That was a tail right?

I love where I live... I love where I live...I love where I live. 

It was really late and I let the pups out one last time.  I was standing by the door (inside) waiting for them to come back.  I saw something out the corner of my eye.  It was about hip level, brownish, and "bouncing" along down the patio. Speedy must be by the gate.  

Mind you it was SUPER dark even with the lights on so lots of shadows.  Then I spotted lil bit below me so I let her in. As I closed the door to wait for speedy I realized he was out in the yard.  If...if he was out in the yard what did I see to my left....?!?!?!

I screamed so f**king loud!

There was a bug who shall not be named the SIZE OF MY PALM plastered at eye level on the other side of the door....it's a glass door....it started crawling.

Hubs was sleeping on out couch... didn't f**king move... WTH?!?!?

Speedy was looking at me like let me in... OH HELL NO!  

I am pushing the door shut just in case it tries to squeeze in.  It's now up above, it's on the bathroom window, it flew away and came back slamming into the door again. 

It's clearly struggle bussing, so I know it's dying but it's still too alive for me to deal with. 

Speedy sees the night terror...

It finally flew away towards the porch light, I chanced it and opened the door to rush speedy in.  "Get in, get in...OMG FASTER GET IN!". As I slammed the door that f**ker came flying back at me AGAIN! 

More Screaming!

Hubs:

RUDE!  It took me forever to fall asleep... too much adrenaline!

Ghostwriting at its finest

So I volunteer for a rescue.  I can't handle fostering and I'd be $hit at cleaning feeding...because I'd want to take them all home.  So I do the behind the scenes stuff....like laundry. 

It's a rescue....FULL of animals.  Unfortunately no matter what they do, it's going to attract nefarious creatures.  

I am generally cautious when I pick up the laundry...checking for said nefarious creatures. I saw nothing.  I don't bring the laundry into my house.  I leave it just outside and bring it in, in batches to clean.  It takes a couple days but it's worth it. 

Well day 2 recently I moved a pillowcase and saw...something.  My guardian angel was watching out for me because if I would have touched it...I may have died on the spot.  I saw....antenna.  They were twitching. 

I.FREAKED.OUT...in my head.  

So what does any normal person do?  They kick the bag over, screaming this is SPARTA, and slam the garage door...OBVIOUSLY!

So I put on tennis shoes and go out the front door to kill my new "guest".  So there I am pulling items out of the bag...flinging them into my driveway....nothing.  

"WHERE IS IT??!?!!?"

**Several hours later**

I went out to bring something to the trash can.  I saw movement out of the corner of my eye.  A bug who shall not be named runs out of the grass.  Its the size of a small bird.  I STG it made eye contact with me and took flight. 

Queue me screaming like a banshee and running for the door.  I lost a shoe along the way. 

Hubs got home later and looks for it...he can't find it.  As he is leaving to go back to work he calls my cell "it's out here...under my car.  I swear it made eye contact with me and came running AT ME!"

I go out with roach spray and spray a barrier around the cars. 

At some point I went out to ride my bike.  But before I do that I grab the last load to put in the wash.  That's when IT peeks out from under the bag. 

**SCREAMING**

It's like the size of my hand....what in creature of nightmares is happening.  

So all my neighbors heard was "Oh my god!  Go away!"  

"Seriously! I don't want to deal with you!"

"F**k now I have to kill you"

"$hit with what?!?!?"

It ran at me.....

"AHHHHHHHHHH"

I lost sight of it and never saw it again. 

So this is me typing from beyond the veil because my soul sure did leave my body.