Maybe I should rename my blog, "some people make me feel stabby"

Or start a new one dedicated to the assholes I encounter/hear about on a regular basis.  Its not that everyone I know or run into are jerks, it is just that I keep seeing how horrible people treat each other and it physically pains me. 

Some of it is trivial but ya know sometimes those little things are the things that push us over the edge.   I don't suffer from diagnosed depression or anxiety but I do have moments...honestly I think everyone has moments.  I've learned to control them or overcome them but I have instances where one sentence or one word even can send me into a downward spiral.  It's almost like someone cut the only thing keeping me from falling into an abyss, it truly sucks.  On occasion people say things to me and I have to mentally *whoosa, whoosa* while reminding myself that they aren't trying to upset me it is just a conversation.  But there are some individuals that you can just tell they are saying what they are saying because they know it upsets you.  It is a deliberate attempt to hurt you and I feel these people should have acid sprinkled on their genitals. 

I'm not talking about opinions that I don't agree with, I am talking about just being an uncivilized ass.  Yea I deal with it pretty well most of the time but I know its not that easy for others and my heart goes out to them.  I heard about something recently that reminded me of this.  It's not an extreme case of bullying or anything like that but it is someone who felt the need to be a jerk for the sole purpose of being a jerk, I think.  I don't know where it took place or when (may have been some time ago) but it was at a convention of some sort.  These persons seemed to feel the need to go there just to make the people there feel stupid. I know not everyone likes every show/movie/game/other "nerdy" thing but why degrade other people?

From what I gathered it was them asking why the person likes *insert TV Show/Movie/Game/Whatever* and then when they answered all excited they were made to feel stupid.  I was informed many responded with witty remarks firing right back at the persons but apparently some felt attacked.  As in it ruined the rest of the day for them.  Now this could have all been done out of a need to be silly but possibly they didn't make that clear to the persons they were speaking to.  I don't know, I wish I could see it and make a judgement for myself instead of going off of hearsay.  I know we can't please everyone or mind everyone's feelings but we all should be aware that deliberately goading someone is not kosher. Not everyone has a thick skin.  What if you ended up being a trigger...what if that person was finally feeling accepted and because of your joke went home crying because even in nerd central they weren't safe from attack...? 

Supposedly, these persons were fans of other Sci-Fi and were ambushing people who liked stuff they didn't or something of that nature.  I don't get it...I personally think "nerds" should stick together not tear each other apart.  If you like Star Wars and I like Star Trek, I'm sure we can "argue" all day long about why one is better than the other BUT I'm not going to degrade you because you like a different piece of Sci-Fi than I like (I like both by the way).  People go to Conventions to feel accepted.  Seeing their favorite actors is lagniappe.  They want to be surrounded by others that are die hard fans like them, not to be cut down because they have a different idea of what is "proper" Science Fiction.  That is the beauty of Sci-Fi you can't define it in any particular way.  It is all things nerdy and it is amazing so don't knock your fellow nerds...they get enough of that from non-nerds. 

I am going to give these persons the benefit of the doubt and say they were just having a little fun at the expense of their fellow fanatics and not deliberately trying to be hurtful.  I hope I am correct.  

I guess this can apply to this situation, maybe (among many, many others):

“I would wish that people would accept people for who they are, not be judgmental, allow people to live their lives and enjoy themselves and that would be my wish for people.”
― John Barrowman

I have an idea!

Maybe this has been done but I just thought of it...I need a t-shirt (not yet but hopefully in the near future) that says "It's bigger on the inside".  But its a maternity shirt...get it...get it...is this not cool...maybe it's not...maybe it is...maybe I need more sleep...

I crack myself up.  I am now on a mission to find or create this shirt.

Maybe I'm haunted....

Aside from the stupid bad luck, something else weird just happened.  A bird slammed into my office window.  Like *BAM*  then was walking all dazed on the ground outside.  Scared the crap out of me!!! I mean I legit horror movie screamed and may or may not have snorted some of my crystal light into my lungs in the process. 

And because I just watched The Conjuring my only conclusion is that I am haunted.  That's logical, right?  Back to lunch, NOLA Gurl out.

Side Note:  I did try to go see of the bird was okay.  It flew off...

Someone put the Gris-Gris on me!

Okay so I am clumsy this is not a secret but the last two days have been extreme! Like I feel like I'm in that episode of Supernatural where they find the "lucky" rabbits foot....which turns out to be unlucky and then Sam ends up saying "I lost my shoe". That's the kind of time I'm having.

FYI:  In Cajun French a gris-gris can be a bit like the evil eye. It’s kind of like a spoken word or even a thought you have towards someone.

It all started yesterday. I was weeding the garden when suddenly the hubs came running and went inside....um ok. Turns out there was a "nest" of bumble bees.  Like the GIANT black ones with the yellow stripes.  Those effers are aggressive!  Me not wanting to stop my yard work kept going while hubs guarded me with a dust pan...when he went inside for something one of the three evil creatures decided I was in its territory.  It attacked by dive bombing my head which resulted in me leaping to my feet and running.  I ran into the trash can which fell over dumping the contents on me.  Thankfully it was only weeds and branches but they ended up all over me...I was tangled in a load of sticky bush, weed things.  Which caused me to break out in a full body rash because I have stupid skin.  At this point I pretty much gave up and went inside to shower.  

(forgot to mention this) Then while trying to undress I got stuck in my sports bra.  Don't know how that's possible but I did it.  I was completely stuck in it.  My arms were in the weirdest position and it was half covering my bits.  Hubs came in the room and was looking at me funny...then lost it laughing when I said "*sigh* I think I'm stuck".  

The rest of the night was uneventful. Until we watched a movie based one my favorite fictional characters.  It made me cry...which the book did too so no surprise there.  Well hubs kinda joked with me, asking why I made him watch such a sad movie.  While waiting to start the next movie I decided my dogs were being unsocial.  I got them out of their room and went to close the door...forgetting there was a pull up bar still hanging.  The bar popped off the door and swooped down. It slapped me in the face.  I immediately fell to the floor clutching my face the dogs were like "momma what is wrong with you?!?"  Then the hubs saw me...thinking I was being silly so he was shoving me with his foot going "heeeeey what you dooooooooing?" Then he heard the sniffle/sob. He was like omg, are you ok?!  Then he saw my face and said "people are going to think....you tell them...omg ....tell them you got in a cat fight or something.  Omg". Which is totally unbelievable because I am not aggressive at all.  I looked in the mirror and I had a massive welt on my upper cheekbone, next to my eye.  I said I think I may get a black eye. I spent the next movie with a bag of frozen peas on my face.  I took pain killers and drank a coke (which I haven't done in 3 weeks) so I was up till way past 4am and woke up at 8.

I woke up the next morning with a nasty black eye.  Like I look like I was beaten.  People are going to think my husband hit me....*sigh*.  

Today I tried to cook a big pot of soup.  While dicing onions,  I pretty much cut the pad off my thumb.  Like the knife slipped, I ran to the sink and was panicking a bit.  No stitches needed but it hurts and I am bandaged. Hubs said no more sharp objects so he took over the cutting of veggies. I decided to peel the carrots...while peeling the peeler slipped taking off another layer of my thumb and I dropped the carrot into the trash can. He took that duty away from me also. So  I moved on to put the meat in the skillet to brown....the oil was too hot and I burned my arms.  He made me leave the kitchen.  He said just tell him what to do.  

The thing is, I am klutzy but I am not that bad.  I am currently searching my house for the unlucky item to break this curse or find out who thought it! Hope I find it before something else happens.  

**UPDATE** I spilled hot soup all over my shirt after typing this.  Thankfully I pulled the shirt away from my skin quickly so no burns BUT I was told to just sit on the couch before I ended up in the ER.  To top that off my eye is incredibly swollen today.  I have make-up on it but it is obvious its purple underneath.  Yea that's my favorite color but not for my skin!  I keep getting funny looks.  Like yea sure a "pullup bar" *wink*.

Why does crying imply you are weak or can't control your emotions?

I've always felt like a good cry is like a release.  All the pent up emotions can come flooding out whether it is because you are happy or sad.  I know it's not a sign of weakness or being soft or whatever it just means you can feel.  I guess I've never really understood why people are embarrassed by showing emotion even though I seem to have trouble myself. 

I am not very good at following my own advice.  I try not to cry fairly regularly. At least when other people are around.  And it's not that I am embarrassed really...maybe I am who knows.  I think it's because I've been conditioned to believe that crying is bad and people should never see you cry.  Even at traditionally sad events, like oh I dunno a funeral.  I will detach myself from the room mentally, not make eye contact, limit the physical contact, look at the ceiling, think of something, anything that has nothing to do with the fact that someone I know is gone and people I care about are a wreck.  I used to think I was weird but apparently this is the norm.  But if we all (or many of us) do this, then how do we say goodbye and grieve the loss?  Why we do it in private, in the shower, in bed with the sheets pulled over our heads, in the car...anywhere we are alone.  This cannot be healthy...or maybe it is and it is just how we learn to deal with things. 

I'm thinking about this recently because I have a friend whose dog is dying.  Well he seems healthy at the moment but he has some major underlying issues that may shorten his life.  I can empathize with her.  I feel that pain.  I have dogs, I've always had them and its hard when they are sick.  So I tear up when she tears up. Then I look away or make a stupid joke so we both stop crying.  She appreciates me being funny but why is it such a bad thing that I feel so close to the situation that I feel her pain and cry a little.  It's almost like we are all embarrassed to show we have feelings.  Or feel like we have to be strong for them but it makes us more detached. Maybe we feel too vulnerable...I just don't know. 

So when can I cry freely...its so weird I can't even believe I am saying this.  I cry mostly when I watch TV...but only if I am alone.  Like if my hubs is there, I try REALLY really hard not to cry because I feel silly.  But he knows my triggers and stares at me and I ignore him.  There are occasions that catch me off guard.  Like HIMYM last week.  It was the Lily is pregnant again ending...and I didn't see it coming so it slapped me in the face and I cried.  It was happy but I cried...I felt so stupid and actually said "this F*****G show".  My hubs thought it was cute, whatever.  Now if I am alone some TV or Movies can make me pretty much sob.  I watched Journey's End and Doomsday on Netflix while alone and cried my freaking eyes out.  Like inconsolable...okay okay maybe not that bad but I was for sure crying.  My hubs asked me later why I looked like I had been crying and I told him about the ending of whichever one I had watched that day.  And he was like "he left her on the beach?!?! That's just cruel!" And I was like he had no choice, etc etc etc.  Then sometime later I watched Vincent and the Doctor, it was the end and I was like OMG why did I start watching this show as I hiccuped through tears, when my hubs walked in and was like "um are you okay?"  And I told him about the stupid show (that I LOVE) and he chuckled and said as long as you are okay.  And it's not just that show.  Clearly other shows make me cry but if someone else is there I try to hold it in (so stupid!).  Like the ending to Merlin, I didn't cry, I wanted to but managed not to.  If I watch it again alone, I would sob! And I do that...I re-watch episodes & movies on Netflix that I know will make me cry when I feel like I need a good sob.  I swear I feel like I am Edward Norton's character in Fight Club.  Not the split personality part (that's a little mental), the part where he nightlights at the support groups even though he doesn't have Cancer, a parasite or whatever just so he can feel (cry).  I am not that bad but I use TV Shows and movies in a similar way.   Maybe I should see a therapist....maybe this is why I have anxiety attacks randomly (thankfully not too often). 

I don't know when this being hesitant to cry started because when I lived home and something sad happened on TV or in a movie my mom and I cried together.  And when I lived with my friends we didn't hide our emotions...OMG we sobbed together at the endings to Buffy and Angel and at some of the other episodes (when her mom died...I think we all died a little inside).  But now...now we kinda poke fun at each other for crying or say "you are ridiculous" if one of us is crying over a fictional character.  I don't know when we started doing that.  Like we try not to cry when we go to the movies together even though I know (usually from reading the books) that I would want to sob like a baby.  When my friend started crying next to me in Hunger Games, I just handed her a napkin without looking.  I had teared up but nothing spilled over and I was proud of myself for that...WTH!?!?  Now in Star Trek Into Darkness I cried...I couldn't hold it in and the hubs just held my hand (ya know he's pretty awesome).  But there was a 60+ year old man next to me sobbing also so bite me. 

My point is I've learned to hold it in until I am alone.  That cannot be normal or healthy but I know I am not the only one who does it.  We are taught that holding in other things (bodily functions) for too long can cause physical harm and we shouldn't do it.  I think the same goes for emotions (I am fairly certain its a proven medical fact).  If we hold it in it will cause harm to us.  But we still do it.  We slap on a happy face for hours and then cry alone in the shower, or wherever.  I am trying to make an effort to not hide my emotions but it is hard.  I am not talking about losing my shit at every little thing.  I am talking about when its normal to cry and I force myself to hold it in.  I guess now that I am aware of it, it may make it easier but I don't see me crying freely without hesitation in "public" happening anytime soon.  Until then I will continue to randomly cry in the shower or at fictional happenings to relieve the pressure that is clearly building in my head. 

Stop hiding behind the internet!

Okay I guess that may seem slightly hypocritical as I complain and talk about many different things here BUT I have never deliberately called someone out on my blog.  I may talk about people but there are no names mentioned, not enough description to figure out who it is and I am not being passive aggressive just telling funny stories for the most part or giving lessons in life based on my experiences. 

What I am talking about here are two specific types of people.  I am talking about the Facebookers who hide behind the fact that they aren't actually face to face with a person and the "anonymous" commenter on Tumblr (or similar type site).   In recent years I have noticed an increase in people wanting to shout their opinions into cyberspace, not caring who they run over in the process.  And ya know what, I really don't care.  Everyone...and I mean EVERYONE is entitled to their own opinions.  Some I agree with or relate to and some I don't but just because I don't agree with their opinion does not mean its wrong or that I can't be friends with you.  It just means I see things a little differently.  So what is an opinion? 

 

"In general, an opinion is a judgment, viewpoint, or statement about matters commonly considered to be subjective, i.e. based on that which is less than absolutely certain, and is the result of emotion or interpretation of facts."

An opinion is not a fact and it is not a law.  It is your own interpretation of a situation.  It does not make you right or wrong...it is a show of your beliefs.   Many will try to change your opinion and that is okay too.  Its like an educational thing.  If I think one way and you explain it to me differently, that may help me see it from your point of view and change or mold my original interpretation of things.  But don't get pissed at me for trying to explain my POV just because it differs from yours.  I am not trying to be an ass...I am expressing my views just like you are...it is an opinion!  If everything offends you then don't broach the subject if you don't want a reply. 

On the interwebs I usually steer clear of potentially heated discussions, mainly because its hard to express your opinion properly when someone can't see your face and things can be taken out of context.  What I've noticed lately is those who feel "slighted" by society, seem to be using Facebook (or other social media) to attack unsuspecting "friends" based on said "friends" opinion on something.  If you don't want to friend someone on Facebook, IGNORE the friend request or delete them.  You don't have to give a reason, just ignore it.  That is how a mature person should handle the situation (at least in my OPINION).  But don't go calling them out in a passive-aggressive Facebook status because you don't agree with something they posted.  Seriously who cares...you clearly aren't friends with this person to begin with...you probably popped up as a suggested friend and they clicked "friend request".  Don't turn it into an internet war where you private message them provoking them and then publicly post their responses for your "friends" to see.  What purpose does that serve?  You post their full name and their idiotic response...so what...you are just as much of an ass for provoking them.  Yea maybe their views are racist or prejudice...I sure as hell don't agree with them BUT what is the purpose of starting the fight to begin with?  My opinion is if you aren't brave enough to say it to someones face don't say it online.  You my friend are hiding behind the internet.  You are an adult, older than I am and you are acting like a "mean girl".  Most people I have seen do this are the kindest people in person and I guarantee you if they saw these people on the street they would be sweet as pie to them or avoid them all together.  And you people that are egging them on are nothing but a bunch of minions.  I bet most of you wouldn't do a thing in person so stop supporting this childish behavior.  And yes I would say this to anyone's face IF and that's a big IF they are brave enough to broach the subject to my face.  Its just I see this back and forth online and it makes it hard for me to accept the kind person I see in person.  It makes me think that is all an act and then I don't want to be friends with you anymore.  Not because of your opinion...because of your seemingly fake/split personality. 

This also goes for the "anonymous" responder.  If you aren't brave enough to respond with your real name/user name then you shouldn't be replying.  You are being a coward and a jerk.  I experienced an example of this the other day on one of these sites.  I made a comment about a character on a TV show.  Nothing that bad just an opinion.  The way the person was acting on the show made me dislike her and think of her as spoiled and bratty.   I received a response from an Anon saying "That's okay you think she is a brat, because we think you are an asshole, Now keep your hate out of this tag! Dickhead."  Wow, okay then.  First of all it wasn't hate exactly, it was an observation.  Second of all I dislike the character but I love the show.  Third I received numerous reblogs and likes on my comment so clearly using the phrase "we think" does not encompass the entire Fandom.  This is not "we think" this is you think.  If you think I am an ass/dickhead, whatever but don't hide behind Anon and don't generalize the entire Fandom.   I didn't respond.  If you can't hate message me off Anon you don't deserve a response.  Granted this wasn't bad but it was annoying.  I saw a better example yesterday.  Someone messaged another user saying "I hope you die".  That is a bit extreme.  The funniest part is the person forgot to put themselves on Anon and freaked out because the user could see who it was and was begging the other person to delete the message because they didn't want anyone to be mad at them.  The user posted the message for everyone to see.  Maybe they were being just as much of an ass by calling them out publicly but I see how they were making a point (similar to the one I am making here).  They were attacked for no reason, they didn't provoke it as far as I could tell.  It was just a hateful person wanting to be a jerk.  This is a perfect example of hiding behind the internet.  They were all "brave" to tell this person to die while they were anonymous and then retracted because they didn't want to be seen as a bad person.  I am almost certain these people are probably much younger (maybe not, who knows) than me but they should learn at a young age that you better be able to back up what you say.  

My point is you can't hide behind the internet forever.  It will catch up to you.  And one day you are going to be a jerk to the wrong person online and they are going to get back at you.  Whether it is online or in person one day Karma is going to bite you in the ass and honestly I am not going to feel sorry for you.  What if the Facebook person gets fired because you provoked them into those responses.  What if one of your "followers" takes revenge on them on your behalf?  How would you feel about that?  What if they were having a bad day and said those things out of anger or if you took their posts out of context?  They are still not politically correct but I am just saying.  How would you like it if someone took something you said out of context and you got hate for it?  Its just messed up and people should realize that.  "If you can't say something nice, say nothing"...or better yet if you must say something, be an adult about it and quit hiding behind the interwebs!

This is my opinion...I hope it wasn't offensive but regardless it is still just an opinion...I'll respect yours if you respect mine.