Someone cover me in bubble wrap!

We have been just bombarded with rain the last few weeks.  And not just like an afternoon shower.  It's just a daily deluge of rain combined with psycho winds and crashing thunder & lightening.

Like lightening that lights up your whole house in a bright flash then thunder that crashes so loud you instinctively hit the floor because clearly something just f**king exploded.  

Well I was on my way home from an outing when mother nature just pressure pissed all over us.  We could barely see the road driving home.  When we pulled up it was still raining but not quite as hard.  I did a "one two three" and prepared to run for the door.  As I exited the car and started to run, I realized very quickly this was a bad idea. 

I felt my foot slipping in my shoe.  In slow motion I tried to catch my balance on the hood of the car but it was too late.  

My left leg gave way and I went down.  Out of pure instinct I threw my yeti to catch myself, but the angle of the fall was off so my hands didn't do much to help.  

I landed HARD on my left hip, left leg bent under me, and my left elbow hit the bumper of the car.  I sat stunned in the pouring rain trying to assess the damage for what felt like an hour but was only seconds.

Hubs tried to help but I said just get the stuff I dropped.   As I tried to get up lightening exploded behind my house blinding and scaring the absolute $hit out of me.  

Instinct kicked in again and I tried to run...I fell flat on my chest, but caught myself before my face hit.  Hubs also ran and then was like WTF, where is she?!?!  I literally hummed both shoes at my house and took off running barefoot as another blast of lightning lit up the sky.  

Once safely inside the pain shot through my left side.  I crawled into the living room and just sat on the floor holding my foot and leg rocking in pain.  Once I removed my hand blood started dripping from my foot.

I limped to the shower and hosed myself down.  EVERYTHING hurt/burned.  Then I practically bathed in peroxide. 

My toes wouldn't stop bleeding. 

Once I got a closer look...in my fall I removed MULTIPLE layers of skin from my last three toes and I am pretty sure broke the second to last one as there was a BURNING sensation not affiliated with the missing skin area.  

I dressed and wrapped each toe. Then carefully bandaged the horrific brush burn that takes up most of my left shin/calf.  

Let this be lesson kids....shoes matter....

Seriously I should be the flipping poster child for "don't run in flip flops".

Lightning doesn't strike twice

Okay I know that's been disproven but you get the idea.  What are the chances that ONE specific day could be haunted with repeated tragedy?!?!?!

Exhibit A, B, & C

Katrina 2005

Isaac 2012

Ida 2021

All three of these Mother F**kers made landfall ON THE SAME DAY....IN THE SAME VICINITY!!!!!!!!

They were all different instities and sizes.  But they ALL brought death and destruction in their own way.  

Katrina - Massive b**ch that almost took up the whole gulf at one point.  Became a Cat 5 but weakened to a Cat 3 at landfall. Problem was it built up a Cat 5 storm surge that WIPED out Mississippi  Coast and destroyed NOLA and the surrounding parishes.  Thankfully my house was spared but we couldn't go home for about 2 weeks.  

Isaac - People discount Isaac because "it was only a Category 1".  But that @$$hole made TWO landfalls, and then just hovered battering the crap out of the area and pushing water into the unsuspecting River Parishes.  Leaving me homeless for 8 months!!!

Ida - Angry b**ch that Strengthened so fast we almost weren't prepared.  Smaller in diameter than the K word but made landfall as a Cat 4 and took her sweet f**king time moving along.  Destroying the bayou parishes and beating the crap out of the suburbs of NOLA. Leaving me homeless AGAIN for 6 months!!

Welcome to the Cooch Show!

 Ever have one of those days where you go, "Damn...I should have stayed in bed..."?

I was having a really good day.  Worked in my garden, cleaned up a little around the house, did some painting (for fun, not like a wall).  Just a nice productive day.  

I took a shower and got ready to go run the streets and have a late lunch/early dinner.  I put on these adorable linen shorts and a black tank to head out.  As I was wandering around the house I noticed there was a hole in one of the pockets,  WTH, I've only worn these twice.  Whatever, I'll sew it up later. 

I put on some very light makeup, checked myself in the mirror and went to head out.  As we were heading out I made a comment to my hubs how nice these shorts were.  They were so light, it didn't feel like I had anything on.  He said they looked like they fit nice. 

Before we left my bladder woke up and was like YO GOTTA GO!  Normally I'd be like WTF but today I was soooo grateful for the delay.  

As I was finishing up I felt something tickling my ankle.  

On closer inspection, there was a hole in my pants. 

I started poking at it and realized, I could literally stick my entire hand through the hole. 

It was in the crotch area.  I pulled my shorts back-up to see why I didn't notice before and you couldn't see anything.

I walked towards the mirror.  That is when I saw flashes of my rainbow undies on display for anyone to see. 

I took them off to better examine them and the crotch was annihilated.  

It was legit hanging on by a single thread.  Cheaply made POS. 

So my $30 linen shorts that I wore twice are now in the trash but my old faithful $12 Old Navy shorts are still going strong.  

Dreams are weird

This isn't for anything in particular but why is it in dreams things don't work right.  I think I need to do some Dream Analysis o_O.

Example 1: I am by no means a fast runner.  I am fast enough, I do about a 12.5 min mile (need to train) but in instances of needing a burst of speed I can take off at a very very quick sprint.  It's short lived but I know I can do it.  Yet anytime I need to "run for my life" in dreams, it's like running through quicksand.  I have no idea what I was dreaming about the other night but I vividly remember needing to run and just not being able to.  Like I kept trying but I was barely getting anywhere. 

Example 2: Throwing a punch.  Okay again, not superwoman or anything but I know I can throw a punch. I unfortunately have had to punch a tw@t waffle for being a tw@t waffle and I split his eyebrow knocking him on his butt and did NOT break my hand.  But I know I've had many many dreams where I try to punch/kick/slap/claw and it's like they just don't land with any force.  

Example 3: The lights don't work. I can't tell you how many times in a dream I walk into a dark room and flip the light switch...and it doesn't work.  I immediately get that heart pounding sinking feeling of pure terror.  I don't get it.  I am generally not scared of the dark.  But in these dreams, it's almost like the dark is alive and won't let the light on.  I know I know WEIRDO. 

I'm sure there are other weirdo things but these are the ones that have happened recently and it just makes me wonder...why.  I'm assuming my subconscious is trying to tell me something.