A hopeless romantic...

...am I that desperate for the Fairytale love story?! Not likely, HA!

Ok so I just jumped on the Twilight bandwagon and I am totally hooked. I recently started reading the 1st book Twilight (I've seen both the movies). And Oh my, every time I read I find myself smiling and totally enthralled in this book. I read ALOT, okay. I mean I finish books fairly quickly unless I have a lot going on, AKA holidays, etc. And I have never been this into a book. I have many favorites where I get wrapped up in the stories but this is waaaaaaay different. I find myself relating to Bella more than any other Character, WEIRD I know (stop laughing). It just baffles me. We all know my weird fetish for Vampires...I don't know what it is about them but I have always been fascinated by the concept and to see it in a new perspective is very refreshing. After I finish this series (which should be soon, HA) I am told I MUST read the Southern Vampire Mysteries series that was the inspiration for True Blood (I think). But I am not sure I will ever get into a story line as much as I have wrapped myself in this one. I literally have to force myself to stop reading, hahaha.

So all that being said I started to wonder why this story and not any other of the 100's that I have read. I honestly have NO IDEA. But I do know that I want a love like that. One where it hurts to not be with the person and pains you to think of anything bad happening to them or having them go away in one way or another. Where their mere touch sends chills down your spine and makes you fell all warm and fuzzy, etc etc etc. I feel like I have that now (stop laughing ;)). No really the emotional connection that I have with younger guy is something I have not had before. I have definitely been in love before on some level but I have never had the connection that I have now. And let me tell you it scares the hell outta me. I feel happy...VERY happy but so vulnerable to know that one person can affect me so much. Now if we had JUST started dating I would totally say its the 'new' relationship vibe that has me in a frenzy but we've been together 9 months (I know time flies right?!) and the same feeling is still there...not even really dulled just more comfortable, I guess. And eveidenlty him and I aren't the only ones that notice it. Since about September both of our families have been asking when we will start "making plans". We met the rest of our extended families over the holidays and even they were like "soooo when are we getting married?" Every time I turned 10 shades of red and felt like saying quit pushing people, but at the same time it made me so happy that they wanted us to be at that point...ya know. His family loves me and mine loves him, so whats the problem ;) HA. I am such a pessimist sometimes...I keep waiting for the bottom to fall out and all of this to just disappear in a flash...like its almost too good to be true. Even my friends are like sooooooo what's going on with big smiles...like I don't know what they are thinking ;) HA. Which don't get me wrong we have talked about the 'M' word ;). He totally sees me as his wife which again freaks me out because no one has ever told me that before...not even my Ex (5 YEARS!)...he said he wanted to marry me but he never said he could see me as his wife...which I guess you could say they are the same thing but hearing that from younger guy it just seemed different.

So if I am so happy in my relationship then why do I want an Edward Cullen?! Hahahahaha, because he doesn't exist. I don't care what anyone says...a man is a man and this character is way too in touch with his feelings to be anything more than a figment of the imagination. Every man has some elements of Edwards personality but I don't believe there is any man out there that can be quite as "awesome" as him and in touch with his 'feelings' without being a complete cheeseball or gay, HA! I haven't gotten far enough into the series to make any comments about Jacob but I have a feeling I will stay with the Vampire side because...well that's what I like ;) hahaha. I am weird, its a wonder how I ever attracted a decent guy!!!

Tonight we gonna pawty like it's 1999!

Is this really happening? No Way!

OK so why am I so giddy you may ask. Well because a few entries back I was annoyed with my living situation. Well good news people, come September 14th I WILL BE RID OF HIM! That's right my 'roommate' is moving...and not just to another house/apt/city....he's moving OUT OF STATE! *Doing the happy dance*.

What sparked this??? You See in July Younger Guy came pick me up from the house and all hell broke loose. My roomie FREAKED out and thought I was so inconsiderate for having someone pick me up. He didn't even come in or knocked...just pulled up, called me and I went out. About a week later roomie comes home and says "that company in TX wants me to come for an interview." I was like, cool. So he interviews, takes the job and says ok they want me to start in September. Okee Dokee!

Well being the douche that he is, that meant I needed to drop EVERYTHING I had planned for the next month and a half and help him make the repairs on the house that should have been done over a year ago!!!!!! As you may imagine that did not sit well with me and I flipped out a bit and he retracted his request. I mean come on....August is my boyfriends, 3 of my best friends and my brother's b-days AND my High School reunion...sorry buddy I'm kinda booked...but I'll help when I can.

Well then he says (at the beginning of August) "Don't pay me for your half of the bills this month...use that for Landscaping". Um really...during the HEIGHT of hurricane season, you want me to spend mucho moola and landscape....so I bought the supplies but I am not landscaping until I know a storm isn't going to form and destroy my work (and money :P).

Well now that it's getting closer he is getting more and more remorseful. He seems excited about this new opportunity but he keeps making random statements. Things like, "It's going to be weird...I mean I have lived with you for the past 6 years". Which yes, I agree it will be a little strange BUT I lived with my 2 best friends for 4.5 years and then moved out by myself when we graduated and although it was strange I was A-OK. Granted this is a little differnt but we have been broken up and living seperate lives for 1.5 years now so I think the transition...at least for me will be smooth. He's said other things but none as memorable as that one :P. So THANK GOD I will be out of town the weekend he moves out because I don't want to be a part of that Drama/pent up emotion when reality hits him and he realizes he had a knee jerk reaction to my boyfriend being "real" and is now on his way to TX where he has no friends or family. Just the 'friend' he made at a training session who will now be his boss. I ain't worried about him, seems like a legit company and he's getting paid more (which evidently is all that matters to him) so he wont be back. I just hope I get the $$$ so I can finish the house and move on with my life!

I had the weirdest dream!!!

Ever have a dream so vivid and wonder if it was real???

Ok so last night my dream woke me up around 3 AM and I couldn't fall back asleep. It started at my current house. I had all my friends and boyfriend over for an LSU game. At some point I decided to go use my bathroom which is in my room (master bedroom). As I walked in the door to my room, I got chills down my spine, felt like the temperature dropped 20 degrees, and had that fear in the pit of my stomach. Before I could look around the door to my room started to close. I was paralyzed with fear. I saw a figure standing behind the door, mind you there were no lights on in my room but I could still see. It started to walked towards me and I collapsed on the ground. Then it said don't be scared in a very familiar soothing voice. When it came into view I could see clearly who it was.

It was my Paran (my godfather) who passed away almost 9 years ago (December 1st, 2000). I couldn't speak. He said again don't be scared and touched my hand but still I couldn't move. I was no longer frightened but confused. Then he kissed me on the forehead and I relaxed a little. He said he had been watching over me. He said he was in a bad place for a long time. He said he paid for all the things he had done wrong in life. But that he was in a good place now and happy with the family and watching me. At this point we had somehow made our way into my bathroom and had the light on and I could see that he looked just I remembered. Then my friends came to the door looking for me and my Paran said if I turned on and off the lights fast a few times, they wouldn't be able to see him. So I did and they came in and couldn't see him. Then I told them what happened and did the light thing so they could see him. But only nice Twin Friend and me could see him, no one else. She wasn't scared either but was confused like I was...

It gets a bit fuzzy at this point but I woke up feeling happy not scared. Ok who wants to analyze this one???

It's all butterflies and rainbows...

UNTIL YOU BREAK UP!!!

 

OK not to worry me and younger guy are F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S!  Sorry didn't mean to scare you but the statement is true.  I am referring to my previous long term thang that ended in...well lets just say that ended.  

If you don't know...now you know!  Hahaha sorry, I am in a goofy mood...I think its lack of sleep.  Anyways if you don't know I am currently living with my "Ex Fiance".  Most people would not consider us ever engaged but he did ask me to marry him and he did buy a ring...I just never wore it :P.  But you see back in the day we thought we were going to be getting married so we made the DUMBEST decision on earth...we bought a house together!!! OK don't get me wrong, at the time it seemed like a smart idea and we got a really good deal on the house.  But now that we are going our separate ways we are...STUCK!  No lie...there is no easy way out of this. 

 

At first, everyone is like just sell it...sounds easy enough but when you live in an economy where the housing market tanked its not so simple.  PLUS 2 years ago...almost to the day a pipe busted in the hallway.  All of the flooring in the hall, living and kitchen needs to be replaced and 2 walls need to be repaired.  NONE of this has been completed...well he did 1/2 a wall...$8000 from the Insurance company and nada...just got the pipe fixed...and its driving me UP A WALL.  Plus its been through 3 major hurricanes since we bought it so the back doors are a little warped/rotted and need replacing and all the rooms need re-painting and the carpet really should be removed.  So you tell me how the HELL are we going to sell a house in a barely recovering market that needs that much work without taking a loss.  I'll answer for you...NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!

 

After that is explained everyone says "well just have him buy you out." Also not as easy as it sounds.  For him to "buy me out" he would 1st have to have the house appraised, which would suck for me because its not in tip top shape and that wont happen because it would be reporting to the insurance company and we could get in trouble for not making the repairs they already paid us for. Then he would have to refinance...which would suck for him because although he has great credit its one income vs. two....meaning a higher interest rate. So again...NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.

So then they say "well just move out and let him deal with it".  Seriously people think about this for just a second.  He has been irresponsible enough to NOT do the repairs paid for by insurance and my name is on the Mortgage WITH his.  It is 1/2 mine.  Why on God's green earth would I leave my asset in his hands.  I can hope he'd do the right thing and fix it and repair it and sell it but I do not have faith that he will actually do that in a timely manner.  Also I can't just move out.  Most rental properties are running credit checks now for new tenants.  OK my credit is really really good for someone my age...probably because of the house.  BUT when a potential landlord is looking at my report he will see a MORTGAGE with a $900 monthly note.  Evidently this is a HUGE red flag for them.  Because then the look at your monthly income and say there is NO WAY this chick can pay me and keep her house out of foreclosure.  How do I know this you may ask...because I have tired.  Not numerous times but a handful and the result was the same.  I could not "explain" my way out of it.  They DENIED me!  

So my only saving grace would be to find someone renting a room OR their own house but even they can do a credit check (maybe not as detailed) if they want to because of the nature of the transaction.  How do I know this...because my family did it on the girl renting my grandmothers house...and they know their tenant...since birth!

So I am stuck...in a house...with my ex...until further notice.  I hate this!  Why am I griping about it now, you may ask.  Well because I am in a kinda serious relationship with younger guy.  I like seeing him...ALOT.  So I am not home alot lately.  I take care of my pups and I leave.  My roomie is not always there so I was going to ask him about re-vamping our 'agreement' about no house guests.  Well before I could, he came talk to me Sunday night.  He thinks I am taking advantage of him by not being there.  And that its 'obvious'  I am in a relationship.  Blah blah blah.  So I explained, I am never there bc I am not allowed guests.  He said he doesn't care if the girls come over now.  I was like that does me a little good but not really.  I tried to get him to see things from my point of view but he just couldn't do it.  He was like "well I am not looking for a relationship because its hard with us living together".  I told him I wasn't looking either and that I had sworn off men right before I met my guy...these things just happen.  We never really resolved it.  If he is not there I do not see the big deal...he doesn't even have to 'know'....just like I really don't care... just don't have some floozy in MY house while I am trying to watch TV, etc and don't touch my stuff.  NORMAL Roommate etiquette.  I guess that's all I am just very frustrated because I have a house, and I cannot have guests because I live with my Ex and have no other feasible option.  This SUCKS!

I hate being an over-thinker!

Why am I feeling insecure…it’s just not my style?!?!?!

 

Wow it's been a while huh?!  Well you see what ha happen wuz, this person in my office (possibly me haha - I don't think it was but who knows) was on a social site and the boss man/lady saw and now we can only get to a handful of websites....boooo.  So I have to remember when I get home to update yáll...I used to do it on my lunch break...oh well.

 

Anyways so I am having this weird insecurity thing going on and I don't know why. OK lets step back a sec,  this is going to sound conceded but every guy I have ever dated I have always been the new "hot" girlfriend.  Or when it came to ex's I was the "hot" ex-girlfriend.  I know I know blah blah blah.  But I guess that's just the way it went.  Well last night things kind of changed (for me anyway).

Now let me lay this out there, my boyfriend is always telling me how pretty/sexy/great I am so this thought process is irrational and should not matter but I am crazy so it happened anyways, HA.  

You see last  night we were watching SYTYCD.  Which I LOVE that show by the way.  Anyways the first couple was doing their thing and the girl is very hot/slim/perky a typical professional dancer body.  Well my man says "she has a body like my ex".  I just said, ok.  And continued wathcing TV.  But for those that know me well know that I may have looked like I was watching TV but the wheels were turning and the show was the last thing on my mind.  OK I am not a complete psycho...one comment does not make me freak.  This is like the Um-teenth comment.  And don't get me wrong...I do NOT think I am fat by any means but I am a little out of shape and have a few more curves than I used to (I'm getting older, blah blah blah).  Over the almost 4 months we have been dating we have discussed our Ex's not in too much detail but we talked about them none the less.  And from what is seems ALL of his were a size negative 4 and brunette with fake tata's (or wanting fake tata's).  Which like I said normally I could care less and am confortable in my own skin...well most of the time.  But I guess when you hear about them and their perfect like bodies so many times at some pont the barrier will break and the insecurness comes flooding out.  And let me clarify he's not comparing me to them or being mean...it's just random statements that come up due to conversation or, like last night, a TV show.  So last night, ALL effing night, all I could think about was (this is a direct quote from my brain, HA) "OMG I am the NEW chubby, flat chested, blonde girlfriend".  It's like he changed his style because he was having bad luck with that type so he went total opposite or something.....  Do not attack me, let me reiterate, I do not think I am fat but compared to a negative 4 I am a hefer at a size 2 :P.  

Again my guy is always complimenting me so this thinking is goofy but I am a girl and this kind of stuff happens.  I don't want to be the crazy girlfriend that says don't talk about your past because I talk about mine.  But I've always dated very 'normal' guys.  As in I didn't ever date the body builder/male model/movie star looking type.  Most guys I dated had good bodies...slender but muscular...but I never mention that kind of stuff.  Like I never see a guy and say "he has a body like my ex" :P.  I guess I could...maybe I should...then maybe he would think before he talks...or maybe it will backfire, he'll get really pissed and then I'll have a whole new issue because he'll think I'm still wanting my ex.  Argh!  What to do?!  I probably should say something but I am trying not to be the crazy girl... HELP!!!!

OK I am done now.  Thoughts/suggestions??????????????????

I'm so happy I could POP!

Is that even possible?!?!?!

I know I know it's been a while since I have updated you, sorry it's been a little nutsy over here!

So why am I so happy you might ask? Well it's because I have the most AMAZING boyfriend. No lie he is just awesome! We don't spend every waking moment together (that would be over kill this early on) but we see each other once or twice during the week and usually at least one day on the weekend. And every time we are together we learn something new about each other. We have so much in common its sick ;) haha. When we talk its like we've known each other for quite some time instead of just a couple months, weird....isn't it??? Plus, he gets along great with my crazy friends (that's crazy in a good way ;)) and actually likes my family...well the ones he has met. And they like him so far and have now invited him to everything, haha.

He bonded with one of my good friends this past weekend, they were each others "date" to a wedding the rest of us were in. I haven't talked to her too much about it but he had a great time and thinks my friend is super fun and funny haha. His family seems to like me also. Well the ones I've met ;) and I think they are great...very similar to mine haha. I went to dinner once at his grandparents house and they ask if I am coming every week now (I've gone a second time). His mom asked him to babysit the lil sis (she's young) and then asked if I would go too. So I played with her for a while before it was bed time. She's sweet, a lil bossy but she really doesn't have any siblings to compete with... there is a 10 year difference between her and her closest sibling (his younger bro).

*sigh* It's almost surreal, ya know. I've had good relationships before but I've never been so comfortable with someone not even my Ex, now roommate, and we were very close...well for a while. I keep waiting for the floor to fall out from under me. I know, I know stop being negative but I can't help it. Good things do NOT happen to me usually so when something seems so great, I get kind of nervous about it. I think he is scared too though, we've talked about our past relationships...he has had horrible luck with women...he's been cheated on a few times, he was engaged and she broke it off out of the blue...things like that will scar a person and well I seem to attract, socially detached or OVERLY jealous or just plain crack crazy, men.

So what I am saying is so far so good...actually so far REALLY good. Somebody pinch me! On second thought, don't do that I am liking this too much :D

Sometimes it's hard to be happy...

...when a good friend of yours is so sad!

I am on cloud nine and in what appears to be a promising relationship :) .... but... A few posts back I talked about a friend of mine whose hubby had an emotional affair...well a few weeks after I posted that it was discovered it was a FULL BLOWN affair. He slept with another woman...for 6 months! Well my friend forgave him with conditions (not sure if I could do it but I've never been in THAT position so I dunno). Things have been fairly good considering. They have good days and bad days but he seemed genuinely sorry and wanting to make things work.

Well today I spoke to her and she was crying!!! You see ever since this all happened he drinks...a good bit...on Fridays after work. But said he wanted to try and stop. Ok cool! Well he just got a new job and was sent for training out of state all this week. She called him last night to see how his day was....he was in a bar. Talking to the waitress and telling his WIFE how the waitress thought his facial hair was sexy and wanted to know if she was gonna come up there and "cut a bitch". NICE :P. Well he said they would be leaving soon and he'd give her a call later. 10:00PM rolled around and still no call so she called him so his KID could say goodnight... He was still at the bar... DRUNK! He said he couldn't hear her and he'd call her back. He never called...she called him a few times...no answer. She stayed up ALL night waiting for him to do the right thing! Never happened...

She talked to him this morning and he doesn't remember her calling at 10 OR that she called a few times and he didn't pick up. He is sorry...or so he says but she is crushed...AGAIN! She is on the verge of making the most difficult decision of her life and all he can say is sorry I effed up...again...my bad :P. I don't get it...Why is it that he got to cheat...was forgiven...and he makes no effort. He should be KISSING her butt for forgiving him...instead he got drunk and dropped off the radar for a night.

I hate seeing my friends hurt by their Husband/Wife/GF/BF... it kills me. And although she is so happy that I am happy with my boyfriend (wow that still sounds weird to me) its hard for me to accept that there are still decent guys out there when I am watching a former decent man throw his marriage away!!! Most men are PIGS I just hope we all find that one out there that still has enough morals to be a loving husband and father....

Stop Hatin' Biotch

Why can't some people just be happy for me?!

So I am still dating younger guy ;) Yay hahaha. And all my friends and the family that knows seem to be super excited for me. But I have once again attracted juvenile drama. You see he lives in the city I work in (about 40 min from where I live). So sometimes I will stay after work and hang out with him till 10 or so then head home. On weekends I stay MUCH later.

Well the past few times I informed my roomie I was not going back to the house right after work he got a lil pissy with me. Like Holy Thursday for example. I told him a few days before that I would be staying late in BR since I didn't have work on Friday. He threw a FIT. He said I had to come home and take care of the dogs bc he was working late. Ummmm OK. I was like WTF you work 10 min away...you can't leave for 30 min and go take care of them? I work 45 min away...I am not driving home and then driving back! Needless to say I got a message while at work saying, nevermind I can go to the house for a few don't worry about it.

Well Monday (two days ago) I had to work late, so I decided to stay and see my new guy. I made sure to ask Roomie if it was "ok" :P. He said yea that's fine. Well I found out that night that my guy had tix to the baseball game. So I texted roomie to tell him...he said and I quote "And? I'm working late". I was like, um I didn't know that...guess I am not going to the game. He texted back "well I was going to work late tonight but I didn't want you to miss your date so i had them move it to tomorrow :P". I was like um ok. "Well the date was actually for the game tomorrow :P". He said "not my problem I'm working late you can't go, you don't like baseball anyway". I didn't reply. But I was like WTF, do you know me?! I grew up watching my bros play ball and I love baseball! Anyways now I am pissed so I am like, NO he is not going to keep me from having fun because he is all of a sudden a jealous person. So I called my momma and she was more than happy to help me ;)

So SIDE story hahaha: I was at my guys house Monday night and he gets a phone call. Of course all I hear is his side "Oh hey! Yea I'm home. Well...well...um NOLAgurl is here. Yea no I guess that's ok. ALL OF YOU! Yea no...um...sure yea that's ok I guess. No, no I think it's ok. OK see you soon." Meanwhile he is staring at me with this "I am so sorry look". It was his mom, they were coming by to bring the baseball tix...along with his step dad and lil sis. So I met some of the fam. They were VERY nice but I was SUPER nervous. I didn't have time to mentally prepare. I found out yesterday they thought I was really nice and liked that I actually talked and laughed...but his mom said "tell her not to be so nervous next time." DOH was it that obvious, hehehe.

OK back to my rant. So I go to the game last night and it was a bit chilly. So we were all snuggled up on the bleachers. My roomie's friends were up in the bleachers above us and I guess they saw...whatever! We had fun :). Well I got home last night and Roomie was still awake... SHOCKING...and he was an ASS! He was very cold towards me like I did something terribly wrong. So me being me, I was like hey...have rough day. He grunted. So I was like oooooooooooooooooookkkkkkk. I went shower and took the pups out and went to bed. He didn't say a word (he usually says goodnight if he sees me in the hall). Ok what-ev. This morning same shtuff. Just being COLD and acting like I should feel bad. So all I can think of is he doesn't like how I've been acting. You see although I have been dating since last May after we split, I have not been in a 'relationship'. No one was worthy enough, hahaha. Anyways, lately I have been on CLOUD NINE. If I can tell, I know other people can see it and I don't think he likes it. Plus I am fairly certain he got a text or email from one of his buds about my 'date'. Oh well his loss, right...he broke up with me remember. Not that I am complaining, that was the best thing he EVER could have done for me. Ok I done ranting now :)

I have a boyfriend!

Who-da thought that would happen anytime soon?!

So yea if you haven't heard yet I am actually in a relationship of sorts. And the good thing is when he said "I really like you and was wondering if you would want to be my girlfriend..." I didn't have a spaz attack and say I wasn't ready ;) haha. I was like yea I would like that. So that's good right?!

Anyways, I am really happy. He is just a great guy. He acts like a guy (not like a sissy mommas boy :P), shows me he likes me and is just a lot of fun to be around.

He called me yesterday at work and asked if I would come over after work. I made sure my roomie would be home to let the pups out and said sure. He cooked for me... Like not a frozen pizza, he actually cooked. Nothing fancy (shake and bake pork chops and Pasta Roni) but its the thought that counts right ;) haha. His twin actually talked this time... I think he said 6 words ;). Younger guy said both of them are a little quiet around new people. So he never says anything when I am over there except calls the puppy who loves to follow me and younger guy around, hehe.

Well yesterday his twin and I were making fun of him while he was trying to cook...kinda a bonding momnet... hahaha. But that was the extent of our talking. It was fun. Of course at one point I started helping with the preperations and he was like "Hey, no, I am doing the cooking, haha" I was like my bad, its kinda a habit..have fun :D.

We hung out for a few hours and it was really nice. I hope it stays like this. I don't want to over think things but I really think we could have something pretty good. I guess we'll see :)

I am such a pessemist sometimes!

Why can't I just be happy!?!

OK so I have gone on 5 dates with younger guy and we are REALLY hitting it off. He seems to like me a lot and I definitely like him. Ya know how I know...? Because I have talked about him to my friends...I don't do that. Ask a twin...getting me to talk about my dating life is like PULLING teeth hahaha.

We talk on the phone and text quite often which texting, yea I do that a lot but I hate talking on the phone but I talk to him soooooooooooo yea.

He's smart, funny, cute, fun, motivated, good hearted, understanding...shall I go on? I know he has flaws too... like smoking (blah), not the greatest job (but he is working on that...he had TWO interviews last wed...), kinda stubborn (I have NO room to talk there haha). But anyways I really like him. But I keep waiting for him to be a nut case! What's wrong with me hahaha. I am trying to surpress it :D.

I had a big scare though last night (we hung out for a few hours after work). You see I kinda SUCK at lying. And I haven't really said anything about my living situation. I mean he knows I have a roommate and that said roommate is male. Well last night we were talking and it slipped out. I was waiting for the "I don't think I can handle that" talk. Instead I got the "I like you way too much to have something like that get in the way" talk. I was like "I know I understand its weird, I'll get my...wait what?!" He asked questions. I explained situations. And he understood. He did say I am a bigger person than him. He left EVERYTHING to his Ex...just left. I cannot do that. I have WAY too much invested in the house...plus my name is on the mortgage and it's hard to find anything else when you have something like that on your credit :P.

But he said he trusts me...which he should...but it surprised me because most men cannot get past the living with a person of the opposite sex thing, much less an EX! He also said it helps that he can tell we don't really talk (me and Ex). Me and Younger Guy talk at night before I go to bed. He said if I was hiding something that wouldn't happen. Plus he's heard us interact when he is on the phone and he said its very roommate like. AND I stay out till all hours of the night with him and no one calls looking for me. Hahaha.

*sigh* I REALLY REALLY REALLY like this guy. Even to the point that he is maybe going to meet my friends this weekend... SHOCKING I know!!! I told him if he wanted to meet up with us at a festival this weekend he could. He said he was glad I asked. He wants to meet them but he would NEVER invite himself or ask to be invited. He knows I had issues with Internet Guy and well one he's not like that and two he didn't want me to be like OMG no way. Hahaha.

So that's right chickadees if you are going on Saturday with me to said festival there is a good chance you will meet Younger Guy ;) Be nice please, hahaha

I think I need a restraining order!

How dumb can one guy be?!

Ok so the best way to a woman's heart is...by calling her a whore and then asking why she doesn't want to be with you...right?! OK so I was gonna do this right and actually try to talk to him...because thats how I roll. But the other night he texted me and said "So are you and ______ together now?" WHAT?!?!?! Seriously!? So at that point I decided he could rot in hell :P.

Tonight he messaged me...here is the conversation:

IG: hello NOLAGurl
NOLAGurl: Im filing my taxes whats up
IG: oh u know..
IG: just kind of wondering why i havent heard from you in almost 2 weeks
NOLAGurl: because you sent me a jackass text the other night so I figured it wasn't worth calling
IG: lets see, his face is the only guys face in your pics, lets rewind the clock here, your promos, Halloween, Abita Christmas Bash, BCS Championship, Rascal Flatts, Irish-Italian parade, shall i go on? anyway, all the time u make for your friend, "Purple ______" which im beginning to wonder to just how u know that exactly now....anyway, u call me a jackass, thats fine...
IG: youve been nothing but a lying bitch this whole time to me anyway whos done nothing but waste my time
NOLAGurl: Your an ass, thanks. insult me all you want. your suspicious, insecure attitude didn't help. And yes maybe I am seeing someone else now....or at least thinking about it... and NO ITS NOT ________
IG: i dont give a fuck who it is, thanks for wasting 7 months of my life
NOLAGurl: good bye IG
IG: i was nothing but understanding of you and all your emotional drama and bullshit and lies
IG: look where that got me
NOLAGurl: You blame everything on everyone else. I am a liar with emotional drama. You are a mama's boy who never grew up. I cared about you. Take that for what its worth. And no you weren't understanding you just like to tell yourself that
IG: hmm u live with your ex
IG: go out constantly and gotten fucked up how many times?
IG: and blew me off for the holidays
IG: and dresses like a teeny bopper for concerts
IG: and im the one who hasnt grown up?
NOLAGurl: We dressed up for NKOTB and your using that against me.... Look I need someone to like me for me.... And I know there are people out there that do/will. I like to be me. You never accepted that...and I think I may have found someone that does
IG: i never accepted being treated like shit
IG: i made all the effort
IG: u never did
IG: lets see our second date u were over an hour late
IG: lets see
IG: lsu-florida, u were too fucked up to see me, good thing i wasnt at Lagers already
IG: im in the quarter trying to meet with u and u dont answer ur phone, probably because u were with _______ or some shit
IG: Thanksgiving no effort
NOLAGurl: Um yea I wasn't with _______ and I was drugged for the LSU UF game…but thanks :P
IG: Christmas, blown off completely
IG: new years, never saw you
NOLAGurl: New years you hated me bc of christmas
IG: quite shocked i saw u for my birthday
NOLAGurl: Look I dont need to relive this and neither do you. I saw you for your bday bc I wantd to.
IG: what else a few weeks ago, u call me in th wee hours of the night
IG: working u promo, and u were trashed
NOLAGurl: I wasn't trashed asshole. I know why you have issues with women, you change everything to fit your reality. honestly Im not sure any of them were crazy...they were probably normal and got tired of your bull.
IG: hmmm youre the only real crazy one ive dated NOLAGurl
IG: youre 27, and act like youre 17, and the only thing u have on me, is that im at home right now, even though im currently working on resolving that as we speak, not that u need to know that
NOLAGurl: Good for you. I dont act like I am17. Just bc I have a life and you don’t does not make me 17. What makes me 17. My mortgage, my job, my love life? Really....most people think I am much older.... having fun and being immature are two different things. I have responsabilities...lots of them... and I am working on my situation too, not that you need to know that.
IG: just like u were working on it back in August right?
NOLAGurl: Nope actually different but it wouldn't matter to you. I'd move out and you'd find something else to hold over my head.... I'd stop going out and then something else would surface....I'd alienate my friends and then you'd finally be happy maybe. I dont really care anymore. I wanted to do this right but whats the point.
IG: just like the reason u didnt want me over in the beginning, had absolutely nothing to do with EX right?
NOLAGurl: huh?
IG: exactly how were u gonna make this right? just continue to ignore me?
NOLAGurl: No. BUT I wasn’t going to tell you to eff off via IM. I was going to be an adult about it and have a conversation...then you texted me on Monday about _______ which infuriated me and my date. I decided at that point it was pointless. there is no making you happy
IG: well lets talk now, what exactly did u want to say?
NOLAGurl: whats the point so you can tell me Im lying, imply that im a whore or try to make me think something wrong with me for being me....or refusing to end a friendship bc your insecure. Which part would end well???

As I type this he is still IMing me asking what I wanted to tell him and I have not responded. I am blocking him/deleting him on both social sites and vi IM.  I attract PYCHO PATHS!

The crazies had a revelation...

Is it possible to get someone to realize they are a lil' crazy?!?!?!

So Internet guy and I had a 'talk' the other night. I FINALLY got him to realize he's a bit crazy (that sounds bad but its true). I mean for goodness sakes after we were only talking a couple months he had a freak out and accused me of being on a date when I was in the quarter with my friends (not that I couldn't be on a date but still). And then the cornering of my friend at a bar and grilling him with questions about me. Not to mention the lovely recent accusation. After we didn't talk for a few days (I was trying to distance myself bc I am REALLY interested in Younger guy) he called and said and I quote:

IG: "Where have you been?! Why didn't you call me?!"
Me: "I was busy with family and other stuff, sorry. I texted you... and no offense but my life does not revolve around checking in with you."
IG: *yelling* "Well what were you doing?!"
Me: *Ok i am annoyed now* "Ya know I don't think that is any of your business..."
IG: "What were you doing?! Who were you F**KING??"
Me: *in shock now* "Are you kidding me? Thanks for that, I appreciate it. I have to go"
IG: "I want to know why?!"

This is where the rest of the conversation went...

We went over ALL the situations/conversations when he freaked me the heck out. And why bc of those neurosis' I did not want him around my friends/family. By the end of the conversation he was very sad but it needed to be said. I kinda eluded that I was seeing a new guy but I never said it because I am too nice to be hurtful. But I know I got my point across. I don't want to be with you, I don't want you to get to know me any further, I'm not even sure I can be friends.

Anyways, when we were about to hang up he said "I just want to say one thing to you please, *sigh, deep breath*". I stopped him and said please don't say anything whether its nice or mean its not necessary and will not affect my decision. He asked me to call him Tuesday (I didn't, I texted him and said I really didn't want to talk). Then he texted me yesterday and wanted to see if I was having a good day and if he could see me. I never replied... I am doing the right thing I think. He cannot separate fun dating with serious relationship, soooooo yea.

I don't think we will talk again. Although he has a couple of my books, grrr. I think he was trying to impress me when we first started talking. I told him I like to read and he 'pretended' to like reading also and borrowed a couple of my espionage books and never gave them back OR read them. So all in all I think I did what needed to be done. He was insecure, fake (see above comments for example), jealous and clingy oh and did I mention STALKER like tendencies... I do NOT need that.

Don't Stop Believin'...

Haha, Is it possible to find a male version of you (like in a good way)???

I don't know how else to put it. I went on a date with the younger guy (that's what we will call him now ;)) and we really hit it off. We have a ridiculous amount in common! I mean we like A-LOT of the same things, have had similar life experiences (including a long term relationship/engagement gone wrong) and seem to have the same outlook on life.

OK so we met for dinner after work last Friday. And holy crap, I am extremely comfortable around him and was having a lot of fun just talking and being silly. So date going well so far, we decided to go bowling (he wanted to go play putt putt but it was rainy). We went drop my car off at his house and I met his TWIN and his sis in law. They were nice from what I can tell, but I was only there for 5 minutes. BUT I did get to play with the 4 month old yellow labmix puppy!!!! Who then peepeed all over the floor because she was so excited... ooops my bad, dogs like me, haha. Anyways he kicked my butt in bowling! But I guess it doesn't help that I SUCK at it, hahaha. So we got a pitcher of beer (romantic right ;) haha) and were bowling and I realized how cute he is. Plus he has the greatest personality so then I was like crap I like him... I wonder if he likes me?! But then my question was answered really quick when he came up behind me and hugged me...YAY! Hahaha.

After bowling he was like lets just go hang out someplace...OK. So we go to a bar nearby and he was DYING for a cigarette (yucky :P) because we'd been drinking and he was really embarrassed about it but it was our 1st date so I didn't want to be like no you cannot have one...so I said how about I go to the bathroom and you do whatever you need to. After I couldn't really tell but we were in a bar sooooo I dunno. We talked for a while about...everything. It was crazy, I don't think I've ever talked that much on a 1st date! Well the bar decided to shut down at like 11 so he was like wanna go hang out at my house. My first thought was no, but he didn't seem like a crazy person so I said OK. And no he is not crazy ;).

We sat on his couch in the living room (his bro and sis in law were in bed). We talked some more (good lord ;) haha). Then I turned when he asked me a question and he kissed me which I wasn't expecting for some reason. Wow...good kiss :D hehe. And I was a little leary about it because I've kissed a smoker before and it was kinda...well not really nice. Well this was nice...really nice. So for the next few hours (hush :P) we were laying on the couch kissing and talking. It was such a great date! But finally at 2AM!!! I was like holy crap I have to go. Which by now it was STORMING and I had quite a drive ahead of me :P. So he walked me out to my car and kissed me again, hehe, and asked me to call him when I got home.

Well on my way I get a call from my roommate...he was drunk and needed a ride... GREAT! So I went pick up his drunk butt. That was intersting. He was all hanging on me telling me how great a friend I was and that he's glad I don't hate him anymore and I am so great, blah blah blah. I was like I know, I love drunk talk , haha. Anywho, I talked to youger guy when I got home. He said he had alot of fun and would really like to see me again. Yay!!! So I think I definitely want to go out with him again.

It is a little weird though because he is just a few months older than my LITTLE BROTHER! And I am the same age as his OLDER SISTER. Argh! haha. I mean I look the same age as him (and he looks young) sooo its stupid I know, but I've never dated a guy younger than me :D But I like him so I guess we'll see what happens. We are supposed to get together again this weekend!

Fresh Meat!

That just sounds wrong doesn't it?

Well it's true. I've started talking to a couple more guys, hehehe.

New Guy Number 1:
He is from down the bayou. Met him on social network site. Accidentally ran into him in person after we started talking while going to lunch. Then went on real lunch date Saturday.

Pluses:
- Tall :D HAHAHA
- Smart
- Funny
- Kinda cute
- Loves LSU
- Gets my humor
- Likes Animals

Minuses:
- From down the bayou ;) haha jk
- He smokes (when drinking)
- Wears braces (but having jaw surgery soon to fix under bite)
- Works for same company as my Ex
- Says inappropriate things (very sexual content)

He's a very nice guy. I'd have to talk to him a little more to get a better vibe. But he kinda talks funny. It's because of the jaw issue so I try to look past it bc he is in the process of fixing it and that's superficial, right :P. I have a dirty mind as well so its hard to judge someone on that but I usually keep mine hidden at least until the second date, haha.

New Guy Number 2:
Met him on social network site. Just started talking. He's from BR. I haven't met him yet soooo I only have phone conversation and pics to go by.

Pluses:
- Average height (about 5'9")
- Looks sexy in pics
- Athletic (Plays soccer)
- Smart
- Loves LSU
- Large family
- He's a twin (:-) haha)

Minuses:
- He's a twin (if you know my friends you get this hahaha)
- He's a little younger than me
- He lives in BR

He's not ridiculously younger than me... only a few months older than my lil bro so it's kinda weird. But age is just a number, right? :P I guess I will have to talk to him a little more so I can get a better vibe, haha.

Did you know, I Attract The Crazies...

How is it that someone who hates DRAMA so much always has it find her?!?!?

I know this sounds like the eternal pessimist but when something/someone seems to good to be true...they probably ARE!

As you know I've had much drama with Internet Guy. I did like him A LOT but his insecurities are beginning to drive me batty. You see I kinda pulled away after the whole "You wont find anyone as understanding as me" bit, he pulled a couple months ago. Well we had yet ANOTHER talk last Thursday night. He showed up in the area where I live so rather than have him try to find my house I went meet him at a bar to "talk". We came full circle about how I do not want to be in a relationship and he is not going to change my mind. If he wants more, move on etc etc etc. After that 2 hour conversation I thought we were all good. Meaning either he would move on or just deal with it.

Flash forward to Friday. I was working for promotional company and AS ALWAYS I put where/when I was working on one the the social network sites (I'm only friends with people I know/trust). Anyways I was working 3 places that night and Internet Guy showed up at the last one o_O. I don't care if people come see me but I always tell EVERYONE the rules. I cannot talk to people I know, just a quick hello. My 'guy' really shouldn't be there at all but if he is should not interact with me or interfere with my job in any way etc. Evidently, he thought he was excused from these rules and broke every one of them!

First he walks in and walks straight to me getting in between me and a few customers I am TALKING to!!! Then gets mad when I say "I cannot talk right now I am working." He storms off and sits on the other side of the bar GLARING at me as I talk to customers trying to promote my product! Well as I was leaving I literally ran into a guy friend of mine. WE exchanged good-byes and I went to tell Internet Guy bye. Before I can get around the bar he comes bolting out of no where and stands right in front of me. I told him I was walking over to tell him bye. He said "No you weren't you were leaving". I was like, WHAT?! He asks me to wait for him to pay his bill. I said I can't...because I can't hang out at a place after the promo ends. He FREAKS. He says __________ has been hanging out with you all night. (My friend). I was like HUH!? I said stop!!!!! Then walked out.

He calls me about 7 times but I was in the car with another girl I was not about to answer. When I got to my car I answered. He proceeds to tell me how suspicious I was, mean, acting weird, etc. I was like WTF!!! I was working! He says, he's going to call me back and hangs up. Not 5 min later I get a text from my friend saying "HELP PLEASE!" I was like OMG, he did not. Yep he sure did. He cornered my guy friend that was at the place and proceeded to GRILL him about me and what exactly was our relationship etc. I was PISSED when I talked to my friend. When I talked to Internet Guy again, I was informed how horrible of a person I am. Now I was SOBER, he not so much :P. Anyways, after I endured this verbal attack I went OFF. I told him I can't deal with his insecurity and asked in what reality did it make sense to corner a friend of mine and grill him with questions about me. After I returned the verbal attack. I ended my conversation by saying, "You could have gotten me fired, You could have lost me a great friend, and you lost me. The slightest chance you may have had with me is GONE. We all know you were jealous of ______ even though we have nothing more than a friendly relationship. Do not call me oh and by the way HAPPY VALENTINES DAY, a-hole!"

He tried to call a few more times, I did not answer. Like I said before, I attract the crazies!

Mid Life Crisis...REALLY?!?!

How old do you have to be to have one of these? And why do they happen?

So I thought this was something that only happened in movies because I've never known someone who actually had a Crisis...I've known those that have second thoughts but not total breakdown.  

Today I had the most horrible day...not because of what a guy did to me but because of what he did to one of my very close friends.  You see the couple I am referring to has been married for MANY years, they have two beautiful/smart kids and are pretty much a perfect fit. Until recently!!!

She broke down to me.  Over the past few months she has noticed her hub slowly pulling himself away from her.  They haven't been intimate, barely talk, he goes out a lot and comes home with alcohol on his breath.  She said she tried talking to him but he said he's fine.  Wel she got a HUGE cell phone bill.  When she checked it she realized one number that was on there ALOT.  And she knew it right away...its one of their good friends. 

She confronted him about it when he finally strolled in and immediately he said, want me to leave.  No " there's nothing going on"  or "its not what you think".  His first response was, want me to leave.  That right there admits guilt...RIGHT!?!  Well they talked a little but their kids were there.  One thing he managed to get out was " I'm just not happy and I haven't been for about a year now".  My heart dropped when she told me this.  I had a flash back of my failed relationship last year.  Although we were not married and have no kids, we had the same weird confrontation.  The "I'm just not happy."  

She cried herself sick last night.  I didn't know what to say, all I wanted to do was hug her and tell her it would be ok.  He swears he never had an affair but he talked to her for HOURS everyday and texted all day long.  If it wasn't physical, it was still an affair.  It was an emotional affair!!! 

My friend and him talked again after the kids left.  He tried to blame EVERYTHING on her. He said he needs love too.  That everything is so routine.  That when they were intimate he felt like she wasn't there.  Although I'm sure there are things she can do different, I am also sure he's not perfect either!!!  He hurt her!  He crushed his wife, the mother of his children, the woman he supposedly loves.  And all he could say was "don't you ever think about what could have happened?  What if we should have followed a different path?  Haven't you ever thought about being with other people?"  She said NO NEVER.  He still stuck to the nothing happened but it was only a matter of time before the affair went past emotional...  

He finally realized what a douche he's been when she told him what their daughter said.  About a week or so ago she said "Mommy what's wrong with daddy?  He's not him anymore.  Are you all getting a divorce?"  Then she told him how she knows about his going out and drinking when she's not around because her son told her!  I'm pretty sure that made him feel like ass.  I HOPE IT DID!

He called her while I was talking to her to check and see how she was.  Guilt is a nasty thing to come to terms with.  

It made me realize how DUMB some men are.  They get this bug up their ass as they age.  They start to think about what might have been instead of appreciating what they have.  He is willing to throw away a wonderful marriage and beautiful wife because he can't stop thinking about what he missed out on because he had kids and got married kinda young.  He says its so routine... well of COURSE it is, they have two kids and just enough money to make ends meet... how are they supposed to break the routine???  She's tried, I know she has because she tells me, but they are always watching their money soooooo its a vicious vicious cycle.

Whether he wants to admit it or not he cheated on her, in a way, with another woman.  He strayed from his wife and family because he was feeling insecure!  He didn't try to fix it he just pulled himself away.  Which scares the crap out of me.  I want the happily ever after .  I want to fall in love and start a family but I am scared to death because I don't want to go through that.  I went through something similar once and THANK GOD we were not married with kids because I was a nut case after and I still don't know what happened.  I still have no idea why I wasn't good enough for him.  I'm glad things happened because now I can find someone who will treat me right but holy s--t, I don't think I could do it again.

Ok I think I am done freaking out now.  I still want to KICK my friend's husband's ass right now.  I hope to God he realizes what he is giving up.

On Cloud Nine - Hahaha

"Like sands through the hour glass...these are the days of our lives"

Hahaha. Yes that is right I feel like I live in a Soap Opera these days. So update from previous post... Y'all should not let me blog when I am PMS-ing....I get all overly emotional, haha. I mean it was real to an extent and he (internet guy) is really sweet but I want a guy not an emotional needy mess :P.

So why the Soap Drama you may ask...? Well ya see wha ha happen wuz...haha. What happened was I got a text on Sunday (day after I went out for Internet Guys B-day "Bash") from Friend's cousin. He made a comment about how he guessed I never wanted to see him again bc we haven't seen each other since Thanksgiving. I was like Uh...how's that all my fault. Anyways he asked me to call him Monday...OkeeDokee. Well we talked and come to find out he thought I didn't want him to call me for whatever reason. He said he didn't want to annoy me by calling too much. I was like it wouldn't bother me, it's ok to call. Then I told him I was feeling the same way...like I didn't want to cross a line by calling too much. After quite a legnthy conversation he asked if I wanted to come see his new house tomorrow (yesterday by this post). Sure why not.

Well we really just hung out and watched movies...like no major makeout time BUT I really like being with him... or the idea of him.  He's a guy.  He shows he likes me but with no DRAMA.  Now I will NEVER be with him bc... well bc he disappears for days at a time but thats ok.  I get it.  He got burned...burned bad by an ex and the fact that I still live with mine WEIRDS him out.  But I need to find another one, like him but not so... cautious!  Like I said i get it but if you know me you know my living situation is completely platonic now.  

As for internet guy... I don't know what to do.  I am trying REALLY REALLY hard not to crush him but he doesn't take a freakin' hint!  I like him...I do but I can't get past his... well the things he tells me will change but don't.  I have my own trust issues and the whole living at home/dead end job/DRAMA thing is a real turn off.  

Plus, we don't look cute together...I know that sounds SUPER shallow BUT its true.  We just don't fit...visually.  Oe maybe thats just me, I dunno.  Ask my girl that came to dinner the other night what she thought ;) HA.

So seriously stop letting me blog when I am full of hormones, its just a BAD idea :D  haha.