"Will Not Back Down"
I let you down but I'll make it up to you somehow
In time you'll see it's true if my will is strong - - Okay, I guess that's ok...like, he/she is trying to prove themselves to their love.
And I know that as these days go on
You'll find I'll get to you if it's the last thing that I do - That sounds a bit extreme....
(Chorus)
Every step you take, I'll be a second behind - Getting a little stalker-esque
Every move you make, I'll be the thorn in your side - are you threatening me?
And know you can't fight this now - I'm feeling threatened
I will not back down - Hmmm might be time for a T.R.O.
I'm the sky, the stars, the moon, the setting sun - You are not my world, weirdo
I'm the feeling inside you when you're coming undone - Is that a sexual reference?
You know you can't fight this now - This sounds like rape...
I will not back down - No means no!
Some say I'm cruel - I'm starting to think they are right
But nobody knows what I feel for you - If you love someone let them go....
My love, you're the only one, yeah - Well that's sweet-ish
Do you understand? - No, I'm thoroughly confused and a tad bit frightened
I can't let you slip right through my hands - good thing I put on body oil today!
No, my love, don't try and run - this...this will make me run faster
See in my eyes, you and I are one - danger, Will Robinson!
(Chorus) 3x's with some ooo's and ahhh's and yeah's - Getting creepier by the second
Yeah, ooh, every step you take, I'll be a second behind - dude I'm at my nephew's birthday party, go away!
Every move you make, I'll be the thorn in your side - Is that...is that a tranquilizer???
And know you can't fight this now - Of course not! I can't feel my legs...
I will not back down - I'm calling the police...with my tongue...maybe
I'm the sky, the stars, the moon, the setting sun - I see stars...its so bright...but I don't think that's what you are talking about
I'm the feeling inside you when you're coming undone - I do NOT want to feel you anywhere near me, much less inside me
You know you can't fight this now - I bite...just a warning...I bite hard!
I will not back down
No, I will not back down
No, I will not back down
Is this going to be a murder suicide...?
I honestly have nothing against this song...I actually downloaded it because I like it but the lyrics threw me when I actually paid attention.
Tuesday, April 29, 2014
Monday, April 28, 2014
I think my office is Haunted or a doorway to a parallel dimension
No really! Over the last few months since I moved into my new office weird things happen. And they've become more frequent. I mean besides the psycho bird that slammed into my window a few weeks back.
Here's one instance that we have ignored but I'm starting to wonder. I have two plants in my office. They get watered every other week or so depending on who remembers to water them. Mine will overflow. Like I'm sitting there and suddenly I have a waterfall coming from my overhead. So I put notes on the plants "please don't over water me...I tend to overflow and make a mess". So now my plant waterer actually dumps the plant if there is water standing in it and doesn't put more water to let it dry out a bit. Somehow it still overflows. We have done everything. Not watered it for WEEKS, put a pan under it, dump it regularly. It still will randomly overflow with icky yellow/brown water, like DAYS after its been watered. So our only conclusions are a playful spirit who likes to randomly dump sewage water on me and my desk to get my attention. Or my plant is a portal to another universe where its counterpart is used as a chamber pot. The "liquid" comes through said portal to keep the other universe clean. I mean clearly these are the only explanations.
Another thing my desk drawers will randomly roll open. I'm not kidding! I am just sitting here work work working and I hear a drawer open. And not just a little, I turn around and one of my drawers is completely pulled out. We attributed it to the floor being slightly off kilter and a faulty rolling mechanism. Then the drawer right next to me started doing it...but in the other direction. So one rolls out towards me and the other away from me. Um how "off kilter" is the damn floor?!? It freaks me the hell out, especially when I am alone. I've gotten used to it so sometimes I don't notice until I go to get up and wack my legs on the open drawer. It hurts like a mo-fo, so I've resorted to locking the drawers. The problem is we can't find the key tot he one next to me so it still randomly opens and I have bruises on my shins and I am about to tape the damn thing shut! I truly think someone from the other-side is trying to get my attention...either that or someone hired a hit man from the great beyond and he can't figure out how to kill me so he's resorted to just bruising me regularly.
Don't they say that when a spirit is nearby electronics go all batty and it gets colder? Okay so I work with a bunch of wooly mammoths and they keep it FREEZING in here so temperature changes aren't easy to spot. And technology...well its reliable, on occasion...at best. But the other day I was sitting here doing what I do and my iPhone restarted. Ummmm ok. I wasn't messing with it, it was fully charged, it just went off and then the Apple logo popped up. WTH?!? It did this 3 or 4 times, then it said "connect to iTunes" and wouldn't do anything else. "You have got to be kidding me!!!" So I connected it and apparently it was in "recovery mode" whatever the eff that means :P. I can't imagine what it could be recovering from. I can only assume it went out the other night while I was sleeping and has a b***h of a hangover. So I tried some other methods of getting it out of recovery mode but my phone pretty much said f**k you and wouldn't work. So it was taking a siesta the rest of the day. Then my work computer restarted in Safe Mode not once but twice, the printer wouldn't come out of "buffering" long enough to print more that one page at a time and my Adobe Creative Suite seemed to have a mind of its own! Seriously, I was trying to be creative with my creative suite and everything I did looked like genitalia. I have a dirty mind but come on! I really feel like someone was having a go at my expense.
What's next?!? I mean at this rate I am going to start seeing "ghosts" and before we know it the Cybermen will start bleeding through from the other universe. Then what are we going to do?!?
Here's one instance that we have ignored but I'm starting to wonder. I have two plants in my office. They get watered every other week or so depending on who remembers to water them. Mine will overflow. Like I'm sitting there and suddenly I have a waterfall coming from my overhead. So I put notes on the plants "please don't over water me...I tend to overflow and make a mess". So now my plant waterer actually dumps the plant if there is water standing in it and doesn't put more water to let it dry out a bit. Somehow it still overflows. We have done everything. Not watered it for WEEKS, put a pan under it, dump it regularly. It still will randomly overflow with icky yellow/brown water, like DAYS after its been watered. So our only conclusions are a playful spirit who likes to randomly dump sewage water on me and my desk to get my attention. Or my plant is a portal to another universe where its counterpart is used as a chamber pot. The "liquid" comes through said portal to keep the other universe clean. I mean clearly these are the only explanations.
Another thing my desk drawers will randomly roll open. I'm not kidding! I am just sitting here work work working and I hear a drawer open. And not just a little, I turn around and one of my drawers is completely pulled out. We attributed it to the floor being slightly off kilter and a faulty rolling mechanism. Then the drawer right next to me started doing it...but in the other direction. So one rolls out towards me and the other away from me. Um how "off kilter" is the damn floor?!? It freaks me the hell out, especially when I am alone. I've gotten used to it so sometimes I don't notice until I go to get up and wack my legs on the open drawer. It hurts like a mo-fo, so I've resorted to locking the drawers. The problem is we can't find the key tot he one next to me so it still randomly opens and I have bruises on my shins and I am about to tape the damn thing shut! I truly think someone from the other-side is trying to get my attention...either that or someone hired a hit man from the great beyond and he can't figure out how to kill me so he's resorted to just bruising me regularly.
Don't they say that when a spirit is nearby electronics go all batty and it gets colder? Okay so I work with a bunch of wooly mammoths and they keep it FREEZING in here so temperature changes aren't easy to spot. And technology...well its reliable, on occasion...at best. But the other day I was sitting here doing what I do and my iPhone restarted. Ummmm ok. I wasn't messing with it, it was fully charged, it just went off and then the Apple logo popped up. WTH?!? It did this 3 or 4 times, then it said "connect to iTunes" and wouldn't do anything else. "You have got to be kidding me!!!" So I connected it and apparently it was in "recovery mode" whatever the eff that means :P. I can't imagine what it could be recovering from. I can only assume it went out the other night while I was sleeping and has a b***h of a hangover. So I tried some other methods of getting it out of recovery mode but my phone pretty much said f**k you and wouldn't work. So it was taking a siesta the rest of the day. Then my work computer restarted in Safe Mode not once but twice, the printer wouldn't come out of "buffering" long enough to print more that one page at a time and my Adobe Creative Suite seemed to have a mind of its own! Seriously, I was trying to be creative with my creative suite and everything I did looked like genitalia. I have a dirty mind but come on! I really feel like someone was having a go at my expense.
What's next?!? I mean at this rate I am going to start seeing "ghosts" and before we know it the Cybermen will start bleeding through from the other universe. Then what are we going to do?!?
Wednesday, April 23, 2014
Dogs are disgusting little buggers sometimes!
I love my animals, I really do but oh my goodness they can be repulsive *shudder*. Now I know just like people as animals age they get a little "funny". They get arthritis, weird skin, tummy issues, etc. Stuff happens and as a good pet owner you figure out how to fix or deal with whatever it is.
It can be a little scary, especially when they are much older because then you start to worry about making those REALLY hard decisions that you know you are going to have to make at some point. It sucks! So recently when old man started having some problems, I got nervous. He was all vomit-y and lethargic. Like threw up multiple times and fell asleep, on my shoulder. I was going to bring him to the vet when he perked up and seemed fine (eating and drinking and pooping with no issues). Okay maybe he had a doggie stomach bug or ate something out the trash (he's famous for that one). He was fine for over a week, then it happened again. But he was still hungry, he just would yack it up after like 3 hours. It was very odd. So per the vet, he fasted (only water) and then was put on a bland diet for a few days. It worked, he was eating and not vomiting and was happy-ish. He was still a little tired. But he is old, so yea.
Then it happened...he started to STINK! Like OMG what died in the house. I thought, well this is it, he's really sick. Until we realized the smell was coming from his backside. Okay look, I don't make a habit of checking out the pups rear-end so I didn't notice that the fur all around his bootay was a bit discolored. What tha?!? I've dealt with seepage before and its icky but this was like a whole new level. I was worried. Since it was after vet hours and this wasn't technically an emergency and he hadn't been scooting I looked up if there was anything I could do myself.
With gloves we cleaned the area *gag*. Then I felt around for swollen glands *omg I feel like I am violating the dog*. They weren't swollen but they were leaking freely *double gag*. We put a warm compress on them *I swear he went "ahhhh" and relaxed* and I guess the clog (if it was clogged) released itself. So we decided to gently help it finish secreting *no really I am going to be sick*. That stuff like shot out at a high velocity and I barely touched it! Thank God I was to the side or it would have hit me and I may have died right there. I was like this my friend is a Dirty Job! Where is Mike Rowe when you need him?!? But once it was done he was a MUCH happier pup.
I guess now that it's not irritated anymore he feels like cleaning it...like full on make out session with the butt hole. He's been checked by a vet, he is fine...apparently he just likes his butt...a lot! It is the worst thing to wake up in the morning and hear a sucking, licking sound coming from the floor next to your bed....because you know what is happening and its EWWWW! FYI he no longer stinks. I am also thinking he was scooting, just when we couldn't see him, he's shy like that o_O and I think that's why it was all discolored because he "popped" or released whatever was secreting.
I am guessing his booty issues were part of the reason for the sick stuff. Like maybe he was in pain and I didn't realize it, which makes me feel awful! But now he's on a different diet and gets a little pumpkin to help with digestion. He actually woke us up today because he was ready for breakfast which hasn't happened in a while so I am going with he feels MUCH better. He was running all over the house barking and jumping around.
His butt fur is still discolored but I am guessing that will fade over time. Now if I can just keep him from wanting to lick his butt and then my face we will be a much happier household. Guess I'll be keeping a closer eye on his nether regions.
It can be a little scary, especially when they are much older because then you start to worry about making those REALLY hard decisions that you know you are going to have to make at some point. It sucks! So recently when old man started having some problems, I got nervous. He was all vomit-y and lethargic. Like threw up multiple times and fell asleep, on my shoulder. I was going to bring him to the vet when he perked up and seemed fine (eating and drinking and pooping with no issues). Okay maybe he had a doggie stomach bug or ate something out the trash (he's famous for that one). He was fine for over a week, then it happened again. But he was still hungry, he just would yack it up after like 3 hours. It was very odd. So per the vet, he fasted (only water) and then was put on a bland diet for a few days. It worked, he was eating and not vomiting and was happy-ish. He was still a little tired. But he is old, so yea.
Then it happened...he started to STINK! Like OMG what died in the house. I thought, well this is it, he's really sick. Until we realized the smell was coming from his backside. Okay look, I don't make a habit of checking out the pups rear-end so I didn't notice that the fur all around his bootay was a bit discolored. What tha?!? I've dealt with seepage before and its icky but this was like a whole new level. I was worried. Since it was after vet hours and this wasn't technically an emergency and he hadn't been scooting I looked up if there was anything I could do myself.
With gloves we cleaned the area *gag*. Then I felt around for swollen glands *omg I feel like I am violating the dog*. They weren't swollen but they were leaking freely *double gag*. We put a warm compress on them *I swear he went "ahhhh" and relaxed* and I guess the clog (if it was clogged) released itself. So we decided to gently help it finish secreting *no really I am going to be sick*. That stuff like shot out at a high velocity and I barely touched it! Thank God I was to the side or it would have hit me and I may have died right there. I was like this my friend is a Dirty Job! Where is Mike Rowe when you need him?!? But once it was done he was a MUCH happier pup.
I guess now that it's not irritated anymore he feels like cleaning it...like full on make out session with the butt hole. He's been checked by a vet, he is fine...apparently he just likes his butt...a lot! It is the worst thing to wake up in the morning and hear a sucking, licking sound coming from the floor next to your bed....because you know what is happening and its EWWWW! FYI he no longer stinks. I am also thinking he was scooting, just when we couldn't see him, he's shy like that o_O and I think that's why it was all discolored because he "popped" or released whatever was secreting.
I am guessing his booty issues were part of the reason for the sick stuff. Like maybe he was in pain and I didn't realize it, which makes me feel awful! But now he's on a different diet and gets a little pumpkin to help with digestion. He actually woke us up today because he was ready for breakfast which hasn't happened in a while so I am going with he feels MUCH better. He was running all over the house barking and jumping around.
His butt fur is still discolored but I am guessing that will fade over time. Now if I can just keep him from wanting to lick his butt and then my face we will be a much happier household. Guess I'll be keeping a closer eye on his nether regions.
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
Stahp! You sound like a horse chomping hay :P
I think I've vented before about the level of professionalism steadily declining in the work place but I just have to say something.
If you are eating at your desk good for you, I guess, I do it every day. It is a way to keep from leaving the office for take out, take a quick break, whatever. I know you aren't supposed to stay glued to your desk but I find that is the only way to keep others from talking to me when I am at lunch. I'm not anti-social BUT I read at lunch and for some unknown reason if I am in the lunchroom reading, that means please talk to me about nonsense because I am CLEARLY not busy. Open iPad means leave me alone! If you have something to tell me okay but don't ramble on about nothing, that annoys me. Wow this got sidetracked...back to my original rant.
If you are eating at you desk, that is fine. But here are a few pointers.
1. Do NOT answer the phone with a mouthful of food! I can't tell you how many times I've called a client and they answer around a bite of food. Goodness let me go to voice mail and call me back OR chew, swallow and then answer. This is not rocket science people! I don't need to hear you smacking/chewing/swallowing in my ear, its a bit gross and completely unprofessional. If I found out one of my minions did that I would not be a happy boss lady!
2. Do NOT call someone while you are chewing! If you must call someone while you are lunching do so between bites. I got a call recently from someone smacking and sucking their teeth while trying to ask me to do something for them. Are you that freaking hungry that you cannot wait to eat until you are off the phone?!?!? Or call me when you are done with your meal. We were on the phone for less than five minutes...why are you doing that...
3. Do NOT sip your drink while on a call. You may think you are being stealthy but I can hear you swallowing!!! And it is like a thousand times louder on my end, *gulp gulp gulp*. Unless you are in need of water because of being sick (which I can usually tell) or whatever, then excuse yourself. That's what PROFESSIONALS do. Say excuse me, move the receiver AWAY from your mouth, sip, swallow and then return to me.
I am your business associate please treat me like one, I am not your family or friend wanting to gossip about blah blah blah...even then that is just rude! If I am on the phone and start eating while talking to my bestie, I say "sorry for the noise, I am trying to finish eating". But I usually have a reason, otherwise I stop, chat, then eat after OR I tell her I am eating and she lets me call her back!!! Or I just don't answer and call her later...is it really that hard to ignore a call?
If you are eating at your desk good for you, I guess, I do it every day. It is a way to keep from leaving the office for take out, take a quick break, whatever. I know you aren't supposed to stay glued to your desk but I find that is the only way to keep others from talking to me when I am at lunch. I'm not anti-social BUT I read at lunch and for some unknown reason if I am in the lunchroom reading, that means please talk to me about nonsense because I am CLEARLY not busy. Open iPad means leave me alone! If you have something to tell me okay but don't ramble on about nothing, that annoys me. Wow this got sidetracked...back to my original rant.
If you are eating at you desk, that is fine. But here are a few pointers.
1. Do NOT answer the phone with a mouthful of food! I can't tell you how many times I've called a client and they answer around a bite of food. Goodness let me go to voice mail and call me back OR chew, swallow and then answer. This is not rocket science people! I don't need to hear you smacking/chewing/swallowing in my ear, its a bit gross and completely unprofessional. If I found out one of my minions did that I would not be a happy boss lady!
2. Do NOT call someone while you are chewing! If you must call someone while you are lunching do so between bites. I got a call recently from someone smacking and sucking their teeth while trying to ask me to do something for them. Are you that freaking hungry that you cannot wait to eat until you are off the phone?!?!? Or call me when you are done with your meal. We were on the phone for less than five minutes...why are you doing that...
3. Do NOT sip your drink while on a call. You may think you are being stealthy but I can hear you swallowing!!! And it is like a thousand times louder on my end, *gulp gulp gulp*. Unless you are in need of water because of being sick (which I can usually tell) or whatever, then excuse yourself. That's what PROFESSIONALS do. Say excuse me, move the receiver AWAY from your mouth, sip, swallow and then return to me.
I am your business associate please treat me like one, I am not your family or friend wanting to gossip about blah blah blah...even then that is just rude! If I am on the phone and start eating while talking to my bestie, I say "sorry for the noise, I am trying to finish eating". But I usually have a reason, otherwise I stop, chat, then eat after OR I tell her I am eating and she lets me call her back!!! Or I just don't answer and call her later...is it really that hard to ignore a call?
Monday, April 14, 2014
What is wrong with using the guest bathroom???
Okay maybe I am being a bit picky but we have two bathrooms. TWO! One in our master suite (its not as fancy as it sounds) and one in the hall. The one is the hall is what I consider the "guest bath". Apparently some of my "guests" don't know this or just don't care to acknowledge it.
So here's my question...when you go to someone's home do you:
A) Use the hall/guest bathroom?
or
B) Walk through their BEDROOM and use the master bath???
Am I the only one that thinks its weird to walk through someones bedroom to use the loo...?!? I'm not talking about asking because someone is in the other one or something is wrong with the hall one. I mean by passing it completely and going to the en suite. Yea my guests are close friends and family but we have a hall bath that you have to walk past to get to the master bath. And the master bath is IDENTICAL...its not like I'm hiding a fancy tub or spa like room or anything of that nature. And both are cleaned regularly, so the hall bath is not funky...if anything the en suite would be a lil funky from daily use.
Just to be clear I am not necessarily hiding anything in my room or bathroom but I do feel its a bit invasive for someone else to be in there when there is another bathroom with a shower/tub combo in it. I don't know, I guess I just feel like that is my personal space so unless you ask and I say go in there, you probably shouldn't.
What if I had something out that you shouldn't or don't want to see...like vag wash or anti-diarrhea whatever or feminine hygiene products. Seriously do you really want to know that I am having _____ issues. Or do you really want to see all the products I use to stay pretty (there are a few). Or do you really want to see the maw maw drawers I wore to bed last night because 99.9% of the time they are just laying on top the covers and the lube is sitting on the night stand (usually used before the maw maw drawers go on because those aren't usually good to have on before sexy time). Really makes you want to go in my room, right, ha!
Am I being weird...I feel like I might be being weird. Because more than one person does this en mi casa. I am waiting for the day I am sleeping and someone just walks in and is like don't mind me I have to poop. At that point I may lose my shit before they take their shit and I really don't want to do that. Use the hall bath for gods sake! I just can't imagine being at a friends/family members house where there are TWO baths and being like excuse me while I invade your personal space, mind if I use some of your Coochy?
Side note, I've tried closing the door to my room...they just walk in. I don't get it!!!!! Doesn't a closed door mean, DO NOT ENTER...?!?
I think I might start putting up some very questionable/uncomfortable items in my room as a deterrent. Like a giant dildo next to the lube...sex games...a horse mask....a whip...a wedge pillow...how about some anal beads...a butt plug (with a tail)...a book about blow jobs with a cucumber for practice....maybe then they would be like "whoa", back out slowly and decide to never enter again.
**explanation** Coochy is a brand that makes products you use to shave or after shaving
So here's my question...when you go to someone's home do you:
A) Use the hall/guest bathroom?
or
B) Walk through their BEDROOM and use the master bath???
Am I the only one that thinks its weird to walk through someones bedroom to use the loo...?!? I'm not talking about asking because someone is in the other one or something is wrong with the hall one. I mean by passing it completely and going to the en suite. Yea my guests are close friends and family but we have a hall bath that you have to walk past to get to the master bath. And the master bath is IDENTICAL...its not like I'm hiding a fancy tub or spa like room or anything of that nature. And both are cleaned regularly, so the hall bath is not funky...if anything the en suite would be a lil funky from daily use.
Just to be clear I am not necessarily hiding anything in my room or bathroom but I do feel its a bit invasive for someone else to be in there when there is another bathroom with a shower/tub combo in it. I don't know, I guess I just feel like that is my personal space so unless you ask and I say go in there, you probably shouldn't.
What if I had something out that you shouldn't or don't want to see...like vag wash or anti-diarrhea whatever or feminine hygiene products. Seriously do you really want to know that I am having _____ issues. Or do you really want to see all the products I use to stay pretty (there are a few). Or do you really want to see the maw maw drawers I wore to bed last night because 99.9% of the time they are just laying on top the covers and the lube is sitting on the night stand (usually used before the maw maw drawers go on because those aren't usually good to have on before sexy time). Really makes you want to go in my room, right, ha!
Am I being weird...I feel like I might be being weird. Because more than one person does this en mi casa. I am waiting for the day I am sleeping and someone just walks in and is like don't mind me I have to poop. At that point I may lose my shit before they take their shit and I really don't want to do that. Use the hall bath for gods sake! I just can't imagine being at a friends/family members house where there are TWO baths and being like excuse me while I invade your personal space, mind if I use some of your Coochy?
Side note, I've tried closing the door to my room...they just walk in. I don't get it!!!!! Doesn't a closed door mean, DO NOT ENTER...?!?
I think I might start putting up some very questionable/uncomfortable items in my room as a deterrent. Like a giant dildo next to the lube...sex games...a horse mask....a whip...a wedge pillow...how about some anal beads...a butt plug (with a tail)...a book about blow jobs with a cucumber for practice....maybe then they would be like "whoa", back out slowly and decide to never enter again.
**explanation** Coochy is a brand that makes products you use to shave or after shaving
Thursday, April 10, 2014
Near death experience...
...which may have caused a slight loss of bladder control...
On this seemingly normal morning I was driving to work. I was really close, not running late, not stuck in traffic, singing my heart out because what else are you going to do while alone in the car. When suddenly stupidity reared its ugly face and I had a mild (or possibly SEVERE) panic attack in my car.
You see as I was driving down this lovely two lane stretch a rather large SUV going in the other direction started driving a bit erratically. Not like drunk driver but like every so slightly swerving. I noticed it and thought well that's odd. Before I was able to really comprehend what was happening this over-sized death mobile had veered completely over into my lane. CRAP!!! There is honestly no where to go but into the wilderness to my right *ahhhhhhh*. I jerked my wheel in time to bypass a HEAD ON COLLISION meanwhile laying on my horn and attempting to maintain control of my car in the saturated grass before I ended up in a ditch. Apparently my honking alerted the driver of their minor miscalculation and they swerved back into the correct lane. The kicker was as they passed I could see the cell phone. I could see the bloody cell phone held up right in front of her effing face! Are you kidding me?!?! You could have killed me because you are messing with your cell phone. Put it down!!! This all happened in a matter of seconds but it was like slow motion to me. What if she was just a little closer...I would have had zero time to react. I barely had time to swerve as it was. The speed limit on that stretch is 55...which means that would have hurt....A LOT.
When I pulled into work my heart was still racing, my head pounding and I was pale...I was scared to get up because I didn't know if my legs would work properly but I knew I had to get out. Plus I really had to wee at this point...I mean I didn't go in my pants (THANK GOD) but I did have to go. My car had crap all over the side which is fine, at least it and I were in one piece and uninjured. It really started my morning off crappy!
I know we are all guilty of picking up the phone while driving BUT I have made a conscious effort to leave it alone while driving. I don't look at it and I don't pick it up unless I am stopped at a light or stop sign...even then its very quick. I have Bluetooth link up in my car so I use that to dial out or pick up. When customers call me in the car I don't say hold on while I get paper to write something down, I say "do you have my email? please email me and I will reply as soon as I am not in my car." My point is it can wait. It 100% can wait. We haven't always had phones in our vehicles...haven't always been so connected...the world will not end just because you didn't reply to that text right away. If you must reply pull the frick over and do so. I'd like to live a bit longer and I would rather not die in a fiery crash because you just had to tell your your BFF what Bobo did or whatever. I am sure Bobo would want you wait to tell the story rather than kill some innocent person LIKE ME and/or yourself with your bomb on wheels going 50+ MPH!!!
On this seemingly normal morning I was driving to work. I was really close, not running late, not stuck in traffic, singing my heart out because what else are you going to do while alone in the car. When suddenly stupidity reared its ugly face and I had a mild (or possibly SEVERE) panic attack in my car.
You see as I was driving down this lovely two lane stretch a rather large SUV going in the other direction started driving a bit erratically. Not like drunk driver but like every so slightly swerving. I noticed it and thought well that's odd. Before I was able to really comprehend what was happening this over-sized death mobile had veered completely over into my lane. CRAP!!! There is honestly no where to go but into the wilderness to my right *ahhhhhhh*. I jerked my wheel in time to bypass a HEAD ON COLLISION meanwhile laying on my horn and attempting to maintain control of my car in the saturated grass before I ended up in a ditch. Apparently my honking alerted the driver of their minor miscalculation and they swerved back into the correct lane. The kicker was as they passed I could see the cell phone. I could see the bloody cell phone held up right in front of her effing face! Are you kidding me?!?! You could have killed me because you are messing with your cell phone. Put it down!!! This all happened in a matter of seconds but it was like slow motion to me. What if she was just a little closer...I would have had zero time to react. I barely had time to swerve as it was. The speed limit on that stretch is 55...which means that would have hurt....A LOT.
When I pulled into work my heart was still racing, my head pounding and I was pale...I was scared to get up because I didn't know if my legs would work properly but I knew I had to get out. Plus I really had to wee at this point...I mean I didn't go in my pants (THANK GOD) but I did have to go. My car had crap all over the side which is fine, at least it and I were in one piece and uninjured. It really started my morning off crappy!
I know we are all guilty of picking up the phone while driving BUT I have made a conscious effort to leave it alone while driving. I don't look at it and I don't pick it up unless I am stopped at a light or stop sign...even then its very quick. I have Bluetooth link up in my car so I use that to dial out or pick up. When customers call me in the car I don't say hold on while I get paper to write something down, I say "do you have my email? please email me and I will reply as soon as I am not in my car." My point is it can wait. It 100% can wait. We haven't always had phones in our vehicles...haven't always been so connected...the world will not end just because you didn't reply to that text right away. If you must reply pull the frick over and do so. I'd like to live a bit longer and I would rather not die in a fiery crash because you just had to tell your your BFF what Bobo did or whatever. I am sure Bobo would want you wait to tell the story rather than kill some innocent person LIKE ME and/or yourself with your bomb on wheels going 50+ MPH!!!
Monday, April 7, 2014
Who doesn't love Cadbury Cream Eggs???
I don't eat many sweets but I do have a few favs. I mostly like fruity/sour things but around Easter I have to have a cream egg at least once. I was so excited when I saw some at the store for like $.50 each!!! So I got two, one for me and one for hubs. While walking to the car I was going on about how excited I was to have a cream egg and he just went "eh".
Wait, what?!? *insert shocked face* But...but...but they are like the best thing...everrrrrrrr. Apparently he has never really been a fan. What kind of child didn't love a cream egg?!?!?! It's like I see God when I eat one or at the very least an Angel...in a trench coat...who doesn't understand personal space (ha!). It's like...it's like enjoying the forbidden fruit. If fruit were made of pure sugar with a touch of heaven. I may have gone a bit blasphemous here, please forgive me. Well fine then, two eggs for me *plfeet*. As you can see I handled this in the most mature manner.
Later while I was working I decided to have one of my annual spring indulgences. As I unconsciously "mmmm'd" while eating my cream egg my hubs looked over and was like really?! You see when I eat them I tend to lick the filling a bit before eating the rest of the egg...which apparently looks extremely suggestive...especially when some drips on your chin...its white...and well...I'm not saying anymore. After seeing me enjoying my egg he wanted one. Um I thought you were "eh" about them. Well since I'm nice I said fine have the other. He ate it in like two bites...OH MY GOD THAT'S NOT HOW YOU EAT THEM!!! Well that's not how I eat them, therefore it is wrong. He says "now I have a cavity...and possibly diabetes", dude not funny, these are amazing stop it! Then he looked up the nutrition value...staaaaahp! Do not ruin these for me!!!
Well, I was in such a state of shock, I completely blacked out
I can't remember a thing, it wasn't until later
When I was washing the blood off my hands ~ Chicago
Okay maybe not but I definitely had an Ally McBeal moment where I pictured him getting whacked upside the head. So now I know how AWFUL they are for you, I mean I had an inkling (hahahaha) but I was in denial...I won't spoil them for you.
Wait, what?!? *insert shocked face* But...but...but they are like the best thing...everrrrrrrr. Apparently he has never really been a fan. What kind of child didn't love a cream egg?!?!?! It's like I see God when I eat one or at the very least an Angel...in a trench coat...who doesn't understand personal space (ha!). It's like...it's like enjoying the forbidden fruit. If fruit were made of pure sugar with a touch of heaven. I may have gone a bit blasphemous here, please forgive me. Well fine then, two eggs for me *plfeet*. As you can see I handled this in the most mature manner.
Later while I was working I decided to have one of my annual spring indulgences. As I unconsciously "mmmm'd" while eating my cream egg my hubs looked over and was like really?! You see when I eat them I tend to lick the filling a bit before eating the rest of the egg...which apparently looks extremely suggestive...especially when some drips on your chin...its white...and well...I'm not saying anymore. After seeing me enjoying my egg he wanted one. Um I thought you were "eh" about them. Well since I'm nice I said fine have the other. He ate it in like two bites...OH MY GOD THAT'S NOT HOW YOU EAT THEM!!! Well that's not how I eat them, therefore it is wrong. He says "now I have a cavity...and possibly diabetes", dude not funny, these are amazing stop it! Then he looked up the nutrition value...staaaaahp! Do not ruin these for me!!!
Well, I was in such a state of shock, I completely blacked out
I can't remember a thing, it wasn't until later
When I was washing the blood off my hands ~ Chicago
Okay maybe not but I definitely had an Ally McBeal moment where I pictured him getting whacked upside the head. So now I know how AWFUL they are for you, I mean I had an inkling (hahahaha) but I was in denial...I won't spoil them for you.
Thursday, April 3, 2014
People don't get my humor....
Seriously! I know I am a sarcastic lil $hit sometimes but apparently that is not "welcomed" in some settings. Okay yes I know there are times when sarcasm is not acceptable, like a funeral...I guess but other times it should be free game. And if you don't catch the sarcasm then boooooo on you.
My sarcastic nature helps me get through meetings with "big wigs" that would normally intimidate me. I am a shy person, speaking in front of large groups has never been my forte. But I have to do it so I do. I don't mind being teased, I have siblings and cousins and friends who pick but its harmless and all in fun. Nothing mean or hurtful. And since I'm submissive in a sense that makes it easy for people to feel like I'm their little sister and tease me. Or maybe they think I'm cute and they are flirting...probably not but whatever. Regardless, people who just meet me like to tease me about various things and my normal response to anyone is sarcastic. But my sarcasm is sometimes dark...or EXTREMELY nerdy....or just weird so this confuses the "cool" people who can't follow my line of thought.
My defense is always, always some witty/silly/dumb comment. Its just...I guess people can't tell I'm being an @$$ and then it gets out of hand with them thinking I am being serious...and then I turn red...and then I can't focus on anything else other than I am a weirdo. In reality they probably think I'm just odd or maybe unintelligent...or a liar (ooooooo I really don't like that one) but I feel like I've made some horrible mistake and then I clam up and say only what's necessary. I am so freaking WEIRD! I guess when you are speaking with the director(s) and manager(s) its probably best to stay non-sarcastic but it comes so easily to me that I don't realize I am doing it until I've said something and then your boss is looking at you like "you dumb" and ugh!
Its not like I say anything rude by any means but if you ask me a dumbish question that the answer is probably no to...I am more than likely going to respond with "yeah, of course...." *raised eye brow* while shaking my head no. Apparently this confuses people and they think yea, of course means yea of course instead of "uh yea no" which is what it actually means. Am I confusing you yet??? Anyways, I hope I am forgiven for my recently mistaken sarcasm. I swear I am just trying to be funny people!
My sarcastic nature helps me get through meetings with "big wigs" that would normally intimidate me. I am a shy person, speaking in front of large groups has never been my forte. But I have to do it so I do. I don't mind being teased, I have siblings and cousins and friends who pick but its harmless and all in fun. Nothing mean or hurtful. And since I'm submissive in a sense that makes it easy for people to feel like I'm their little sister and tease me. Or maybe they think I'm cute and they are flirting...probably not but whatever. Regardless, people who just meet me like to tease me about various things and my normal response to anyone is sarcastic. But my sarcasm is sometimes dark...or EXTREMELY nerdy....or just weird so this confuses the "cool" people who can't follow my line of thought.
My defense is always, always some witty/silly/dumb comment. Its just...I guess people can't tell I'm being an @$$ and then it gets out of hand with them thinking I am being serious...and then I turn red...and then I can't focus on anything else other than I am a weirdo. In reality they probably think I'm just odd or maybe unintelligent...or a liar (ooooooo I really don't like that one) but I feel like I've made some horrible mistake and then I clam up and say only what's necessary. I am so freaking WEIRD! I guess when you are speaking with the director(s) and manager(s) its probably best to stay non-sarcastic but it comes so easily to me that I don't realize I am doing it until I've said something and then your boss is looking at you like "you dumb" and ugh!
Its not like I say anything rude by any means but if you ask me a dumbish question that the answer is probably no to...I am more than likely going to respond with "yeah, of course...." *raised eye brow* while shaking my head no. Apparently this confuses people and they think yea, of course means yea of course instead of "uh yea no" which is what it actually means. Am I confusing you yet??? Anyways, I hope I am forgiven for my recently mistaken sarcasm. I swear I am just trying to be funny people!
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
And the clumsiness continues
Maybe I need to lock myself in a padded room until it passes... o_O
Last week an item...a REALLY heavy item came crashing through the ceiling (not at my house). Scared the ever living crap out of me! I thought the world was ending. What is really funny is people who weren't in the vicinity when it happened immediately thought I fell somehow. Wow, my reputation really precedes me *sigh*. Anyway, it was one of those "golly gee glad I wasn't in that spot just now" moments. All while I was checking to make sure I didn't wee on myself. Thankfully I had recently used the rest room! But at that point I decided it was time to head home because I clearly didn't need to be out in public.
So I attempted cooking again...I've cooked just fine for the past few days with no problems then last night...yea.
I've been cooking on my own since I was 17. I know how to cook without burning things. Last night I managed to burn veggies while trying to boil them. I have no idea how I did this. I was standing right freaking there!!! I was stirring the pasta when I smelled something funky. I thought some water had spilled out the pot and onto the burner. Then I looked at the pot. I couldn't see the veggies, only white fog. Yea that's right, it is so unlike me to actually burn anything my first thought was fog! "Hmmm, how in the world would fog get in my pot?!?" When my brain finally caught up the smoke alarm was going off, crap! I took it off the burner and ran out the back door. There was screaming "Ahhhhhhhhh!" as I ran with a smoking pot and was coughing *hack, hack, wheeze* care of the smoke. I put it down to go back inside and open windows. Mind you while all this is going on the hubs is saying "trying to burn down the house, haha", but he is still playing his video game. Meanwhile I am running around like a nut case trying to get the alarm to stop and open windows. I ran back out to see if any of the veggies were salvageable...that is when I realized what I did. I walked back inside and laid on the floor while mumbling into my arm "that's it I give up *grumble, grumble, moan*".
You see, I put the smoking pot down on the patio table...which is plastic...So now I have burnt veggies in one of my nice pots melted onto my patio table. The smell was horrific...thankfully it was outside now. But the only way to pry the pot off of the table was to use my gardening shears...like the big ones to cut bushes. I looked like I belonged in "American Psycho", but I was hacking at a table/pot and not a person. When it popped off without breaking the table I danced around in a circle waiving my shears in the air, "Whoohoo". Looking back I probably looked a little insane.
The veggies were tossed, thankfully I didn't burn the pasta and the rest of dinner was okay. But now my house smells like a burnt fart. Ewwwwwww!
Last week an item...a REALLY heavy item came crashing through the ceiling (not at my house). Scared the ever living crap out of me! I thought the world was ending. What is really funny is people who weren't in the vicinity when it happened immediately thought I fell somehow. Wow, my reputation really precedes me *sigh*. Anyway, it was one of those "golly gee glad I wasn't in that spot just now" moments. All while I was checking to make sure I didn't wee on myself. Thankfully I had recently used the rest room! But at that point I decided it was time to head home because I clearly didn't need to be out in public.
So I attempted cooking again...I've cooked just fine for the past few days with no problems then last night...yea.
I've been cooking on my own since I was 17. I know how to cook without burning things. Last night I managed to burn veggies while trying to boil them. I have no idea how I did this. I was standing right freaking there!!! I was stirring the pasta when I smelled something funky. I thought some water had spilled out the pot and onto the burner. Then I looked at the pot. I couldn't see the veggies, only white fog. Yea that's right, it is so unlike me to actually burn anything my first thought was fog! "Hmmm, how in the world would fog get in my pot?!?" When my brain finally caught up the smoke alarm was going off, crap! I took it off the burner and ran out the back door. There was screaming "Ahhhhhhhhh!" as I ran with a smoking pot and was coughing *hack, hack, wheeze* care of the smoke. I put it down to go back inside and open windows. Mind you while all this is going on the hubs is saying "trying to burn down the house, haha", but he is still playing his video game. Meanwhile I am running around like a nut case trying to get the alarm to stop and open windows. I ran back out to see if any of the veggies were salvageable...that is when I realized what I did. I walked back inside and laid on the floor while mumbling into my arm "that's it I give up *grumble, grumble, moan*".
You see, I put the smoking pot down on the patio table...which is plastic...So now I have burnt veggies in one of my nice pots melted onto my patio table. The smell was horrific...thankfully it was outside now. But the only way to pry the pot off of the table was to use my gardening shears...like the big ones to cut bushes. I looked like I belonged in "American Psycho", but I was hacking at a table/pot and not a person. When it popped off without breaking the table I danced around in a circle waiving my shears in the air, "Whoohoo". Looking back I probably looked a little insane.
The veggies were tossed, thankfully I didn't burn the pasta and the rest of dinner was okay. But now my house smells like a burnt fart. Ewwwwwww!
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