...well dear, don't move. *face palm*
Easier said than done. In case you were wondering it is nearly impossible to NOT use your abdominal muscles. I mean you can try to be a human blob but EVERYTHING requires your core...including breathing (and peeing)!
So I had this thing done to help with other things...and now I am wondering what the F**K I was thinking because now I am in a constant state of OOOOWWWWW.
It's been almost a week. I was told to "take it easy" for a few days, don't use the abs but then I could go back to most of my routine just no heavy lifting or sexy time. Ooooookkkkkaaaaayyyyy, easy peasy right...WRONG! So, so wrong and people just don't seem to understand my issues.
1. I look like death. I am pale and bruised. Pale because God only knows. Bruised from all the flipping needles. Shots, IVs, taking blood (TWICE)...take your pick.
2. Every movement requires conscious thought. I rolled on my side in my sleep the other night and woke myself up moaning in pain.
3. The doc only said a few days with limited activity so no one seems sympathetic to my whole moving hurts mantra...or the if you touch me I will punch you then writhe in pain because punching requires ab use. Yes a few days to be a blob but the recovery is 4-6 weeks!!! So get that through your head people, I may be moving but I am not okay. I am very, very far from okay.
4. My insides feel like they were scrapped with a dull blade. Because they WERE! Okay maybe not a dull blade...maybe a laser BUT it still effing hurts, okay?!?!
5. I coughed yesterday and thought I was going to die. I was like this is it, I am going to rupture something because I have a tickle in my throat. Goodbye cruel world.
6. Today I sneezed and I thought my uterus came out of my belly button. Hmmm that can't be normal. Oh well, lets take another pain pill *manic laughter*.
7. 3 days after it I needed a shower (and was allowed to take one), "cat baths" weren't working. I had no help. I got the "well what do you want me to do bathe you?" Um actually yes that would be great seeing as MOVING effing hurts! Whatever, what doesn't kill me makes me stronger and also makes me want to nut punch you so you are in an equal amount of pain.
8. 5 days after the thing I had a sharp pain. Like I was stabbed, repeatedly in the same spot. Sitting, I was good. Standing, laying flat and breathing, FML. I burst into tears because I just didn't want to hurt anymore. Do you know what I got...ZERO sympathy. I mean absolutely none. I got a "you should be extra careful driving to work". Um what? "If it gets worse call the doctor". Well DUH! Can't I get a little sympathy?!?! I am not a needy person but a "there, there" would have been AMAZING! By the way, it is trapped air. Not gas...air trapped in my abdomen that has no where to go. I have to wait for my body to "re-absorb" it...YAY :P
9. Ya know what, F**k all you people. God help me if I need a c-section for any future kids...I may have to ask my mom to move in until I am recovered. She seems to be the only one that "gets it".
a. If I hear one more, "what do you mean walking is uncomfortable" or "its just walking, how
bad can it be?" I may go postal. This is not my hubs by the way.
10. My poor animals are so confused. They don't understand why mommy wont let them near her. I mean, I go all ninja on them if one even looks like they may want to touch me, which by the way requires a quick motion and usually ends with my writhing in pain. The little cat wanted to play the night of the thing and decided the best way to get my attention was to bonsai off the back of the couch onto my stomach. To say I screamed is an understatement. She ran and I didn't see her again for almost two days. Now they both carefully touch me to let me know they want to cuddle. Smart little boogers.
Anyway, the thing is I blame the peeps that spoke to my "caregiver" after the thing. I was out of it...I remember very little. They were great, don't get me wrong, I just don't think they quite explained what was going to happen very well. Yes, I needed to lay low for a few days and he got that but for weeks after I was going to be recovering. Meaning I can't do what I normally do. Not just "heavy lifting" and no "sexy time". It should have been more, "trust your body. If it feels wrong, don't do it." Which I swear I heard someone say but I can't recall. I really can't be active...my insides are still healing and I am constantly exhausted. If I do too much too fast, I'll be worse for wear. So yes, that includes cutting up a veggie and putting it in the microwave. It hurt a$$hole. I am not being whiny! Using my abs hurts and unfortunately that includes almost everything at the moment, including BREATHING.
P.S. Thank God I have a semi high tolerance for pain. I'd be drugged 24/7 otherwise.
Showing posts with label Kitten. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Kitten. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 22, 2014
Friday, July 2, 2010
Stories I forgot to Post 4 - Crazy Night
I sometimes wonder why the WEIRDEST things happen to me!!!
1st Incident - My oldest dog got sick in his kennel while I was at work, so I had to clean that up. While I was doing that, my cat and the kitten were playing on the other side of my couch. Well the kitten still isn't very big and she can fit under the door to the Rottie's kennel. You know, if its open she can slid her skinny little body under it. Well she was doing that and swatting at my cat and being a silly little kitten. While I am cleaning I hear a terrifying meow come from the other side of the couch and then another....like both cats were screaming/meowing. So I yelledto my cat, stop trying to kill her! Well it got louder so I ran over and well yea. My cat is standing there meowing VERY loud and smacking the kitten but not hard just, swatting at her... The kitten is stuck....like 'OMG she is going to break her leg' stuck. Her head was under the door of the kennel. Her left leg was bent back and through one of the slots in the door. Her right leg was to the side and through a slot in the kennel base. She was FREAKING out!!! I have no idea how she got herself in this position but she was in it. So I had to carefully maneuver her and get one leg out at a time and then pull her from under the door. Even after I got her out my cat was still MEOWING at the top of her lungs following me around. The kitten was all nuzzled in my arms panting.... At first I thought my cat was being mean and beating the little one while she was stuck....but now that I think about it I think she was trying to get my attention/help her because she was stuck....my cat has NEVER sounded like that except when the Rottie stepped on her foot and popped her stitches. Kitten is fine now and was running all over playing in a few minutes but how she got herself in that predicament is beyond me.
2nd Incident - Around 9:20 I let the dogs out to go potty before I went shower. As usual the Rottie and my oldest dog did their thing and came in and my younger dog (the convict) wanted to wander and sniff and pee on every blade of grass....ya know since the rain washed away his scent *rolling eyes*. Anyways, I went inside to give the Rottie his pills and let the convict be for a second.
I went out there... no more than 1 minute later and I can't find my dog. Well he is notorious for going behind the shed and not coming when I call...especially if he smells that a cat has been back there. So I start calling for him...nothing. I walk over to the shed and whistle and call his name! But not too loud because it was getting a little late. I finally look at the fence....there is a board knocked out...so I ran full speed across the yard and out the side gate....bare foot.
I was in the front yard in seconds, yelling his name, come here boy, come on....*whistle whistle* come on buddy. He wasn't on the side of the house like last time...he was no where in sight. I saw some people down the street (like 6-7 houses down) so I started running, mind you NO SHOES, whistling and yelling a little louder than I probably should have been at that hour on a Tuesday night. FINALLY I hear his collar...the *ching ching ching* of his tags but I still don't see him. Then I hear one of the men down the street say "there ya go little buddy, shes' looking for you, you better get on now." He came running full speed at me (in true convict fashion) and about ran me over. I yelled SORRY and they said "S'all, right".
So we got back inside and I fussed him...BAD dog....of all the ones to escape it had to be the one with a record!!!!! So at 9:40 at night I was outside hammering nails back into the board that came loose....its pretty sturdy now....but REALLY needs to be replaced....I am sure the neighbors hated me but it had to be done....
1st Incident - My oldest dog got sick in his kennel while I was at work, so I had to clean that up. While I was doing that, my cat and the kitten were playing on the other side of my couch. Well the kitten still isn't very big and she can fit under the door to the Rottie's kennel. You know, if its open she can slid her skinny little body under it. Well she was doing that and swatting at my cat and being a silly little kitten. While I am cleaning I hear a terrifying meow come from the other side of the couch and then another....like both cats were screaming/meowing. So I yelledto my cat, stop trying to kill her! Well it got louder so I ran over and well yea. My cat is standing there meowing VERY loud and smacking the kitten but not hard just, swatting at her... The kitten is stuck....like 'OMG she is going to break her leg' stuck. Her head was under the door of the kennel. Her left leg was bent back and through one of the slots in the door. Her right leg was to the side and through a slot in the kennel base. She was FREAKING out!!! I have no idea how she got herself in this position but she was in it. So I had to carefully maneuver her and get one leg out at a time and then pull her from under the door. Even after I got her out my cat was still MEOWING at the top of her lungs following me around. The kitten was all nuzzled in my arms panting.... At first I thought my cat was being mean and beating the little one while she was stuck....but now that I think about it I think she was trying to get my attention/help her because she was stuck....my cat has NEVER sounded like that except when the Rottie stepped on her foot and popped her stitches. Kitten is fine now and was running all over playing in a few minutes but how she got herself in that predicament is beyond me.
2nd Incident - Around 9:20 I let the dogs out to go potty before I went shower. As usual the Rottie and my oldest dog did their thing and came in and my younger dog (the convict) wanted to wander and sniff and pee on every blade of grass....ya know since the rain washed away his scent *rolling eyes*. Anyways, I went inside to give the Rottie his pills and let the convict be for a second.
I went out there... no more than 1 minute later and I can't find my dog. Well he is notorious for going behind the shed and not coming when I call...especially if he smells that a cat has been back there. So I start calling for him...nothing. I walk over to the shed and whistle and call his name! But not too loud because it was getting a little late. I finally look at the fence....there is a board knocked out...so I ran full speed across the yard and out the side gate....bare foot.
I was in the front yard in seconds, yelling his name, come here boy, come on....*whistle whistle* come on buddy. He wasn't on the side of the house like last time...he was no where in sight. I saw some people down the street (like 6-7 houses down) so I started running, mind you NO SHOES, whistling and yelling a little louder than I probably should have been at that hour on a Tuesday night. FINALLY I hear his collar...the *ching ching ching* of his tags but I still don't see him. Then I hear one of the men down the street say "there ya go little buddy, shes' looking for you, you better get on now." He came running full speed at me (in true convict fashion) and about ran me over. I yelled SORRY and they said "S'all, right".
So we got back inside and I fussed him...BAD dog....of all the ones to escape it had to be the one with a record!!!!! So at 9:40 at night I was outside hammering nails back into the board that came loose....its pretty sturdy now....but REALLY needs to be replaced....I am sure the neighbors hated me but it had to be done....
Stories I forgot to Post 3 - Kitten 2
So it is actually possible to scare the 'piss' out of something...
Ok every morning when I am getting ready the kitten runs around, bouncing and playing and attacking. She usually climbs on the bed and just bounces all over like a Mexican jumping bean, usually with my cat but sometimes all by herself. Well today she was in total play mode bouncing, hiding under the sheets and making noises. I saw the Rottie I take care of watching her from the floor with his ears all perked up (nothing unusual there).
All of a sudden he jumped up with his head right next to her and barked. Not like a quiet *woof*....like *BARK!*. She stopped dead in her tracks, her eyes were HUGE and then she looked down at her bottom area. She was so confused....I picked her up really quick and threw the sheet off the comforter....a little seeped through so I cleaned it but she was horrified. She kept staring at her bottom all bug eyed like "What the hell just happened...?" I had to clean her because...well if you haven't figured it out, she pissed herself. And she is a cat and they don't like being icky. Even after I cleaned her and put her down she ran up on top the couch and begged to be held. So I of course scooped her up and she ran up my arm and hid under my hair. She wouldn't get down, I put on my makeup and finished getting ready with a 3lb kitten perched on my shoulders under my hair.
So I am thinking the Rottie was like "For God's sake just stop! Stop stop stop!" Hahaha...he's not used to something with more energy than him ;)
Ok every morning when I am getting ready the kitten runs around, bouncing and playing and attacking. She usually climbs on the bed and just bounces all over like a Mexican jumping bean, usually with my cat but sometimes all by herself. Well today she was in total play mode bouncing, hiding under the sheets and making noises. I saw the Rottie I take care of watching her from the floor with his ears all perked up (nothing unusual there).
All of a sudden he jumped up with his head right next to her and barked. Not like a quiet *woof*....like *BARK!*. She stopped dead in her tracks, her eyes were HUGE and then she looked down at her bottom area. She was so confused....I picked her up really quick and threw the sheet off the comforter....a little seeped through so I cleaned it but she was horrified. She kept staring at her bottom all bug eyed like "What the hell just happened...?" I had to clean her because...well if you haven't figured it out, she pissed herself. And she is a cat and they don't like being icky. Even after I cleaned her and put her down she ran up on top the couch and begged to be held. So I of course scooped her up and she ran up my arm and hid under my hair. She wouldn't get down, I put on my makeup and finished getting ready with a 3lb kitten perched on my shoulders under my hair.
So I am thinking the Rottie was like "For God's sake just stop! Stop stop stop!" Hahaha...he's not used to something with more energy than him ;)
Stories I forgot to Post 2 - Kitten
I seriously think stray animals are drawn to me....
So I know the term is "look what the cat dragged in." But not in my house. Nope, in my house it's look what the dog dragged in. After I let the dogs out to potty one Saturday morning in Mid May I got one heck of a surprise. One of my dogs brought in a teeny tiny kitten. I mean I let them in walked to get their dishes to feed them and when I turned around there was this slobbery ball of fur near my back door being stared down by 3 dogs and a cat. I ran over to it and picked it up before one of them attacked it. It was the size of my hand (so super small)!!! I put it back out in my yard because I saw the momma and anther kitten. But the momma wouldn't come get her. I hoped that if I left she would come get it and take it back to wherever she had the litter.
It was out there for 4 hours while I was running errands all day. I got home during all the psycho weather over the weekend and well I couldn't leave it out there to die. So SUCKER over here took it in. Vet thinks it is only 4 weeks old...and needs to feed from a bottle. I think I definitely have sucker tattooed on my forehead.
So I know the term is "look what the cat dragged in." But not in my house. Nope, in my house it's look what the dog dragged in. After I let the dogs out to potty one Saturday morning in Mid May I got one heck of a surprise. One of my dogs brought in a teeny tiny kitten. I mean I let them in walked to get their dishes to feed them and when I turned around there was this slobbery ball of fur near my back door being stared down by 3 dogs and a cat. I ran over to it and picked it up before one of them attacked it. It was the size of my hand (so super small)!!! I put it back out in my yard because I saw the momma and anther kitten. But the momma wouldn't come get her. I hoped that if I left she would come get it and take it back to wherever she had the litter.
It was out there for 4 hours while I was running errands all day. I got home during all the psycho weather over the weekend and well I couldn't leave it out there to die. So SUCKER over here took it in. Vet thinks it is only 4 weeks old...and needs to feed from a bottle. I think I definitely have sucker tattooed on my forehead.
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