have my little window to make my move. NOPE, he did not leave me out of his sight...RED FLAG RED FLAG. I went to the bathroom and the hottie started to follow, but Pops grabbed my arm and said I'll be waiting. DOH! Hottie did not follow, crap.

So after a while I was getting annoyed with the clingy-ness pops was having with me so I told him I had to go take car of my sick dog, which is not entirely a lie, I really did, but not for another hour.

The second problem, well besides being holy crap clingy, I get home and I get this text that says "NOLA Gurl I think you are so adorable", followed by "OMG I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight thinking of you." Followed by "You have no idea of the effect you have on me, but hopefully someday you will,." Wait there's more. Next I got "NOLA Gurl why you delete my comment I sent you today." (He left me this intimate comment on social network site, WE DO NOT KNOW EACH OTHER, so I deleted it). Followed by "Hmmmm now you have me wondering again."

I responded to the first by saying "Thanks, your very sweet." I stopped after that bc they were getting ridiculous! The next morning I woke up to the last two, I responded "Chill por favor" to which he replied, ""mmmmmmk. I just asking. Did I cause a problem with your ex?" What the hell!!!!!!!!! So I replied "Huh? NO! You don't really know me please stop with all the intimate messages." So he called, seriously I cannot deal with this.

Anyways, I just don't get the attachment. Yes I am a nice girl and fun but how can you justify/rationalize falling for someone like *poof*! Like I said I stopped responding.

Flash forward to today:
I am at work and I start getting IM's that say the following talking about relationships (its a little long, my responses are in purple):

Pops	NOLAGurl	no need to rush tho
NOLAGurl	Pops	Um Ive never rushed, dont think Ill start
Pops	NOLAGurl	?
Pops	NOLAGurl	whats that mean ?
NOLAGurl	Pops	I dont rush things, its not smart. I come from a divorced family and have friends my age that are already divorced...I do not rush
Pops	NOLAGurl	TRUST ME I KNOW
Pops	NOLAGurl	im still working on the second date with you :P and it took a month just to meet ya
Pops	NOLAGurl	maybe next month ~sigh~
Pops	NOLAGurl	YA KNOW
NOLAGurl	Pops	?
Pops	NOLAGurl	i dont mind you being cautious and not rushing NOLAGurl your verry smart and I respect you allot. you dont have to hide behind the great wall of China tho
Pops	NOLAGurl	i wanna pinch you wight now
Pops	NOLAGurl	on the butt :P
NOLAGurl	Pops	um, y
Pops	NOLAGurl	hahhaa
Pops	NOLAGurl	just cuz
Pops	NOLAGurl	your tuff
NOLAGurl	Pops	?
Pops	NOLAGurl	hehe
Pops	NOLAGurl	just well, I never know how you really feel i guess
Pops	NOLAGurl	you so far behind your defences that you never tell me anything about your feeligns
Pops	NOLAGurl	you dont want me to express mine for you
Pops	NOLAGurl	hmmm
Pops	NOLAGurl	idk
NOLAGurl	Pops	feelings get people in troub;e when revealed too soon
Pops	NOLAGurl	you have me sctatching my head allot wondering what your thinking lol
Pops	NOLAGurl	not really
Pops	NOLAGurl	if that other person is understanding enough to deal with it
NOLAGurl	Pops	In my Expereince, yes. People put themselves out there too soon and what appears to be a strong connection turns out to be lust or an illusion. You have to be careful how much you tell a person you do not know very well, or it'll come back and bite oyu in the butt
Pops	NOLAGurl	hmmm
NOLAGurl	Pops	You are talking to a Psych major, dont make me analyze you
Pops	NOLAGurl	well as long as i'v waited and stayed single just to get my life in order i dont think its a problem to wait
Pops	NOLAGurl	nothin has come to me easy so
Pops	NOLAGurl	not a biggie
Pops	NOLAGurl	please dont get all Psyco Analyzer on me :P
Pops	NOLAGurl	hahaha
NOLAGurl	Pops	Um its kinda a habit
Pops	NOLAGurl	then you will think im crazy
Pops	NOLAGurl	hahah
Pops	NOLAGurl	ya prolly already do
NOLAGurl	Pops	right
Pops	NOLAGurl	maybe your right
Pops	NOLAGurl	i crazy about you :P
Pops	NOLAGurl	keke kissz>
Pops	NOLAGurl	miss GWoC
NOLAGurl	Pops	?
Pops	NOLAGurl	thats Miss Great Wall of China
Pops	NOLAGurl	your a sweetheart NOLAGurl
Pops	NOLAGurl	im just messin wit ya
NOLAGurl	Pops	u hhuh
Pops	NOLAGurl	so can i ask and get an honest and straight answer to this question.
Pops	NOLAGurl	1 sec
Pops	NOLAGurl	heh
Pops	NOLAGurl	I only want to know this bit of info
NOLAGurl	Pops	?
Pops	NOLAGurl	dont rush me
Pops	NOLAGurl	im just wanting to know how you feel about me as in : do you like me ? obviously you are willing to go on another date with me. right ?
Pops	NOLAGurl	and with that I know this might be more info then your willing to give me but ill ask anyway. from what you see and know so far about me, do you feel that maybe you would be interested in getting involved in a relationship with me ? not right now but in the future ? this is the thing i was wanting to ask you.
NOLAGurl	Pops	Um, can say no comment pending the need of further information
Pops	NOLAGurl	YOur Killing me NOLAGurl lol
Pops	NOLAGurl	ok what you want to know
Pops	NOLAGurl	ill send you the info
Pops	NOLAGurl	let me fax you my heart
Pops	NOLAGurl	silly woman
NOLAGurl	Pops	Im not silly :P
Pops	NOLAGurl	ok ill be patient and wait im jk i know
NOLAGurl	Pops	uh huh
Pops	NOLAGurl	but you are silly and i like your sence of humor
Pops	NOLAGurl	thats a good thing
NOLAGurl	Pops	thanks
Pops	NOLAGurl	even your sarcasm
Pops	NOLAGurl	its cute not mean
NOLAGurl	Pops	Are you sure about that
Pops	NOLAGurl	pending the need of further information. What would you like to know ? or need to see from me ?
Pops	NOLAGurl	want my green card ? :P
Pops	NOLAGurl	i am not out there looking for a one night stand or for sex. I have told you what I was looking for and that im looking for that special someone to settle with seriously that has there priorities straight. I am nice & sweet and i think i am romantic most of the time, I also am a great kisser :P guess you just have to wait and see. I am trusting and you can have trust in me.
Pops	NOLAGurl	i dont cheat. dont like that. so hopefully one day you will have trust in me
Pops	NOLAGurl	I am also a very affectionate person. I like gerring hugs and kisses and so far ... all i got was a hug from ya :P dont you feel like your missing out on somthing.

I stopped responding a while ago. Seriously I am a little weirded out by all this. I was trying to be nice but he kept on. I am trying to show him that he is becoming too attached WAY too soon but he does not get it. I am not the girl for him, I am not ready to jump into another serious relationship much less one with a guy who is THAT clingy. I told him not to "wait for me to be ready" but he's just got his mind made up that I am "the one"...how in the world can you know that at this point?!?!!?