It is not always about you!

I feel like screaming this sometimes.  It drives me crazy when you are talking to someone and they always turn the situation to them.  I am not talking about being sympathetic or having a similar experience and adding to your story.  I am talking about just hijacking what you are trying to say. 

If I am telling a story and I say "look, I get it.  I know she is bat shit crazy".  That is not a stab at you.  Just because both of you happen to be "ex-wives", me saying another ex wife is loca does not mean I am implying you are as well.  Or if I am saying how I told someone how ridiculous I feel a situation might be.  Don't say "well tell them its ridiculous.  if I said that you would attack me." Um did I not just say I said that.  Stop flipping this around.  This situation has zero to do with you. 

I can only glaze over it so long before I snap and today I snapped.  It wasn't nice but it had to be said.  I actually said "it is NOT always about you!  You are not 'bat shit crazy'.  There is no animosity between you and your ex like there is with her.  Stop fishing for compliments or I will start telling people you are bat shit crazy!". 

I don't mean to be mean but stop trying to get me to say "aw no honey you're wonderful" because I got about 3 hours of sleep and am not in the mood to deal with your shit.

I officially live in the swamp

Okay so I don't live in "the" city or even a close suburb.  I live further out...not rural but more rural then say Kenna Brah.  I encounter strange creatures all the time.  Things that unless you live near a waterway or woods you normally don't see in a subdivision. 

The first time I saw an armadillo in my back yard I was taken aback.  Armadillos don't live in neighborhoods!  Of course then the dogs tried to play with it (or kill it, not sure exactly) and it curled up in a ball and I was yelling because rabies, hello!  Anyways since then I have seen some strange things when in my backyard in a seemingly suburban area.

Last night was no exception.  I was watching Shark After Dark when my pups decided they needed to go outside, NOW!  Okay okay geez.  So we went out into the night.  I don't turn on the back porch light because it attracts bugs and then they fly inside when I open the door.  Plus with less light I can see the sky better.  So I was gazing at the stars when I heard the dogs take off running *crap*.  I can't see that well and it was late so I stayed on the patio whispering loudly "come here!"  I could barely make out their profiles along the back fence.  Old man lost interest first and went inside but convict was just staring into the night.  *dammit dog, grumble*.  Finally after a few minutes he came to my side but still wouldn't go to the door.  He was just staring away from the house.  He started whining and looking at me like "don't you see it!" and I was like "uh no and I am not sure I want to".  Then out of no where something the size of a small bird goes zipping passed my face screeching.  I am talking high pitched, ear drum busting screech.  I hit the deck, quite literally...no really that is going to leave a bruise *sigh*.  And he took off running after it.  It slammed into the bushes not far from me.  I only knew where it went because the bush was shaking. 

Convict was staring at the bush, ears up, curious stare, whining.  I was in ninja crouching tiger stance, as in standing, bent knees, ready to pounce...not sure what I was going to do but it felt like the right way to stand.  Of course, me being curious by nature walked up to the bush to investigate instead of high tailing it inside.  I am not sure what I expected, it was very dark.  So I nudged the bush with my foot, nothing.  Hmmm maybe it flew off in all the commotion.  So I nudged it harder, still nothing.  If this was a comedy/horror it would have attacked my face at this point but since I don't live in a movie that (thankfully) did not happen.  Convict was still staring so clearly something was in there.  At this point logic should have told me to abandon my quest and go to bed.  Logic be damned!  I got really close to the bush and started peering inside.  I heard a scuffle and jumped back.  I crept back up (seriously why was I not going inside) and peered in again.  That's when something caught the faint glow of the street light.  Two rather large glowing eyes were staring back at me.  Did I scream and run???  Nope, I said "hi there, and what are you?"  Then my brain FINALLY kicked in and I was like hmmmmmm maybe just maybe I should leave this tiny creature alone before it eats my face.  So I dragged convict inside and went to bed. 

I am thinking it was a bat.  I've seen bats flying way up high at night before but I've never had one dive at my face screeching.  I'm calling this close encounters of the bat kind. 

Who knew a minion could be so frightening...?

So sitting in our living room having a chat with the hubs and suddenly we hear "bee do, bee do, bee do".  What in the world?!?!?!  The TV was on mute and neither one of us have THAT as a ringtone (which now I totally want it as my text tone).  We just stared at each other, kind of in shock.   Then we heard it again.  OMG!?!  We couldn't tell where it was coming from.  Then he picked up his iPad and realized he had been playing some minion game and when he closed the cover it didn't go off like it normally does.  So since it was sitting there inactive the minions started talking!

So I started laughing and was like holy shit, can you imagine if that happened at like 2AM.  Then I pictured him and I having a "Sam & Dean" moment.  Him with the gun & flashlight and me with a baseball bat going all hunter like down the hall way trying to find the creature that was talking.  My luck and actual minion would pop out from behind the couch but instead of something adorable it would have razor blade teeth and a hunger for human flesh.  Seriously, can you imagine seeing a bright yellow bebette going "bee do, bee do, muak muak, me want banana *snarls not like dog*" while it stares hungrily at you. 

I think I'd sh*t a brick!  I mean I know how to "banish" evil creatures thanks to extensive reading and watching TV (because ya know everything on TV is true, right).  But actually faced with something super creepy...I don't know if I'd react in time. 

So that's how my brain works.  I take something adorkable and make into something nightmare inducing all because an iPad game made a noise when it shouldn't have. 

I have one hell of an imagination, just saying. 

I just geek'd out in my office...

...my co-workers probably think I am eccentric, and maybe slightly adorable, ha!

We were chatting and someone mentioned Angels and some show they saw previews for but never watched.  And I was all um was it like, ahem, Supernatural or Dominion.  And they said oh I think that last one.  Which launched me into a speech about how, oh my God you need to watch it, it is sooooooooooo good.  I mean the pilot episode was a little rough but moving forward it was superb. Seriously, if they don't agree to a season two, I may lose it a bit.  And don't even get me started on the crazy characters, evil you love and good you hate and just oooozing hotness.  No but really, the attractiveness of the cast should be illegal.  *crickets chirping*

Looking up I realized I was being stared at with slack jaws and bug eyes.  Oh crap, I let the fangirl out.  She just climbed right on out and I didn't even notice.  I cleared my throat and said, so yea like y'all should check it out, right, okay.... *moving to leave with my lunch so I can hide at my desk (or under it)*.  Then I hear "so do you like Michael or Alex or Gabriel or maybe Claire *wink*."  What?!?!?  Um...well...I...uh.  Hold up! Wait, you watch the show??? Whoohoo, another fan!

Then someone else said "is that the show with the chick from X-Men?" Without thinking I said "no that's Hemlock Grove. Also, known as a bit of a mind f**k o_O."  More weird staring.  Crap...crap...contain the weirdness woman! (and watch your language) But then questions were asked and I went on another long winded explanation about the show and how if you enjoy supernatural type stuff marathoning it is a MUST!  And its on Netflix, super easy to marathon all of season 1 & 2!!!  AND a Skarsgård is one of the main stars...win win people!  Although I feel kind of oogy thinking he's attractive because he is like super young and stuff...

And what is it with that family?!!?  It really should be illegal to have THAT much talent and attractiveness in one family...share the wealth, dammit!  *more weird staring but with endearing smiles*.  JFC, okay,  peace out, going back to my desk before I bust out with anything else strange. 

Alas, most I work with are "reality" TV junkies and probably think I am unusual because I prefer fictional television.  But because of my glowing reviews I am fairly certain a few of them may check these shows out.  Score one for the fangirl *POINTS*. 

*muahahahaha* my evil plan is working.  You will be assimilated into the nerdom, resistance is futile. 

I hate PMS-ing! Being female is rather annoying sometimes!

This is NOT a TMI post.  I am not talking about the "OMG she is so bitchy" type or the "OMG I need ______ to eat RIGHT now!" type or the "OMG I feel like my insides are at war" type.  I am talking about the uncontrollable, uh, empathy (?).  I have cried multiple times in the past few days!  For stupid stuff!!!  I am not talking about like in other posts when I saying *crying* or *sobbing*....in those I mean in my head...today I am talking full blown tears streaming down the face.  Some examples....

The other day I cried because of a television commercial.  I shit you not I had to leave the room so I could stop.  Thank God I was home alone at the time.  It was this daddy commercial...created for father's day by Dove, I think.   Anyways, I've seen it before but this time, instant sob fest.  WTF is wrong with me?!?

Then yesterday I heard a song and just cried the whole way to work...I tried singing other songs... listening to a morning show...nothing worked!  No idea what happened, I guess just feeling blah.

I have already teared up TWICE this morning.  It is 11:00AM and I am just emotionally wrecked.  The first time was because of texts between me and hubs.  Nothing bad...just texts...  It was dumb but it got me good.  Then a few minutes ago I was on hold and started watching a video for the song "A Thousand Years".  I didn't realize what it was about!  I wanted to hear the song and then I saw what the video was...  It made me have feels...I want to crawl under my desk now.   I mean many people would see the below an not even know why it is sad but if you watch a certain Science Fiction series that comes on BBC you will probably be joining me in the sob-fest.  Yes, their story line is sad, I teared up during "The Angels Take Manhattan" and don't even talk to me about the scene when he is reading Amy's Epilogue. I was sad the first time I saw it but I'm going to lose my composure thinking about it right now.  *geeeeeeez* Pull it together woman!

I don't cry over non-sense!  I get sad or feel a twinge or tear up but this is way beyond that.  I swear next it is going to be, "OMG look at that pen *sobbing*.  It reminds me of a Pen I had in High School when I used to write notes to my BFF *waaaaaaaaaaaaaah*".  Or "I forgot to renew my book at the library and it expired *quivering lip*". Or "I really want hamburgers for dinner.  But we don't have any potatoes *collapses onto knees*".  Okay that last one is really silly but sometimes you just can't have hamburgers without fries....*ugh* seriously it is getting to that point. 


I'm scared to watch TV...I might lose my shit.  If someone dies on Defiance tonight I may be found rocking in the corner of a closet (you should really watch this show...I love it!).  Or what if Michael does something totally human which would usually just get an "awe", unless you are me at the moment...then it will be a full break down.  I can see it now "but you don't understand.  He LOOOOOVES ...  but he isn't telling ... because ... *sniffle, sniffle* because....*incomprehensible blabber*".  My husband will try to coax me out with promises of wine and hugs.  But I'll be all "no, I live in the shadows now, if I can't see I won't cry, leave me be *hiss*".  Hmmmm, tonight cannot end without me crying, can it...?

Oh goodness me...I need a hug.  No wait that might make me cry...maybe a face hug from the kitten...no wait that will make me cry for totally different reasons *ahem* razorblade claws *ahem*.  Maybe I should just go to bed...of course with my luck that will end with me crying in my dreams and waking up in a puddle of my own tears.  Oh I am a ball of sunshine today...signing off. 

P.S.  Don't start saying the "P" word.  Because I am not.  I am 100% certain I am not. So just remove that thought from your brains. 

Can cats be Narcoleptic?

I think I should google this.  I really feel like satan's spawn might be a little narcoleptic.  Wait can you only be a little narcoleptic...? Most should know what this is but in case you don't.  Narcolepsy is a sleep disorder that causes excessive sleepiness and frequent daytime sleep attacks.

The reason I say this is because she is well...she is weird okay.  Adorable and funny and lovable but she is an oddball.  The first time I thought this was a few weeks ago.  I was home from work and she was laying on my stomach trying to distract me from my computer.  As in she was attacking my hands, pressing keys...ya know usual cat stuff.  Then suddenly she face planted into my side.  Like she was sitting up and *BAM* face into side.  Kind of like the below but she was playing right before.

I've seen videos of kittens doing the above so I didn't think much of it. Then I started noticing things.  She will be full on attacking my arm.  Like biting and scratching me (not hurting me or breaking the skin, she is playing) and out of no where she is sleeping.  I am talking out cold, deep sleep.  You can poke her and move her legs and nothing.  Then she'll wake up and continue what she was doing like she didn't just pass out.  She has been doing it more lately but it is not all the time.  She'll come running like a bat out of hell down the hallway, jump on the couch, and when you look over she is on her back, legs in the air sleeping.  You can pick her up and coddle her like a baby.  She may stir slightly but is immediately back to sleep and purring.  After a minute or so she bounces up and keeps playing.  If you are holding her she stares at you like "hoomin why are you holding me?  I do not like this *bites hand*.  Put me down now! *meows like she may rip your face off any second*".  Don't get me wrong most of the time she is a ball of endless energy.  She is all over us and the other animals.  It is like she just runs out of steam and is out.  She takes a literal cat nap and she is back to bouncing on your head. 

I am seriously waiting for the day when she is running at top speed and just *splat* face plant because she fell asleep. 

All joking aside, I hope it is just her playing too hard and wearing herself out.  I don't want her to have a disorder.  It isn't frequent and it doesn't seem to be brought on by stress.  If we have another dog visiting she isn't happy about it but she doesn't pass out.  So maybe I am just being silly and she is actually a heavy sleeper.  Or maybe its a mild case (again is that possible?). 

I am such a "blonde" sometimes!

So I watch a variety of television shows and movies.  Which happen to mostly lean towards Sci-Fi.  Aaaaaaannndddd quite a few of those, um, shows/movies star British persons...or take place "across the pond".   Wow that was bad...why did I say that. Moving on.  I've heard terms that I don't know *ahem* WTF is a nappie??? but I can usually figure them out fairly quickly.  If not I have a handy dandy iPhone and I google it...FYI it is a diaper. 

Anyway over the course of time I've heard characters say things like "oh you lost a stone" or "I could stand to gain stone" or "that's at least 10 stones".  And I swear in my head I am 100% picturing a freaking rock.  But like a fancy rock...something sparkly...and possibly expensive.  Not once did my brain tell me that I should probably clarify what this is.  So here I am thinking this is some sort of monetary slag (stop laughing).  As in I could stand to gain $1,000.  The thing is I know I've read the term quite frequently recently and I guess I just glazed over it.

Today I was reading "A Feast of Crows" (**SPOILER - I guess, maybe**) and they are describing the Kingsmoot.  One of the persons vying for the crown is being carried up the steps on a cushion and Aeron thinks something along the lines of  "he is at least 20 stone".  At this point my brain registered that 20 stone was probably not a monetary reference.  So I googled it and now I feel like a dumbass.  Apparently a stone is a form of weight measurement.  Mainly used by British (I think).  A stone is equivalent to 14 pounds.  It is used along with pounds to measure weight.  So if you weighed 114 pounds you are 8 Stone 2.   Don't judge me, I am American and as cultured as I am, I somehow have not been exposed to this form of measurement.  In hind sight it is very clear that a stone is referring to weight but at the time...oh hush! 

Now it makes SOOOOOOO much more sense...the concern when one character told the other "oh *sad face* you look like you've lost a stone *caresses cheek*".  She looks like she lost 14 pounds!!! That is a lot for an already small person!  She could now blow away in the wind and I dunno, get stuck in a parallel universe.  Sorry...not sorry.

So there you have it.  My blonde moment of the week or of the day...it has been a rough few weeks.