Just call me...f**k he doesn't have a NAME...only "The Narrator"...fine, call me...The...Narrator...

1st rule of Fight Club...well at least I'm not Tyler Durden...

So I came to an uncomfortable realization.  I think I use TV/Movies to express emotions that I don't normally..."express".  I mean I have emotions but some seem to come out more freely when entranced by a show...or a book...usually a show...occasionally a "short story" (not Fan Fiction) *uncomfortable laugh*.  They are my "meetings". 

I know I know I know you are over there like:

But hear me out.  I get happy, I get sad, I get in-between...I prefer happy.  So I am ALWAYS "happy"...even when I should probably be sad.  But I don't like to be sad, so as much as I preach "its okay to cry"...I usually don't.  At least not in-front of others...rarely in-front of others.

The thing is I don't do it because I can't feel...I do it because I don't want to (do not Freud me...I know this isn't "normal"). 

I find that I find my release...my coping...my "its okay to cry" coming from fiction...crap!

I relate sad things in fiction to things that happen (or could happen) in my life or around me and have an emotional response.  I am am empathetic person.  If you are sad, I can relate and get sad...I just don't always fully project it until I am alone.

For example...watching the Series Finale of Lost Girl...not terribly sad but sad enough.  Tamsin f**king died after childbirth...that is a relatable thing...*level: tears*.  Her daughter grows up loved but without a mother...also relatable...*level: sobbing*.  Bo and the gang watch out for her...Bo says to her "I won't let you become a 'Lost Girl'..." JFC just rip my heart out people! *level: rocking in corner*

My point is it wasn't THAT sad to illicit the response(s) I had to it.  I find this happens with other shows/stories.  I wasn't a fan of Danny Pink on Doctor Who but I teared up when he died/sacrificed himself...don't even talk to me about Clara's death *level: don't f**king touch me*.  The parting of The Doctor and Rose...RELATABLE...*level: snot bubble*.  I could also just say...Vincent Van Gogh *level: silent ugly sobs*.  The series finale of House (dammit House!!!) *level: laughing through tears*.  Or...Allegiant (the book) *level: denial...why is my face wet, its not sad...she isn't DEAD* Hmmm, maybe I just don't like endings...the finality of things.

Crap, now I'm Freud-ing myself. 

No worries, I am not developing a split personality.  I will not have a Tyler Durden side that creates a club where we beat the $hit out of each other just to "feel".  But I do have a feeling I am not alone...others are probably similar.  I don't know why we do it (and I'm not gonna analyze that, EVER) but it works for me so why change it.

Shut up Tyler!