My super power is injuring myself in my sleep

So it's been a couple weeks and still no police report from the wreck.  I don't know why but its freaking me the eff out!!!!  I know holidays, etc but still.  

Work has been A LOT.  Like yes its "slower" since Thanksgiving but so much is going on.  Contracts are changing, job duties are changing, my counterpart got promoted which I am super happy for him but like I am getting a newbie on all my accounts and it terrifies me!!!!  I got lucky with him.  I was super scared when he took over because his predecessor was my friend for a LOOOONG time and knew the accounts backwards and forwards.  

But again he deserves all the things, I'm just in panic mode because things are so weird with a few of the contracts.  Then my other counterpart got promoted which again AWESOME but it's just a lot of change and the peeps I depend on are getting new duties.  Its just so much change....good change but I have too much going on and am just trying to not drown.  

My car is being a B....she is functional at the moment but randomly has a battery drain and I really don't want to deal with this right now!!!!!!!

One of our bathrooms is being a Tw@t and has been since before Thanksgiving, but I don't want to call a plumber because again.... TOO MUCH GOING ON!

On top of all this my mother makes me worry about her well being daily (a story for another day), the cost of everything has gone up exponentially & my paycheck doesn't go as far, and my cat randomly got the $hits & stopped eating (she's fine now). 

So in true me fashion, I shoulder it all and don't complain.  DO NOT DO THIS! I woke up Saturday morning because I was in extraordinary pain. Like I ran a half and and got punched in the face at the end.  I went about my day cleaning and went to a friends for dinner.  As the day progressed my face hurt.  Like the whole right side.  I was convinced I had a toothache in the newly refilled tooth.  I got orajel and got home and did a cold compress.  That's when I realized the pain wasn't my tooth, I could chew just fine...it was my jaw.  Like the most INTENSE ache in the joint and from the back to the front under my teeth.  

I thought my jaw was going to lock up it hurt so bad.  Heat felt better than cold so I did that, I took some Ibuprofen and went to bed.  I wake up whimpering at like 4AM. That's when I realized, I was clenching my teeth together.  That's right...for I don't know how long, I have been clenching/grinding my teeth in my sleep to the point where my new filling is so sensitive it almost hurts and my jaw feels like I was punched.  

So I have effectively given myself TMJ due to pent up stress.  I ordered a f**king bite guard so I don't injure myself further.  My dentist said if it doesn't go away or gets worse to come in but he thinks the guard will help.  Oh and I should try to destress.  Cool cool... I'll get right on that.  

That was my three, right??!!?

 I am so over things.  They always happen in 3's right.....right!?  

1. My dentist redid an old silver filling.  Nothing was wrong with it...it wasn't bothering me...but it was like 20+ years old. It went fine.  But ever since it's been STUPIDLY sensitive to cold.  Like that kind of shocking pain that makes your eyes go all psycho.  But doesn't hurt otherwise.  I asked because I thought something was horribly wrong!!!  I was told its normal....it happens...and it can take MONTHS to go away. And to try sensodyne. WTAF?!?!?!?!?  So now every time I drink or eat something cold I look like I have a tick.  

2. I had a premonition a little too late.  I was on a trip.  I was driving in a city I don't normally drive in.  As I was driving there were like 7 accidents on the freaking interstate.  Someone cut me off and I slowed down alot and turned off the podcast I had on.  I felt super uneasy and I said out loud "F**king crazy people, I need to really focus, I don't want to be another wreck on the road."   Literally not 5 minutes later traffic ahead of me stopped, I stopped...a car slammed into the back of me going VERY fast. So fast that my foot slipped off the brake and my arm pulled the wheel to the left.  The impact threw me about 10 feet forward into another vehicle.  This is a nightmare of an interstate, its like 7 lanes and NO ONE was slowing down to let us get off the f**king road.  I was terrified, shaking, calling 911, ya know usual accident $hit.  I was yelled at by a cop who was like "get off the road" and I was like (super nice) "I'd love to but no one will let me and I don't want to wreck again!!!"  Somehow...by some f**king miracle, I am ok.  I was sore for about a week but each day it got better.  I had a gnarly bruise on my thigh (WTF?!?!), a bruised knee (assuming from the dash), and a super tender Abdomen and chest (seatbelt).  I have no idea how the airbag didn't deploy but it didn't and I am SO GRATEFUL because I feel like that would have messed up my face so bad!

3. I got home from my trip sore and scared.  I was just so glad to be in my safe space.  That night I got up to get some water.  I didn't turn the big lights on because I have a nightlight in the living room.  Mind you I am still VERY sore but functional.  As I am walking in the dark, I step on a huge rubber dog toy.  I stepped on it just right so that my feet tangled together and I couldn't get my balance.  I threw my cup and landed HARD on the tile floor.  I was in such shock. I just didn't move because I wasn't sure what I hurt.  So I am curled up in the fetal position...on the floor....hair over my face...in the dark when the light flips on and I hear "uhhhhh are you ok.....?"  And I said "yep...I'm just gonna lay on the floor for a bit" and I heard..."okaaaaay..." and the light went off, hahaha.   I hit both my knees (yay more bruises!!!!), twisted my left ankle, landed on my right shoulder, and clanked the $hit out of my teeth.  Somehow I managed to not smack my face on the floor, so I've got that going for me.  

Who the f**k am I connected to?!?!?

I'm think I've mentioned before I am an empath.  I didn't know what it was until I was older.  I just thought I was "emotional" but after talking to an old friend of mine she pegged it.  

I feel people's....feelings.  I know a lot of people think that is rubbish but its real.  I get so overwhelmed by other people's emotions sometimes.  Its very obvious its not my reaction but I just...feel it.  With some its stronger than others.  I don't know if they "project" more or I tune more into them or some combination of things.  

For a few months now I've had intense random emotions.  That makes me sound like looney but I don't mean like something is mentally wrong with me.  It's really hard to explain.  

I was on my way home from a conference (driving).  I was listening to music and just having my own personal concert on my drive home.  It was a whirlwind couple days with my friend I've mentioned before and a new friend and a ton of other business related persons I don't see often but as always a lot of fun so I was decompressing. 

I was fine all day (also very distracted all day).  But from the moment I left the hotel around 4PM Central I had a knot in my chest that would come and go.  I kept saying maybe it was too much caffeine and lack of sleep.  But it felt different.  Like you know that intense feeling like when you have strong feelings for someone and you haven't seen them in a while or you see them again after a while.  Either way it's just so strong it almost hurts.  

So I started shuffling songs around and singing more.  I tried a podcast but I couldn't focus on it...my mind was wandering too much.  It would come in waves.  Just intense, longing maybe and happiness and a little sad but happy sad.       

Anyways, around 8PM Central...I was about maybe 10 min from my house when "Say you won't let go" by: James Arthur shuffled on my Pandora.  Now I have heard this song I'm sure 100+ times since it released.  I can sing almost every word.  It has NEVER affected me in any way except evoking my amazing karaoke skills!

But that feeling came back ten fold.  A swelling knot was building in my upper chest and I started crying.  Not sobbing or sad, but tears were freely flowing down my face.  It wasn't a bad feeling at all.  I felt all warm and happy inside but the tears kept coming.   

It didn't feel like a me emotion.  It was the absolute strangest feeling.  And the only other times something that intense has happened, there was another person near me.  But I was alone in my car and there weren't any other vehicles around me.  

So I googled it....and yes I know you can't believe everything on the interwebs buuuuut. 

"An empath can potentially feel the emotions of someone who isn't physically near them, especially if they have a strong emotional connection with that person, which is sometimes referred to as "simulpathity" in psychological terms; however, this is not a scientifically proven phenomenon and the intensity of such feelings may vary greatly between individuals."

Ummm come again?!?!  So in theory...someone I am deeply connected to, projected such a strong emotion, I felt it even though they weren't there???? But who and why...? Was it all f**king day and I just didn't realize what was happening because I was talking to so many people?!??!!  

I checked with family and friends I am close to and obviously hubs but no one seemed off so I have no idea WTAF is going on.  But I am starting to think I have a very strong connection to someone "new-ish"...I say that because its been happening since July, today was just insanely intense.  I think I have an idea of who it might be but I am not 100% they know and I don't want to freak them out. 

The butterfly? Uh-uh, that's old. Let me see the Mach 4 Tootsee Roll!

The other day I was having a bad day.  Work was being cumbersome.  Hubs was being germy all over the house.  And my battery in my vehicle died... again!

I'd been plotting my plans for a fun filled weekend just trying to get through this awful Thursday!  I heard little bit itching.  Now she has the WORST seasonal allergies so I got up to stop her from itching her face off.  

I was helping her by itching her cute little muzzle when when she suddenly sneeze/coughed.  

And shot out SOMETHING at my face at mach speed!!!

I dodged just in time for it to miss my face and hit my shoulder and land on my thigh!!!

It was a f**king piece of $hit!!!!

Slimy, still partially frozen... $HIT!!!!

I screamed, she ran, Speedy came to investigate.  

After cleaning the ICK, I had to change because it looked like Mr. Hanky attacked me.  

I kept grumbling "You are a disgusting creature!!!!!!" And she kept crawling to me on her belly with her head down. 

I had signed off and worked out and laid on the floor to stretch my back.

Lil bit laid on top of me pinning me down and tried to lick my face.

I was freaking out and tried to get away but it became a game and she is freakishly strong when she wants to be.  Then she got under my arm and LICKED ME ON THE LIPS!!!!

I went full Lucy.

And hubs didn't even try to help...he was laughing too hard!

That was not Gus Gus!

It's getting "cooler" finally but we live in the south so its 52 in the AM and 80 by midday. 

But with it getting cooler.....something has found its way into our attic and it made me realized I didn't share my horror story from LAST Winter.  

... kidding.  But it was early 2024 and it was TRAUMATIZING!

I was sitting at my desk and I heard a scratching noise.  A few days later it sounded like MULTIPLE creatures were playing WWE in the attic.  WTAF Bruh!

Now a few years ago we had a critter problem and used poison in the attic... NEVER AGAIN!  Those f**kers would fall down the damn wall and we'd have f**king fly-mageddon in the house which was traumatizing!

Anyways we got the snap traps.  Look I know its not great but I refuse to use glue traps...these are basically instant death and its easier to dispose of them..in theory. 

I'm at our little bar pouring some wine and I hear a loud **SNAP**.  Followed by the most horrific screeching and then **thump thump thump thump** above me.  

WTAF?!?!?!  It's supposed to be instant death...AHHHH!

So we venture into the attic and the trap is GONE!  This Mother F**ker must have only got a leg stuck and ran and jumped OVER the edge of the ceiling and got stuck in the flashing outside.  We can't get to it but can hear it outside flip flopping around. 

Well f**k me!  For two f**king days I can hear it just outside of my office slowly dying and I feel awful because I can't give it a swift end.  

I am in the DEEPEST sleep when lil bit and speedy lose their f**king cheerios! It was 2AM and they were going nuts.  I let them out of the bedroom and they ran into the living room and stared at the ceiling.  Ah beans... did we catch something?!?!?!

The next day hubs went into the attic and it did not suffer **whew**.

I am cooking dinner and hear a **SNAP**.  Hubs goes to investigate and I hear laughing through the ceiling.  He calls my name to come see.  Trap is triggered and there is blood but no critter... f*********ck!  Its gonna die in the GD wall!

I get home from an outing and hear something in the attic.  I tell hubs to go check.  He does and is like UMMMMMM.  I go up there and there is another one caught but its VERY alive and flip flopping all over the place.  We managed to grab the trap with a grabber and bring it out front.  I didn't ask what he did but we counted the trap as a "loss".  Lovely.  

About this time I start to smell something funky in the guest bath.  Like not awful but not great.  Over the next two days its definitely dead body smell. We look in the attic but its not up there....its in a wall or under the tub... F********CK!  I have to block off the bathroom and back bedroom because we have fly-mageddon.  

I put up fly traps and sprayed daily.  I stopped counting when I swept up 150 flies.   

All in all we caught/killed 5 RATS.  These weren't little mice...these were RATS and we couldn't figure out how they were getting in.  

So hopefully whatever I heard the other day doesn't lead to this again because it was Traumatizing AF!

Oh what a night

I generally know my limits but apparently wine sometimes can 100% kick your @$$.  At least I hope it was only wine....

I was out of town at an event with a few peeps and we went out for libations afterwards.  There is a point in the night where I remember nothing!  Zero, ziltch, nada.  

I woke up naked in my hotel bathtub.  I DO NOT take baths!!!  Especially do not take them in HOTELS!  So at 2AM I climb out of the cold water...glad I didn't f**king drown and flopped into bed.  I woke up to meet my peeps at 8AM.  Still NO MEMORY! I have a literal black hole of 5 hours.  

I know nothing happened.  I know I made it safely to my room. I remember getting a glass of wine at the hotel bar.  I remember one of my friends paying and me Venmo-ing him.  That is where the memories end.  The problem is I know what I drank.  I had 2 beers at a bar and 1 glass of wine at the hotel.  That is NOT enough for me to be drunk.  

I checked my phone.  No "drunk" texts or calls.  I apparently spoke with the hubs for 30 min before I went shower.  The next day he said I sounded funny but he didn't think I was that bad.  

Yall...YALL!  After meeting with my peeps for a bit I went to the bathroom and I had MASSIVE bruises on my legs.  Like I fell (not like hand prints).  I asked one of the girls if I was acting weird and she said no, I slurred a few words but was still making sense and walking fine.  She said we parted ways at the elevator and all was good.  

I didn't say anything to the guys because I was worried my friend (the one I've mentioned before) would get on my case about drinking (he didn't come out with us) even though I don't remember having more than 3 drinks.  Either that or he would have gone over protective thinking someone drugged me...which I am honestly not ruling that out yet.  

I felt off all day.  Not hungover just, foggy.  That night we went out again and I had a few drinks (1 more than the night before) and I was FINE.  I didn't wake up naked in the tub.  So what gives.  Did I not eat enough the night before?  Or did some tw@t waffle drug me...AGAIN.  

I am careful.  I don't leave my drinks unattended but people are slick and the bar was crowded.  

I feel so stupid but I know I didn't do anything wrong. 

I am thankful yet again that I was with people I trusted but HOLY F**KING $HIT!  I am over forty and was one of the younger peoples at this event.  I feel so violated....but so glad I had enough brain power to get to my room.  

What is my brain trying to tell me

Yet another dream….shocking!  I’ve not dreamt about my friend (who needs to get out of his own head) in a while but I did last night.  Nothing crazy but he was in it.  

We were at the beach.  I think it was a trip but it almost seemed like a work thing/mini vacay.   There was a HUGE property you could walk to from the hotel we were staying at.  There were 4 of us (2 girls, 2 guys)and we were having the best time.  

It skipped around some but I know we went to some presentations and met with others but we always always went to dinner together and hung out after.  There was this one Italian place where the other girl made friends with the chef and we were convinced they were gonna hook up.   

I know we walked on the beach a lot and drank (not in excess) and honestly just had fun.  Nothing nefarious was going on.  Me and my friend we normal again and it was so incredibly nice.  Our last night we decided to go to a different restaurant and were messing with the other girl that we would have to stop by and tell her boy bye to lessen the heart break.  

While we were waiting for a table by the water we went outside to the boardwalk to just enjoy the sunset.  My friend came up next to me and wanted to take a selfie it was innocent and sweet.  Just two friends taking a photo.  I remember looking at it and being so happy we were back to normal!!!

The other two came out and we took another pic.  They called our name for the table and we started to head in.  My friend stopped me and was like we are gonna miss the sunset!!!  So I stayed out with him to watch it.  It was stunning.  So many colors and setting over the water.  Just beautiful!  

I looked over and he was staring at me again and I was like “wut?”  He said he was glad I stuck around and didn’t hate him.  Bruh why would I hate you, you’re like my stardust mate or something.  He put his arm over my shoulder (friendly) and I felt something on my temple.  He gave me the most platonic kiss on the temple and said “I missed you”.

Then I woke up.