Jaws V: The low hanging fruit

Everyone is all like "So cool!" or "I need this for summer!" or "We could use this in the lake!" and I'm over here like "Do you want your @$$ literally bitten off?  Because that's how you get your @$$ bitten off!"  If you want to buy one have fun...I'll watch from the shore or in a boat.

Has no one seen Jaws?!?!?!  Murky water...people dangling just above it looking like easy targets...a skiff thing.  Come on!  This is basically what happens in Jaws II!!! They go out on these flimsy sail boats and Jaws says "b**ch, I'ma eat that" and everyone dies. 

Okay not everyone but a lot of them!  And Chief Brody is no longer with us so who the hell is gonna save us and tell that mean ol' shark to open wide?!?!? Huh?  Huh?!?

Ignore the caption!

"All right, you big bastard! Come On! I've got something for ya' now! That's it! Attaboy, come on! Right over here! Open wide OPEN WIDE! SAY AAH!" 
*electricity noise* *sizzling shark* *oh $hit that b**ch is on fire* *BBQ Shark sinking* 
"Yay!  We are saved!" *sobbing*

Okay soooooooooooooooooooo maybe I've seen Jaws too many times (like there is such a thing!) but I'd rather err on the side of caution, than see this comin' up to bite my @$$!

And if you are like "but fresh water no sharks" see this post.  AND okay, fine no sharks...South Louisiana...meet this!

Yes I know that's a Croc BUT I couldn't find a moving gif of a Gator.  With that said I've SEEN a gator jump out the water up close and personal.  Action shot, ala me. 

And that was just a "little" one!!! So no thanks, I'm good.  I'll hammock in a tree.