I think I lost a nipple

In recent travels I started writing on the opaque shower walls.  Like once it’s steamed up I write “I know what you did”, “your husband knows”, or just “I know”.  You might says it’s pointless because they clean after every guest...true but I feel there is a height limit to the shower cleaning....like above the head, it’s good unless noticeably dirty.

Anyways, I am currently on a getaway trip with the sig other.  We have this....shower.  It’s super nice. Big enough for four 😳 with two wall shower heads and a rainfall head above.  The problem....the water temp is either Loki’s nipple or Hades hot tub....there is no in between!  So I either 

or

.....looks like I’m losing skin this trip.

Not to mention, for a five star hotel, the water takes FOREVER to warm up! Once it got to Dante’s inferno I realized only one head was working.

After fiddling with a knob, the rainfall started but it was freezing cold *shrill scream*. I stepped in once it was around the surface of the sun.

But why is that other wall just dribbling...?

FINE I only need two heads!

After my skin adjusted to the boiling waters of hell, I began to enjoy my multi head shower.

I was bent over shaving a leg when that stupid third head decided to join in the fun. By sending a powerful blast of ice water straight at my tatas.

The spray was coming out so hard it covered the entire shower area.  Opening the door would have soaked the bathroom.  I finally plastered myself against the opposite wall and tried to turn it off. 

Every direction I turned the knobs just adjusted the two original heads.  This mutant shower head was unaffected. 

It eventually warmed up to cooling lava but the stream was so strong it exfoliated...well everything and I was still covered in soap.

I did my best impression of a speed showerer and somehow managed to finally turn off the water.

I have no idea what happened but looking at the head, I think a piece popped out that controls the intensity of the water.  I’m now bright red, half shaved, with a knotted mess of hair...but hey, at least I’m clean....

Do you ever look at a product and think, "Why?!?"

I had a moment like that today...

I'm sorry...I mean I love Disney but these are just creepy!  Why on Earth would I want Mickey/Minnie watching me shower?!?!?  It is a FACE hovering above your head shooting high pressured water at your naked body.  All the while smiling at you. "yea, I like how you lather *mmmm* heh, heh (Mickey laugh)."  I know, I know what you are thinking...they are "for kids".  Really?!?!?!  That does not make the argument any better!  "Get your pedo-Mickey shower heads now kids!  He loves to watch you bathe and help rinse off your tiny bits." *yikes*

Why not just do the black silhouette with no face and maybe a colored bow or bow tie or whatever....that way I don't have a creepy smiling mouse in my face.  Why is there a FACE?!?! Also, I won't have a snot stream coming from his/her nose.  Who designed this?!?  The "high pressure" setting shoots from the nose...I just...WHY?!?  "Feel squeaky clean while your favorite Mouse shoots nose water all over you." I think it would be funnier if it had different settings and one was a "waterfall" and it poured from the mouth.  Or the "massage" setting pulsed out from the eyeballs. Ooo, ooo and it can have colored LED lights that blink with the pulse.   "Satan Minnie wants your soul! *muahahhaha*" If you are going to make it creepy go big or go home!

Also...there is a detachable shower head...face...thing.  We have all seen the 40 year old virgin...right?!?!  The scene in the tub...with her "favorite" shower head.  And, yea, this post just went there.  Talk about Mickey and friends.  What kind of Club is this???  There is just something WRONG with this product.  You know...you KNOW some lonely mom is going to use little Johnny's shower head for "things" when he's not home or sleeping.  No one needs a Mickey in their hoohah.  And, OMG, that can be taken so many differnt ways.  Of course that can be new slang for diddling yourself in the shower. 

Friend: "Hey, what took you so long to get ready?"
Her: "Oh, just needed a Mickey in the shower. *wink*" 
or
"Today was my Minnie shower day. *sigh*"
Friend: "Ooooookay...."

I need to stop.  This is a kids product...I am going to hell...where I will be showered by creepy Mickey faces for eternity. Hey at least I can use the detachable head *wink, wink*.  Ahhhh, make me stop!