The hills can kiss my @$$!

Right anyway.  This city girl went to the mountains.  Well I say Mountains....apparently they were "foothills" but when you come from under sea level elevation, even a 100 ft hill is a f**king mountain. 

To get there we had to drive through nothing. Like hours where there was farm land, an occasional house, and MAYBE a gas station that looked straight out of an after school special titled "don't stop at the corner shop".  While driving in nowhere USA I saw a hand painted sign that said "Jesus is the reason...FOR LIFE!!!" nailed to a tree in the middle of a forest...nothing to be seen for MILES around until a clearing with a miniature crucifixion. 

We reached some form of civilization and saw a store (I really needed to tee tee).  Joe's One Stop Shop...gas, food, fishing license, notary, 24 hr adult toys, smoke, & vape **Restrooms Available**.  (I made up the name...I don't remember the business name and did not take a pic but I wrote down as much as I could remember as we sped by)

We kept going until I was about to lose control of my bladder.  We stopped at another location that had an OUTHOUSE!  I mean it had electricity and running water but it was out back, all alone, with a pad locked door.  When I flushed water came up from the floor.  When I went wash my hands I realized the elbow pipe was missing and soaked my feet.

When we finally got to the mountains I basically had a coronary in the car.  There is no guardrail and the shoulder is barely the width of me.  "Oh hello there drop off".  It was so steep there were signs telling you to "brake check" before you went any further, just in case.  And other signs telling larger vehicles to use lower gears.  And there were "run off" areas for run away 18-wheelers...Two narrow lanes...THAT'S IT!

I was white-knuckling it the whole 100 miles through that insanity. 

But we made it *whew*.

We were out in the middle of NO WHERE at a hotel in the "mountains".  I mean the closest Walmart was like 80 miles away.  I am pretty sure I heard dueling banjos at least once as we hiked through the wilderness.  

Oh yea and someone saw a 10 point buck less than 30 feet away, a red fox playing off the path, what I think was a small cougar or enormous house cat hanging out in the parking lot...and lots bats...seriously the amount of bats was kind of unnerving. 

Clearly I made it back alive and it was GORGEOUS but I've come to the conclusion that although I love the outdoors, I'd rather be at or near sea level... 

Or maybe space...I think I could do space